Issues with family dinners...advice?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Alright, so this may seem like a stupid thing but it has been bothering me now for a long time. As the title suggests, I have issues with eating dinner with the family. During the week, we are all on different schedules so obviously we all eat at different times but on the weekends, my family often invites me to have dinner and i constantly refuse.

    Growing up, I have horrible memories at the dinner table. I was raised to believe that wasting food was pretty much a sin and basically had to eat...eat...and eat...then my father would call me fat. The times he would have his friends over for dinner, he would tell me to eat something, i would eat it then want more, than he would lift my shirt up in front of his friends and ask me if i REALLY wanted more. Completely humiliated me.

    I think I have come pretty far with my food issues. I eat right (though will treat myself on occassion), i exercise 5-7 times a week, no longer obsessed with counting/restricting calories, etc but I can't seem to fight this hatred for family dinners. I want to be able to eat like a normal person with their family instead of eating MUCH more than I should and hating myself after. Also, my stepdad tends to crack jokes about me eating a lot during dinner and that alone sets me off and brings back things i no longer wish to dwell on.

    So here is the cycle:

    1. Eat a lot and continue eating even when I am full.

    2. Stepdad cracks a few jokes

    3. I get pissed at him and myself for not being able to control myself at dinners.

    4 Not eat family dinners for awhile and eat by myself

    Now, if i go out to a restaurant or have dinner at a friend's place, I don't have these problems...it is just when I am home.

    Again, this may seem stupid to some but as some of you know, I was a former fat kid which i know a lot of guys on here can relate.

    So...advice would be very much appreciated icon_smile.gif

    -Alex
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    Tell him to shut the fuck up or you'll kick his ass.

    And don't be afraid to scrap if he wants to take it that far.

    Chances are, he'll shut up instead of calling your bluff, because the rest of the family would side with you.
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidTell him to shut the fuck up or you'll kick his ass.

    And don't be afraid to scrap if he wants to take it that far.

    Chances are, he'll shut up instead of calling your bluff, because the rest of the family would side with you.


    Tried that...doesn't work. He and I almost got in a physical fight before but he backed off. He is just an annoying prick. As for the rest of the family siding with me, they often just laugh and think its all good fun regardless of the countless times I've said it has bothered me.
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    AlexanderB said
    paulflexes saidTell him to shut the fuck up or you'll kick his ass.

    And don't be afraid to scrap if he wants to take it that far.

    Chances are, he'll shut up instead of calling your bluff, because the rest of the family would side with you.


    Tried that...doesn't work. He and I almost got in a physical fight before but he backed off. He is just an annoying prick. As for the rest of the family siding with me, they often just laugh and think its all good fun regardless of the countless times I've said it has bothered me.
    Refuse to eat with them.

    To me this would be a no brainer. I haven't been to a family dinner in almost 10 years. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    AlexanderB saidAs for the rest of the family siding with me, they often just laugh and think its all good fun regardless of the countless times I've said it has bothered me.


    I would tell the fam that I'm not coming home unless they grow up. Just because something was "funny" ages ago doesn't mean it needs to be constantly brought up for a cheap laugh. They really shouldn't be enabling his antics.
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    Jun 05, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    Problem: Issues with family dinners.

    Solution: Don't go to family dinners.
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    Jun 05, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    You're 21 now and wearing big boy pants. Next time it happens and you're ready to explode or whatever, just stand up and calmly tell the family that you've had enough and leave, and then leave and don't return. Why you would subject yourself to it over and over isn't healthy. The next move is theirs to make, not yours.As it is right now you keep giving in and getting shit on so what's in it for them to make any changes with you doing that everytime?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 05, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    WOULD YOU ALLOW NON FAMILY MEMBERS TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY ?

    DON'T YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS ?

    Absolutely, refuse to have dinner with these cruel, boorish people.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jun 05, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    This isnt stupid, bud, your dad was a jerkoff, and your mom was too blind to see the the real child in the situation. Just go over and have a Salad...(its a salad) thats your family bro.. There not gonna be there forever and your gonna hate yourself even more, just because you didnt eat with them...
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 05, 2012 7:18 AM GMT
    I also come from the land of weird family dinners. I became a vegan and now I have an excuse to avoid all of the nonsense. That and the fact I'm way older than you, so my parents know I could pull the plug when they end up in a nursing home. icon_twisted.gif Just stop eating when you're full. I seriously doubt they'll tie you down and force feed you.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jun 05, 2012 7:44 AM GMT
    Personally, I'd make it clear that I wasn't planning on having dinner, but I'd go over and say hello, chat a while, then say my goodbyes when the dinner bell is rung.