This is specifically in response to CuteJockMasc's reply...
How does one define "Family" and "Happiness?"
Family can come in all flavors: A married pair of parents with kids, divorced parents with kids, non married couples with kids, single men & women who adopt kids, couples with no kids, singles with very close friends, borthers and sisters, father and son, or in my case, becoming so close with an ex patient of mine that he became my surrogate father whom I supported for over a year before he died (my biological father is not very close to me.) Family does not depend on blood line/gene pool or a marriage license. Family, like home, is where heart is, where unconditional love is nutured, where trust is sacred, where the other person's well being is on par with your own well being. Yes, family is great.
Happiness is a bit more insideous and tricky... If there is unconditional love and trust, there must be no deception, no matter how difficult and unpleasant the subject matter is. Many life events in are unpleasant, that is just life. Family work it through. When there is deception on the part of even one family member, none of the other family members are truly happy. The one deceiving is unhappy living a lie, the deceived one is getting a rotten deal and his or her true emotional well being is not being valued by the one doing the deceiving, and trust is violated, in the open or under a lie. With the presence of deception, unconditional love, trust, and "family" all become more of an appearance only. Truth hurts, but hurt can heal with time and love. What about deception? What you don't know may not hurt you right now, but it will ALWAYS come back to destroy all, irreversibly. The postman always rings twice...
So if a guy who is gay and is married to a woman with kids, if he be truthful and files for a divorce, how are they all the sudden not family? Family is not dependent on a divorce document or if you live under the same house. If he keeps up the deception, he is not give his wife the chance of making an accurate decision for her own life if she was presented with the truth. She could choose to meet someone new, she can choose to be in solitude for the rest of her life, she can choose to stay with him, but that is a decision for HEr to make without false influence, not to be cheated by deception. If he deceives her, he is not valuing her well being. That is not love. That is guilt, fear, insecurity, and selfishness with an apearance of love. Family with no love is no family.
So what if she knows and "allows" sexual encounters outside their marriage? If that is the case, it is her right. But Is she limiting both herself and her husband? There are enough temptations that a traditionally married couple face during the entier life of the relationship. Who is to say, that this type of arrangement would one day lead the abandment of one of the partner, maybe not always in terms of a divorce paper, but in terms of growing emotionally appart, becoming distant, falling out of "love?" That would certainly destroy trust, love, and sense of family (many gay couples tend to practice this cuople for comfort and apperance sake.) And yes, being gay is difficult to find a fitting life partner, esepcially if youare older (our gay bubble culture is rather dysfunctional and self destructive.) But how can anyone be "happier" living in a compromised situation or worse, under a lie? Being comfortable and letting fear and guilt run your life is not that much better than living alone with a family you create and nuture for yourself. This applies to both gay and straight people.
My friends who came from divorced families usually tell me either of these 2 things: They are mushc better off divorced and now we are all much happier, or I was more upset becasue I thought things were going well between them (deception, apperance) and it was somehow my fault. Deception hurst everyone.
What I want to say is, what is for real, and what is for appearance sake?