Friendship Breaks

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    Jun 05, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    This is quite a difficult subject, but one I had to manage recently, so I thought I would rant a bit about it online....

    So Ive had one friend of mine for several years now.. when we became friends it was quite easy, because we shared so many interests.. and could talk of things in great depth and detail, and had liked much of the same music and videos which we could then discuss in detail etc. So I built up a certain closeness to this person over the years. Had better conversations with this person than most anyone I knew, so that was a jewel that I appreciated in my life.

    Now the sad part is, it seems things have changed at some point... I noticed more and more that the conversations began to die... What hurts though is.. this is someone that I find very rarely in the world, basically somebody I can talk to about everything.

    So yeah, now im sad.. basically... rant over... I never lost a friend before.. not a dear one at least... its a lot like losing a family member to me and its really rather devastating... *sigh* ... anyone else want to rant?
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    Jun 05, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said

    So yeah, now im sad.. basically... rant over... I never lost a friend before.. not a dear one at least... its a lot like losing a family member to me and its really rather devastating... *sigh* ... anyone else want to rant?
    I cant.. Im dealing with a similar situation at the moment. more of a 'brother' than just a dear friend..

    Ill just read!
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    Jun 05, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    GreenHopper,

    I'm old enough to be your father, so I'm going to talk to you like a nephew. A really, really handsome nephew. icon_smile.gif

    I'm so sorry for your loss and your sadness. I have lost friends over the years for many reasons: some died from AIDS complications. Some I "lost in the divorce". A few have just pissed me off one too many times and I cut them loose. Some just drifted away, physically or emotionally or both.

    Please don't think I am being flippant when I say, it's a part of life. You're young, and in the next 50 years or so you still have to live, many people will come into your life, and go out again. As Billy Joel sang, "Life is a series of hello and goodbye".

    You are obviously a good person and you have a good deal to offer. And a good friend who walks away from you for being "too emotionally intense" very likely has issues of his own having nothing to do with you.

    Believe me, there will be other friends. I don't imagine this is very helpful to you right now; but 20 years from now, you'll look back and think, "That old black guy was right!" In the mean time, I wish I could hug you, but you're awfully far away.

    Peace.
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    Jun 05, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    Remember that everything is always changing, including people (including you). What drew you together at the beginning can be what drives you apart later. That isn't necessarily bad - the other option is stagnation. Although it is sad to lose a friend over something relatively silly, doesn't that also show you the true value of that friendship?? Now you have a space that can be filled with something or someone more rewarding.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    I know that feeling Greenhopper.
    I try to ignore it by hanging out with all my other friends though. It works until something reminds me of my old buddy.

    Sucks, but I guess I'll get over it. His loss imo.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    Have you addressed the issue with him directly? Maybe he's dealing with something really difficult and doesn't know how to deal, other than to isolate himself.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    maybe when you guys hang out he already knows what youre going to say or do and he finds himself "not in the mood" and when his precognitions come true he gets even more irritated. Or like terrafirma said maybe he is preoccupied with somehting on his mind and has no other to show so he tries to distance and isolate himself from you. i think you should ask him what is bothering him.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that. It just sort of works out like that sometimes... icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    GreenHopper I have been in the same situation before. It is hard to get threw but like dancerjack said, everyone changes including you. It sucks to lose a friend but I'm sure you'll find an even better one someday who you won't grow apart from. Sorry that your friendship broke up and good luck getting through it.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Give him space, try to keep it in mind with any future interactions with him. It could be that you could spend 2 months not talking, and then he'll write you asking how you're doing.
    Friendship should never feel like a chore, it should be something you are excited about, so let him go a while without it (as he's sort of requesting) and let him tell you when he's hungry for more.