* Friendships evolved from unrequited love- thoughts? *

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    Would you, or could you, be friends with somebody who has previously (and repeatedly) professed their love for you, despite not being in love with them in that way? Assuming you genuinely did enjoy and value their friendship on many levels, just without feeling any attraction towards them for more, despite them feeling so towards you?

    And, conversely, if the shoe was on the other foot: could you put those feelings aside and eventually be happy with not getting more out of the relationship than you originally longed for, but, instead, a friendship with no reciprocated romantic interest? Would/have you eventually fall(en) out of love and into a happy friendship?

    How has this scenario played out in your own personal experiences in the long run, whether the shoe was on your foot, or vice versa?


    Enquiring minds would like to know!
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    Sometimes yes but most times no.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    tumblr_luq5le3vf51qjz158.gif to both
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidWould you, or could you, be friends with somebody who has previously (and repeatedly) professed their love for you, despite not being in love with them in that way? Assuming you genuinely did enjoy and value their friendship on many levels, just without feeling any attraction towards them for more, despite them feeling so towards you?

    And, conversely, if the shoe was on the other foot: could you put those feelings aside and eventually be happy with not getting more out of the relationship than you originally longed for, but instead, a friendship with no romantic interest reciprocation? Would/have you eventually fall(en) out of love and into a happy friendship?

    How has this scenario played out in your own experiences in the long run, whether the shoe was on your foot, or vice versa?

    Enquiring minds would like to know!


    Oddly enough, I'm dealing with that right now. I fell for one of my best friends. He and I talked every day, several times a day for the past six months. We tell each other pretty much everything. When I broached the subject, he said he wanted to keep it friends for now. He's recently started dating someone, and it became too hard for me to deal with. It's hard to move on when you talk to them all of the time. As a result, I informed him I needed to take a temporary break from our friendship while I worked through some of my issues. That was three days ago. I miss him and love him like you wouldn't believe. Still, my friendship with him means far too much to risk everything. I'm hoping this works, but I realize it may not work out the way I hope.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    I've been on both sides of this situation (though the person I had feelings for probably has no clue). I definitely think that it's possible to develop a friendship. I think the success of such a friendship ultimately depends on the two people involved.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    I am fine with it really... ive fallen for friends before and just got over it... conversely.. friends have fallen for me and we are still close
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    I've only been on the side of having a friend who had a crush on me. It didn't turn out well. I'm not sure if it was because of that situation, but he got very flaky on me.

    I've been able to remain friends with an ex-boyfriend. It's a similar situation of having to put feeling aside to remain friends.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    It's something that needs to be moved passed before real friendship can begin.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidWould you, or could you, be friends with somebody who has previously (and repeatedly) professed their love for you, despite not being in love with them in that way?
    Of course! I always give in to stalkers.
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    Jun 06, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    I dunno... honestly I've been on the rejection end of this scenario and ended up being really great friends with the guy despite the fact he didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him.
    The only reason we're not friends any more is because he turned out to be a compulsive liar and a fucking psychotic and beat his (hot and nice) boyfriend nearly to death... wow I really dodged a bullet by him rejecting me haha
  • ShanksE

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    Jun 06, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    @OP - Its not easy at all. In fact it takes a lot of effort and will to remain friends with someone who you have feelings for. You should be clear what you expect from such a friendship. You should also understand that someday he will find happiness with someone else and if at that moment you are willing to share his joy and feel genuinely happy, then you can say that you are truly his friend.

    But remember, there are some people who are worth all this effort. If you can't be in a relationship with them, but you want to remain friends with them, then you have to put in the effort to move on and realize that you value your friendship a lot.

    Interesting topic. It brought back a lot of thoughts and a few wonderful memories. Thanks, OP!
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    The former would be harder than the latter for me. Dealing with the repulsion would make me so uncomfortable.

    It's only possible in either case if both are fully open and honest about it. If someone hides affection, but it kind of becomes apparent... the end is nigh.
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    I still hold a lot of love for my first boyfriend, who was basically my first everything (and me his first as well). We broke up because he wanted to see other people, which hurt a lot, but it is what it is. I got over myself and we became good friends again. Years later he moved overseas, and yet we still talk just about every day.

    He asks me a lot for dating advice, and while I may not agree with his taste in men, I try to help him as much as possible. I just want him to be happy.
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:37 AM GMT
    catch saidI still hold a lot of love for my first boyfriend, who was basically my first everything (and me his first as well). We broke up because he wanted to see other people, which hurt a lot, but it is what it is. I got over myself and we became good friends again. Years later he moved overseas, and yet we still talk just about every day.

    He asks me a lot for dating advice, and while I may not agree with his taste in men, I try to help him as much as possible. I just want him to be happy.


    This is a good example... i was actually friends with my first boyfriend for years on.... later on our friendship broke up because of total lifestyle differences... but my feelings for him never got in the way of being friends until then
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    Jun 06, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    I've been on both sides and it does not end well unless one of the parties involved changes their mind. Its preposterous to even venture to attempt at a friendship. Think about this....

    If I have a friend who's secretly in love with me, but I don't return his feelings, so he sticks around as my "friend" anyways, and I eventually meet someone, would they be happy for me? Truly, genuinely happy? There are PLENTY of people in the world to be friends with, with whom these kinds of problems would not arise. This is along the same lines as "Could you date an alcoholic, even though you're suffering, but you both realllly enjoy each other's company?"

    It's a waste of time. Friends need to be just that, FRIENDS.

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    Jun 06, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    I don't know if it could work. I recently found myself in this situation. I really liked this guy, and I asked him if he was involved with anyone. He said "no", so I asked him out. He said he would love to go out with me. We went on a date and I was falling pretty hard for him. Then a week later, he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship - with anyone. He said he just wanted to be friends. I felt kind of relieved, because I thought he just didn't want a relationship with ME. It turned out that this was the case, because a month later, he was all smiles so I asked him if he had met someone. He said he had. It was too difficult for me to continue seeing him as friends, so I stopped contacting him. Of course, he didn't contact me since he really didn't care. I was the one who would contact him (there's a hint - if you're doing all the contacting, there's an imbalance). Anyway, he's now out of my head and I feel much better. I don't think a friendship would have worked, because he really didn't care as much as I did. And if one person is carrying a torch, he'll get burned. Sad, but true. Move on, for your own mental health.
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    Jun 06, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    First, define Love for me. Is it lusty-love? Friendly-love, or fellow man-love; or long time of intimacy with the person in bromace-love? Or is it the kind of relationship where only one person actually loves the other, and the one cheats and breaks their heart constantly?
  • C_Dezi

    Posts: 134

    Jun 06, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    no no and ah....no
  • ataru13

    Posts: 87

    Jun 06, 2012 11:29 AM GMT
    Well, it's not easy, but it can happen.
    I met this guy, and inmediately liked him.
    Cute, great body, very outgoing.
    He wasn't into me, and we stayed as friends.
    Luckily, because we'd be terrible as a couple.
    hehehe

    It's not always like that.
    I've had to stop contact with other guys whom I really really liked, and who weren't interested in me.

    So... it depends.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:52 PM GMT
    Oh, I love pretend questions. Well, in pretend land, where I am wearing a dress, which I would never ever do, and have long hair, which is gross, and my dog does not lick my face, which she does because she is stupid, and the world keeps spinning, because I hate when it does that, and the people drive by with their music playing really loud, and then, shit, what was the question in pretend land?
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    Jun 09, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    Hmm pretty interesting. I imagined that nearly all would say no, with little exception, but it's more balanced than that in the replies so far.

    Personally, I think I could do, and have done, in both scenarios, IF the other person didn't push the pre-set established boundaries in the former scenario; or, in the latter scenario, actually was a good friend anyway (e.g. wasn't malicious, indifferent or manipulative with the knowledge).

    Alas, I doubt these ideal compromises tend to pan out well in reality as much as they do in theory.
  • hahahehehoho

    Posts: 24

    Jun 12, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    I guess it just depends on the person... I recently had a friend confess they have "loved" me for almost a year. I have a trio of friends that I hang out with almost every day. After they confessed I dont feel the same kind of friendship I had before. I find myself trying to avoid the person, ignoring some texts... But I am trying to forget about it and the person is too. In my opinion, it takes time in any case but its up to you if you feel like the friendship is valuable enough.