Did you expect more out of life?

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    Jun 06, 2012 3:19 AM GMT
    I sure did! Realistically or not, I thought my career would have gone farther, I'd have more money (possibly fame too), and that I'd have a family by now. Obviously being gay kinda threw a monkey wrench in that last one, but I was very sheltered as a child so I didn't realize how hard life could be.

    We're your experiences different?
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    I blame guidance counsellors and "you can be anything you want if you put your mind to it". If 100,000 kids put their mind to being the leader of their country, ~99,990 are going to be sorely disappointed.

    I know people are supposed to tell youngins things like that so that they will be motivated to reach for the stars, expecting them to fall short. But it's sad that there have to be way more secretaries, janitors, HR personnel, analysts (to save time: all the people under the head) than there are people with the dream jobs.

    I currently don't care about how bragworthy my place in life is. I used to think it was important, but I realized that that lesson is more valuable than prestige.
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidI blame guidance counsellors and "you can be anything you want if you put your mind to it". If 100,000 kids put their mind to being the leader of their country, ~99,990 are going to be sorely disappointed.

    I know people are supposed to tell youngins things like that so that they will be motivated to reach for the stars, expecting them to fall short. But it's sad that there have to be way more secretaries, janitors, HR personnel, analysts (to save time: all the people under the head) than there are people with the dream jobs.

    I currently don't care about how bragworthy my place in life is. I used to think it was important, but I realized that that lesson is more valuable than prestige.


    While you raise an excellent point, based on my standardized test scores, I should have done more with my life. I also didn't realize how hard it was to hold down a job while taking care of a parent with terminal cancer.
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    Jun 06, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    That's a pretty comprehensive test, to include ill parents.

    It seems like you're confusing your maximum potential with what you could realistically accomplish. Life isn't an "in ideal circumstances" scenario, so why expect so much of yourself? If your best friend was in your position, would you think "he really should be doing more with his life", or would you be kinder to him than you are being to yourself? hmmmm?
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    Jun 06, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    Yeah - what's with telling chldren they can be anything they want to be ...

    ... I mean, what if I really wanted to be a jockey? I'm over 6 foot.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:04 PM GMT
    xalpha saidYeah - what's with telling chldren they can be anything they want to be ...

    ... I mean, what if I really wanted to be a jockey? I'm over 6 foot.


    Again, a great point, but I was the right "height.". Also, to SkinnyBitch's question, yeah I would think my friend's a slacker.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:27 PM GMT
    I didn't expect more in terms of career and stuff, but I did think there would be more fun and less work and stress. As a kid, I think you look at your parents (in my case, my dad, since he was the breadwinner) and think: I'm never going to live like that . . . just working all the time. And then you get older, and you get sort of pulled into it.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:37 PM GMT
    My life became much happier once I learnt to accept change.
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    Jun 06, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    I've gotten more out of life than I ever expected, but I'm a man of simple expectations.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    I have not expected more simply because I am responsible for my own path.
    However, I am envious at how easily things happen for many people.

    I always seem to have one door that closes and the other door should open but it is locked with deadbolt with a brick wall behind it. I'm a determined bastard so begrudgingly get out my chisel and go to work.

    e.g. Most recently finally qualified for Boston marathon after 5 years perpetually and closely chasing that time. I would always miss out by a minute or two.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Hey 26mileman, great to hear you earned a slot in the Boston Marathon! Way to go! I like reading that type of news.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    The raising a family was a big doozie. I was so looking forward to being a father.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    I got more than I thought. Growing up I never would have thought I did what I have done. At one point I wanted a family, but then changed my mind. I let my sister take care of that.

    But overall, I would say I way ahead of where I thought i would be in almost every facet.
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    Jun 06, 2012 2:59 PM GMT
    My parents made success look easy so i was lulled into a false sense of reality. Now i realize sometimes accepting good enough is good enough. If you make it thru the day and nobody died, the day was a success.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    RunnerBen saidI didn't expect more in terms of career and stuff, but I did think there would be more fun and less work and stress. As a kid, I think you look at your parents (in my case, my dad, since he was the breadwinner) and think: I'm never going to live like that . . . just working all the time. And then you get older, and you get sort of pulled into it.


    Biggest problem with American society today. You gotta do what you gotta do but we spend our lives working just to get by and not enough time doing the things that really matter.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    i think alot depends on your perspective. my life isn't bragworthy at all. but i'm happy. i refuse to make myself miserable to impress people who don't have to live in my daily reality. if that makes me a loser, then fine. fuck everyone else and their subjective opinions.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidThat's a pretty comprehensive test, to include ill parents.

    It seems like you're confusing your maximum potential with what you could realistically accomplish. Life isn't an "in ideal circumstances" scenario, so why expect so much of yourself? If your best friend was in your position, would you think "he really should be doing more with his life", or would you be kinder to him than you are being to yourself? hmmmm?


    Good point.

    But:

    Kindness = a benevolent response that is mild in nature. Often reserved for people we know the further away we move from ourselves. Synonymous with "compassion", "niceness", etc. You meet a guy who is struggling with drug addiction; your default response is kindness.

    Love = a benevolent response that is passionate in nature. It flares in anger; it rages at people demanding more of them than they are doing for themselves. Read Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night". If the dying man had been Dylan's family friend, he would have shown kindness, telling him to go in peace. But the dying man was Dylan's father - so Dylan basically barked that he should "rage, rage against the dying of the light". If you discover that your closest relative has a drug addiction, you won't be "nice" - you will drag that person's ass to rehab; you will chain them up in the basement, if that's what it takes to clean them up and save their life. But you wouldn't do that for a stranger... it's too much effort, it's interfering, etc.

    Love, therefore, is a response we reserve for people closer to ourselves, mostly, especially ourselves.

    Our impatience with our own progress indicates the absence of kindness towards ourselves, but it does also indicates the presence of love. We want what's best for ourselves. That's why we can feel compassion for a friend who's struggling with life, but only have impatience with ourselves when we struggle under similar circumstances. I'm not saying that this is an appropriate stance to take towards ourselves; I'm merely explaining where we're coming from... and you know what? Maybe we should be impatient with ourselves. Maybe, sometimes, we ought to be harsh towards ourselves. If no one ever got harsh with himself, there would be no eye-candy on this site. Think about it.

    So when you feel like you're not living up to your full potential, under any circumstance, you can feel pity for yourself.. or you can rage, rage, against the dying of your light.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    wolfpackbuddy said
    RunnerBen saidI didn't expect more in terms of career and stuff, but I did think there would be more fun and less work and stress. As a kid, I think you look at your parents (in my case, my dad, since he was the breadwinner) and think: I'm never going to live like that . . . just working all the time. And then you get older, and you get sort of pulled into it.


    Biggest problem with American society today. You gotta do what you gotta do but we spend our lives working just to get by and not enough time doing the things that really matter.


    It depends.
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Did someone die?
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    Jun 06, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    No. I was supposed to be dead from HIV before I turned 20.

    Life has been an amazing and continuous set of surprises.
    Every day is a gift no matter what kind of good stuff or "shit" happens.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 06, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    I tend to live my life one day at a time that way when challenges or expectations are altered I deal with them in the moment...When that event is resolved I continue forward...I have few regrets...works for me.
  • metta

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    Jun 06, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    I'm pretty thankful for what I do have.
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    Jun 06, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    I never had a lot of expectations about life.

    For instance:

    I never expected to bury my first partner.
    I didn't expect to take care of mom with Alzheimer's for all those years.
    I couldn't have imagined burying my 2nd partner.

    Life is just full of surprises!
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    Jun 06, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    love, beloved, happinessicon_wink.gif
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    Jun 06, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    Well, I guess things have gone a lot slower than i thought they would... life tends to throw you a lot of obstacles... but other than that... I am pretty much right on track as far as my ambitions are concerned