Blown Off (no, not THAT kind of blow)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 07, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    New here - signed up just for this question but maybe I'll stick around since I could always use some good advice with...everything. icon_wink.gif

    Anyway...met a guy online. Talked endlessly for maybe two weeks - exchanging emails. I liked him and he seemed to really like me (he initiated contact). So we went out on our first date just for dinner and it was great. Talked for 6 hours straight.

    We had our second date two days later where we had lunch and we went back to his place. Watched a movie and then we ended up getting physical. First time so I don't think it was his best experience as there were some...difficulties. I'm sure you guys can fill the pieces in on that one. (hint, no lubrication)

    Anyway, I had a good time regardless. Just being held and close to someone was the best. I texted him the next saying that I had a great time. Eventually, he responded that he wanted me back over. He sent a pic. I sent a pic. Very heated and flirty conversation. Over the course of the week though, I'd text him to see how he was doing. See if he wanted to meet up sometime. He said he was very busy with work. Okay - no problem. He wanted to get alot of work done before his trip to Atlantic City this weekend. No problem. But then this week, it was the same. Couldn't find the time. Very short with me. DIdn't attempt to make plans. I get that he gets his work daily so it's hard to make plans during the week so I'm very forgiving.

    BUt I ask this because I invited him to a party I was going to Friday. Turns out it was Saturday and I let him know it was then. He said that he was good for Friday but couldn't do Saturday. About an hour later, I said okay - we'll just have dinner Friday then. He said that I had bad timing and he just told a friend that he would go to his grad party that he was blowing off to go to the party with me.

    This guy IS blowing me off, right? I asked him if he would be straight up with me if he wasn't interested anymore and he said he wouldn't string me along (albeit sarcastically but we're both that way regardless). Thoughts? Any stories to share?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 07, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    I wish someone had told me this two months ago. If you feel you're being blown off, don't ever contact that p.o.s. again. You don't deserve to have the feeling of being blown off and if he is really busy, he'd at least meet you at a fast food restaurant and spend as much time as he possibly can. Work is work, but he is still surviving right?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 07, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    jlingjling saidI wish someone had told me this two months ago. If you feel you're being blown off, don't ever contact that p.o.s. again. You don't deserve to have the feeling of being blown off and if he is really busy, he'd at least meet you at a fast food restaurant and spend as much time as he possibly can. Work is work, but he is still surviving right?


    Truth be told, I wasn't going to contact him but I found out that I screwed up the date and I had a sliver of hope that he wasn't blowing me off.

    And it is a little difficult to meet since to get to and from each other it's almost an hour on the L.I.Expressway itself. Fast food is also no go since the guy used to be a fat ass and is limited to 1600 cal a day. But I understand your overall point - if he was really interested he would have at the very least tried to converse SOMEHOW - not just leave me in the dark wondering if he'll ever have a moment. I honest to God still believe that he is busy with his work throughout the week though.

    Funny thing though is that when we were still talking through emails, he said he was available anytime and any day. We met in person on a Wednesday night. It's been reduced to: "I'll let you know when I'm free..."

    As for him surviving....I can't say that for long...I'm more hurt that he lied and wasn't straight up with me then just being rejected. icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    Been in a similar situation.....Drop him.... He's a coward and not being up front about it. He's not into you anymore...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidBeen in a similar situation.....Drop him.... He's a coward and not being up front about it. He's not into you anymore...

    Maybe someone can answer this question then:

    Why. Why continue to string me along? I've given him multiple opportunities to jump ship without any judgement - I thought that would solidify the fact that I want him to be honest with me if he wants to bail. Why continue to be all flirty and call me endearing nicknames if he wasn't interested anymore?

    How could he not have gotten fed up with me asking if he's available or just me talking in general and told me to bugger off?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Jun 08, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    IceBucket said
    Fivealive saidBeen in a similar situation.....Drop him.... He's a coward and not being up front about it. He's not into you anymore...

    Maybe someone can answer this question then:

    Why. Why continue to string me along? I've given him multiple opportunities to jump ship without any judgement - I thought that would solidify the fact that I want him to be honest with me if he wants to bail. Why continue to be all flirty and call me endearing nicknames if he wasn't interested anymore?

    How could he not have gotten fed up with me asking if he's available or just me talking in general and told me to bugger off?
    Dude...He strings ya along so if he doesn't have anything better...Bam...You get a call...You need to believe you deserve better than this kind of shit...This stranger believes you do...Now it's your turn...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    ^ My thoughts exactly.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidMaybe someone can answer this question then:

    Why. Why continue to string me along? I've given him multiple opportunities to jump ship without any judgement - I thought that would solidify the fact that I want him to be honest with me if he wants to bail. Why continue to be all flirty and call me endearing nicknames if he wasn't interested anymore?
    Some guys are bored and looking for entertainment for the lack of something better to do. Others are just plain douches.

    If he isn't willing to put his words into action, thats a red flag right there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    IceBucket saidMaybe someone can answer this question then:

    Why. Why continue to string me along? I've given him multiple opportunities to jump ship without any judgement - I thought that would solidify the fact that I want him to be honest with me if he wants to bail. Why continue to be all flirty and call me endearing nicknames if he wasn't interested anymore?
    Some guys are bored and looking for entertainment for the lack of something better to do. Others are just plain douches.

    If he isn't willing to put his words into action, thats a red flag right there.


    SO TRUE. I'VE BEEN THERE. if a man wants to see you, he will find a way. it may be an odd hour and not ideal, but when you want something you go after it. and some people feel weird admitting they just want casual hookups.

    just don't invest yourself and enjoy it for what it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Alright - it's gonna be difficult since I still can't manage to let go of this sliver of hope that he's still interested and actually is just busy.

    Guess I won't acknowledge him for a week (unless he pursues first) and then ask him if he's ready to "abandon ship" after I ask him out one more time. I know - don't give him the satisfaction of me being angry but I prefer to have full closure - I don't like loose ends.

    But guys - please share stories! Share the pain. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    i'm gonna vote that you don't ask him if he's ready to abandon ship

    by default, you are being cast as plan B....

    you the equivalent of a lifeboat

    most ships have many of them are they never get used

    but if you asked the captain if he wanted to throw them away, he'd say no

    spare yourself the illusion of closure...because even with that, he'll know you're a whipped little piece he can go back to and you'll probably tolerate it...otherwise you wouldn't entertain the idea of asking anyone for permission to read the writing on the wall
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2012 12:10 AM GMT


    IceBucket saidAlright - it's gonna be difficult since I still can't manage to let go of this sliver of hope that he's still interested and actually is just busy.

    Guess I won't acknowledge him for a week (unless he pursues first) and then ask him if he's ready to "abandon ship" after I ask him out one more time. I know - don't give him the satisfaction of me being angry but I prefer to have full closure - I don't like loose ends.

    But guys - please share stories! Share the pain. icon_wink.gif


    Back up the boat.. when you feel it roll over him, move on.

    I had a similar experience one summer. Guy talked a mad streak, well call him guy "A" we had a few hot moments - over a couple weeks then the flat line.

    Fuck him.

    So I am chatting with this other guy online who had been hitting me up for months.. he was from out of town, LA to be exact. Oddly enough another chat screen pops up with yet ANOTHER guy from LA. Both oddly in Michigan at the same time. LA guy 1 wants to see me "SObad", LA #2, just began to chat. I am chatting more with LA1, we had been chatting the longest - and I kinda wanted to meet him. I told him I just got done with one fool, and I wasn't looking to get twisted up with another trifling asshole. He goes on to tell how he is so not that guy. Fine. I set a date with LA1, told LA2 gnite and went to bed.

    The next day LA1 calls me back, says he forgot he made plans the day we were supposed to get together.. I'm like wtf? SERIOUSLY?!?! I played it off like it was no biggie, he explains it was an accident - he forgot that he agreed to go to some cookout with this "other guy", big long phony explanation.. I reassure him it's no biggie - we aren't married! I ask him what the other guys profile name was. HA! It's Guy "A". I'm like WHAT? He says sheepishly I don't like the sound of that.. whats wrong? I'm like NOTHING!!! Dude!! Have fun!! I'm crackin up now, and he is all "Wait!! I changed my mind!! I will keep our date!!" I'm like - dude, chillax, go have fun! Insert cheery doublespeak here, yadda yadda yadda I am out.

    Now. What I didn't tell him is that the ASSHAT Guy "A" is bringing him to the SAME cookout I am going to be at. PRICELESS. He starts texting me..

    LA1 Your mad aren't you - I won't go!! Please I wanna meet you!!
    Me: No really it's cool - I will be fine, go have fun!
    LA1 Really?
    Me: For sure!! Oh btw, one thing..
    LA1 What?
    Me: Don't wear anything white.. that guy wears a shitton of makeup.
    LA1 Huh?? Your kidding me right?
    Me: Do I strike you as the type to kid??
    LA1 Man!! See - fuck that I wanna meet you!!
    Me: Um nope, sorry - busy now.
    LA1 DUDE!!
    Me: Seriously - I am, but you go have fun, we'll meet eventually.
    LA1 For real!! I wanna meet you!!
    Me: You will - got2go

    My phone was ringing. It was

    Guy"A", "baby - sorry I have been sooo busy, I really want to see you!
    Me: Aww, well no worries, I heard your coming to the cookout Saturday!
    Guy "A" Pause.. Well yeah!
    Me: Well catch up then! I gotta go now, but see you there!! Ciao!

    LMFAO. So 5 minutes later I get a call from the boys throwing the party, they just talked to "A" and he is all shitting himself right about now. I was rollin.

    I went to that party stag, on purpose. I am txting "A"

    Me: Where are you baby? I'm at the pool all greased up in a Diesel suite.. you can't miss me!
    "A" Im on my way!
    Me: Sweet :-D

    I then txt LA1
    Me: So were going to meet sooner than I thought!
    LA1: Howz that?
    Me: I'm sitting at that cookout your on your way to :-)
    LA1 Dude.. no fuckin way.
    Me: Yup Did he pick you up yet??
    LA1 No, you are so gonna make me hate myself aren't you..
    Me: LOL, why what ever made you think that?
    LA1 Dude seriously, I will run right now - I don't want to meet this guy.
    Me: Don't you dare, he is a nice guy - not my bag. Just have fun :-)
    LA1 I hate this.
    Me: LOL you'll live.

    The afternoon rolled on, LA1 got picked up, but mysteriously "A" changed plans, they went on to a Bar instead. LA1 txtd me the entire length of the date. I didn't warn him, I was for real about the makeup - he was pretty shook up lol.

    As for me? I met LA2 the following day. We had a smashing time, I ignored my phone. It was a long distance fling that lasted a few months.. just long enough. As for LA1? He went back to LA, cock in hand. I never did meet up with him, after "A" got done he was damaged goods. His bad.

    As for "A"? Well, all I can say is I dodged a real bullet. He talked a good line, nothing to back it up. I should have suspected a guy in his 40's living in a house full of 20 somethings was going to have some issues. You live and learn.

    So, you didn't invent this, and hon - you gotta grow a tough hide. I tell my Daughter all the time "Men are pigs", just because they are gay doesn't make that less true. Good luck, and when all else fails - shear vengeance is a beautiful thing :-)
  • Bshar_Waleed

    Posts: 7

    Jun 10, 2012 12:52 PM GMT
    you don;t need to call him may be in the 3rd was enough , but it's OK. good happened now while you in your beginnings .

    you must put in your head you deserve better than that. even if he not interesting in you any more he could be polite to say it earlier and not wasting your time.

    that not mean you become Mr. Deva but any one deserve better than that . if he called you or try to contact you in the coming days don't make it easy for him , and if it was with me even not go back to him again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 10, 2012 12:58 PM GMT
    I don't know what really went on with you guys, but before you're ready to give up on a guy you really like, have a clear, honest, truthful conversation with him. Tell him you like him, and that you'd like to know him more, but you get the feeling he's blowing you off. Only after you get a real answer or a true sense (in person) of where he stands, would I recommend you flitter away.

    On the opposite side of the coin, a lot of dudes are fickle, so who really knows. You at least owe him a final conversation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 10, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    Hey mate,

    I've read your post and I'm having the exact same dilemma. My thoughts are, you are an attractive guy, and you seem to have a good heart. Definitely have a conversation with this guy and let him know that you are not going to be strung along while he makes a decision. Meanwhile, continue to date other people and your Mr. Right will come along.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 10, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    Your FIRST and ALWAYS fatal flaw.............................

    You "meet" them online. After that, its IN PERSON or TELEPHONE (audio) conversations or its over. Period. Throw that damned TEXTING into the garbage.

    Gawd.......... Im sorry, but human interaction is gone with this "texting" shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 10, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidI don't know what really went on with you guys, but before you're ready to give up on a guy you really like, have a clear, honest, truthful conversation with him. Tell him you like him, and that you'd like to know him more, but you get the feeling he's blowing you off. Only after you get a real answer or a true sense (in person) of where he stands, would I recommend you flitter away.

    On the opposite side of the coin, a lot of dudes are fickle, so who really knows. You at least owe him a final conversation.

    I'm not sure if I mentioned this and I'm too lazy to go back and read buuuut...I did try to call him out on it last week when I asked if he would tell me if he wasn't interested to which he responded: "No, I'm going to string you along until you die." Obviously a very sarcastic remark.

    But yes- definitely a mistake meeting them online. Makes it too easy to do this sort of garbage. As for texting....it's just so damn convenient. I never ever use my phone for actual phone - I have almost 5,000 roll over minutes and talk an average of 20 minutes per month. Yes, yes. Texting makes things too easy and results faster breakups since the two are constantly in contact.