Public displays of verbal homophobia

  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jun 07, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    How would you/do you deal with it? If it was guaranteed not to turn violent, would you take the person on or ignore it and walk away?

    Personally speaking, as much as I would like to take such a person on I think I would walk away. I can't think straight and produce razorsharp thoughts when I get into a heated situation like that.
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    Jun 07, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    sbwlguy said I can't think straight and produce razorsharp thoughts when I get into a heated situation like that.
    Ill teach ya!icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 08, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    I would get into an argument and win obviously...because homophobes always have low intelligence.
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    Jun 08, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    As much as you may want to argue with the person, you're not likely to change his/her mind if their homophobia is that ingrained and you just throw verbal punches. When people get defensive, they close their mind and rarely listen. At best they will just wait for their turn to speak. It's better to try to keep the situation calm so you can reason with the person rationally.

    I can destroy a homophobe's anti-gay arguments with hardly any thought applied at all, even from a religious perspective. If they try to defend their position, their logical fallacies become so proliferate that they dig themselves into a hole. And if they can't see those logical fallacies, they're too stupid to reason with in the first place. In that case, you must resist the urge to do a face-palm and possibly cause unintentional brain damage to yourself.

    I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all solution to this issue, and it's not going away any time soon. I just try to make sure I have well thought out arguments and practice the debate from time to time just to make sure you can handle any curve balls people may throw at you.

    And like the first rule in poker, when you are preparing to get into a "discussion" about this issue, leave emotion at the door.
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    Aug 04, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    Hello!

    First of all I am sorry to dig out an old post. I didn't really know where to post. I read the comments above and it is helpful but lately i have been dealing with homophobia for the first time of my life, and the problem is that it comes from a close friend. I feel i cannot blame her because she is Korean and the way of thinking there is way more closed than in the west. I leave in Japan now and almost all my Western friends know that I am gay and have no problem with that but I feel I can't tell my Asian friends. Yesterday this girl kind of ununderstood that I was gay and told me I was disgusting and acted as if I had the plague. I am really pissed off and I don't know how to act. I can't ignore her behaviour but I know I can't make her change her mind. I think I will try to explain to her that it is really insulting and not polite, and that something like that would never be accepted in Europe. What do you think about it? Did it happen to one of you?
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 04, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    I usually respond with, "it takes one to know one". That usually shuts them up. I had a teenager sitting behind me at a football game once say something about a cheerleader being gay so I turned around and used that line on him - he and his mother both turned beet red. Ironically I was wearing my Queer Nation Columbia t-shirt.
  • Litmop

    Posts: 78

    Aug 04, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidI usually respond with, "it takes one to know one". That usually shuts them up. I had a teenager sitting behind me at a football game once say something about a cheerleader being gay so I turned around and used that line on him - he and his mother both turned beet red. Ironically I was wearing my Queer Nation Columbia t-shirt.


    Lol.. The line I use is "I let you suck my cock ONE TIME and I'm branded for life!". Never had anyone recover from that in time to reply.
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    Aug 04, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    sbwlguy saidHow would you/do you deal with [public displays of verbal homophobia]?

    Depends on the circumstances. One time at a private dinner party a guy at my table started bashing gays, knowing I'm gay myself, and that my partner was seated at another table. I wouldn't get into a loud argument and offend our host, who knew we're gay, but I did direct my voice just loud enough that she became aware of the dispute. He was never invited back again to subsequent dinners held by that lady.

    Another time a guy at a bar in a shopping mall struck up a conversation with me, that began friendly at first. But then out of nowhere he began bashing gays, clueless that I'm one, too. I tried to remain calm and noncommittal, knowing my partner had planned to meet me there following his Christmas shopping, so that I couldn't walk away but had to wait for him.

    Just as my partner appeared the guy's wife also showed up following her own holiday shopping. Still cordial, we all said hello, and chatted more while my partner & I had a final drink. We said goodbye to them both as we started to leave the bar.

    And then I added to him, loudly enough for his wife to hear, that I was glad he enjoyed having drinks with 2 gay guys who lived together, finishing with a jolly "Merry Christmas!" Their shocked expressions were priceless, stunned speechless! I like to think that his wife later asked him why he was striking up conversations with gay men in bars. icon_twisted.gif

    The few times I got yelled at from passing cars I blew kisses back at them. That included in front of a gay club, at which bullets had been fired through the windows previously. I wouldn't want to deliberately get into a truly dangerous confrontation, but neither do I stay silent or backdown in the presence of homophobes, my weapons tending to subtlety & humor.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 04, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    Sometimes you need to grow enough nuts to say ," I'm gay and I'm offended by that comment". Two scenarios will probably take place..The first...The guy apologizes..you walk away proud ...The second....The fucker gets pissed..in that case you stand your ground and be ready with a rolled up fist to punch him hard in the jaw...Either way you prove to all around you're a man first...gay second...
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    Aug 04, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    Depends on if I'm sober or not. Last time that happened was my roommate who called me a fag at a lame party. I punched him in the chest. This being after drinking a few tequila shots. icon_smile.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 04, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    sbwlguy saidHow would you/do you deal with [public displays of verbal homophobia]?

    Depends on the circumstances. One time at a private dinner party a guy at my table started bashing gays, knowing I'm gay myself, and that my partner was seated at another table. I wouldn't get into a loud argument and offend our host, who knew we're gay, but I did direct my voice just loud enough that she became aware of the dispute. He was never invited back again to subsequent dinners held by that lady.

    Another time a guy at a bar in a shopping mall struck up a conversation with me, that began friendly at first. But then out of nowhere he began bashing gays, clueless that I'm one, too. I tried to remain calm and noncommittal, knowing my partner had planned to meet me there following his Christmas shopping, so that I couldn't walk away but had to wait for him.

    Just as my partner appeared the guy's wife also showed up following her own holiday shopping. Still cordial, we all said hello, and chatted more while my partner & I had a final drink. We said goodbye to them both as we started to leave the bar.

    And then I added to him, loudly enough for his wife to hear, that I was glad he enjoyed having drinks with 2 gay guys who lived together, finishing with a jolly "Merry Christmas!" Their shocked expressions were priceless, stunned speechless! I like to think that his wife later asked him why he was striking up conversations with gay men in bars. icon_twisted.gif

    The few times I got yelled at from passing cars I blew kisses back at them. That included in front of a gay club, at which bullets had been fired through the windows previously. I wouldn't want to deliberately get into a truly dangerous confrontation, but neither do I stay silent or backdown in the presence of homophobes, my weapons tending to subtlety & humor.


    I would have liked that story better if you said you had kissed your partner when he walked up - that would have trumped saying anything.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 04, 2012 6:01 AM GMT
    She was hoping you were going to marry her ... but instead you want her brother ... she'll get over it .. blow her off, she is not a friend
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    Aug 04, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    I called the last homophobe I encountered a "sperm-burping cum-bucket". Then I asked if he even owned a mirror cause, damn boy, that shit is tore UP.
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    Aug 04, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidI would have liked that story better if you said you had kissed your partner when he walked up - that would have trumped saying anything.

    Yeah, maybe trumping our asses right into jail. This was Fargo, North Dakota, 10 years ago in 2002, a few months after we arrived. We weren't sure if PDAs would get us arrested, even if we could successfully fight it in court, or would get us attacked by enraged locals. I was out on a college campus there, had pride items on my car & motorcycle, walked openly into the 1 gay club, even appeared on local TV speaking in favor of gay rights, later led their first Pride parade. But inside that gay club was the only public place I would kiss my partner, or even hold hands, dance and touch him affectionately.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 04, 2012 6:09 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    waccamatt saidI would have liked that story better if you said you had kissed your partner when he walked up - that would have trumped saying anything.

    Yeah, maybe trumping our asses right into jail. This was Fargo, North Dakota, 10 years ago in 2002, a few months after we arrived. We weren't sure if PDAs would get us arrested, even if we could successfully fight it in court, or would get us attacked by enraged citizens. I was out on a college campus there, had pride items on my car & motorcycle, walked openly into the 1 gay club. But inside that gay club was the only public place I would kiss my partner, or even hold hands, dance and touch him affectionately.


    Arrested for kissing your boyfriend? Come on, man.
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    Aug 04, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidArrested for kissing your boyfriend? Come on, man.

    Two gay men kicked out of Chico's Tacos restaurant for kissing

    De Leon [one the the gay men ejected] said the [city] officer told the group it was illegal for two men or two women to kiss in public. The five men, he said, were told they could be cited for homosexual conduct -- a law the U.S. Supreme Court ruled unconstitutional in 2003 in Lawrence v. Texas.

    De Leon said he and his friends left the restaurant after an officer threatened to issue a citation for "homosexual conduct."


    I would note that my story took place in 2002, a year before the Lawrence v. Texas ruling. So I think it was a reasonable concern that the bar could have told us to leave if we had kissed there, the mall security called, as well as the city police, as happened in this 2009 El Paso, TX, incident, even 6 years after the Lawrence case which specifically struck down the Texas law.
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    Aug 04, 2012 6:50 AM GMT
    sbwlguy saidHow would you/do you deal with it? If it was guaranteed not to turn violent, would you take the person on or ignore it and walk away?

    Personally speaking, as much as I would like to take such a person on I think I would walk away. I can't think straight and produce razorsharp thoughts when I get into a heated situation like that.


    I am the same. I would be in shock and then just leave it, then later on I'd be like "OHHHH I should've said this" and so on lol.

    People have flight or fight, I have brain malfunction.
  • Kipstrdl

    Posts: 162

    Aug 04, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    I think whenever possible, humor is the best way to diffuse a situation.
    Examples:

    HOMOPHOBE: "He is such a fag."
    HOMO: "Oh I only wish. MMmmmm."

    HOMOPHOBE: "Look at those two faggots over there."
    HOMO: "I know. Who would you rather do?"

    HOMOPHOBE: "Are you gay or something?"
    HOMO: "Why? You wanna date me?"

    HOMOPHOBE: "Suck my dick!'
    HOMO: "You're gonna have to buy me dinner first, Honey"

    And if you have to resort to violence to protect our honor, just make sure you chose you battles wisely, or say something like, "Hey bro, if this has to come to blows (roll up sleeves), I'll get on my knees right now! But then it's your turn"

    And if there's just no way to respond to a homophobic comment, whether directed at you or not, and you have to just walk away, at least snap your fingers through the air at the offender and smack your own ass as you walk off.
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    Aug 04, 2012 7:01 AM GMT
    Kipstrdl saidI think whenever possible, humor is the best way to diffuse a situation.
    Examples:

    HOMOPHOBE: "He is such a fag."
    HOMO: "Oh I only wish. MMmmmm."

    HOMOPHOBE: "Look at those two faggots over there."
    HOMO: "I know. Who would you rather do?"

    HOMOPHOBE: "Are you gay or something?"
    HOMO: "Why? You wanna date me?"

    HOMOPHOBE: "Suck my dick!'
    HOMO: "You're gonna have to buy me dinner first, Honey"

    And if you have to resort to violence to protect our honor, just make sure you chose you battles wisely, or say something like, "Hey bro, if this has to come to blows (roll up sleeves), I'll get on my knees right now! But then it's your turn"

    And if there's just no way to respond to a homophobic comment, whether directed at you or not, and you have to just walk away, at least snap your fingers through the air at the offender and smack your own ass as you walk off.


    LOL HAHAHA that one got me laughing! Dude have you actually said that?
    I would not be able to keep a straight face if I heard that haha.
    Lol no pun intended.
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    Aug 04, 2012 7:16 AM GMT
    Kipstrdl said
    HOMOPHOBE: "Are you gay or something?"
    HOMO: "Why? You wanna date me?"


    I've had a conversation like that before. icon_biggrin.gif
  • metta

    Posts: 39138

    Aug 04, 2012 9:04 AM GMT
    if it was directed at me, I would probably let it go. If it was directed at someone else, I would speak up.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 04, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    metta8 saidif it was directed at me, I would probably let it go. If it was directed at someone else, I would speak up.


    It's really great that you would speak up for others, but how come you would "let it go" if it was directed at you? If you stand up for yourself, you ARE standing up for gay people, because you are one of us. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 04, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    MileHighYo saidAs much as you may want to argue with the person, you're not likely to change his/her mind if their homophobia is that ingrained and you just throw verbal punches. When people get defensive, they close their mind and rarely listen. At best they will just wait for their turn to speak. It's better to try to keep the situation calm so you can reason with the person rationally.

    I can destroy a homophobe's anti-gay arguments with hardly any thought applied at all, even from a religious perspective. If they try to defend their position, their logical fallacies become so proliferate that they dig themselves into a hole. And if they can't see those logical fallacies, they're too stupid to reason with in the first place. In that case, you must resist the urge to do a face-palm and possibly cause unintentional brain damage to yourself.

    I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all solution to this issue, and it's not going away any time soon. I just try to make sure I have well thought out arguments and practice the debate from time to time just to make sure you can handle any curve balls people may throw at you.

    And like the first rule in poker, when you are preparing to get into a "discussion" about this issue, leave emotion at the door.


    You have written the perfect answer
    Cheers mate .
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Aug 04, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    If it's not someone I know personally, ignore and walk away. Bickering with strangers over their personal opinions usually makes you look silly.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 04, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    great_scott saidIf it's not someone I know personally, ignore and walk away. Bickering with strangers over their personal opinions usually makes you look silly.


    Better to look silly than to be complicit.icon_wink.gif