I feel like I'm wasting my life

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    Jun 08, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    I feel like I am wasting my youth because compared to most people around me, I have no life. I've been feeling like this for a long time but I'm feeling like this alot more now that people point out how much tv I watch instead of actually going out and doing something. I know people who go out every week with friends someplace, doing something new, experiencing life, having new stories, etc. But with me, that kind of thing probably happens once a year at best. So I feel envious of other people who go to concerts, or games, or go dancing, or get drunk together.

    I'm 22, I'm as awkward as they come, a bit anti-social, I'm shy, not many friends, not talkative, and always nervous in social situations. My coworkers, friends, cousins, etc, that are my age seem to do so much more with their time and I can't help but feel that I'm not living life to the fullest. Even my high school aged siblings have more of a social life than I do. TBH the most "going out" I ever do is seeing new movies with my family. It's summer and I'd like to experience life before these few months of actually good weather in Michigan are over. I'm not close with many people, so they're never up to do something, especially if they always work. I really don't know what to do.

    It's really hard for me to write this but I feel like I need to acknowledge my faults in some form or another. I don't even have a social network profile because I'd be in contact with so few people or even no people, and others would know how anti-social I really am. If my life keeps on being this repetitive cycle of work, school, gym, and home, I'd just keep on feeling more lonely and depressed.

    Please give me any suggestions on how I can change my life without resorting to hire a "life coach"

    Thanks
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    Jun 08, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Well, for one you can start by putting some pics on your profile so we know who we are talking too. I'm sure once you do that people will be more likely to buddy or hot list you on here. That is one way to come out of your shell.
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    Jun 08, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    I'm bumping this in the light of how everyone's occupied de-railing another thread right now. A worthy endeavour, too, may I add...but you sound like you need some of their wisdom. Chin up...

    Woody
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    Jun 08, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    I'm really awkward and shy too so sometimes you just have to make your own fun. Find a solo sport/hobby that you can really enjoy - outside preferably.

    Set up a fb profile and if you're worried about people seeing that you have no friends, set it up so no one can see your friends - thats smart anyway.

    I know those aren't huge pieces of advice, but they're small starts.
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    Jun 08, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    There's only one solution for this: go out. Do stuff, even if you have nobody to accompany you, go alone. There's nothing weird about that. I often go to gigs alone and i'm not someone who's going to talk to strangers that easily/willingly. However it's a misconception from you to think that because you go out all the time that you are automatically having a good time. That's not the truth. Some prefer to stay at home and do other things like watch movies or play videogames. Don't look at others, but do things that you enjoy. If you are not happy with the way things are going now, try changing something for the better. Best of luck.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Been there, done that. I spent my 20's chained to a lab bench in grad school. So, I never learned any of those social skills, and don't always miss them either.

    There are sports and hobbies that you can take up by yourself. You'll gradually meet people through those activities and develop relationships with them. Things like bicycling, skiing, windsurfing... Or who knows, robotics, jousting, photography, trainspotting, playing the ukelele... Whatever you enjoy that will take you out of the house.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidWell, for one you can start by putting some pics on your profile so we know who we are talking too. I'm sure once you do that people will be more likely to buddy or hot list you on here. That is one way to come out of your shell.


    LOL I love your blunt attidude!
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    So, a few things struck me while reading your post. One, you seem like a pretty bright guy. And two, it also seems to me that you do have a life, even if it's one with which you aren't very content.

    I think that what we call "faults" are always relational. They're only faults relative to others' and relative to how we would essentially like "to be." And we aren't static. People change all the time. So I'd encourage you to not view your "faults" as permanent.

    Breaking out of being shy is hard, but you have to start doing things that make you feel uncomfortable. The more you venture into that uncomfortable territory, the easier it'll become. Take a speech class. Volunteer to go first when it comes to class presentations. Strike up conversations with strangers. Join a sports team (as others suggested). It doesn't matter so much if at first all this makes you or others feel awkward. What matters is that you do it.
  • visionsofruin

    Posts: 51

    Jun 08, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    Okay, I have to say, you sound exactly like me. I'm going/went through the same thing. But I find that One of the major issues is that where I am is a social black hole. Just gotta strike up conversations with people you see regularly. Can't expect others to make a first move, took forever for me to figure that out.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    I'm terribly shy and self-conscious about how I look. I also doubt I'd ever post any pictures of myself after writing about something so personal. I feel a rhinoplasty away from having a good looking face. I wish I had the confidence you guys have because even if I had a good body I wouldn't post a pic of it.

    Using facebook would feel terrible because I don't want the few friends I do have to know I have basically no friends at all. Even blocking them from seeing it raises suspicions. The last time I used a social networking site was myspace back in high school, and I had next to nobody on there at the peak of that website's time.

    Going out alone just sounds creepy and sad. I don't want to make my own fun, I've had enough of that. I want to share my life with other people now. And I doubt joining a sport group can help seeing as I don't ever play any.

    icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    and so you fulfill your own prophesy, and nothing will change... icon_sad.gif

    Start with here, mate, it must feel safe enough or you wouldn't have started a thread. Put up at least an avatar pic, plenty of guys on here use a profile picture of something cute that they feel represents them, or a shot of themselves from an angle that's a bit obscure, or something...start here.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    You sound like your making a lot of excuses. That's not going to help change your situation, if that is really what you want. There's also nothing sad about going out alone, although I think your rather low self-esteem has planted the idea in your head that it is. The same for not using any social networks. If you have enough self-confidence you don't give a shit about what other people think of the amount of so-called friends you got. Try some of the activities previous posters have suggested in order to get your confidence levels up.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    You must be interested in SOMETHING. No? Your profile says you are a college student. The town you live in is part of a larger metro area. Isn't there a single student club or community group or volunteer opportunity that you could find an interest in?
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    Maybe you're introverted and the party life just isnt you. Not that you cant socialize, but you have to learn how to manage your temperament. Realize what traits are the real you. Accept them as valid, just as valid as partying. Then with your new comfort zone, you'll be able to better integrate socializing into your lifestyle.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    I go through what you are going through sometimes even though I am 41 years old. My advice is start out small. Plan on taking a walk around your neighborhood or to a thrift shop (they always do it for me) and allow your mind to focus on it. When you get back you feel as though you accomplished a little something. Do it again until you become naturally motived to do more prolonged things. It works for me and I am sure it would work for you.

    On the subject of what you want to do with your life, do what you want with it even if it is just moping around the television. I say that because I know it's not what you want to do with your life, but only you know what you want to do with your life. Only you can find out what that is. Time will manage on it's own so don't force it to change. Relax and sit back, look at the view of the world from afar, discover what you want and then jump back into it.

    One more thing I believe in, for myself at least, is that depression can really be healthy at times if you allow yourself to travel through reality with it. I look at it like a type of natural tranquilizer that keeps you from tearing your life apart out of aggravation. Remember there are good days and there are bad days. It's part of knowing the difference between pleasure and pain because without both of them, you wouldn't even know you had either one.
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    Also, there's this: The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck
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    Jun 08, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought: still it had very long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.

    "Cheshire Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
    Come, it's pleased so far, thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

    "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

    "I don't much care where--" said Alice.

    "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

    "--so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

    "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."
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    Jun 08, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    I wonder if there is a thing where sports are taught to people. I've never really been able to do anything with a ball or puck. I didn't take gym in high school so I really have no idea how to play some sports I think are cool.

    Maybe I could just pop up in the middle of a basketball court and ask a guy to teach me how to dribble (yes I'm that bad lol). It is a good suggestion, it's just that I don't know where to go besides probably my university gym.

    I am introverted at the moment but I know I can change. The few times I actually have been out somewhere, I was having fun and loving it.
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    Jun 08, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, for one you can start by putting some pics on your profile so we know who we are talking too. I'm sure once you do that people will be more likely to buddy or hot list you on here. That is one way to come out of your shell.


    LOL I love your blunt attidude!


    I was actually trying to be nice!!! icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 08, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    What are some of your hobbies? Maybe find some people at your school or work who have similar hobbies to yours and meet up with them. They don't even have to be things that you do outdoor; movies, video games, whatever as long as you are talking and interacting with friends.

    I feel like this would be a great first step to take and you can gradually build off of this as you become more comfortable with the people that you hang out with.
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    Jun 08, 2012 11:15 PM GMT

    U jus needs yoself a hobby babyyy!
  • billbos

    Posts: 68

    Jun 08, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    It seems like in every one of these threads some people - usually the same people over and over - think they are funny and say nasty shit and make lame jokes....it's annoying.

    I think you have some really good advice on here ....find some interests, join a team/league and find a few good friends - with that you will gain some confidence. I was pretty insecure when I was younger - most people are - but once you get your footing, you will be fine, and blossom.....my heart goes out to you, but listen to what these people are saying - fitting in is a losing battle and a waste of time - cultivate some interests and get a couple of good friends and you the world will be yours.
  • billbos

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    Jun 08, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    sorry for the extra "you" in there.....i shud have let my editor read it first.........
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Jun 08, 2012 11:40 PM GMT
    I think I would go see one of the school counselors if I were you. You seem very depressed and insecure. Granted some of the ideas stated might help, if you can follow through with them but sometimes professional help can be of great value. I would also recommend that you find a gay support group that helps people with coming out, identity issues, etc. I think you would benifit from it. My guess is that you also have some suicidal thoughts along with all of this. Just to let you know that a lot of people go through this exact same kind of period in their lives, and with some help and support it can be overcome and people can have productive meaningful lives. Hang in there. You can do it.
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    Jun 09, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    I think a lot of people are going in the right direction. Find some type of sport or hobby. For me, it's parkour. It requires no equipment and you can just get up and go. It has truly saved my life.

    Oh by the way, you rock. Why? Because you're acknowledging your shortcomings and reaching out for help. That is so difficult for people to do. You're journey of self-discovery is never ending, but you're taking a huge step forward. Keep rocking on, man! If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me or any other members!