How in the world does one go about getting a date?

  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I don't know if I am asking the right people, but I have been reading and most of you have some pretty good advice.. So here gos.

    I am a 27 year old guy, I have a good job, and I am starting my own business on the side. People always tell me that I am good looking, but I am starting to have doubts.

    I have tried everything to get a date, and find a partner. I have tried match.com.... I didn't get a single date from there! I have tried plentyoffish.com, okcupid.com (which I did end up dating a guy for like 3 months, but he wasn't in to me). I have tried craigslist, grindr, realjock...

    Anway, it doesn't matter what I do, I rarely ever get a response back? Is it in the way I am approaching things?

    Usually when I message a guy, I tell him hi and introduce myself, talk about their profile... And wait. I know they looked at my profile and read my email, buy why do they never respond back?

    I am just at my wits end right now and any help would be appreciated. I am a really nice guy, and I think that I should be able to find a date... But it just isn't happening for me.

    Thanks guys!
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    Jun 09, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    DisasterWolf saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?
    Be "in the world."

    I've always found it WAY easier to find a date in a gay venue (bar, event, gay-owned establishment, etc).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    I've met a really awesome guy via online dating, but from what I understand it's something that is very uncommon.

    I'm not entirely sure what to tell you but you'd be better off finding people outside dating sites. Some other members should be able to give you more insight. And by the way, just because you're not getting a date doesn't mean their is anything wrong with you. You look fine and you sound look a good person.
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    Jun 09, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    How in the world does one go about getting a date?

    Is there a Safeway grocery store close by? They are on the nut aisle or sometimes in the refrigerated section!icon_wink.gif

    I love dates! Either pitted or not!
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    Jun 09, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?

    Is there a Safeway grocery store close by? They are on the nut aisle or sometimes in the refrigerated section!icon_wink.gif

    I love dates! Either pitted or not!
    And if you're lucky, the hot buggy pusher/grocery sacker will hit on you. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 09, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    TropicalMark saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?

    Is there a Safeway grocery store close by? They are on the nut aisle or sometimes in the refrigerated section!icon_wink.gif

    I love dates! Either pitted or not!
    And if you're lucky, the hot buggy pusher/grocery sacker will hit on you. icon_wink.gif
    I always hope!
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    When you message someone and they don't respond on pof,match, or whatever site it usual means there not interested! maybe your just not there type or there's something written in your profile they don't like or agree with e.t.c...who knows.? keep trying...
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    DisasterWolf saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?
    Be "in the world."

    I've always found it WAY easier to find a date in a gay venue (bar, event, gay-owned establishment, etc).


    I tried that too. I don't tend to fit in at gay bars. I am kind of awkward. Outside in the world, usually at the gym or something, I always try to make eye contact. And if I do manage to achieve that I smile. It doesn't work for me either!
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    SteelCityMuscle said When you message someone and they don't respond on pof,match, or whatever site it usual means there not interested! maybe your just not there type or there's something written in your profile they don't like or agree with e.t.c...who knows.? keep trying...


    Oh I do. I don't know I guess it is just one of those things. Maybe I need to just start getting slutty, those guys always find dates.
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    paulflexes said
    TropicalMark saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?

    Is there a Safeway grocery store close by? They are on the nut aisle or sometimes in the refrigerated section!icon_wink.gif

    I love dates! Either pitted or not!
    And if you're lucky, the hot buggy pusher/grocery sacker will hit on you. icon_wink.gif
    I always hope!
    I always enjoy shopping at Safeway! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:52 AM GMT
    I honestly don't know why you're having this problem. You're handsome and seemingly sane enough. Here's the thing - Most guys are illogical, strange, and dealing with personal issues that prevent them from being affectionate.

    In short, just keep trying. It'll happen. And when it does, you won't have to worry about all the shit it took to find him.
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Here's an idea. Stalk the "Sex and sexuality" section at Barnes and Nobles and if you see a hot guy come by approach him. Simple problem solved icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    All I can say is patience... I am going on 4 yrs on being single and tried the online, bar, clubs, etc. I've dated friends and gone on blind dates... One thing for sure is not to date your friends... Time will only tell when the right person comes... In the meantime enjoy life and what it brings to you...
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    FLCOL saidAll I can say is patience... I am going on 4 yrs on being single and tried the online, bar, clubs, etc. I've dated friends and gone on blind dates... One thing for sure is not to date your friends... Time will only tell when the right person comes... In the meantime enjoy life and what it brings to you...


    Oh man so true, I hate my friends as it is lol. And you are completely right, I am focusing on my career and fitness. I just get so down when it seems like I never get noticed in public, or even online. It sucks.

    Oh well.
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn saidHere's an idea. Stalk the "Sex and sexuality" section at Barnes and Nobles and if you see a hot guy come by approach him. Simple problem solved icon_wink.gif


    Hah! I haven't tried that one yet. Perhaps if I slip on my tight jeans, and pretend to read erotic gay fiction with a big dirty picture on the cover.

    Also shiny lip gloss.
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Don't know what to tell you other than is it not your looks. You are nice looking and clean cut. You are educated, driven, and hard working. From you post you sound sincere and honest with your feelings. Do not give in and settle for something less than what you want. That is how men end up giving blowjobs to strangers in the park. Keep at it and KNOW that what you want is just aroung the corner.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 09, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    How To Find A Date With Gay Men


    Approach
    Find the gay man you would like to pick up, and walk up to him. Close proximity is absolutely necesary.

    Appearance

    Use some sort of hair styling product, no matter how your hair looks. It shows that you care about your appearance, and that seems to be the most important part. Suggested looks are either short and spikey or sort of long and droopy, like a shaggy dog. But remember, all men are different and prefer different hairstyles. Try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen and renders him helpless.

    Personality


    Be charming - Be James Bond. Especially if you can pull it off. Don't be perky. It's annoying, and a LOT of work. Don't be dark and brooding, either, unless you have dark hair, in which case it is okay.

    Eating

    Eat everything you can if you are underweight, eat nothing if you are overweight. Always make the guy think that you are the opposite of what you really are to try to counter the effects of reality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn saidHere's an idea. Stalk the "Sex and sexuality" section at Barnes and Nobles and if you see a hot guy come by approach him. Simple problem solved icon_wink.gif

    ....why didn't I ever think of that? icon_idea.gif


    Anyway...I keep my profile open on Match and play the waiting game. Just one bit of advice that I learned these past two weeks: don't fuck the guy on the second date. Keep him wanting more and to keep coming back so you don't get attached and he ends up blowing you off...

    With these dating sites, you really just need to know how to write your profile and which pics to choose from to upload. Not saying I get many - I've only gotten two emails from men I'd ever consider - the first one I just told you about and the second one will probably do the same thing. Most of the time it's much older men (I'm 21 keep in mind) who aren't exactly the older men from my fantasies. With pics, it's good to upload a couple, one that looks nice - that your mum might like (though no official school pics) another where it looks like your having fun, another that shows off the bod a bit - though I'm sure guys who have the typical mirror/bod pic with their phone, it seems like it's purposefully done as an attention grabber so I suggest beach pics if you aren't shy about it.

    What I like to do with Match is their 10 daily matches and just scroll through them: nope, nope, nope. Oh yeah - I'd do THAT one. Browsing profiles helps also. He sees you saw him. You see that he saw you too. You look again. He looks again...one thing leads to another...

    Anyway, even if you don't find someone and manage to at the very least talk to someone, it's the lowest risk talking to someone since it isn't face to face. Great way to just loosen up a little bit and practice some flirting which you can use in the non-virtual world. Just maintain mystery if you find someone and be wary of the wolf in sheeps clothing...

    God, talking about this is making me a bit upset with this single guy who blew me off...
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    IceBucket said
    FilmGuy18_notporn saidHere's an idea. Stalk the "Sex and sexuality" section at Barnes and Nobles and if you see a hot guy come by approach him. Simple problem solved icon_wink.gif

    ....why didn't I ever think of that? icon_idea.gif


    Anyway...I keep my profile open on Match and play the waiting game. Just one bit of advice that I learned these past two weeks: don't fuck the guy on the second date. Keep him wanting more and to keep coming back so you don't get attached and he ends up blowing you off...

    With these dating sites, you really just need to know how to write your profile and which pics to choose from to upload. Not saying I get many - I've only gotten two emails from men I'd ever consider - the first one I just told you about and the second one will probably do the same thing. Most of the time it's much older men (I'm 21 keep in mind) who aren't exactly the older men from my fantasies. With pics, it's good to upload a couple, one that looks nice - that your mum might like (though no official school pics) another where it looks like your having fun, another that shows off the bod a bit - though I'm sure guys who have the typical mirror/bod pic with their phone, it seems like it's purposefully done as an attention grabber so I suggest beach pics if you aren't shy about it.

    What I like to do with Match is their 10 daily matches and just scroll through them: nope, nope, nope. Oh yeah - I'd do THAT one. Browsing profiles helps also. He sees you saw him. You see that he saw you too. You look again. He looks again...one thing leads to another...

    Anyway, even if you don't find someone and manage to at the very least talk to someone, it's the lowest risk talking to someone since it isn't face to face. Great way to just loosen up a little bit and practice some flirting which you can use in the non-virtual world. Just maintain mystery if you find someone and be wary of the wolf in sheeps clothing...

    God, talking about this is making me a bit upset with this single guy who blew me off...


    I think my way is easier icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    First of all, you are very handsome so don't tell yourself otherwise. It's got nothing to do with your looks. It has to do with the fact that you're G-A-Y. Trying to connect with other gay men is like trying to nail jello to the wall. My experience is similar to yours. Join the club, kiddo.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Jun 09, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    I would say for openers, who cares that you have a good job and that others tell you that you are good looking,
    What you have materially is irrelivant and people can lie to make you feel better.
    Being an amazing person comes from within.
    Know yourself, be happy in your life. Stop stating what you have accomplished and know you are good looking.
    If you do not know this, you will never be the person someone wants to gravitate to.
    Secondly, screw all those trash websites and stop being so needy and desperate. Be happy with yourself and be happy being single.
    I promise, once you focus on what you have in life and what truly makes you happy, you will put off a "ora" of happiness that others will want to be around.
    Frankly, right now you sound like a desperate, needy mess. No one wants that. You must love yourself before someone else can love you.
    Finally, patience.
    Sorry if what I say is harsh.. but you asked.
    Best of luck and hang in there, your just a youngster, this time in your life is only temporary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn said
    IceBucket said
    FilmGuy18_notporn saidHere's an idea. Stalk the "Sex and sexuality" section at Barnes and Nobles and if you see a hot guy come by approach him. Simple problem solved icon_wink.gif

    ....why didn't I ever think of that? icon_idea.gif


    Anyway...I keep my profile open on Match and play the waiting game. Just one bit of advice that I learned these past two weeks: don't fuck the guy on the second date. Keep him wanting more and to keep coming back so you don't get attached and he ends up blowing you off...

    With these dating sites, you really just need to know how to write your profile and which pics to choose from to upload. Not saying I get many - I've only gotten two emails from men I'd ever consider - the first one I just told you about and the second one will probably do the same thing. Most of the time it's much older men (I'm 21 keep in mind) who aren't exactly the older men from my fantasies. With pics, it's good to upload a couple, one that looks nice - that your mum might like (though no official school pics) another where it looks like your having fun, another that shows off the bod a bit - though I'm sure guys who have the typical mirror/bod pic with their phone, it seems like it's purposefully done as an attention grabber so I suggest beach pics if you aren't shy about it.

    What I like to do with Match is their 10 daily matches and just scroll through them: nope, nope, nope. Oh yeah - I'd do THAT one. Browsing profiles helps also. He sees you saw him. You see that he saw you too. You look again. He looks again...one thing leads to another...

    Anyway, even if you don't find someone and manage to at the very least talk to someone, it's the lowest risk talking to someone since it isn't face to face. Great way to just loosen up a little bit and practice some flirting which you can use in the non-virtual world. Just maintain mystery if you find someone and be wary of the wolf in sheeps clothing...

    God, talking about this is making me a bit upset with this single guy who blew me off...


    I think my way is easier icon_wink.gif

    Much easier. Though I think a guy like myself would chicken out at the last minute.

    Hot guy: "So whatcha looking at"
    Me: "Oh nothing! Nothing at all! Ummm...isn't this the cooking section?" icon_redface.gif
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Jun 09, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    TropicalMark saidHow in the world does one go about getting a date?

    Is there a Safeway grocery store close by? They are on the nut aisle or sometimes in the refrigerated section!icon_wink.gif

    I love dates! Either pitted or not!
    And if you're lucky, the hot buggy pusher/grocery sacker will hit on you. icon_wink.gif


    Uhhhh...that doesn't work here. The buggy pushers are usually mentally challenged and the grocery sackers are twice as old as I am....icon_cry.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 09, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    Dude....You're at your wits end over this? Guys can smell desperation....That desperation is viewed as needy and clingy....Show others you can function without a boyfriend...When that guy finally comes around he'll be impressed by your independence...You're whole without a guy...Don't think you need a guy to complete you...When you do that they'll come a time when that guy may leave and when he does you'll fall apart...Love yourself first...cherish your talents and skills....Time will change your present condition....All the best.
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 09, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    gsh1964 saidI would say for openers, who cares that you have a good job and that others tell you that you are good looking,
    What you have materially is irrelivant and people can lie to make you feel better.
    Being an amazing person comes from within.
    Know yourself, be happy in your life. Stop stating what you have accomplished and know you are good looking.
    If you do not know this, you will never be the person someone wants to gravitate to.
    Secondly, screw all those trash websites and stop being so needy and desperate. Be happy with yourself and be happy being single.
    I promise, once you focus on what you have in life and what truly makes you happy, you will put off a "ora" of happiness that others will want to be around.
    Frankly, right now you sound like a desperate, needy mess. No one wants that. You must love yourself before someone else can love you.
    Finally, patience.
    Sorry if what I say is harsh.. but you asked.
    Best of luck and hang in there, your just a youngster, this time in your life is only temporary.


    I like it man, thanks for your honesty! I am not really needy or a mess, but I definitely don't want to come off as one!