Dancing?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 9:24 AM GMT
    Do you like to dance? what kind of dance?
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    Jun 09, 2012 9:27 AM GMT
    I can't relate to you since I usually put out on the first "date".
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    Jun 09, 2012 9:52 AM GMT
    Take it slowly. Simple as that.

    Tell them you enjoyed the night and would like to see them again.

    It's really up to both of you.

    What are you looking for... you should say explicitly what you are looking for off the bat... long term? Short term? hook-ups?

    etc...

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    Jun 09, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    TheWind saidActually I like the idea of a friend with benefits.
    Removes from the pressure of a formal date.
    Is that something common?


    Yes it is....
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    TheWind saidActually I like the idea of a friend with benefits.
    Removes from the pressure of a formal date.
    Is that something common?

    The idea has been around for a long time in the gay community, known as a fuck buddy (FB). In my opinion FWB has become the more popular term in recent years because the word "fuck" isn't in it, therefore sounding less coarse and mentionable in more places. And because straights have made it a mainstream term (it's even a movie title), that gays can also use.

    Semantically FWB stresses more of the "friend" aspect than the sex, so that may also help to make it a more acceptable and adaptable phrase than FB. The mix between friendship and sex can be quite varied, and some benefits may not be sexual at all, depending on the persons. So again, a basic idea that's quite old among gays, that's morphed into a nicer title, but may not be functionally different in practice.
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    Jun 09, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    It's not going to be as simple for you as just going out and having sex with someone. That's not going to happen. You have "chosen" not to have sex for seven years. Seven years! I would be spontaneously ejaculating every time I sat down. You are hung up on something and should talk to a therapist.

    Also, if you do get to the point where there's somebody you want to have sex with, do NOT mention that you haven't had sex in seven years.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    Dj1990 saidI can't relate to you since I usually put out on the first "date".
    HIGHSIX.gif
  • tigrisblue

    Posts: 113

    Jun 09, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    jimzdc saidIt's not going to be as simple for you as just going out and having sex with someone. That's not going to happen. You have "chosen" not to have sex for seven years. Seven years! I would be spontaneously ejaculating every time I sat down. You are hung up on something and should talk to a therapist.

    Also, if you do get to the point where there's somebody you want to have sex with, do NOT mention that you haven't had sex in seven years.


    While I agree 7 years is a long time, and not having sex is ultimately a choice, that choice is not a necessarily an indicator of some kind of problem. There are many reasons someone might choose to abstain, not less because they can find no one in their area with whom they have chemistry. A hook-up with someone you don't gel with well just for the sake of sex generally leads to bad sex, which begs the question of whether it's worthwhile to begin with.

    This is what toys, porn, and advanced hand techniques are for. icon_razz.gif

    Also, the OP already stated that they need to be comfortable with someone (enough) before they get intimate, and I'd hope part of that process would include appraising someone to see if they're going to flee once they realize they've chosen a partner who's out of practice. Sex is ultimately an exercise like anything else, involves a number of muscles, and requires some training and repetition/experience to become good. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who has the outrageous expectation that all reasonably attractive men simply must be sex gods. That's out of touch.

    To the OP: If you feel you need to be comfortable/know someone before sex, then that's perfectly reasonable. Alternatively, if you ever feel the desire to hook up, that's reasonable as well, provided you do so responsibly.

    There are, however, many books/websites that discuss how to exercise the muscles involved in sex, and otherwise prepare yourself to be a better lover. I'd suggest searching around and comparing notes. There's going to need to be some work on your part if you'd like to bring yourself back up to snuff, though it doesn't mean you need to sleep around if you don't want to.

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    Jun 09, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    After seven years, you just need to break the seal. Bad sex, good sex, whatever. It doesn't matter. Just fuck somebody so you can stop saying "I haven't had sex in seven years." At this point it's like an evil spell.

    But as I said before, I don't think that's going to happen because a person doesn't just go seven years without sex by accident. Talk to a therapist to figure out why you haven't been doing this utterly commonplace, unremarkable, and normal human thing for seven years. Then fuck somebody.
  • tigrisblue

    Posts: 113

    Jun 09, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    jimzdc saidAfter seven years, you just need to break the seal. Bad sex, good sex, whatever. It doesn't matter. Just fuck somebody so you can stop saying "I haven't had sex in seven years." At this point it's like an evil spell.

    But as I said before, I don't think that's going to happen because a person doesn't just go seven years without sex by accident. Talk to a therapist to figure out why you haven't been doing this utterly commonplace, unremarkable, and normal human thing for seven years. Then fuck somebody.


    A therapist may not, in the end, be a bad idea. If for no other reason then counselors and social workers have trained to help people discover themselves.

    I'm going to have to agree to disagree that an arbitrary period of time without sex suddenly means a person is unbalanced or broken in some way. It may be an indicator of something, sure, but so are a hundred other things.

    Also, when comparing straight sex to gay sex, gay sex is statistically not, in fact, that commonplace (though perhaps more commonplace than some would think), so if anything, an extended period of celibacy for a gay man should seem more reasonable, for lack of available (desired) partners. (I am, of course, assuming the OP is only concerned with gay intimacy.)
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    Jun 09, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    7 yrs is too long. Why are people afraid of sex? It's just sex. Don't overthink it.
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    Jun 10, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    Alcohol will make you feel 'comfortable' with someone...but I don't suggest it for everyone... it can get you in trouble too..lol 7 years though....really?
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    Jun 10, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    Dj1990 saidI can't relate to you since I usually put out on the first "date".
    haha! sex machine!;)
  • blktaurus

    Posts: 1

    Jun 10, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    I can relate. I will spot you 7 years and raise you 4 more.

    I stopped having sex because it was taking over my life. Like I was a sex machine. So I cut it out and focused on balancing out my life. When you step back and watch the dating scene and how casual sex is taken these days it makes me fine with my decision.

    It will happen for me soon. I have decided I am ready. Now I just need the right person. If you are ready it will happen. Don't stress it.