Epiphany: they all hate me and they don't even know it.

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    Jun 09, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    So today I have a wedding to go to with my family. My cousin is getting married and it's gonna be a typical arab wedding. Obnoxious men, hijabies everywhere and crazy loud music. Just a side note, my family tree is huge. There will be around 500 people attending the actual wedding party-thing and I am related somehow to everyone (our origins are from the same small village in Lebanon).

    Anyways, I just came back from the pre-wedding stuff where we have to go to the grooms house, watch him awkwardly walk down the stairs, take pictures, get in the car and follow him to his brides house where he picks her up. But like I said, it's an arab wedding and I can literally say that everyone who is going (except me) is religious and a crazy homophobe.
    Now, at the grooms house, I was standing alone by the stairs clapping along with everyone and I'm just casually eyeing the people around me.

    Then it hit me, all these people, my whole family, these people won't be coming to my wedding! Even if they were invited, they wouldn't show up. Well actually, they'd probably show up with a gun and shoot me and my (hottest guy in the world) husband. WHY would they go to a homosexuals wedding! They hate us! They hate me and they don't even know it! After this realization, my attitude went from

    tumblr_lf4ffh7nz71qbq56j.gif

    to

    gif.gif

    I kinda felt as though I didn't really have family. They don't love me for who I am. They love their straight heterosexual perception of me, but not the realistic homosexual that is me. If I came out to them, they'd drop me in an instant. Arab families (especially mine) would never accept a gay.
    Ya so after this realization my great aunt comes to stand beside me. She then says, "I can't wait for your wedding, I already found you a beautiful bride!" then I was like, "bitch you ain't gonna be invited"
    tumblr_lzcxce1VEL1r6aoq4o1_500.gif
    (didn't really say that though 'cause I didn't want to make her cry)



    Oh well...I hope the foods good.
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    Jun 09, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Lash said [...] around 500 people attending the actual wedding party-thing and I am related somehow to everyone (our origins are from the same small village in Lebanon).
    [...] I can literally say that everyone who is going (except me) is [...] a crazy homophobe.
    [...] They hate us! They hate me and they don't even know it! After this realization, my attitude went from
    [...]
    I kinda felt as though I didn't really have family. They don't love me for who I am. They love their straight heterosexual perception of me, but not the realistic homosexual that is me.[...]
    Oh well...I hope the foods good.


    You can be sure that there's more than just you in that 500.
    It's up to you to do your part in getting them (or anyone) to appreciate you for who and what you are. Remember that, in the spirit of Uhm Kalthoom's singing "shwaye-shwaye" "little-by-little" to desensitize them.
    ...
    And of course the food will be good, but how good.
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    Jun 09, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    Lash said)



    Oh well...I hope the foods good.
    Atta boy! Hugs.. you can feed me ifn you want!
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    Jun 09, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    Haha. I took great pleasure in reading this: I know exactly what you mean. Albeit I'm not Arab.

    My sister will probably be getting married next year and everyone who is there will not be invited to my wedding...(to my imaginary non-existant boyfriend.) It's not that they wouldn't accept me or throw me out of the family - I'd just be that really black stain on the family. Y'know the one everyone whispers about. Kind of like being a loner in high school - they don't really know you and so make things up. Funny thing is that they already treat me like this so it isn't any big loss.

    Honestly, my friends (as much as I want to punch them) are my family. Hell, you guys that I've known for what two days have been more supportive in really everything. Not to say you are my family - I'm not that batshit crazy.

    I'm not sure if you're willing to go through with what I want to do - which is basically to drop them all (I come from a big Italian family so yeah) with a bang. Sisters wedding. Get a guy - when her new in-laws come over for whatever reason "Oh you're so and sos brother!" (since they think our family is so perfect and normal) start dry humping the fuck out of the guy. And make sure everyone sees. Then leave. It's a terrible thing to do but when your family is made up of terrible people - what else do you know?

    But enough about me - I'm bitter and probably won't actually do it. Anyway, for your wedding I'd invite everyone anyway. That way you don't really cut anyone out of the loop that maybe a bit more liberal in their thinking and accept you regardless. Anyone who does - doesn't get a second glance. It's not your problem. Trim the weeds.
  • rafiki87

    Posts: 331

    Jun 09, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    I LOVE Arabic weddings, they're so much fun! I do have a funny story about that which involved a keffiyeh, the song "shik shak shok" and a few drinks too many, but I'll save that for another day.

    My take on it, I personally prefer a smaller wedding with people that actually matter to me.

    I've met a lot of Muslims, and I think you don't give them enough credit where it's due when it comes to open-mindedness especially those that lived here long enough to realize that half the stuff the Koran says doesn't make sense in the modern world.

    Just a suggestion, you could have an Arabic wedding just with your future husband's and your friends and close family (the ones that don't have any issues with you being gay). Though getting the traditions right would be tricky to manoeuvre with non-Arabic folk.
  • rafiki87

    Posts: 331

    Jun 09, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidHaha. I took great pleasure in reading this: I know exactly what you mean. Albeit I'm not Arab.

    My sister will probably be getting married next year and everyone who is there will not be invited to my wedding...(to my imaginary non-existant boyfriend.) It's not that they wouldn't accept me or throw me out of the family - I'd just be that really black stain on the family. Y'know the one everyone whispers about. Kind of like being a loner in high school - they don't really know you and so make things up. Funny thing is that they already treat me like this so it isn't any big loss.

    Honestly, my friends (as much as I want to punch them) are my family. Hell, you guys that I've known for what two days have been more supportive in really everything. Not to say you are my family - I'm not that batshit crazy.

    I'm not sure if you're willing to go through with what I want to do - which is basically to drop them all (I come from a big Italian family so yeah) with a bang. Sisters wedding. Get a guy - when her new in-laws come over for whatever reason "Oh you're so and sos brother!" (since they think our family is so perfect and normal) start dry humping the fuck out of the guy. And make sure everyone sees. Then leave. It's a terrible thing to do but when your family is made up of terrible people - what else do you know?

    But enough about me - I'm bitter and probably won't actually do it. Anyway, for your wedding I'd invite everyone anyway. That way you don't really cut anyone out of the loop that maybe a bit more liberal in their thinking and accept you regardless. Anyone who does - doesn't get a second glance. It's not your problem. Trim the weeds.


    You should check out the movie "Mine vaganti", you might like it.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 09, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    Lash said

    oh , your story is kinda sad to me icon_sad.gif I know that feeling icon_sad.gif
    The Arab wedding you just told , it sounds very like the traditional wedding in my country too.
    You will have a great wedding like that with your husband icon_wink.gif
    and I wish all the best for you.
    *hugs*

    Karl
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    Jun 09, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    I had a long-term relationship with a french-arab, and his father (though old school muslim) would have shown up at our theoretical wedding. As well as his mom and others. Maybe not the entire clan, but alot of them. We talked about it. Don't assume the worst. At least you have a family. I lost my parents long ago, and have no other family.
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    Jun 09, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    rafiki87 said
    IceBucket saidHaha. I took great pleasure in reading this: I know exactly what you mean. Albeit I'm not Arab.

    My sister will probably be getting married next year and everyone who is there will not be invited to my wedding...(to my imaginary non-existant boyfriend.) It's not that they wouldn't accept me or throw me out of the family - I'd just be that really black stain on the family. Y'know the one everyone whispers about. Kind of like being a loner in high school - they don't really know you and so make things up. Funny thing is that they already treat me like this so it isn't any big loss.

    Honestly, my friends (as much as I want to punch them) are my family. Hell, you guys that I've known for what two days have been more supportive in really everything. Not to say you are my family - I'm not that batshit crazy.

    I'm not sure if you're willing to go through with what I want to do - which is basically to drop them all (I come from a big Italian family so yeah) with a bang. Sisters wedding. Get a guy - when her new in-laws come over for whatever reason "Oh you're so and sos brother!" (since they think our family is so perfect and normal) start dry humping the fuck out of the guy. And make sure everyone sees. Then leave. It's a terrible thing to do but when your family is made up of terrible people - what else do you know?

    But enough about me - I'm bitter and probably won't actually do it. Anyway, for your wedding I'd invite everyone anyway. That way you don't really cut anyone out of the loop that maybe a bit more liberal in their thinking and accept you regardless. Anyone who does - doesn't get a second glance. It's not your problem. Trim the weeds.


    You should check out the movie "Mine vaganti", you might like it.


    Eek. Mi non parlo Italiano! Non bene, non bene!

    Hopefully it has subtitles. icon_razz.gif
  • rafiki87

    Posts: 331

    Jun 09, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    IceBucket said
    rafiki87 said
    IceBucket saidHaha. I took great pleasure in reading this: I know exactly what you mean. Albeit I'm not Arab.

    My sister will probably be getting married next year and everyone who is there will not be invited to my wedding...(to my imaginary non-existant boyfriend.) It's not that they wouldn't accept me or throw me out of the family - I'd just be that really black stain on the family. Y'know the one everyone whispers about. Kind of like being a loner in high school - they don't really know you and so make things up. Funny thing is that they already treat me like this so it isn't any big loss.

    Honestly, my friends (as much as I want to punch them) are my family. Hell, you guys that I've known for what two days have been more supportive in really everything. Not to say you are my family - I'm not that batshit crazy.

    I'm not sure if you're willing to go through with what I want to do - which is basically to drop them all (I come from a big Italian family so yeah) with a bang. Sisters wedding. Get a guy - when her new in-laws come over for whatever reason "Oh you're so and sos brother!" (since they think our family is so perfect and normal) start dry humping the fuck out of the guy. And make sure everyone sees. Then leave. It's a terrible thing to do but when your family is made up of terrible people - what else do you know?

    But enough about me - I'm bitter and probably won't actually do it. Anyway, for your wedding I'd invite everyone anyway. That way you don't really cut anyone out of the loop that maybe a bit more liberal in their thinking and accept you regardless. Anyone who does - doesn't get a second glance. It's not your problem. Trim the weeds.


    You should check out the movie "Mine vaganti", you might like it.


    Eek. Mi non parlo Italiano! Non bene, non bene!

    Hopefully it has subtitles. icon_razz.gif


    could look up a subtitled version of it... it's a pretty interesting story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    You might as well get used to it. They won't accept you if they don't want to change.

    and no to the poster who said "you have to give them a reason to change"... the very fact that he's "FAMILY" is good enough for them to change their views on him if he comes out to them.

    I've been there, done that, and it wasn't successful... and i'm egyptian - you might say a little bit more hardcore than lebanese... but still .. the concept is the same.


    IF your family is religious, then don't expect them to bend over for you. They'll start quoting Noah leaving his son to drown because he was told by God that his son wasn't faithful so he's not really his son anymore (LIKE I SAID: if RELIGIOUS).

    If you think your family won't say that, then they ARE NOT RELIGIOUS and you have it easy so it will be good.

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    Jun 09, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    Doesn't that just make you want to tell them even more?
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    Jun 10, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    cold saidDoesn't that just make you want to tell them even more?


    I agree with this too... if you hate them so much, then you wouldn't want to be living with them at all... so tell them now, get kicked out, and come live with me.

    and we can get married in canada.icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    Another take on this (though played for light comedy) is the movie Touch of Pink. Also a Muslim family living in Canada, though from India, not Lebanon, also a gay couple, one of them Muslim, who have to hide their relationship. The family keeps wondering where the girlfriend is, even making suggestions. The happy ending, where the mother learns about and is accepting of the gay relationship, seems a bit improbable. Even worse is a plot device where the protagonist has Cary Grant as his imaginary friend & advisor, played very badly with a dreadful accent.

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    Jun 10, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    ^Which is to say, don't sell your family short. They may pleasantly surprise you.
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    Jun 10, 2012 12:20 AM GMT
    Arab men are sexy as fuuuh.

    Sorry I couldn't offer any other advice.
  • Kairr

    Posts: 239

    Jun 10, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    Hakuna matata
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:52 AM GMT
    I abhor weddings, and I think marriage is a bad move for pretty much everyone.

    But sorry about your sucky realization. icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    Islam-related thread needs Muslim theme song

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    Jun 10, 2012 6:21 AM GMT
    Firebrand saidIslam-related thread needs Muslim theme song



    lmfao I'm ashamed for laughing at this