Feeling Alone & Loneliness

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    Hey so I just got back onto RealJock after deactivating my account for the better part of a year. It is good to be back! I wanted to post to see if anyone else experiences loneliness and feels alone.

    My life is pretty good in a lot of ways - stable, good job, lots of opportunity, international travel whenever I want, good health - but, to be honest, I still have trouble maintaining stable and fulfilling friendships & relationships.

    In the gay world - where sex is a commodity - it seems that everyone just wants to use you for sex. I'm not a victim - I've certainly used people for sex as well. However, I think that I have more than an average amount of trouble finding people to really connect with (both friends and boyfriends). Sometimes all I want is to feel like people (friends or boyfriends) really care about me and are really there, but I don't always feel that way.

    Does anyone else feel this way, too? I'd like to commiserate icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    I've found that being by myself is more common than being "with" others. I've learned how to have a good time with or without others. I like being self-entertaining. However, I'm never "alone".

    It's life.
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    I don't care anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be "Forever Alone". But oh well. Can't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I'm just focusing on enjoying life. icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:50 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI don't care anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be "Forever Alone". But oh well. Can't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I'm just focusing on enjoying life. icon_cool.gif


    Im with you on this one, I kinda dont care anymore, just do my own thing take each man as an individual, use him for sex, have him use me whatever. Occasionally a surprise happens but that is definately something I dont wait for these days.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jun 10, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    northoz said
    xrichx saidI don't care anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be "Forever Alone". But oh well. Can't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I'm just focusing on enjoying life. icon_cool.gif


    Im with you on this one, I kinda dont care anymore, just do my own thing take each man as an individual, use him for sex, have him use me whatever. Occasionally a surprise happens but that is definately something I dont wait for these days.


    That sounds really sad. I slept around a lot in my late teens/ early 20's, and the sex actually made me feel more lonely, since it wasn't with anyone I care about or trusted for anything besides a bootycall. It also made me really suspicious of everyone I encountered, and it was like that for a long time until I started associating with better quality people (ethics-wise).
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    Jun 10, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    Hmmm not sure if I should post lyrics from You'll Never Walk Alone or Les Uns Contres Les Autres.

    I'll do both.

    For when you're feeling down:
    Les Uns Contre Les Autres
    French lyrics & translation + video on one page (formatted better than posting here.

    For when you're feeling independent:

    When you walk through a storm
    Hold your head up high
    And don't be afraid of the dark.

    At the end of the storm
    Is a golden sky
    And the sweet, silver song of a lark.

    Walk on, through the wind,
    Walk on, through the rain,
    Though your dreams be tossed and blown.

    All you've got to do, is
    Walk on, walk on
    You'd better keep hope in your heart,
    And you'll never walk alone,
    You'll never walk alone.
    Walk on.
  • Lanter

    Posts: 149

    Jun 10, 2012 8:47 AM GMT
    I have spent an awful lot of time thinking about the concept of friends and how it relates to not just me, but everyone. For starters, I want to say that I believe that everything truely does happen for a reason and all of the friends I have had came into my life completly unexpectedly. There was a saying one time that I always liked that sort of summed it all up nicely. I forget the actual wording, but it basically said that some friends come into your life for a season, some for reason, and some for a lifetime. From what I have experienced, that rings true. There are a lot of different things that influence these things, so it can get very complex.

    I personally have met and currently know a ton of people from all age groups, many 30+ years older than me so I have come to really put a lot of thought into how I connect with people. When I think about all of the people close in age that I have become close friends with its actually not all that many, but I think that has made it easier for me to analyze it. I also think I'm happier by not having a ton of people in my inner social circle. When it comes to good friends, I have had several, all one at a time and each very unique in their own way, but one thing they all have in common is that for the most part, no matter how much time passes, we can always sort of reconnect the same way we always have. Unfortunatly, I think that especially when you are young, which I am, I think there are a lot of external factors that get in the way of letting friendships playout naturally.

    When it comes to people in general, I have found that many people have so much going on in their lives, usually out of their control, that they are unable to spend a lot of time and effort maintaining friendships. It does not however mean they are unwilling. It just requires effort to keep up and many times its too much. I have also realized that there are an awful lot of self-centered, negative, and just difficult to deal with people that your better off without. I know it can feel hard sometimes, especially if you've had good friends in the past, but I'd always choose to have quality people vs a large quantity of close people in my life. So my point, or at least one of them, is that although it may seem difficult at times, don't go out and aggressivly pursue a friendship with anyone you can find or anyone who you feel "could be" a good friend just to fill a void you may feel. In some ways I think this especially is the case with people who at one time had a lot of people close them.

    Sorry to run on, but I could have kept on going. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more about it.
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    Jun 10, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Hello mate,

    I too, get these feelings at times, especially when meeting guys and realising that the ones that I've dealt with have been solely game players. All it does is frustrates me. I think that you and I are similar, in the fact that we like to travel, etc. I think that guys see self-confidence (and believe me, I have a lot of it) as a threat, and as a result, they start to feel insecure. Continue to do things in life to fulfil your happiness, and that Mr. Right will come along when you least expect it.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    I can definitely relate to your feeling. Friendship and relationship takes time, especially with the right individuals. Psychologically speaking, it is hard for relationship to continue when it started out as sex. I think there are friendship or relationship gay men out there, it is just that they are not as apparent as some of other guys. I do feel alone and lonely, but I will tell you that it is also a gift. You can do whatever and whenever you want. There is so much more out there in life. Loneliness recurred but last only moment. I would use that energy and transform yourself in terms of behaviors and the way you think into a better human being. I would use that time to do things that make me grow physically, psychologically.
  • rac4437

    Posts: 105

    Jun 10, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    Totally! Being Gay is very Difficult in the Social Scene.. If you are not into the Bars, Drugs or Sex... You are an Outcast...Been there done that.. I very much know how you feel... I've kind of given up on ever meeting anyone... It seems whenever I let someone in.. I am let down.. Used & Left feeling Empty... So I totally Understand! I guess that is why... the Majority of my Friends.. are Women! icon_confused.gif
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Jun 10, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    Well I feel lonely sometimes, and probably will be, however as other guys said, I do not care much anymore as I learned how to enjoy life in different ways, even been alone, long road trips, workout, swimming, my family. Even when I am high sex drive, I believe that when you use someone for sex, or someone uses you for sex, it becomes a habit or a vicious thing, it might be fun, but certainly loneliness will come back when you find that sex fulfills that emptiness for a while. I would like to believe that when you make that special connection with a great guy, then loneliness goes away.....unfortunately I haven't found him yet... icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHmmm not sure if I should post lyrics from You'll Never Walk Alone or Les Uns Contres Les Autres.

    I'll do both.

    For when you're feeling down:
    Les Uns Contre Les Autres
    French lyrics & translation + video on one page (formatted better than posting here.

    For when you're feeling independent:

    When you walk through a storm
    Hold your head up high
    And don't be afraid of the dark.

    At the end of the storm
    Is a golden sky
    And the sweet, silver song of a lark.

    Walk on, through the wind,
    Walk on, through the rain,
    Though your dreams be tossed and blown.

    All you've got to do, is
    Walk on, walk on
    You'd better keep hope in your heart,
    And you'll never walk alone,
    You'll never walk alone.
    Walk on.

    I always thought that song was about Jesus always being by your side. Which is really awkward sometimes. I'm like "Jesus can you put a pillow over your head for about 45 seconds?" or "Jesus can you turn your back while I take a dump?" It's ok....I can talk this way because Jesus went to church this morning and I stayed home.
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    OK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 10, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    wow, its amazing there are so many single guys who are single. yet, every one has the same problem they can not find the one. listen, i know it is hard to find the one but maybe you should be a little laxed on your requirements. i am not saying dump all your prerequisites. i am just saying find out what is important to you. think what you need and not what you want. for instance, i know plenty of guys who won't date a guy who is not out. which i think is stupid but that is just my opinion. i have known several guys who are in successful relationships. i know one who has been together for 18 years. he is not out to his family and introduces his partner as his friend when he goes home. i asked him why he does that and he said because that is not a important issue for me. no one is perfect and if that's all i have to worry about than i am good. he said outside of that he is the perfect guy for me and i knew that from the moment i met him. listen, i am not saying it is not hard to find a good guy to date. however, i wonder how much of it is from our own doing
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    evannz saidHey so I just got back onto RealJock after deactivating my account for the better part of a year. It is good to be back! I wanted to post to see if anyone else experiences loneliness and feels alone.

    My life is pretty good in a lot of ways - stable, good job, lots of opportunity, international travel whenever I want, good health - but, to be honest, I still have trouble maintaining stable and fulfilling friendships & relationships.

    In the gay world - where sex is a commodity - it seems that everyone just wants to use you for sex. I'm not a victim - I've certainly used people for sex as well. However, I think that I have more than an average amount of trouble finding people to really connect with (both friends and boyfriends). Sometimes all I want is to feel like people (friends or boyfriends) really care about me and are really there, but I don't always feel that way.

    Does anyone else feel this way, too? I'd like to commiserate icon_smile.gif


    I think it's pretty natural. Everyone's used someone to get off at one point or another. It's fun when it's happening, but eventually someone does the walk of shame afterward. Regardless of who stays and who goes, both usually end up with some sort of a lonely feeling.

    If you really want to make lasting relationships, just be yourself. Put the effort into getting to know someone. It's really hard because usually we are interested in talking with people with whom we're attracted. It's really easy to lose control and either develop feelings or have sex with someone that's just supposed to be a friend. Will power is the key.
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Harry234 saidOK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.


    Bitter and jaded much?
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI've found that being by myself is more common than being "with" others. I've learned how to have a good time with or without others. I like being self-entertaining. However, I'm never "alone".

    It's life.

    This is perfectly true.
    Men are so much more interesting when they have a real life going on and not just some slutty dancing machine that works out, does a bump and has a cool tattoo.
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    Jun 10, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    Harry234 saidOK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.


    Bitter and jaded much?
    Actually just a troll!

    From his profile:

    "I'm str8, so I shouldn't even be on here! "
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Jun 10, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    IMO, much of what you describe is a byproduct of the way we live now. The technology that has become a part of daily life breeds solipsism.

    Think of the irony of this: there has never been a time in human history when people were more interdependent (the complexity and the number of unknown hands it takes just to bring food into your home, for example; global economics) and yet, there has never been a time when people had a greater sense of autonomy. It's not healthy.

    It's not that people were less inclined to solipsism a hundred years ago, they weren't, but it wasn't as easy to get away with it. Most people lived in small communities where it was harder to avoid the consequences of what they did and said. Someone may fight with his neighbor, but he knew he was going to have to face him day after day. Oddly, people were more self sufficient then, but more grounded in their interdependence.

    Today, I can be in Orlando, and tomorrow, Dubai. I can meet someone on RJ, and make him disappear with one click. And we become conditioned to this. How is it conducive to forming lasting connections?

    We're approaching the apex of consumer culture, where everything and, increasingly, everyone, is a commodity. The presence of advertising and the popular media have never been more pervasive. We're turning into unmoored automatons, floating in our bubbles, projecting unrealistic fantasies. "Normal" life is becoming a collective hallucination.

    Love and connection are still possible, you just have to be aware of all this and make an effort. Turn off the television, power down all the devices once a week, or at least on some regular schedule. Read; cultivate yourself.

    The last thing I'll say is that I've come to understand that it's naive to expect too much from others. Everything is approximation. Whether it's today or any time in history, it's impossible to completely know another person; we can't even completely know ourselves. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. It allows for growth and open endedness.
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    Jun 10, 2012 4:07 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidIMO, much of what you describe is a byproduct of the way we live now. The technology that has become a part of daily life breeds solipsism.

    Think of the irony of this: there has never been a time in human history when people were more interdependent (the complexity and the number of unknown hands it takes just to bring food into your home, for example; global economics) and yet, there has never been a time when people had a greater sense of autonomy. It's not healthy.

    It's not that people were less inclined to solipsism a hundred years ago, they were; but it wasn't as easy to get away with it. Most people lived in small communities where it was harder to avoid the consequences of what they did and said. Someone may fight with his neighbor, but he knew he was going to have to face him day after day. Oddly, people were more self sufficient then, but more grounded in their interdependence.

    Today, I can be in Orlando, and tomorrow, Dubai. I can meet someone on RJ, and make him disappear with one click. And we become conditioned to this. How is it conducive to forming lasting connections?

    We're approaching the apex of consumer culture, where everything and, increasingly, everyone, is a commodity. The presence of advertising and the popular media have never been more pervasive. We're turning into unmoored automatons, floating in our bubbles, projecting unrealistic fantasies. "Normal" life is becoming a collective hallucination.

    Love and connection are still possible, you just have to be aware of all this and make an effort. Turn off the television, power down all the devices once a week, or at least on some regular schedule. Read; cultivate yourself.

    The last thing I'll say is that I've come to understand that it's naive to expect too much from others. Everything is approximation. Whether it's today or any time in history, it's impossible to completely know another person; we can't even completely know ourselves. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. It allows for growth and open endedness.



    This is very well said. I agree with this to a large extent. Also, thanks to everyone so far who has posted their thoughts!
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    Jun 10, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    "Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi icon_smile.gif

    Hang in there. You're not alone. "The gay world" is more than you're giving it credit for. How you see it depends on where you're looking, and how you see.

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    Jun 10, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    It seems like gay guys get "artificially" conditioned into this state
    of being " very single". Some call it being picky or jaded. But it's way more encompassing then just a word. The subconscious pickiness becomes your world view, your brain washing. I have experimented with cutting off all external media influence for 40 days and 40 nights and experienced a profound change. You won't even recognize yourself or your new world.
    It's interesting that it is reported that Jesus "went into the mountains to pray"'. I assume to clear himself of the static that keep him from being himself.
    On a evolutionary note something about your present personality is preventing you from pair bounding. Which means that trait is being culled from the gene pool. And for gay men that means not just reproducing but also imprinting you behavior on others.
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    Harry234 saidOK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.





    Welcome to the RJ forums where these bitches will eat you alive --- Just hang in there--- They are just a bunch of sad lonely fucks.
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    Dean_Aane said
    Harry234 saidOK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.





    Welcome to the RJ forums where us bitches will eat you alive --- Just hang in there--- We are just a bunch of sad lonely fucks.
    FIFY.. you forgot to add yourself.icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 10, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Dean_Aane said
    Harry234 saidOK, my answer is not going to be popular, but here goes.

    If you want fulfillment, sexually or personally, you won't find it in the gay world.

    I've been exploring sexuality and what I've found is that you can either have empty, meaningless hookups with people who don't really care about you and that leave you unfulfilled, or you can find a man who either wants to treat you like a woman or else wants to play woman for you.

    I think a lot of gays are either frustrated with women and turn to other men for various reasons, or else they don't quite feel comfortable with their own manhood.

    This is what I've found in the gay world.

    By the way, I think there are a TON of straight guys on here who just want to anonymously JO on cam no strings attached. They don't engage anyone on the forums, but they flash their junk to the whole world and then fill their profile with a bunch of emo, "I want to find my knight in shining armor" crap. What a disconnect!

    If everyone here wants to spend the rest of their life in a fruitless search or else in a dysfunctional relationship, that is their choice.

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.





    Welcome to the RJ forums where us bitches will eat you alive --- Just hang in there--- We are just a bunch of sad lonely fucks.
    FIFY.. you forgot to add yourself.



    LOL---fixed nothing--just demonstrates the type of BS one has to put up w/ here on the RJ forums-- as I stated previously---they are a sad bunch of lonely fucks! And again welcome to the RJ forums--