Bullies, Jerks, Violence. When do you intervene?

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    Jun 10, 2012 11:05 AM GMT
    Not just throwing down to protect someone but defusing the situation or removing the aggressor or the potential victim or w.e you can think of.

    Since my high school days I always stepped in. Removed this juggernaut guy when he grabbed a fragile guy by the neck and slammed him against the wall

    and then stood in the path of some stupid teens who got into an argument with a disabled woman and tried to pelt her with D sized batteries as they left the train about a year ago.

    It's risky sometimes because I just never know what situation i'm getting into when I step in but I take full responsibility and take a chance anyways. I've been lucky so far.
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    Jun 10, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    First off, those were some really awesome things of you to do!

    As far as intervening goes I have done it before but it's something I'd like to work on. Due to my size and stature I'm not at all intimidating, so anytime I have stepped into defend someone else I usually end up the target.

    But still, when situations arise I'll always try to step in and do my part. There are many people in the world who CAN'T defend themselves and even though I'm small in size I'm big in heart, and I'll try my best to do the right thing.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidFirst off, those were some really awesome things of you to do!

    As far as intervening goes I have done it before but it's something I'd like to work on. Due to my size and stature I'm not at all intimidating, so anytime I have stepped into defend someone else I usually end up the target.

    But still, when situations arise I'll always try to step in and do my part. There are many people in the world who CAN'T defend themselves and even though I'm small in size I'm big in heart, and I'll try my best to do the right thing.


    Yeah I understand what you mean. The fact that you're trying your best regardless of your size and stature speaks volumes man. I admire that. Even if the best option for you is to call the cops and snap photos of someone who attacked another person to help identify them. You'll be making a difference.

    Hugs from me bro =D
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    Jun 11, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    Good for you, OP.

    As I get older, I'm more and more willing to get involved in things like this. In my early twenties, I'd just look down and be angry. Now I'd like to think I would get involved. The thing holding me back is fear of getting physically hurt. If I can use my words, I don't have to worry about whatever words are used against me.

    It's tricky too to react fast enough to intervene. There is a moment of "Whoa is this really happening? Maybe I don't know the whole story. Is it safe/correct for me to get involved? What should I say? Okay I'm goin' in!". A lot of times where people are assholes, they're doing it in cowardly ways, so that they can hit & run to get away with it.
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    Jun 11, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidGood for you, OP.

    As I get older, I'm more and more willing to get involved in things like this. In my early twenties, I'd just look down and be angry. Now I'd like to think I would get involved. The thing holding me back is fear of getting physically hurt. If I can use my words, I don't have to worry about whatever words are used against me.

    It's tricky too to react fast enough to intervene. There is a moment of "Whoa is this really happening? Maybe I don't know the whole story. Is it safe/correct for me to get involved? What should I say? Okay I'm goin' in!". A lot of times where people are assholes, they're doing it in cowardly ways, so that they can hit & run to get away with it.



    Yeah I get what you're saying. I think many people have this fear. the more people around when a situation occur the quicker I react because i see it as my only chance to break them out of the 'bystander effect"

    but like I told Josh1992, play to your strengths and know that no matter what you do, once you react you have to be prepared for whatever else may happen. I remember your thread about your confrontation with the older male so I can see from your perspective about fear holding you back
  • Karl

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    Jun 11, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    Your thread makes me happy , OP .
    I was a victim of bullying when I was at middle school.
    At that time I always wished someone like you to help me every time I was bullied. But no one.

    When I was at high school , thing got better. I wasnt afraid anymore.
    I helped a gay friend from bullying 2 times and he's my best friend now.

    I dont always intervene in those things like this much but I would if I could.
    With my strength , maybe I cant do anything but I often call other people to step in.

    I hate seeing bullies , violence because I already known how hurt it did to me. If I had chances , I would do anything for them icon_smile.gif

    edit : thanks for the nice topic + ignore my English icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    Karl saidYour thread makes me happy , OP .
    I was a victim of bullying when I was at middle school.
    At that time I always wished someone like you to help me every time I was bullied. But no one.

    When I was at high school , thing got better. I wasnt afraid anymore.
    I helped a gay friend from bullying 2 times and he's my best friend now.

    I dont always intervene in those things like this much but I would if I could.
    With my strength , maybe I cant do anything but I often call other people to step in.

    I hate seeing bullies , violence because I already known how hurt it did to me. If I had chances , I would do anything for them icon_smile.gif

    edit : thanks for the nice topic + ignore my English icon_razz.gif


    I wish I was around to help you too..and thank you for your positive response. and it's ok that you don't always intervene. I think it's because im a criminal justice major, martial artist, etc it's ingrained in my psyche to take action.

    but arrrrghs im sorry that you was bullied. I feel guilty icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    mortal12 saidYeah I get what you're saying. I think many people have this fear. the more people around when a situation occur the quicker I react because i see it as my only chance to break them out of the 'bystander effect"

    but like I told Josh1992, play to your strengths and know that no matter what you do, once you react you have to be prepared for whatever else may happen. I remember your thread about your confrontation with the older male so I can see from your perspective about fear holding you back

    I was going to write back about the quick reaction, saying that it's probably something we can teach ourselves because I know a guy who is a blackbelt in somethingorother, and he says when someone wakes him up roughly, he might instinctively hurt them because of the conditioned self-defense response. But then I saw you say below that you're in martial arts, so it sounds like you already know about that.

    What do they teach you in that regard?

    Also, about my "thread about my confrontation with the older male"... I seem to have forgotten that confrontation, can you job my memory?
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    Are you guys talking about me and 7Mark????
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    Jun 12, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidAre you guys talking about me and 7Mark????
    No, it's about real-world situations.
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Sorry that wasn't you. I just saw a lot of post from you on there. It was that guy who bumped into the older man and they exchange words and he almost got hurt but the lady on the balcony intervened.

    I believe that it is something you can condition yourself to do. The bystander effect basically states that the more people around when a situation occurs the less likely they are to help because EVERYONE will wait for the other to make a move and if no one takes initiative then they will follow the bandwagon.

    Different martial arts teach different tactics. I take in the spiritual philosophy as well as the physical training in goju ryu. So I never been in a situation where I had to react like that because most of the people who could wake me up I can recognize their touch but if it's a stranger then it's a chance I would react like him only because I recognize it as danger and that triggers me to respond in a way that removes myself from danger.

    My training overall
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    Jun 12, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
    Wow, those are some amazing things you've done man, I'm glad that you are so willing to help others in need. You kinda remind me of a friend of mine who saved this lady getting beat by a guy while no one else did anything. Admittedly, if the guy is like armed I'm not sure I'd know how to properly intervene because I could end up hurting more than just myself and the guy causing the trouble. If the person is clearly unarmed and/or it's just a really loud verbal sort of thing then I'd intervene...
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    MarkRoger saidWow, those are some amazing things you've done man, I'm glad that you are so willing to help others in need. You kinda remind me of a friend of mine who saved this lady getting beat by a guy while no one else did anything. Admittedly, if the guy is like armed I'm not sure I'd know how to properly intervene because I could end up hurting more than just myself and the guy causing the trouble. If the person is clearly unarmed and/or it's just a really loud verbal sort of thing then I'd intervene...


    Yeah you gotta be careful with that because shit happens but thanks for the support man and the compliments. feels really good =D
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    Jun 13, 2012 7:23 AM GMT
    mortal12 saidSorry that wasn't you. I just saw a lot of post from you on there. It was that guy who bumped into the older man and they exchange words and he almost got hurt but the lady on the balcony intervened.

    I believe that it is something you can condition yourself to do. The bystander effect basically states that the more people around when a situation occurs the less likely they are to help because EVERYONE will wait for the other to make a move and if no one takes initiative then they will follow the bandwagon.

    Different martial arts teach different tactics. I take in the spiritual philosophy as well as the physical training in goju ryu. So I never been in a situation where I had to react like that because most of the people who could wake me up I can recognize their touch but if it's a stranger then it's a chance I would react like him only because I recognize it as danger and that triggers me to respond in a way that removes myself from danger.

    My training overall

    Oh I know the thread you meant.

    I don't know if everyone feels like this, but with me, I would be reluctant to intervene in a bigger crowd not because I think someone else would do it, but because all eyes would shift onto me if I did. I fucking hate eyes being on me. It makes me self-conscious so bad that I could cry. I prefer to do my good deeds in private where no one will notice.
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    Jun 13, 2012 8:32 AM GMT
    I could be beat down and probably murdered but I'm usually more confident with my friends so when I notice shit happening that's totally douchey I'm the first person to be like "Hey douchebag, don't be a fuckin douchebag".

    So far I've been fine. Nobody's ever punched me or whatever it is people online tell me is gonna happen to me if I go around saying shit to people's faces.
    One instance I was a little shaken up but I was defending my friend from these douchebags who were mocking him for having a lisp, probably thinking "those faggots won't fight back." Well you chose the wrong faggots motherfucker.
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    Jun 13, 2012 8:54 AM GMT
    If I see someone beat a child, animal or woman, I'd step in and fight no matter what. If I died trying, then I did the best I could to save another life and I wouldn't hesitate to do it over again.
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    Jun 13, 2012 8:55 AM GMT
    Anduru said"those faggots won't fight back." Well you chose the wrong faggots motherfucker.

    Kill 'em all!! *Xena battlecry icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    As soon as I understood what was happening I would step in, and have stepped in, immediately. I'm an incredibly intimidating person. The mix of size, strength, wit, action, and restraint, that's just right to control situations like the ones being talked about in this thread. IT'S AWESOME I honestly love doing it. Kind of a rush... icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 13, 2012 12:07 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    mortal12 said

    I don't know if everyone feels like this, but with me, I would be reluctant to intervene in a bigger crowd not because I think someone else would do it, but because all eyes would shift onto me if I did. I fucking hate eyes being on me. It makes me self-conscious so bad that I could cry. I prefer to do my good deeds in private where no one will notice.


    That's exactly what the bystander effect mean. It's like a social norm thing. The more people around the more awkward it would be to be the ONLY guy going against the crowd.
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    Jun 13, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    well it's not against the crowd. I know they would be in favour of standing up to a bully, and some might chime in.

    I was in a similar situation at this doctor's office that has open doors to homeless people. I know they give meal replacement drinks to some of the people who come in and it is paid for out-of-pocket by the staff. So one time when it was on sale, I bought a case and brought them in. I didn't want to do it in the waiting room because people would be all "oh that's so nice isn't that nice" and I'd be expected to interact with the staff and patients.

    So I asked to speak with one of the people there in private, took out the case and left it with them before leaving.
  • Latenight30

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    Jun 13, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    This is usually a question that comes up in philosophy classes. I haven't had to step in but I would. I have come to the aide of the elderly in falls and such, but I've not had a situation where violence was a part of it.
    The question I have seen is- Would you assist and officer in need?
    Proud of anyone who stands up for those who can't or just stands up for what is right vs what is convenient.
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    Jun 13, 2012 1:02 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidwell it's not against the crowd. I know they would be in favour of standing up to a bully, and some might chime in.

    I was in a similar situation at this doctor's office that has open doors to homeless people. I know they give meal replacement drinks to some of the people who come in and it is paid for out-of-pocket by the staff. So one time when it was on sale, I bought a case and brought them in. I didn't want to do it in the waiting room because people would be all "oh that's so nice isn't that nice" and I'd be expected to interact with the staff and patients.

    So I asked to speak with one of the people there in private, took out the case and left it with them before leaving.


    It's hard to explain bud but when I say against the crowd I mean as far as taking action. Many people would like to take action but if they see no one else doing so they may feel more inclined to not get involved. Compared to if they were alone they wouldnt feel much pressure.

    That's nice what you did. Would you still have done it privately if you saw other people doing it publicly?
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    Jun 13, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    Anduru saidI could be beat down and probably murdered but I'm usually more confident with my friends so when I notice shit happening that's totally douchey I'm the first person to be like "Hey douchebag, don't be a fuckin douchebag".

    So far I've been fine. Nobody's ever punched me or whatever it is people online tell me is gonna happen to me if I go around saying shit to people's faces.
    One instance I was a little shaken up but I was defending my friend from these douchebags who were mocking him for having a lisp, probably thinking "those faggots won't fight back." Well you chose the wrong faggots motherfucker.


    Hahas I see you're very aggressive
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    Jun 13, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    bigeasydude saidIf I see someone beat a child, animal or woman, I'd step in and fight no matter what. If I died trying, then I did the best I could to save another life and I wouldn't hesitate to do it over again.


    That's really admirable man. I commend you icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    mortal12 said
    SkinnyBitch saidI didn't want to do it in the waiting room because people would be all "oh that's so nice isn't that nice" and I'd be expected to interact with the staff and patients.

    So I asked to speak with one of the people there in private, took out the case and left it with them before leaving.


    It's hard to explain bud but when I say against the crowd I mean as far as taking action. Many people would like to take action but if they see no one else doing so they may feel more inclined to not get involved. Compared to if they were alone they wouldnt feel much pressure.

    That's nice what you did. Would you still have done it privately if you saw other people doing it publicly?

    If they were getting thanked for it and had to talk to people I would have done it privately.
    It's the same as when we had garbage bags on the ground at our dumpster. Probly left my a senior who couldn't lift it. I waited until the middle of the night to take my garbage out so I could throw those bags in without being seen. And waited for people to leave before doing my gardening so I wouldn't get people asking questions or saying it was good that I was doing that for free.

    I don't want any attention, positive or negative!