Do any black men on this site struggle with self-hate?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    Wade Davis Jr. came out recently and shared that he only prefers to date white men due to his own internal self-hatred. Are there any on brothas' on this site that feel similarly?

    "And although I've dated a black man, I had to finally own the fact that I prefer white men. I can't explain it, but I own it. I don't apologize for it. Many people ask me about the one black man I dated, in an attempt to formulate reasons why I became interested in him. Well, he was a Harvard graduate and a medical student. Maybe subconsciously, this particular black man, with his impressive résumé, attracted me because I thought that he would allow me the same access as a white suitor."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wade-davis-jr/reflections-on-self-hatred-and-relationships_b_1431996.html
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    Jun 11, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    Boland92 saidWade Davis Jr. came out recently and shared that he only prefers to date white men due to his own internal self-hatred. Are there any on brothas' on this site that feel similarly?

    "And although I've dated a black man, I had to finally own the fact that I prefer white men. I can't explain it, but I own it. I don't apologize for it. Many people ask me about the one black man I dated, in an attempt to formulate reasons why I became interested in him. Well, he was a Harvard graduate and a medical student. Maybe subconsciously, this particular black man, with his impressive résumé, attracted me because I thought that he would allow me the same access as a white suitor."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wade-davis-jr/reflections-on-self-hatred-and-relationships_b_1431996.html
    You are one screwed up individual.. Yeah I posted on the last BS thread you posted and then it( your racist thread) got deleted. Knock off your racial BS game and quit the baseball bat beating of the black members here. You're a disgrace.
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    Jun 11, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    I'll say it again, as I did on the other thread (where you wreren't beating around the bush with your point like tou are here) that you deleted.


    Go on BGC and endlessly bicker about it there.
    And to post something worthwhile, you're gay. To limit yourself to your own race because you feel the need to stay loyal to your own race and criticize other men of "your race" who are open to the a wider spectrum of gay men, is moronic. We're not living in a straight world where your options are infinitely greater. It's not a matter of self hate, it's jealousy on your part.

    It's also clear that what a person finds attractive is unexplainable, what you grow up around is what you're used to.
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    Jun 11, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    I know I do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    Yes I read it too and surmise he has conflict - it is summed up in that quote.
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    Jun 11, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    He's evolving. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    So, when Asian guys hook up together, it's called "Sticky Rice"

    What do they call it when black guys hook up together?
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidSo, when Asian guys hook up together, it's called "Sticky Rice"

    What do they call it when black guys hook up together?


    in b4 someone makes an incarceration joke *cough*racisttrollboland92*cough*
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidSo, when Asian guys hook up together, it's called "Sticky Rice"

    What do they call it when black guys hook up together?


    Heavenly!
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jun 11, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    Lol. I'm noticing that there aren't any brothers who have responded to your post here, except me because I understand your issues. I meet people like you struggling with identity issues more than I care too actually. The answer to your question is no, in general. Black guys do not hate themselves for being descendants of black Africans. It's a long, rich, powerful ancestry and heritage. Self hatred, regardless of ethnicity, tends to do with someone not having the wisdom to see the value in their own culture and being fooled in to thinking that some other ethnic group's heritage and culture has more or something better than their own. This is an illusion. Every culture has good stuff and not so good stuff about it. True love has no color and the only people who choose to love based on someone's skin color is someone who hates himself. Just my humble, ignorant opinion on the matter. Good luck dude. Love yourself, for whatever you are.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    Boland92 saidWade Davis Jr. came out recently and shared that he only prefers to date white men due to his own internal self-hatred. Are there any on brothas' on this site that feel similarly?

    "And although I've dated a black man, I had to finally own the fact that I prefer white men. I can't explain it, but I own it. I don't apologize for it. Many people ask me about the one black man I dated, in an attempt to formulate reasons why I became interested in him. Well, he was a Harvard graduate and a medical student. Maybe subconsciously, this particular black man, with his impressive résumé, attracted me because I thought that he would allow me the same access as a white suitor."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wade-davis-jr/reflections-on-self-hatred-and-relationships_b_1431996.html


    lol aren't you black too?
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    Oh good, a race thread!
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    Jun 11, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidOh good, a race thread!


    C'mon, you should know by now that there has to be AT LEAST 6 of them on a daily basis icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    I've dated White, Asian, Latin, Black and mixed race men. With each experience you learn something about yourself and the things you find attractive in someone physically and characteristicly, as well as things that you don't find attractive. I am one who hates ethnocentric natures of any kind. Which is why I don't hang around much at BGC. I grew up in a biracial atmoshere so even if I'm around too many white people I feel alittle strange like the pink elephant inthe room. Same goes for large groups of black, latin etc. its the result of being alittle bi-racial & bi-cultural. I am a fan of the rainbrow. I like an array of friends and keep my options open for possible mates of any race. But I do know I am favorable to American men that are hairy. I just dont have much in common with foreign men besides a fun time in the sack. And even that can be gross when you don't share values of hygene. Anyways, this post was about black men who struggle with self hatred. I'll tell you what I struggle with... I struggle with so many brothas using the N word and so many brothas who smoke, or are gang related or wanna be hustlah homie hood rats, or act like jail bait persona. Yeah thats only a few but then you run into a really fine looking black man who is quality potential, but he only wants a white dude. Yeah I struggle with that...lol I dont hate myself, I love myself. I just hate the ignorant world of brained washed people I have to contend with who come in all colors, shapes and sizes. I'd be with a white//latin guy if we connect on some level and I'd be with a black guy if we connect on some level... Asian even, although thats the hardest to culturally connect with... Just give me someone with brains, looks and values... I'll forgive the rest.icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    BlackCat90 said
    Boland92 saidWade Davis Jr. came out recently and shared that he only prefers to date white men due to his own internal self-hatred. Are there any on brothas' on this site that feel similarly?

    "And although I've dated a black man, I had to finally own the fact that I prefer white men. I can't explain it, but I own it. I don't apologize for it. Many people ask me about the one black man I dated, in an attempt to formulate reasons why I became interested in him. Well, he was a Harvard graduate and a medical student. Maybe subconsciously, this particular black man, with his impressive résumé, attracted me because I thought that he would allow me the same access as a white suitor."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wade-davis-jr/reflections-on-self-hatred-and-relationships_b_1431996.html


    lol aren't you black too?
    LOL.. his profile says 'pacific islander'..

    Yeah I caught all this too........ this is a game to him.
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    Jun 11, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    I was gonna post my opinion, but I feel like I dont really know what this thread is actually about anymore icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    northoz said
    GAMRican saidSo, when Asian guys hook up together, it's called "Sticky Rice"

    What do they call it when black guys hook up together?


    Heavenly!


    icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Freakout0932

    Posts: 20

    Jun 11, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Honestly.. I do. icon_neutral.gif

    I'm mixed black and white (white mom, black dad). I grew up with mostly my mom, and people often doubted that she was my actual mother and some even asked if i was adopted. I always felt like the odd one out in the moslty white community that i grew up in and especially at family get togethers. All of that made me want to be one of them. I just wanted to be the "normal" that i saw around me. In HS it was the worst. In the sports that I played I was always expected to be good just because I had black in me, yet in reality I was merely mediocre. That led to people using that against me "Why can't you (do whatever), you're black?!" Then they attack my personality because i'm not an agressive, don't have any style, can't dance, don't listen to rap, all of that stupid shit. They say that I'm the whitest black person they know. I felt like i was born the wrong skin color. Sometimes in my head I imagine myself: white about the same attractiveness level, 10lbs heavier, and 6ft tall. Then I imagine where I would be. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but it sucks.

    Now, I definately feel better about myself. I have met some great (and attractive) guys that like that i'm mixed. I still have the preference to see only white or latin guys, but I can see that I am slowly opening up. I might just fall for the tall black muscle stud, just as easily as the tall white guy.


    P.S.
    Sorry in advance if I said anything wrong. I'm just a newbie to the forums and I have seen what the big name posters can do to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2012 7:18 AM GMT
    Actually this is a pretty significant issue. I'm not exactly sure why the OP received such a diatribe from certain posters.

    Without writing an intro to an unnecessary disertation, the issue is predicated on attempting to identify what society generally highlights as being the "most" desireable. To me it is obvious that something like this would be even more accentuated within the gay world where physical traits and social labels play an even larger role. Have many of you noticed how many individuals who clearly have african ancestry will define themself as "mixed race." There is a reason for that.

    That being said, I'm an african american male and happen to have a white boyfriend (for over 3 year now); however, I absolutely LOVE my skin color and culture. Attraction to me is colorless. I find people of every race attractive. Of course, I have preferences, but they are not defined by the same standards as those like Wade Davis.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jun 11, 2012 7:28 AM GMT
    It's best to hate everyone equally; so that way you can't possibly be racist!
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Jun 11, 2012 8:31 AM GMT
    If that's what he want's to call it. I know personally I have always been attracted to people of other races. I grew up in North Austin so I exposed to everything. I don't think it's internalized hatred if you PREFER white guys, there is nothing wrong with know what you like. If this guy is looking to date white guys for their money, wouldn't that just make him a gold digger??

    As i have said above I like dating guys outside of my race. I love seeing interracial couples of all kinds. Mixing up the norm and shaking up the world is what I love seeing. To be honest I have tried dating black guys and complete absolute failure. The guys I've dated were different types of black guys but all had the same ending for me. I prefer other cultures. :smile:
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    Jun 11, 2012 10:50 AM GMT
    guyathome74 saidI've dated White, Asian, Latin, Black and mixed race men. With each experience you learn something about yourself and the things you find attractive in someone physically and characteristicly, as well as things that you don't find attractive. I am one who hates ethnocentric natures of any kind. Which is why I don't hang around much at BGC. I grew up in a biracial atmoshere so even if I'm around too many white people I feel alittle strange like the pink elephant inthe room. Same goes for large groups of black, latin etc. its the result of being alittle bi-racial & bi-cultural. I am a fan of the rainbrow. I like an array of friends and keep my options open for possible mates of any race. But I do know I am favorable to American men that are hairy. I just dont have much in common with foreign men besides a fun time in the sack. And even that can be gross when you don't share values of hygene. Anyways, this post was about black men who struggle with self hatred. I'll tell you what I struggle with... I struggle with so many brothas using the N word and so many brothas who smoke, or are gang related or wanna be hustlah homie hood rats, or act like jail bait persona. Yeah thats only a few but then you run into a really fine looking black man who is quality potential, but he only wants a white dude. Yeah I struggle with that...lol I dont hate myself, I love myself. I just hate the ignorant world of brained washed people I have to contend with who come in all colors, shapes and sizes. I'd be with a white//latin guy if we connect on some level and I'd be with a black guy if we connect on some level... Asian even, although thats the hardest to culturally connect with... Just give me someone with brains, looks and values... I'll forgive the rest.icon_cool.gif



    GREAT POST OF CLARITY on how it should be addressed!!
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    Jun 11, 2012 11:14 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said
    Boland92 saidWade Davis Jr. came out recently and shared that he only prefers to date white men due to his own internal self-hatred. Are there any on brothas' on this site that feel similarly?

    "And although I've dated a black man, I had to finally own the fact that I prefer white men. I can't explain it, but I own it. I don't apologize for it. Many people ask me about the one black man I dated, in an attempt to formulate reasons why I became interested in him. Well, he was a Harvard graduate and a medical student. Maybe subconsciously, this particular black man, with his impressive résumé, attracted me because I thought that he would allow me the same access as a white suitor."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wade-davis-jr/reflections-on-self-hatred-and-relationships_b_1431996.html



    Interesting piece. I wouldn't know, though the term "self-hating" and "self loathing" seem to be thrown around (at least here) rather carelessly even though they have no reflection of reality.


    Too true. Simply differing in opinion is often enough to earn the label of self-hating/loathing in a debate.
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    Jun 11, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    guyathome74 saidI've dated White, Asian, Latin, Black and mixed race men. With each experience you learn something about yourself and the things you find attractive in someone physically and characteristicly, as well as things that you don't find attractive. I am one who hates ethnocentric natures of any kind. Which is why I don't hang around much at BGC. I grew up in a biracial atmoshere so even if I'm around too many white people I feel alittle strange like the pink elephant inthe room. Same goes for large groups of black, latin etc. its the result of being alittle bi-racial & bi-cultural. I am a fan of the rainbrow. I like an array of friends and keep my options open for possible mates of any race. But I do know I am favorable to American men that are hairy. I just dont have much in common with foreign men besides a fun time in the sack. And even that can be gross when you don't share values of hygene. Anyways, this post was about black men who struggle with self hatred. I'll tell you what I struggle with... I struggle with so many brothas using the N word and so many brothas who smoke, or are gang related or wanna be hustlah homie hood rats, or act like jail bait persona. Yeah thats only a few but then you run into a really fine looking black man who is quality potential, but he only wants a white dude. Yeah I struggle with that...lol I dont hate myself, I love myself. I just hate the ignorant world of brained washed people I have to contend with who come in all colors, shapes and sizes. I'd be with a white//latin guy if we connect on some level and I'd be with a black guy if we connect on some level... Asian even, although thats the hardest to culturally connect with... Just give me someone with brains, looks and values... I'll forgive the rest.icon_cool.gif


    this
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Jun 11, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    He probably has some issues he might want to confront for his own good, but I also think people should pursue what they believe is going to make them happiest. Especially as men dealing with other men, some of the issues some guys have with themselves probably come out in the type(s) of guys they "prefer". I have a fat friend who prefers toned or muscle builds. I def think it's because he wishes his body was different. It's probably the same issue with this guy.