Getting kicked out of my house because I'm gay.

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    Jun 11, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    I made a forum post about coming out to my mom a couple of days ago (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2430005/). Things looked a bit better: my mom talked to me but wouldn't discuss my Vegas trip or me being gay. Tonight she pulled me aside and did.

    She found out I'm attracted to older men. She tried to tell me I wasn't gay because I never fucked a girl. I explained to her how flawed her logic was but there's not getting through to her. She suffers from bipolar syndrome, never finished High School, and can't even hold her job at a gas station. I make more than her as a Department Manager at Wal-Mart.

    The fact is, I'm doing well. I'm a Department Manager at 19 years old (which is pretty impressive), doing decent in college, and moving on with my life. I met a man twice my age and really care for him. She can't stand the thought of that at all. She keeps telling me how stupid I am and why can't I be attracted to men my older age? She doesn't understand and I can't make her. I stayed totally calm throughout the whole conversation which set her off.

    She told me to leave. I told her I pay the majority of the bills in this apartment so I don't have to go if I don't want to. In reality, by law, I would have to go. I don't know what to do at this moment. This is pretty much it for me. I'm trying my best to better my life and I always get the short end of the stick - always.

    I'm asking for any help/advice. I'm thinking about searching for an apartment tomorrow. Surely a one bedroom apartment wouldn't cost too much and I think I could afford it on my salary. We'll see I guess. I'm just so sick of her trying to make me feel worthless and taking my money. She is not a nice person, and I have no respect for her.

    Any help would be great before I leave tonight. Thank you.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    Smack the bitch upside the head and tell her to make a sandwich.

    No, but seriously, I went through something a bit similar a few years ago. I was visiting my parents for Christmas shortly after they had found out I was gay... it didn't end so well, and we didn't speak for months after that. Give her time, give her space. She probably wants grandchildren and can't accept certain implications of you being gay, as is the case with a lot of more traditional/religious folks.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    I'm sorry this is happening to you. I don't have a lot of advice to give, but I'll try. Don't panic. You'll land on your feet. Do you have friends or other relatives in the area who can help you out until you can find something? Do you have a friend who could room with you? That would making paying rent a lot easier. Try to figure out what your options are before you make any decision.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    I think it may be overwhelming to find a place on your own right now. Do you have any close friends that will let you crash at their pad for a few days? That should give you some time to collect your thoughts and maybe look for a trustworthy roommate.
  • Thorbaugh

    Posts: 110

    Jun 11, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    So sorry that you have the tough situation with your mom.

    It might be best to move out - not sure where that leaves her, but you need to consider what is best for you.

    Things will inevitably get better and I agree with the other posters, crashing at a friends house would be the #1 choice so that you could work through this situation.

    This is why I always have a place with a guestroom. To help out those who need a place to crash.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone. I have a couple of awesome friends but they're moving away at the end of this month. Everyone is leaving this crappy town and I have no more than just acquaintances. I'm going to stay with a friend tonight I guess. icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    OMG I am so sorry to hear that, I remember you posting that you came out to her but nothing really came from it except she didn't approve. I'd suggest finding anyone who will support you, tell them what happened and hope they'll be kind enough to let you stay with them until you can find your own place.

    Does this still mean that you're going to be paying her bills and whatnot even when you're not there? I wish there was something I could do for you man. Hope you get through this OK.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    I'm not sure you need any advice. You sound very mature for your age and it seems you're already handling this better than most people would.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 11, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that icon_sad.gif
    Hmm IMO being gay doesnt bother her.
    The point here is she's afraid of you when you're attracted to older men.
    Almost moms love her son so much and she could do anything for you.
    "She told me to leave" , uhm, I think it was just an impulsive words when she was angry.
    My mom always uses bad words on me when she's angry but I know she loves me so much from the inside.

    My advice is you should wait until she's cool down and persuade her one more time with a gentle attitude.
    Only you live with her ? Is there anyone else ? Im afraid no one would care of her when she's alone.
    She's your mom icon_smile.gif

    However , if you must , just do it and I hope all the best for you.
    Good luck icon_razz.gif
    My English sucks , that's all I could express icon_biggrin.gif

    Karl
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    Straight people who are homophobic and want grandchildren should not put all their eggs in one basket.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    MarkRoger said...Does this still mean that you're going to be paying her bills and whatnot even when you're not there? I wish there was something I could do for you man. Hope you get through this OK.


    I'm in a rough situation there. I could not pay the bills and her and my younger brother would end up homeless. I could pay the bills and continue being miserable. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

    Helios69 saidStraight people who are homophobic and want grandchildren can't put all their eggs in one basket.


    Yup. She kept crying and saying "I'LL NEVER HAVE GRANDCHILDREN!"
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    The biggest issue here isn't being gay it seems... just dating an older guy.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidThe biggest issue here isn't being gay it seems... just dating an older guy.


    Lol maybe you should have kept that on the downlo for a while because I think she is thinking that her young boy was "manipulated" by some creepy old man to turn gay (although its not the case).
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 11, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    Josh1992 said

    Yup. She kept crying and saying "I'LL NEVER HAVE GRANDCHILDREN!"


    omg my mom said the same when I came out to her.
    I told her that I could adopt kids and raise them well...or far more , I would make an artificial insemination.

    I talked like this " Mom , you want me to marry a girl and live in sadness ? I dont love her , I dont want to have sex , you wont have grandchildren too... or you want me to live with my husband with all the hapiness and have those lovely kids ? "

    Now she's kinda ok with who I am and what I will do

    Try this in your way icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    dontknowwhy said
    Josh1992 saidThe biggest issue here isn't being gay it seems... just dating an older guy.


    Lol maybe you should have kept that on the downlo for a while because I think she is thinking that her young boy was "manipulated" by some creepy old man to turn gay (although its not the case).


    Bingo. I blame myself for this big time. I just blurted all the truth out at once. How stupid of me. icon_redface.gif

    Karl said
    Josh1992 said

    Yup. She kept crying and saying "I'LL NEVER HAVE GRANDCHILDREN!"


    omg my mom said the same when I came out to her.
    I told her that I could adopt kids and raise them well...or far more , I would make an artificial insemination.

    I talked like this " Mom , you want me to marry a girl and live in sadness ? I dont love her , I dont want to have sex , you wont have grandchildren too... or you want me to live with my husband with all the hapiness and have those lovely kids ? "

    Now she's kinda ok with who I am and what I will do

    Try this in your way icon_biggrin.gif


    I tried talking to her like this, but it's no use. She's too unintelligent and crazy. I hate to say that about my mom but when I was homeless last year I was tons happier without her. Life was so much more stress-free.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    Always remember....your happiness is most important, if that requires you too move out then so be it!
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidThe biggest issue here isn't being gay it seems... just dating an older guy.



    Honestly, parents tend to freak out even when their straight kids date older people. It's really ignorant but I'm sure she'll come around eventually. Just keep your distance for a while and give her some space to come to terms with it.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidThe biggest issue here isn't being gay it seems... just dating an older guy.


    Oh well that's a tough one, because if things don't work out in the long run then all of this may be pointless right now... and in response to the situation with your little brother, I think you'd probably have to keep supporting him because you did say your mom was unstable.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    I dont have any advice either you seem like a mature guy, and Im sure you will sort something out.

    Parents are funny creatures, my brother and sister in law have been huge gay fans forever. Been to all the parties when we were younger, been to clubs, volunteered at gay events etc etc.
    Yet when their eldest son came out they freaked not for too long and it wasnt about him being gay more so the lack of grand children.
    After a couple of weeks and having my nephew staying with me while the dust settled everything worked out fine.

    You see for any parent ( even the disfunctional ones) they have a dream for the family they created and when that dream is crushed there will inevitably be a period of readjustment.

    everything works out in the end.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    northoz saidI dont have any advice either you seem like a mature guy, and Im sure you will sort something out.

    Parents are funny creatures, my brother and sister in law have been huge gay fans forever. Been to all the parties when we were younger, been to clubs, volunteered at gay events etc etc.
    Yet when their eldest son came out they freaked not for too long and it wasnt about him being gay more so the lack of grand children.
    After a couple of weeks and having my nephew staying with me while the dust settled everything worked out fine.

    You see for any parent ( even the disfunctional ones) they have a dream for the family they created and when that dream is crushed there will inevitably be a period of readjustment.

    everything works out in the end.


    You have a good point, Northoz. Thank you. One thing all my terrible situations have in common is they all have passed. What I took from it has been completely up to me. "This too shall pass" I suppose.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    She wants you to leave, so leave. You've got a job. You're making your own living AND you're going to school.

    You're not getting the short end of the stick. You're getting your first real opportunity for freedom.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidShe wants you to leave, so leave. You've got a job. You're making your own living AND you're going to school.

    You're not getting the short end of the stick. You're getting your first real opportunity for freedom.


    But where to? I was homeless last year. I feel mature for my age but I'm still a bit confused on how real life works. Maybe I should just start applying for apartments.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    If you're in school, is there any possibility of living on campus?
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidIf you're in school, is there any possibility of living on campus?


    It's a community college and there is no on-campus living. I'm almost done and will be able to transfer to a University soon.
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    Jun 11, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    Oh Jost btw, I love you bro icon_biggrin.gif