Anyone else think that the gay community expects us to be too lean?

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    Jun 11, 2012 8:19 PM GMT
    I workout a lot and am quite fit, but I do have a little bit of fat around my stomach that is hard to get rid of. It just sometimes seems like having any fat automatically disqualifies me from dating, or even meeting gay friends. Anyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?
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    Jun 11, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    Jaybird1 saidI workout a lot and am quite fit, but I do have a little bit of fat around my stomach that is hard to get rid of. It just sometimes seems like having any fat automatically disqualifies me from dating, or even meeting gay friends. Anyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?
    It aint just 'gay men' its humans in general. ESPECIALLY in the western world.
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    Jun 11, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    I wouldn't want a friend who just saw me for what my body looked like...
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    Jun 11, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    TrevorMark,
    I agree, they are not real friends if they are only interested in physical appearance. I guess it's just difficult because meeting other gay men usually involves going to bar/clubs (which I don't like to do) or online sites like this, pool parties, and such. So the fact that most contexts of meeting gay men are in a sexual way could be part of the problem. I think it's better to meet someone doing something you enjoy, where you can find someone who shares your interests. But as homosexuals are a small percentage of the population it's difficult to meet someone that way, so we end up going to place where they are concentrated (the gay scene).

    Amoonhawk,
    I am trying to get rid of the fat but my point is that many guys are not friendly towards those that are not completely ripped. It's very shallow. Yes, my experience has been that this is common in the gay community at least in my area. That is my *rationale* for this post.
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    Jun 11, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Jaybird1 saidI workout a lot and am quite fit, but I do have a little bit of fat around my stomach that is hard to get rid of. It just sometimes seems like having any fat automatically disqualifies me from dating, or even meeting gay friends. Anyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?
    It aint just 'gay men' its humans in general. ESPECIALLY in the western world.



    Straight women aren't nearly as ripped abs obsessed for straight men men as gay men.
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    Jun 11, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    Exactly, Ariodante! Thank you!
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    Jun 11, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    TropicalMark said
    Jaybird1 saidI workout a lot and am quite fit, but I do have a little bit of fat around my stomach that is hard to get rid of. It just sometimes seems like having any fat automatically disqualifies me from dating, or even meeting gay friends. Anyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?
    It aint just 'gay men' its humans in general. ESPECIALLY in the western world.



    Straight women aren't nearly as ripped abs obsessed for straight men men as gay men.
    Did I say 'men'? I dont think "humans" are strictly 'men'.. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Ever heard of LIPO and boob jobs?
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jun 11, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    on the contrary guys expect other guys to be ridiculously beefy and have tons of muscle with 0 fat. im a lean guy and get turned down alot cuz im too skinny
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    Jun 11, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    rogerfederer: I refuse to believe a guy who looks like you "gets turned down a lot". There are a slough of positive comments underneath that amazing photo of your little heinie in tighty-whities. icon_smile.gif

    Every man likes what he likes. Some guys lust after six-pack abs, but some don't. I don't suppose I really have to point out the existence of the Bear Community, who worship at the altar of The Belly?

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    Jun 12, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Well six pack abs are not exactly natural for a lot of men, and I've been told by many that they had to almost starve for a while to get them (or get the fat sucked out). I myself am attracted to a wide range of body types. I think diversity is good, and there are different kinds of sexy. Why should we be divided into categories like bear, twink, jock, whatever, and only associate with others inside our category?
  • waccamatt

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    Jun 12, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    I just use it as motivation to hit the gym 7 days a week. The entire gay community can't make you do anything you don't want to do.
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    Jun 12, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Ariodante said
    TropicalMark said
    Jaybird1 saidI workout a lot and am quite fit, but I do have a little bit of fat around my stomach that is hard to get rid of. It just sometimes seems like having any fat automatically disqualifies me from dating, or even meeting gay friends. Anyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?
    It aint just 'gay men' its humans in general. ESPECIALLY in the western world.



    Straight women aren't nearly as ripped abs obsessed for straight men men as gay men.
    Did I say 'men'? I dont think "humans" are strictly 'men'.. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Ever heard of LIPO and boob jobs?


    Considering the OP was talking about the difference between obsession with leanness in gay men vis a vis the straight community the comparison is completely relevant and contextual.

    And no, straight men aren't obsessed with hyper lean women either, they want big tits and a round ass. So my point is completely valid.
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 12, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    It doesn't disqualify you from dating, it just disqualifies you from dating guys with six pack abs. Date some chubby guys and you'll have plenty of dates. :-)
  • BTBruce

    Posts: 32

    Jun 12, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    I basically agree with "amoonhawk". This is a website for people that workout. Guys that are ripped work hard to get that way (DIET, DIET, DIET, cardio, weights, etc. oh, ... and DIET). I think its possible for anyone to achieve as much muscle or ripped cuts (applicable to their body type) as the other guy, as long as they put forth the same effort. The people putting forth the extra effort, tend to be attracted to others doing the same. Not only for the "look" but, respect for the level of dedication people are putting in to achieve those results. If you think you're body is holding you back from getting dates then, its likely the people you are trying to date have bodies somewhat better than yours. You can either put the extra effort in to achieving the better body or look to date those who are in similar shape to you. Maybe there have even been a few guys you've refused to date, because of the same reasons you believe you've been turned down (their body not being up to your standard).
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 12, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    Congressman Barney Frank is making plans to marry his partner.
    And, we all know what he looks like.
    Then, there's the entire bear community.
    There's hope for each of us.
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    Ariodante said


    Straight women aren't nearly as ripped abs obsessed for straight men men as gay men.


    Couldn't agree more. I cannot tell you how many of my female friends and family members like meat on their men. They cringe from seeing too much muscle. At first, I was a bit confused as it seemed contrary to me, but it makes sense.
    Personally, I like a little meat on my man. Too lean is not sexy, IMO. And it also might mean they won't treat me or want to be treated to a nice meal icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Well when I do get ripped and the same guys who rejected me before suddenly want me I'll say too late, you had your chance.
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Jaybird1 saidAnyone else think that gay men can be a little bit too body obsessed?

    Too body obsessed? No way!! icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    BTBruce saidGuys that are ripped work hard to get that way (DIET, DIET, DIET, cardio, weights, etc. oh, ... and DIET).


    I agree.

    BTBruce said
    I think its possible for anyone to achieve as much muscle or ripped cuts (applicable to their body type) as the other guy, as long as they put forth the same effort. The people putting forth the extra effort, tend to be attracted to others doing the same. Not only for the "look" but, respect for the level of dedication people are putting in to achieve those results.


    I disagree. This is under the assumption that everyone who puts in the exact same amount of effort will achieve the same results. If you truly believe that, then Mother Nature and/or Modern Science would like to have a word with you.

    A former obese person can't diet and exercise away loose skin and excess adipose tissue caused by hyperplasia. Maintaining a ripped physique comes much more effortlessly to an ectomorph compared to an endopmorph. There will come a point where you hit the genetics wall and "work harder" doesn't...ahem, work anymore.
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    I don't see why people that are potential friends should care - if they do, who wants friends that shallow.

    But ya, the gay community definitly has a warped body image. I think the straight community's version of the ideal man doesn't follow far behind only that straight men don't seem to buy into it quite as readily as gay men do.

    So common to see emaciated gay men termed "muscular" or the like when really, they have no more muscle mass than a 14 year old boy - they've just starved themslves into complete hard lines icon_lol.gif

    Personally, I find men that look more solid attractive, but when I do see a guy that is truely muscular AND has abs I can appreciate the effort that it requires to achieve that sort of physique. Most gay men don't fall into that category though - they're just emaciated.
  • BTBruce

    Posts: 32

    Jun 12, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    Bromoflexual said
    BTBruce saidGuys that are ripped work hard to get that way (DIET, DIET, DIET, cardio, weights, etc. oh, ... and DIET).


    I agree.

    BTBruce said
    I think its possible for anyone to achieve as much muscle or ripped cuts (applicable to their body type) as the other guy, as long as they put forth the same effort. The people putting forth the extra effort, tend to be attracted to others doing the same. Not only for the "look" but, respect for the level of dedication people are putting in to achieve those results.


    I disagree. This is under the assumption that everyone who puts in the exact same amount of effort will achieve the same results. If you truly believe that, then Mother Nature and/or Modern Science would like to have a word with you.

    A former obese person can't diet and exercise away loose skin and excess adipose tissue caused by hyperplasia. Maintaining a ripped physique comes much more effortlessly to an ectomorph compared to an endopmorph. There will come a point where you hit the genetics wall and "work harder" doesn't...ahem, work anymore.


    Bromoflexual ... please re-read and note, that I stated "applicable to their body type". I'm talking about the average person and the body type they were born with. Obesity is an acquired form. I don't believe people are born obese. If you've caused (or suffered) damage to your body, you're naturally going to be challenged somewhat by that damage. There are extremes you can point to, that will disqualify my comment but, the vast majority of people can accomplish all or most of what they want. Its much more a matter of how hard they want to work for it than the excuse of mother nature not being fair to them.
  • BTBruce

    Posts: 32

    Jun 12, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    Jaybird1 saidWell when I do get ripped and the same guys who rejected me before suddenly want me I'll say too late, you had your chance.


    Yup ... revenge is sweet. I think the more interesting question will be if once you achieve that goal, you'll still feel the same way about your original post here ... whether after you've put all the extra effort in to achieving the results you want, you'll be willing to date those that haven't done so.
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    Jun 12, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    I have a belly... I like my belly... my belly was constructed of pinot grigio, pasta and lots of laughs.

    I will keep my belly, thank you!
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    Jun 12, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidI wouldn't want a friend who just saw me for what my body looked like...



    This
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    Jun 12, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    MuscleBadger saidI have a belly... I like my belly... my belly was constructed of pinot grigio, pasta and lots of laughs.

    I will keep my belly, thank you!


    if u have a belly then I must be obese icon_razz.gif