gay and in college...not what i expected?

  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jun 11, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    so i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 11, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    Yeah, I see what you mean. I started going to college this year, but there wasn't a big difference. There's now a larger pool of people to search and you have more freedom, but it isn't much easier here to find guys unless you're out. Many guys in college still hide in the closet because they still are afraid to let people know they're gay. Well, I could be wrong. Maybe it is easier. I've only been in college for one year so maybe I just haven't experienced enough yet. However, this is how I feel about the dating scene in college so far. I met a few guys, but I met them online not in person. There was only one guy I met in person who was dateable, and that never really took off. Still, I'd give it some time. With a larger pool of people to pull into, I'm sure there must be at least some attractive guys who are dateable. Oh, and don't go out of your way to hide your gay lifestyle. Otherwise, it's very unlikely for a guy to find you.
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    Jun 12, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidso i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?


    I don't think you were deluding yourself, hell you have Hollywood to thank for that. They make it look like a given on TV and the big screen that your going to live like a rockstar. Much like regular life, nothing is effortless. Your a really good looking guy, everything exactly where it needs to be. You don't strike me as LD. You might consider checking out some of the areas of interest and study that gay guys are attracted to? Drama for one, and that's not stereotyping, it's just good sense. Check out some of the study groups as well.

    Where I came from (Michigan) Ann Arbor, home to U of M was a major gay hub. Yet it's not like there were 50 gay clubs. Sometimes it's as simple as making one friend, personally I would find the most flamboyant guy. I guaranty you he is connected and knows the social directory by heart. They are a bloody blast to hang out with, I've never met one that was not hysterically funny, and regardless how macho people gravitate to them. They will without hesitation drag you by the hand to introduce you to everyone you really need to know. PS, they always have your back.

    Even when I was in the closet, one of my closest friends was a total flaming queen. I never let him know I was gay, yet I know he totally suspected despite my being married. He used to bring his "boys" by all the time, straight up putting me on the spot having them check out my ass, rambling on about what a hot homo I could be. My X knew better than to give me crap over him, and I think she got a sadistic kick out of how red I got.

    Also, if your in a place you KNOW there are gay guys, dude! your cute - look at them! If you're not they will never approach you, keep in mind nobody likes to get shot down. If you flash them a smile and maintain eye contact, I promise you won't be standing there alone long. Never fails. I'm never the aggressor, it's all I have ever had to do. What you do from there is up to you.

    Lastly, chillax. The party's and socialising are fun, but keep your eye on the prize. It can be pretty tricky to balance.

  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Jun 12, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    i agree with the above, just be yourself and have fun. I came into college with the same notion then I found out some secrets from others about some frat guys around campus. That was after 3 years of being here though. push the dating thing to the back of your mind or it will eat you up inside. The guys who are afraid to do anything with another guy will (A) figure out that they can do it and won't have consequences, (B) have good old liquid courage to help them think correctly, hahaha and (C) when those guys are comfortable enough with themselves to go out and play it's gonna take them some time to get all settled in with being who they truly are.

    Enjoy Thy Self
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jun 12, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidso i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?


    College guys your age are maturing and trying to define and understand their sexuality too. Why would you believe that it would be so different? But, what may give you hope, is that you are going to run in to other college guys your age that are also open to experimentation in sexualiy as well. That's when these fantasy experiences you've thought about will actually happen, well hopefully they will for you because they did for me when I was in college, lol.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 12, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Are there any gay clubs close to the campus? Or gay organizations on campus? If so, they are great places to meet and make new friends and more. icon_wink.gif
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jun 12, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    Just be wary of gay organizations and the people that attend; they are often not what you expect nor hoped to be. Although, they are worth a shot, just do not put your hopes up too high.

    And, bouncing off of malefeet's post, if only there were gay clubs near my college. There are a ton of straight clubs though icon_neutral.gif
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 12, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    Studinprogress saidJust be wary of gay organizations and the people that attend; they are often not what you expect nor hoped to be. Although, they are worth a shot, just do not put your hopes up too high.

    And, bouncing off of malefeet's post, if only there were gay clubs near my college. There are a ton of straight-only clubs though icon_neutral.gif


    It's never straight only icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    malefeet saidAre there any gay clubs close to the campus? Or gay organizations on campus? If so, they are great places to meet and make new friends and more. icon_wink.gif


    lol those are always full of twinks and uggo liberals
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    Jun 12, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Yea I'm headed off to college in the fall, but I guess I will have a better advantage since I will be in am urban environment where there is more diversity. I'm not a big fan of clubs, been to them and etc. (I would go once in a blue moon, but I can't be a regular).

    When I was in high school I usually kept myself busy with extracurriculars and some sports. I know in college I would like to continue that and I will probably start with internships asap because my friend did that and he started making 6figs right out of college.

    However, even though I'm going to keep myself busy I am very excited for a fresh new start where maybe I can find friends I can better relate to and be more open too.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jun 12, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    Studinprogress saidJust be wary of gay organizations and the people that attend; they are often not what you expect nor hoped to be. Although, they are worth a shot, just do not put your hopes up too high.

    And, bouncing off of malefeet's post, if only there were gay clubs near my college. There are a ton of straight-only clubs though icon_neutral.gif


    It's never straight only icon_wink.gif

    You knew what I meant icon_wink.gif No predominantly-gay bars. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    I honestly think it depends a lot on what you make of it. I go to a mid-sized public university in a very poor and very conservative area. We gays still party hard though. That being said in Socal we are surrounded by tons of other universities and so we go where we need to. But don't be discouraged! Find the community first. Honestly all gays really do know each other, and although you might not have a huge connection with those at the gay orgs maybe you have connections with the people that they hang with. That's at least how I made/am making the most of my experience.

    Don't be afraid to meet with the "Twinks and uggo liberals" as someone said. Even if you don't like them they'll lead you to people you have a greater connection with.
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    Jun 12, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    [quote]Don't be afraid to meet with the "Twinks and uggo liberals" as someone said. Even if you don't like them they'll lead you to people you have a greater connection with.[/quote]

    ^ Haha so let's use them instead icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn said[quote]Don't be afraid to meet with the "Twinks and uggo liberals" as someone said. Even if you don't like them they'll lead you to people you have a greater connection with.


    ^ Haha so let's use them instead icon_wink.gif[/quote]

    Not use them!!! LOL! But it's how the community works. It's a network. Something every class in university attempts to teach you. It's not who you are, but who you know! That's what is going to get you things. Even if the things you're trying to get are sexy man friends. It's all the same icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn said.



    Sometimes a profile name requires a disclaimer.
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    Jun 12, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    Ok i guess it's kind of using them, but everyone's out for something. I'm totally a twink and an uggo liberal I guess (whatever that is).
  • tidus11

    Posts: 31

    Jun 13, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    Hmm, well as a graduating senior (finally) and having been to 3 different schools (don't ask), I think the biggest thing I learned was that college is what you make of it. Yes, some towns/campuses are going to be harder to meet gay guys but there will always be cool people to meet.

    Go out there, have fun, don't be afraid to be yourself and see what happens. The people I've seen get the most out of college are the ones that have been open minded. Maybe you don't relate to "twinks and liberals" (to grossly stereotype) but there's a lot you can learn from other people, even if they are into completely different things!

    Also, it's never going to be what you expected. I certainly remember having very different expectations for how it was going to be than it actually was. As long as you roll with the punches and make friends, it'll even out. Though I would caution, if you haven't already figured it out, that most guys are looking to have fun in college, not get into a relationship. And as other posters have pointed out, half of the guys are in the closet anyway. You've got the rest of your life to find a boyfriend, might as well have fun now while you can!

    Best of luck to you man.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 13, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    Firebrand said
    malefeet saidAre there any gay clubs close to the campus? Or gay organizations on campus? If so, they are great places to meet and make new friends and more. icon_wink.gif


    lol those are always full of twinks and uggo liberals



    Well..the Op is only 19.....icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 13, 2012 5:41 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidso i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?


    You are the preacher, and I am the choir. Except it's worse for me because I go to a Catholic school with literally 20 out gay people.
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jun 15, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    Saguaromatic said
    rogerfederer saidso i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?


    You are the preacher, and I am the choir. Except it's worse for me because I go to a Catholic school with literally 20 out gay people.


    thats how i feel its down here too. i mean ik the south is bad for the gay hate thing but i think we've come a long way and i was expecting it to not b still so bad and for me to at least meet more than 10 gays but thats about all ive met and i hate every one of those 10
  • Teqkilla42

    Posts: 338

    Jun 15, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    rogerfederer saidso i heard these stories that college for gay guys was going to b great. they have a bunch of young sexy guys and they might share ur same interests. of course the parties and wild sex (not my thing) but college has disappointed me. I thought when i went to college id have all these opportunities to date and finally b gay but there are none. the one place where all young guys come together and nobody even looks at me. Is this really how its suppose to be?? or was i deluding myself?


    I had the same thought, moving from Corpus Christi, TX for high school to Boston for college. I thought it would be better, but it honestly might be worse. I've literally been told by guys on campus they don't want to know me because I'm "too out." Everyone seems to only want straight guys, and everyone still seems to be operating on the stupid "gay = feminine" and "straight = masculine" spectrum.

    I was just surprised that even in fucking Boston it's terrible.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    College is what you make of it.

    Those stories you see and hear about seldom happen. I've had a few happen but they happened through ordinary course of just having fun in college. It'll happen when you aren't looking for it...trust me.

    Good story time though. Beginning of college made some friend with this group of girls in my dorm hall, they knew most of the freshman baseball players so I never really gave it much thought other than the few parties we all went to and i got shitty at with a bunch of them. I was barely 125 lbs my first 3 years of college so I never gave much thought to the idea I was going to get laid by any of them. Well my senior year a few months before graduation I had finally gained a little muscle but at this time they were even on my radar because I had known them for 4 years now. Seriously...last fucking party I went to wit them some guy started feeling me up in a corner during our conversation. I didn't know what to do and freaked out and ruined the moment. go figure lol.
  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    Jun 15, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    It all really depends on the school. I went to a traditionally conservative private liberal arts school that has been around for over 150 years. It was predominantly white and catholic. Many came from very old money families. Not exactly a haven for gays to come out.

    When I started coming out, I had these dreams of finding some cute guy to date but there was none. It was just unheard of. The GSA thing that was there had only a few members and they were kind of gross, if I'm honest. If there were gay guys, they were closeted. Afraid of social repercussions. I was one of very few openly gay fraternity men at my school. And I was accepted only because they saw me as behaving the same as them.

    It's not exactly fair. I sometimes wish I went to a bigger, more public school with a larger, less homogenized group of people.
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    Jun 15, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    I dont know if this has already been said, but my son is a rising junior in college. Typical of any student, he found that the freshman year brought so many new and challenging experiences that things were unadjusted and full of anxiety. The social, cultural and physical changes are so profound, that it affects everyone.

    I think you will find that as everyone adjusts, "water finds its own level". You guys will start to coalesce into the groups of friends and romances that will color your life and you will be richer for it.

    I guess I am saying, just hang in there and let the process work. It is hard, but have some comfort that it is hard for everyone, gay or straight.
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jun 15, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Defenseon saidCollege is what you make of it.

    Those stories you see and hear about seldom happen. I've had a few happen but they happened through ordinary course of just having fun in college. It'll happen when you aren't looking for it...trust me.

    Good story time though. Beginning of college made some friend with this group of girls in my dorm hall, they knew most of the freshman baseball players so I never really gave it much thought other than the few parties we all went to and i got shitty at with a bunch of them. I was barely 125 lbs my first 3 years of college so I never gave much thought to the idea I was going to get laid by any of them. Well my senior year a few months before graduation I had finally gained a little muscle but at this time they were even on my radar because I had known them for 4 years now. Seriously...last fucking party I went to wit them some guy started feeling me up in a corner during our conversation. I didn't know what to do and freaked out and ruined the moment. go figure lol.


    whoa. its kinda hard to think of u NOT being able to get laid...even if they were str8! lol. i really appreciate the comments and im glad there have been guys like u in my situation b4. i will hang in there