Is there such thing as a "gay wannabe"?

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    Jul 29, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    Is there such a thing as a "gay wannabe"? For example, a straight guy who lives in an environment in which gays have high social status (for example, liberal university, or perhaps an arts community), and likes to think that he too is sexually attracted to men, but really isn't. He might even have sex with guys. Kind of like the reverse of a gay man marrying a woman and having kids.

  • puttputt

    Posts: 254

    Jul 29, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    I had a female student last year who was raised by her gay uncle and his partner in San Francisco. She told me that while she was growing up, she wanted so much to be gay but just couldn't stop being attracted to men. Haven't heard of any male examples, though.
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    Jul 29, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidIs there such a thing as a "gay wannabe"? For example, a straight guy who lives in an environment in which gays have high social status (for example, liberal university, or perhaps an arts community), and likes to think that he too is sexually attracted to men, but really isn't. He might even have sex with guys. Kind of like the reverse of a gay man marrying a woman and having kids.



    Phew I guess you have a few issues with some of these stereo types. Liberal University or Arts community equates to gay? Oh man.

    I've never heard of a straight guy "faking" being gay to the point of having sex with other guys. Since there is still a negative stigma many heterosexuals place on being gay it's very unlikely a straight man would "want" to be gay. He'd be more inclined to announce he's the lone straight guy in a sea of gay men. The only part of being a "wannabe" gay guy would be a straight man acting campy thinking his definition of a gay man is hilarious when it's actually insulting.
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    Jul 29, 2008 1:52 AM GMT
    jsttennis77 said: "Liberal University or Arts community equates to gay? Oh man."

    No, I said that a liberal university or arts community could be an example of an environment in which gays have high social status. Are you reading what I wrote, or reading what you think I'm saying? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    One movie I remember:

    Big Eden where the gay protagonist's bestfriend tries hard to return the feelings he knew the lead character had for him. Then admitting that even though he wanted to, he can't.

    So yeah, I think it's rare, but not impossible.

    GLBT is after all, one of the most liberal and progressive groups worldwide.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:06 AM GMT


    Hey Coolrabbit,

    That made me laugh! Not the question, but the proposed idea that a straight guy could have sex w/gays to fit in. Er, can we talk erection? (shorty never lies. What, no rocket in yer pocket?)

    Gays get married to women to avoid persecution and/or confronting their own sexuality. Some of these marriages are non-sexual. The ones that are sexual point to one of those numbers on the Kinsey scale. A certain amount of Bi in their sexual orientation. My, don't I sound like an authority! icon_rolleyes.gif
    Our straight friends hang with gays because they don't look at sexual orientation when deciding friendship.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:10 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidjsttennis77 said: "Liberal University or Arts community equates to gay? Oh man."

    No, I said that a liberal university or arts community could be an example of an environment in which gays have high social status. Are you reading what I wrote, or reading what you think I'm saying? icon_rolleyes.gif


    I read what you wrote but your statement of "could be an example" threw me. I'm not even sure I understand this high social status thing either. Do you mean they are more prominent in these environments? More accepted? Highly praised? Revered? I'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:29 AM GMT
    jsttennis77 wrote: "I read what you wrote but your statement of "could be an example" threw me. I'm not even sure I understand this high social status thing either. Do you mean they are more prominent in these environments? More accepted? Highly praised? Revered? I'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job."



    When I was in college, there were certain circles in which it seemed like it was cool to be gay. (Princeton Terrace Club, does that mean anything to anyone?)

    As for the whole getting-blown-by-fem-guy thing, it seems like the more I try to explain my feelings on that topic, the more questions (criticism?) I get icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:29 AM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidI'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job.


    I think Mr. LL Cool Rabbit is trying very hard here, but he keeps putting both--er--paws in his mouth.

    Mr. Rabbit, do you not see that these questions of yours--sincerely meant, I'm sure--are really patronizing? "High social status"? Really? Do you have any idea what being gay is like? If you have ten gay men in a room with ONE straight guy, who do you think most of the world would look to for authority?
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:32 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    jsttennis77 saidI'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job.


    I think Mr. LL Cool Rabbit is trying very hard here, but he keeps putting both--er--paws in his mouth.

    Mr. Rabbit, do you not see that these questions of yours--sincerely meant, I'm sure--are really patronizing? "High social status"? Really? Do you have any idea what being gay is like? If you have ten gay men in a room with ONE straight guy, who do you think most of the world would look to for authority?


    EXACTLY! God I'm in love with you!! Thank you for explaining that icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:35 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    jsttennis77 saidI'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job.


    I think Mr. LL Cool Rabbit is trying very hard here, but he keeps putting both--er--paws in his mouth.

    Mr. Rabbit, do you not see that these questions of yours--sincerely meant, I'm sure--are really patronizing? "High social status"? Really? Do you have any idea what being gay is like? If you have ten gay men in a room with ONE straight guy, who do you think most of the world would look to for authority?


    I did not know my questions are patronizing, although I was slightly apprehensive that they might be. I apologize. No disrespect meant.

    I don't know what being gay is like, and I'm asking questions. Like any noob, I'm gonna say some stupid shit. Bear with my stupid ass icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidjsttennis77 wrote: "I read what you wrote but your statement of "could be an example" threw me. I'm not even sure I understand this high social status thing either. Do you mean they are more prominent in these environments? More accepted? Highly praised? Revered? I'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job."



    When I was in college, there were certain circles in which it seemed like it was cool to be gay. (Princeton Terrace Club, does that mean anything to anyone?)

    As for the whole getting-blown-by-fem-guy thing, it seems like the more I try to explain my feelings on that topic, the more questions (criticism?) I get icon_sad.gif


    Please understand I'm not at all criticizing you for that choice it's yours so it has merit for you. My only problem is that in your stereo typing and creating a psychological buffer that makes you say it's Ok as long as it's a feminine guy or transvestite you insult your own intelligence with that thinking. At the end of it all you do understand behind the wig and the feminine behavior is still a gay or bi man giving you a blow job? A blow job you would enjoy. His drag and demeanor don't take that away.

    Your questions do throw me because some of it is so stereo typifying it's almost at the ignorant level when there is such a vast network of knowledge out there to have long since put away some of this thinking.

    As I said to you before. Whatever your real reasons are for being here I hope you enjoy the site icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:47 AM GMT
    jsttennis77 said: "My only problem is that in your stereo typing and creating a psychological buffer that makes you say it's Ok as long as it's a feminine guy or transvestite you insult your own intelligence with that thinking. At the end of it all you do understand behind the wig and the feminine behavior is still a gay or bi man giving you a blow job? A blow job you would enjoy. His drag and demeanor don't take that away."

    Wait, so it's ok for a man to state that he is not attracted to fem guys, but if a guy says he's not attracted to masc guys then he's insulting his own intelligence?

    I DO enjoy this site. Thanks for the convo.

    I'm gonna go do some squats now.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:50 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit said
    jprichva said
    jsttennis77 saidI'm lost on all of that like I was when you said you'd be more inclined to allow a transvestite or feminine guy to give you a blow job.


    I think Mr. LL Cool Rabbit is trying very hard here, but he keeps putting both--er--paws in his mouth.

    Mr. Rabbit, do you not see that these questions of yours--sincerely meant, I'm sure--are really patronizing? "High social status"? Really? Do you have any idea what being gay is like? If you have ten gay men in a room with ONE straight guy, who do you think most of the world would look to for authority?


    I did not know my questions are patronizing, although I was slightly apprehensive that they might be. I apologize. No disrespect meant.

    I don't know what being gay is like, and I'm asking questions. Like any noob, I'm gonna say some stupid shit. Bear with my stupid ass icon_redface.gif


    I'm suppose to be cleaning things to prepare for family visiting tomorrow but I do want to answer this for you. You really want to know what being gay is like? Really really? Here's your answer.

    It's just like being straight but we just happen to be attracted to someone of the same sex. It's no more complicated then understanding the law of attraction. We come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. Just like straight men. There is no one ideal trait, vocation or personality that truly defines us. Although the media tries desperately to do that. I'm sure straight men can understand our irritation over that one since the media many times suggests most straight men are fat, beer chugging, non romantic grunting dogs who hump their non satisfied fed up wifes. We are your doctors, lawyers, athletes, law enforcement, educators, and all around nice neighbors. There is nothing you can learn that you don't already know because we are just like you icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:51 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit said Wait, so it's ok for a man to state that he is not attracted to fem guys, but if a guy says he's not attracted to masc guys then he's insulting his own intelligence?
    No, what I think jsttennis77 is saying that if you will permit a tranny or a feminine guy to blow you while you imagine that it's actually a woman doing the act, you are fooling yourself--insulting your own intelligence, in his words--because when all's said and done, it's still a man performing a sex act on you.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidjsttennis77 said: "My only problem is that in your stereo typing and creating a psychological buffer that makes you say it's Ok as long as it's a feminine guy or transvestite you insult your own intelligence with that thinking. At the end of it all you do understand behind the wig and the feminine behavior is still a gay or bi man giving you a blow job? A blow job you would enjoy. His drag and demeanor don't take that away."

    Wait, so it's ok for a man to state that he is not attracted to fem guys, but if a guy says he's not attracted to masc guys then he's insulting his own intelligence?

    I DO enjoy this site. Thanks for the convo.

    I'm gonna go do some squats now.


    HUH? again you puzzle me. I don't know where you got the whole not attracted to fem guys thing vs not attracted to masculine men.

    The insult is that you would believe by allowing yourself to become sexually active with a feminine gay/bi man or gay/bi transvestite that some how you are not having sex with a gay or bi man. You said you'd never dick with a guy. In this case you would be.
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    Jul 29, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    Coolrabbit said Wait, so it's ok for a man to state that he is not attracted to fem guys, but if a guy says he's not attracted to masc guys then he's insulting his own intelligence?
    No, what I think jsttennis77 is saying that if you will permit a tranny or a feminine guy to blow you while you imagine that it's actually a woman doing the act, you are fooling yourself--insulting your own intelligence, in his words--because when all's said and done, it's still a man performing a sex act on you.


    hahaha Thats what I'm sayin icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:03 AM GMT
    Just did 90 kg x 5, next up is 100 x 5 (FULL squts baby)

    jprichva said: "...while you imagine that it's actually a woman doing the act..."

    Who said I'd be imagining it's a woman? It would be a gay MAN. Would I enjoy it? I don't know, never tried.

    jsttennis77 said: "You said you'd never dick with a guy."

    No I never said such a thing. Please read what I wrote more carefully, thanks icon_cool.gif

    Re: not-attacted-to-fem-guy vs. not-attracted-to-masc-guy. I hear about gay men who say stuff like "masc guy looking for the same", so it seems like they're not attracted to fem guys, and that doesn't seem to be an issue. Well, I'm not sexually attracted to masc guys, and when I say so, I get accused of insulting my intelligence.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 29, 2008 3:07 AM GMT
    I think its very possible, even in Kansas. If the guy sees the gay men he interacts with as cool, with it and accepted... why not? He may not really be gay, but it might be a fad, who knows?!
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    Honestly, I think this kind of social milieu may exist, but is extremely rare. At least, here is what I have heard: I have a good friend in city with a reputation for being very liberal--all right, it's Austin. She claimed to have encountered guys who would try to downplay their heterosexuality, and who would describe themselves as bisexual, although the homosexual side was actually theoretical. I think it is important to note that these guys were invariably quite young (that's younger than 25), self-consciously intellectual, and bohemian. Being straight seemed very square and uncool to them. But that's their cross to bear. And I hope that they eventually reconciled themselves to their sexual orientation.

    It is important to note how unusual this situation is. As a couple of other people have noted cogently, being revealed to be gay often means the possibility of losing your authority as a man, and sometimes even carrying around the threat of hostility or even violence. I think there are some bohemian subcultures where being gay might be subversively cool, but I regret that I've never actually lived in one.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:13 AM GMT
    Two years ago there was an article in the Guardian about how gay was very chic in England. So straight guys would pretend to be gay and wanting to experiment with women. Thus affirming my belief that British journalism is hilarious.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidIs there such a thing as a "gay wannabe"? For example, a straight guy who lives in an environment in which gays have high social status (for example, liberal university, or perhaps an arts community), and likes to think that he too is sexually attracted to men, but really isn't. He might even have sex with guys. Kind of like the reverse of a gay man marrying a woman and having kids.


    The day Papa Smurf walks up to me on the street and shakes my hand, well, only then will I consider that a creature such as what you're suggesting might actually exist.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:33 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidJust did 90 kg x 5, next up is 100 x 5 (FULL squts baby)

    jprichva said: "...while you imagine that it's actually a woman doing the act..."

    Who said I'd be imagining it's a woman? It would be a gay MAN. Would I enjoy it? I don't know, never tried.

    jsttennis77 said: "You said you'd never dick with a guy."

    No I never said such a thing. Please read what I wrote more carefully, thanks icon_cool.gif


    I want to believe that you are being sincere in your quest but I'm beginning to have doubts. You imply certain things then let it hang and simply because you don't come right our and say them you challenge the perception you actually laid out there. You coupled feminine men with transvestites. So it would be understandable if someone saw this as an attempt to psychologically convince himself.. well, thats not a "real" guy. The implication is there but if it's questioned you back track and say.. "I didn't say that" I just wouldn't dick with a masculine guy LOL You're right. You simply implied. Then the debate shifts to being attracted to fem men over masculine men and the thread remains on top. Are you just looking for a long winded debate where you toss it back and forth and check your threads to see how they are doing? I'm not saying that's what you're doing ( pay no attention to the implication there ) but if you are then you really are insulting a lot of well intentioned guys here.

    I have to be honest with you. I don't think you are as naive about gay men as you are suggesting. There's too much out there available. Life in general and just looking around and observing. We aren't in special cages or on a secluded island.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:39 AM GMT
    jsttennis77, our dialogue is getting nowhere. We're not hearing each other. Anyway, I'm being sincere; I hope others can sense that.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:53 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidjsttennis77, our dialogue is getting nowhere. We're not hearing each other. Anyway, I'm being sincere; I hope others can sense that.


    LOL yes the dialogue is getting somewhere but it's potentially treading in an area you don't want it to go so you're going to claim it's going nowhere icon_wink.gif.

    I am hearing you loud and clear. I think that your approach has been respectful. The other?

    Have fun.