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My ass is tight and bottoming is painful, but I really want to get more into it - I'm sure I'd like it if it wouldn't hurt so much.

Any suggestions?

I'm trying to keep myself relaxed. Took a slow gradual approach over several weeks, starting with gently feeling up my hole, progressing to a really small butt plug and now I can handle a dildo about 4-1/2 inches around for 5 or 10 minutes.

After that my sphincter gets a kinda burning feeling. Not fun.

When am I going to be able to enjoy getting fucked? I'm 34...has my asshole grown permanently tight?

Try applying more lube when you feel the burning or discomfort. That should make it feel a lot better. No pain no gain. It may hurt the first couple of times but once you get use to it it feels great.

Where is MunchingZombie when you need him?

Have you tried sex toys to get some practice in? Try silicon dildos that are small then work your way up if you can with bigger ones. As suggested lots of lube is also a must.

Don't be surprised though if you never get totally comfortable (I never did). That being said sex can still be a lot of fun anyways.

Water based lubes burn me every time, try silicon lubes instead, it sounds to me it's the lube thats your issue, once the toy is in for a few minutes there shouldn't be any burning.

You do know enough to push out when he pushes in, right?

Damn, Cas, I didn't know that -- glad you mentioned it. I thought that I was wierd because it hurt so much. Thanks for sharing.

I have a feeling that won't alleviate the pain up inside, though.

I prefer silicone lube -- very silky.

When I first came out, I went to a sex store and talked with them. They recommended getting some anal toys, starting small at first and building on the size over time. It stretches the anus enough to be less painful and more pleasurable (of course with lube).

studjockct saidMy ass is tight and bottoming is painful, but I really want to get more into it - I'm sure I'd like it if it wouldn't hurt so much.

Any suggestions?

Perhaps you should just work on perfecting your oral skills instead.....

Try sitting on a bollard. That should do the trick.

redheadguy saidTry sitting on a bollard. That should do the trick.

Try defining "bollard" ...

Don't you have bollards in Canada?

Caslon5000 saidYou do know enough to push out when he pushes in, right?

No, I didn't! But I did start noticing that it seemed like maybe the dildo goes in better when I push out. So now I know this is the right thing to do....thanks!

Still, I need to sign up for a Bottoming 101 class, lol

silverfox1 saidPerhaps you should just work on perfecting your oral skills instead.....

Oh, my oral skills are superb. No worries there.

But I want to start scoring with all the hotties I've had to pass up 'coz they wanted to fuck but I didn't ;^)

Try lotsalube and a small buttplug, wear the buttplug for a few minutes before you take the penetration. You could let your partner put it in for you while you warm up the meat with your mouth.
That pushout thing, well, that's OK but I like to milk my man with my sphincter, pushout, then kegel back up and repeat, a lot, and fast, they love it.
When you're all done, do kegel exercises to tighten back up. Otherwise, after the years you start getting way too loose.

Just take a DEEP breath and let it ease right in!!!

redheadguy saidDon't you have bollards in Canada?

I dont know if they have bollards in Canada. I am in Virginia...first permanent English settlement in the New World, the Old Dominion, Mother of States, and Mother of Presidents.

Come over this weekend. I guarantee you that after the weekend, you will be loose as a goose.

All of these are good tips and good advice. I think it all boils down to if you are comfortable with the person and able to relax.

Ive had guys that were huge and had no problem cuz I was relaxed and comfortable with them and other guys that were just average size and just couldn't take it.

Also, you have to have someone thats willing to be patient and work with you a little especially if you are just starting out, dont get someone that just wants to shove it right in cuz that will hurt and turn you off to the idea.

SurrealLife saidWhere is MunchingZombie when you need him?

*swoops in* Here I am! And it looks like a lot of good advice has been given so far.

What kind of lube are you using? If it starts to hurt after 5-10 minutes your lube could be drying out. A good oil based lube like BoyButter is great for solo play and is compatible with all toys (but I wouldn't use it with electro toys).

Have you tried using an inflatable plug? After you work yourself over with a smaller one, stick in an inflatable. It is a great way to work up from smaller to larger toys. But for the love of god, if it starts to burn or hurt deflate, pull out, and try again later. Never keep going even if it hurts. It is a great way to injure yourself and makes disease easier to spread.

Finally, poppers and numbing sprays or lubes might be fine when you are playing alone, but don't use them with someone else unless you have an experienced hole. You will just end up taking more than your butt can chew.

Play safe.

Maybe you can show us a video of what you're doing just to make sure we're giving the best advice we can.

ShawnTX saidMaybe you can show us a video of what you're doing just to make sure we're giving the best advice we can.

Nice to know the Texas heat has not dulled your sassiness!

HEY!!! I'm in counselor mode, don't question my professionalism SurrealLife!

Seriously studjock...the video...now.

prove it!

ShawnTX saidMaybe you can show us a video of what you're doing just to make sure we're giving the best advice we can.

not a problem - i'll get right on it

...lots of good help here...thanks

redheadguy saidTry sitting on a bollard. That should do the trick.

The grand canyon I am not!!!!!


A bollard is the cement or metal post, usually around doors, which prevents you from parking your car too close to the building. Sometimes (like in London), they are at each end of a median or at the edges/corners of traffic islands.

I have worked for architecture firms.

Some good advice but as with anything, practice makes perfect!

sundown55 said

redheadguy saidTry sitting on a bollard. That should do the trick.

The grand canyon I am not!!!!!


A bollard is the cement or metal post, usually around doors, which prevents you from parking your car too close to the building. Sometimes (like in London), they are at each end of a median or at the edges/corners of traffic islands.

I have worked for architecture firms.

like these?
Although the automatic rising bollard sounds more interesting

You should see the bollards in Amsterdam. They must have been designed by a gay man.

redheadguy saidYou should see the bollards in Amsterdam. They must have been designed by a gay man.

I saw those. Hmph. The Dutch. What a bunch of pervs.

(I'M BEING FACETIOUS :-) On the other hand, Europeans do seem to love their rubber and latex. Oh, and athletic shoes and socks - what's up with that? But that's straying from the topic here, which is my ass :-)

And yeah, I tripped over the Amsterdam bollards at least once, in pure 'yes I'm a tourist and was looking around at other things' fashion.

a good quality, silicon based lube (like gun oil or eros), LOTS of single and then double and then tripple finger insertion, a healty snort of poppers (jungle juice works for me!)about 5 to 10 seconds before insertion is attempted....this procedure works for me when bottoming for my fav FB. it's mamazing how poppers help your internal muscles relax and lets the guy slide right in!

also, some 420 helps to relax you and your spincter.

a relaxing/numbing spray, like Anal eze, helped me the first couple of times...but be carefull with this stuff...tearing/damaging your internal tissues can be done with too much force on numbed skin.

but it all comes down to YOU and your state of mind. having trust and confidence in the guy trying to top you is essential.

I used to find being fucked a bit of a chore when I was younger...and of course, the guys I met seemed to want to get in there immediately without much of a warmup...However, in later years, I have combined a douche with plain old vaseline and a gradual increase in the size of dildo...as part of my shower routine...
Consequently, I was at a group session recently where all the guys went crazy over this stud with the biggest cock in the room, yet were unwilling to take him on...I did and had the greatest ride ever ...and I did say to him that I was pleased I had practised with my dildo before going out...

rnch saida good quality, silicon based lube (like gun oil or eros), LOTS of single and then double and then tripple finger insertion, a healty snort of poppers (jungle juice works for me!)about 5 to 10 seconds before insertion is attempted....this procedure works for me when bottoming for my fav FB. it's mamazing how poppers help your internal muscles relax and lets the guy slide right in!

also, some 420 helps to relax you and your spincter.

a relaxing/numbing spray, like Anal eze, helped me the first couple of times...but be carefull with this stuff...tearing/damaging your internal tissues can be done with too much force on numbed skin.

but it all comes down to YOU and your state of mind. having trust and confidence in the guy trying to top you is essential.

poppers and numbing spray are a great way to rip your ass apart in the not good way. I would not recommend this for anyone who is having trouble with a simple penis.