When you are hurt, how do you cope and move on?

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    Jun 12, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    I haven't been more hurt in my life. What I thought could have been something special ended abruptly. It didn't last long. But in that short time, I gave all of myself. I shared more than most know. I was vulnerable to this person. I am not a crier unless I am deeply hurt. So I know this is really affecting me.

    From past experiences, how have you coped and moved on?

    Thanks guys.
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    Jun 12, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    I experienced a double whammy last year becausebmy ex broke up with me during a moment my life fell apart, (evicted and out on the streets) even though that moment was when i would need him most and he'd never abandon me lmao, and not to mention he broke up with me without telling me, and didnt explain until 3 months after the fact(as if i didnt already figure out) that he just wasnt ready lol

    The best way for me to cope with heartbreak is to focus on what I HAVE instead of focusing on what i lost. It's kind of a mean thing for me to say but i realized that my time with him was not a big deal afterall. Also a paradox in my life was that when i was depressed I spent my time helping out people in similar conditions who needed help and me trying to make them happy made me happy and yup yup.

    hope that helps
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    Jun 12, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    I experienced a double whammy last year becausebmy ex broke up with me during a moment my life fell apart, (evicted and out on the streets) even though that moment was when i would need him most and he'd never abandon me lmao, and not to mention he broke up with me without telling me, and didnt explain until 3 months after the fact(as if i didnt already figure out) that he just wasnt ready lol

    The best way for me to cope with heartbreak is to focus on what I HAVE instead of focusing on what i lost. It's kind of a mean thing for me to say but i realized that my time with him was not a big deal afterall. Also a paradox in my life was that when i was depressed I spent my time helping out people in similar conditions who needed help and me trying to make them happy made me happy and yup yup.

    hope that helps
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    Jun 12, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    Thank you.

    Helping other people makes me happy also. I truly appreciate you responding.

    I am sorry to hear of your break up and hope all is well now for you.
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    Jun 12, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    Sorry you have to go through this, it really sucks...but you'll get over it soon and your mind will change about him. Try to get out the house, hangout with people as much as possible and avoid being by yourself.
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    I will try to get out again. I went to work and couldn't focus. Started crying when my boss asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed.

    He wouldn't explain the extent of what happened. Just, see ya. "Take care." It is hard trying to figure it out alone.

    But "That's Life". Great song. I'm trying.
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    Work actually is a great remedy, there you have to interact with people even if you don't feel like it(at least at my work) and the process takes your mind off it...that sick feeling will go away in a week or two ;)
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    Thanks man. I do feel so sick. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
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    Jun 12, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    Its a part of life man. Everyone goes thru something similar at one point in their life..., possibly multiple times.

    Chalk this one up to life experience. And remember, healing is a process not an event. It just takes time to get past the pain. Have patience and just focus on getting thru one day at a time.
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    Jun 12, 2012 9:44 PM GMT
    Silly, the question his how do you cope and move on... the answer is you cope and move on. You just Do*.
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    Jun 12, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    cookie-dough.jpg


    hmm and I write down what happened and either hide it or if really angry, throw it in the fireplace...usually writing stuff helps get it off your chest.
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    Jun 12, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    These suggestions might help, they've helped me:

    - take yourself out of your current environment as much as possible and do things you enjoy doing
    - anything that might remind you of the heartache like items you bought together or had in common or places you went, focus on how they positively were part of your life
    - keep your mind distracted with things you enjoy like watching funny movies or TV shows, listening to great music
    - accept that it is what it is
    - surround yourself with the right people
    - take up a new hobby
    - be thankful for the time you had with him and be happy for him
    - know it's okay for you to feel broken, but focus on mending

    Good luck.
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    Jun 12, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    ^ good advice. Also, I don't know why this has helped me in the past, but realize that you are not singled out nor alone. We've all been the victim of unrequited love and it definitely hurts like a motherf*ker. Doing whatever you can do to distract your mind will help to shift your overall focus away from *him* and onto your future.
  • masculumpedes

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    Jun 12, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    JoyfullyRandom saidSilly, the question his how do you cope and move on... the answer is you cope and move on. You just Do*.


    He's asking for details..not a generalization...icon_wink.gif

    Once I get hurt I have to actually cry over a guy to put him behind me and move on. You seem to have already reached this point and only you know the depth of your feelings for the guy that is no longer in your life. The stronger and deeper the feelings the more you have to purge them from inside.

    Concentrate on the positive things in your life and for me, it also helps to throw myself into my work, even more than usual and my interests and stay busy to keep my mind occupied. Hope this helps. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    alcohol
  • masculumpedes

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    Jun 12, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Also, if possible, you may have to try to understand the reason why it ended. Sometimes we do things that we would not if circumstances were different. I can give you a personal example if you wish...let me know. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    malefeet saidAlso, if possible, you may have to try to understand the reason why it ended. Sometimes we do things that we would not if circumstances were different. I can give you a personal example if you wish...let me know. icon_wink.gif


    I dont agree with this. The other dude may have abruptly ended the relationship for a variety of reasons unrelated to the OP. After a bad break up, ive spent hours, days, months, and even years racking my brain why things happened like they did and what i could have done differently.

    It is what is is. You just have to accept the situation "as is" even if it makes absolutely no sense and move on. Perseverating on the woulda, shoulda, coulda doesnt help you move forward.
  • masculumpedes

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    Jun 12, 2012 10:38 PM GMT
    catfish5 said
    malefeet saidAlso, if possible, you may have to try to understand the reason why it ended. Sometimes we do things that we would not if circumstances were different. I can give you a personal example if you wish...let me know. icon_wink.gif


    I dont agree with this. The other dude may have abruptly ended the relationship for a variety of reasons unrelated to the OP. After a bad break up, ive spent hours, days, months, and even years racking my brain why things happened like they did and what i could have done differently.

    It is what is is. You just have to accept the situation "as is" even if it makes absolutely no sense and move on. Perseverating on the woulda, shoulda, coulda doesnt help you move forward.


    You totally misunderstood my friend.... icon_wink.gif
    Sometimes there is no shoulda, coulda, woulda about it.
    However, if in fact he did end the relationship because of circumstances unrelated to the OP, then it would help the OP to heal to be aware of this...instead of maybe thinking that it did have something to do with himself....and yes, in spite of everything you do have to accept and move forward. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    catfish5 said
    malefeet saidAlso, if possible, you may have to try to understand the reason why it ended. Sometimes we do things that we would not if circumstances were different. I can give you a personal example if you wish...let me know. icon_wink.gif


    I dont agree with this. The other dude may have abruptly ended the relationship for a variety of reasons unrelated to the OP. After a bad break up, ive spent hours, days, months, and even years racking my brain why things happened like they did and what i could have done differently.

    It is what is is. You just have to accept the situation "as is" even if it makes absolutely no sense and move on. Perseverating on the woulda, shoulda, coulda doesnt help you move forward.


    You totally misunderstood my friend.... icon_wink.gif
    Sometimes there is no shoulda, coulda, woulda about it.
    However, if in fact he did end the relationship because of circumstances unrelated to the OP, then it would help the OP to heal to be aware of this...instead of maybe thinking that it did have something to do with himself....and yes, in spite of everything you do have to accept and move forward. icon_wink.gif


    You will have to enlighten me on an example.
    I still have no clue why the love of my life left me over ten years ago. I dont know why he wasnt there for me when i found out i had testicular cancer days later. And why didnt he visit me in the hospital after surgery or ask me how i was recovering through all the treatment, doctors visits, and my health insurance dropping me. Lots of whys with no aswers. There will never be answers but thats ok. It is what it is and i moved forward.

    Trying to figure out the whys and the woulda, shoulda, coulda was not helping me. It hindered me. Instead of focusing on him, i decided to focus on me instead.
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    Wow guys. I am really thankful for the support. I know I am not alone in this, but it is nice to see and to read examples or stories.

    I'm definitely feeling better. A few good cries (as much as I hate to admit that) some good music, and enjoying what I have in life has been great today. And also realizing it isn't me, it is him.

    One thing is for sure, it will be a while before I will give out what I gave to him to anyone else. Life lesson. Proceed with caution!

    Thank you so much. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    @catfish5

    I am sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine how you got through such a hard time in your life with all of those questions.

    How are you doing cancer wise?
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    I bake cakes and muffins.
  • masculumpedes

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    Jun 12, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    dash_8 saidI bake cakes and muffins.


    I have always wanted to be a pastry chef.....alas, I settled for an electrician...icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:26 PM GMT



    I think the best thing to do is stay busy, and I don't mean busy thinking about what you did wrong.



    Experience has taught me that people who leave without even the courtesy of an explanation were up to no good, and if they couldn't be decent enough as human beings to put the cards on the table - they were the last thing I wanted back in my life. In short, I considered it to be a nightmare averted and I was thankful I hadn't wasted a huge chunk of my life on such a trifling fool.

    THEN. I went and got me some tight pants, a nice form fitting shirt, rang my buddy and went out and had some fun.icon_twisted.gif Amazing how fast getting hit on makes a bad bf disappear from memory. It's been called "get back on the horse". You don't have to leave with anyone, but it's nice to flirt and remind yourself that you can replace that fool in a minute. Bust out your inner "Beyonce"!! Put that fool in a box to the left.

    I think you need to quit feeling hurt and go ahead and be insulted and yes, a little mad. You strike me as a nice guy, he owed you better than that. Not angry as in "Imma whup his ass". Angry as in "I'm a good guy, and THAT was a mistake I will make sure he lives to regret in time."

    Go to the gym, and channel all that frustration into something worth while. Nothing says I'm over you like a hot new 6 pack. Spend some quality time on you. Spend some quality time with friends, but for the sake of all that is holy (Madonna) I wouldn't waste another hot second with his name on my lips or his face in my head.

    It's about self respect. Don't let him take yours on the way out.

    There. LOL you asked.icon_wink.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    NoNoNoYes said


    It's about self respect. Don't let him take yours on the way out.

    There. LOL you asked.icon_wink.gif





    I think that's the most important thing to keep in mind. W.E issue that occurred to led to this breakup don't let it be a reflection of what you're worth. Just continue being a good guy and giving your all and remember that if it doesn't work out, you wont be missing out because you gave your best, and someone will appreciate that