So angry I cant even fucking see straight

  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jun 13, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    Background: Needed a roommate because Im moving to columbus for schooling at Thee Ohio State University. Got a wonderful apartment and found a roommate who was also gay, and currently had an apartment else where.
    So my future roomy was having some problems with some people in his home town, I tried to be there for him and help him with whatever he needed. Everything seemed fine other then the fact that he ran into money problems. Well, I made a mistake and gave him some money to help him out in the confidence that he would be paying me back. We went about a month ago met with our future landlord, and signed the lease to our apartment. icon_eek.gif
    Well, last week he decides that he will go to Key West Gay pride with a guy he knows and have a little fun. I strongly disagreed, he went anyway. A week has passed by.
    For the first time he called me. He starts by saying "Hey, got a story for you". "ok" i replied.
    He then procceed to tell me, that he is not going to school, that he isnt even coming back to ohio, he is staying in flordia! I freaked, i ripped him for letting me down, when i asked about the money he procceed to tell my it was my problem, he didnt want the money. (Bull shit)
    Then to add insult to injury, is coke addicted friend, (seriously found that out) called me telling me im a horrible human being, that im a nothing and saying other shit that was uncalled for. His finally remark was "I win, he chose me over you"..... He can fucking have him.
    So now im freaking out, im moving to columbus, and trying to find a roommate. Contacted the landlord, she cant get back with me until tomorrow. Angry and hurt.
    I once heard a old san, "When you give a friend money, you are buying an enemy."
    I dont know what to do about the apartment, I already paid 400 for it. I just got fucked for trying to be nice WTF?
  • Lanter

    Posts: 149

    Jun 13, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    I'm sorry that happened to you. I agree with that saying, in the sense that money seems to be the root of all evil. I hope things work out for you. If he signed a lease though, I would think he couldn't completely shirk his responsiblities when it comes to the whole apartment situation.
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    Jun 13, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    I think next time you should be more careful about who you give money to. Doesn't sound like you knew this guy really well and honestly, I wouldn't give someone a ton of money unless it was a relative or someone I've known for years personally. There's nothing you can do about it, so I suggest just trying to calm down and forget about it and move on. It's in the past now. Goodluck man.
  • nappi

    Posts: 91

    Jun 13, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    Well...look at it like this from now on, you're doing a favor for a friend, a favor doesn't require reciprocation. So if you loan out money, or a book, or let someone stay at your house for a month, it's a favor to a friend...

    If you don't want to give out favors, say no.
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    Jun 13, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    I'm sure you've already figured this out the hard way, but renting an apartment with another person should be dealt with as a business transaction. You can't go loaning money to people you don't know, although I do relate to your naivety, as I've been taken to the cleaners more than I care to remember!

    I think it's important to see what you did wrong here so you don't repeat this mistake.

    • Only loan money to VERY close friends whom you have a history with.
    • Don't get too friendly with a potential roommate (at least at first).

    Don't let this make you bitter about loaning money to friends. I just loaned a LOT of money to a good friend of mine. He had just moved several states away and was having a rough time financially. But I sent him the money because I know his word is gold. And sure enough, he sent me the money back earlier than expected.

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 13, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear of your roommate/money prlbem. You could try finding another roommate to share the apartment. Since you signed a lease, it is unlikely you can get out of it, unless the landlord is unusually considerate.

    You could have benefited from Polonius' advice to son Laertes, "Never a lender nor a borrower be." Unless you are in the money-lending business, it can be very nerve racking to lend anyone money. One can be too nice.

    If Ohio has a small claims court (most big states do), if you continue with the lease, you could always sue the guy for his share of the lease payments. Even if all his money goes up his nose now, judgements are often good for 20 years - He may eventually have some money. With interest (in some states it is 10% a year), that might help you pay off a student loan 15 years from now.

    Better luck with your next roommate choice.

  • Lanter

    Posts: 149

    Jun 13, 2012 2:13 AM GMT
    Oh, and I forgot to mention something else. You never said how or what you gave him money for, but one thing I do is give things, rather than money. If someone needs a plane ticket, I buy it directly from the airline, rather than giving cash. I pay for a relative's groceries quite often. I take them to the store, give them a cart and once their done shopping I take the cart to the cashier. For me, its more a matter of value, than being careful. It seems as though I'm doing more for them by taking the time and providing them with tangible goods, rather than writing a check.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jun 13, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    Duuuuude, that suuuuuucks so bad.

    damn i feel for you, man.

    Maybe u can hastily find a fill-in roommate in the interim? Perhaps post an ad on craisglist tonight and wake up tomorrow with a potential roomie?

    duuuuude, how does someone just go down to florida, go to a pride parade and never return? lmao wtf?

    dont worry dude. It's best u got him out of ur life this quick. Good luck with the roomie sitch tho.
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    Jun 13, 2012 2:45 AM GMT


    A few questions here in red..

    Dbrad3693 said Background: Needed a roommate because Im moving to columbus for schooling at Thee Ohio State University. Got a wonderful apartment and found a roommate who was also gay, and currently had an apartment else where.Not that it matters but where exactly did you find him? IE Friend of a friend.. CL add??
    So my future roomy was having some problems with some people in his home town, 1ST big red flag.I tried to be there for him and help him with whatever he needed. Everything seemed fine other then the fact that he ran into money problems.HUGE flashing warning sign. Well, I made a mistake and gave him some money to help him out in the confidence that he would be paying me back. Yikes. We went about a month ago met with our future landlord, and signed the lease to our apartment. icon_eek.gif
    Well, last week he decides that he will go to Key West Gay pride with a guy he knows and have a little fun. I strongly disagreed, he went anyway. Confused here, were you already living together??A week has passed by.
    For the first time he called me. He starts by saying "Hey, got a story for you". "ok" i replied.
    He then procceed to tell me, that he is not going to school, that he isnt even coming back to ohio, he is staying in flordia! I freaked, i ripped him for letting me down, when i asked about the money he procceed to tell my it was my problem, he didnt want the money. (Bull shit)
    Then to add insult to injury, is coke addicted friend, (seriously found that out) called me telling me im a horrible human being, that im a nothing and saying other shit that was uncalled for. His finally remark was "I win, he chose me over you"..... He can fucking have him.
    So now im freaking out, im moving to columbus, and trying to find a roommate. Contacted the landlord, she cant get back with me until tomorrow. Angry and hurt.
    I once heard a old san, "When you give a friend money, you are buying an enemy."
    I dont know what to do about the apartment, I already paid 400 for it. I just got fucked for trying to be nice WTF?


    Man. You just learned a very tough life lesson. 1st, don't panic you can likely replace him pretty quick. Assuming you still want the apartment. 2nd, if he signed the lease you can take him to small claims for both the money lent and his portion of whatever you loose between now and finding a suitable replacement including the deposit. Now given that he is obviously NOT coming back to see you in court, you'll have to serve him via his old address (hope you got that) as it demonstrates an attempt to contact him regarding his liability. It's true, you will likely never collect, but you can still win a court judgement against him and get it placed on his credit report.

    Everyone faces the issue of lending people money at one point or another. After getting screwed mostly by my X's siblings on more than one occasion, I instituted the "Sorry, no fuckin way" rule and stuck to it. It is indeed the fastest way to end a friendship. IF I made an exception, I did so with the mental idea planted firmly in mind that I would never see it again.. therefore it was a pleasant surprise if it was repaid.

    You don't have to make excuses. If asked, simply reply "Sorry, I don't lend money to anyone." Most people both understand and agree it's a wise rule. Despite the fact they just hit you up. That is what banks and relatives are for, not your job.

    I'm a little more concerned that by the sounds of what you wrote you had only JUST met this person. If that is the case, you need to really re-frame your boundaries in a hurry. No damn way I would lend someone I had only recently met anything. That kind of trust could really get you screwed or killed. I hope none of your sensitive info was available for him to see IE SS number, bank account number etc.


    Good luck!

  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 13, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    I know you were just trying to be nice and help him out monetarily and maybe didn't wanna delve too far into his situation. But it is always important to get something in writing and for it to be signed by both parties whenever you are going to loan somebody a significant amount of money.

    Edit: And if he did cosign the lease, then you may be able to seek out legal action.
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jun 15, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    Thanks so much guys for your help, right now it is unclear if I will be keeping the apartment or having to some how get out of the lease and move into the dorm
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    Jun 15, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    Be less nice.
    I say that b/c I've been burned a good bit... Take care of yourself next time.

    Sorry that all happened
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Dbrad3693 saidThanks so much guys for your help, right now it is unclear if I will be keeping the apartment or having to some how get out of the lease and move into the dorm
    Did HE sign the lease as well?
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jun 15, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Yes he did sign the lease too
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    Dbrad3693 saidYes he did sign the lease too
    Then he is financially liable. You might want to tell him that if you cannot get out of that lease, I will let you use my address in KW to sue his ass right here in FL.

    Then tell him it will also go on his credit report and he can kiss ever signing a rental lease goodbye for a long long time!icon_wink.gif

    What the hell, Gimme his number and name.. I can make his life miserable LMAO!

    reach out and touch someone!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Hows that song go? "from a distance..."

    Edited: Might even educate him on Floridas "sunshine laws".. that'll get em!
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    Dbrad3693 saidYes he did sign the lease too

    Then he is legally responsible for half the rent, but good luck trying to collect. The best you can do is have it placed again his credit so he will never be able to buy or rent another thing. The landlord may be able to help you do that. and srsly, do it! He owes half of the rent for the entire time of the lease once he defaults. So the amount against his credit will be considerable and have a serious impact on his credit in the future.

    Here's the thing, young man. You are normally surrounded by the decent people of your family. Out in the world, this isnt the case. You now have to realize that holding people responsible upfront and with cash is not being impolite.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    I am not trying to make you feel bad but there is another old saying

    "Never lend what you can't afford to give away."

    I think you as well as most need to realize that it takes years to know people and how they respond in certain situations. It sounds like a laspe in judgment on your part.

    I have a friend who gives me money no problem, and I never ask anyone for anything, because I don't want to owe anyone, but she is a diamond in the rough and I lend her money as well.

    Being nice is good but being wise is more important in those situations. I also advise like someone else said. Getting that in writing, is not a bad idea either. If the person is smart they won't mind.

    Don't be angry. You learned a lesson the hard way, we all do. Press on my dear. Press on.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jun 15, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Dbrad3693 saidYes he did sign the lease too
    Then he is financially liable. You might want to tell him that if you cannot get out of that lease, I will let you use my address in KW to sue his ass right here in FL.

    Then tell him it will also go on his credit report and he can kiss ever signing a rental lease goodbye for a long long time!icon_wink.gif

    What the hell, Gimme his number and name.. I can make his life miserable LMAO!

    reach out and touch someone!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Hows that song go? "from a distance..."

    Edited: Might even educate him on Floridas "sunshine laws".. that'll get em!


    dude, we get it. u live in key west..
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    Import said
    TropicalMark said
    Dbrad3693 saidYes he did sign the lease too
    Then he is financially liable. You might want to tell him that if you cannot get out of that lease, I will let you use my address in KW to sue his ass right here in FL.

    Then tell him it will also go on his credit report and he can kiss ever signing a rental lease goodbye for a long long time!icon_wink.gif

    What the hell, Gimme his number and name.. I can make his life miserable LMAO!

    reach out and touch someone!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Hows that song go? "from a distance..."

    Edited: Might even educate him on Floridas "sunshine laws".. that'll get em!


    dude, we get it. u live in key west..
    DUDE........ to sue a Florida resident you must FILE in Florida. To FILE in Florida you must be either "represented" by an attorney (which costs MONEY) or have a resident address IN THE COUNTY of which the respondent LIVES or resides.

    Understood?icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • fmrhugger

    Posts: 199

    Jun 15, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    You did the wrong thing for the right reason. You're a nice guy and trusting.

    Unfortunately, we ALL learn from our mistakes, not our successes. Sounds cliche-ish but true.

    If it were me, I'd find a way to mess with him without crossing the line.

    Just my 2 cents.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Call your landlord ASAP. You're in a college town, so they probably deal with this kind of thing all the time. They might even have a waiting list for people wanting apartments.

    So, if you're nice and they're nice, you might get out of it. You should live on campus your first year anyway.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Only loan money to people who ass you wouldn't mind beating if they didn't pay you back
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    Bud, I could give you advice about what to do, but right now I just want to give you a hug and say that being a good guy sometimes gets in the way of having good boundaries. I am so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it and nothing we say can make it better.

    That said, I am a lawyer and while I am not licensed on Ohio so can't give you legal advice, I can certainly steer you towards some state resources that can help you! Send me a message and we can talk if you wish.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 15, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    Sorry you got stung. It happens too frequently. Hope you have some kind of address for him so that you can make contact voiding the lease. whatever you do, document it so that this bad apple can't bother you again.

    At the beginning o a school term you should have no serious problem finding a roommate, but don't make the mistake of thinking that a gay roomie will guarantee a relationship. It sounds like that is what you did in a way when you backed him up when he proffered his first story. what trust had you built that you should have "been there for him?" Try to take it as a lesson and if someone asks you for money, even for a beer, just say that you don't have any extra. Get into the habit of it.

    Good luck with school. Too bad it is having a rough start.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    I went through an eerily similar situation and so I understand your anger and hurt. I'm really sorry you went through this but just learn from the experience and be more careful next time. There are, unfortunately, A LOT of douche bags in the world. Next time, you'll be wiser. Just try to let the anger go. It doesn't hurt him. It only hurts you by robbing you of peace. Just forgive him if you can(easier said than done) and move on. In my case, all that was stolen from me was given back to me(more than double) in other ways. I wouldn't try to seek revenge. It's wiser just to let this person go and stay out of your life forever. By seeking revenge, you'll just keep him in your life. From what you say about this guy, I think you're very lucky that he's out of your life. Hopefully for good. You dodged a bullet. You could have been living with this creep! Think about all the more ways he could have screwed you over if he was your roommate. It sounds like a blessing that he showed his true colors before moving in! Also, I wouldn't bother with the small claims case. Again, it just keeps him in your life and, if you don't know his exact address, he can't be served anyway. It's up to you to find out that information. The courts won't do it for you. That might be an impossible task. I doubt he would willingly give you his new address and, plus, he sounds like a flake. I doubt he would have any established place of residence. Having him served would be very difficult and you might end up just wasting more money. Trust me as I've learned. Just let it and him go and be thankful he's out of your life. You're bound to get a better roommate! All the best to you!