"Oh, hes hot"!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2008 10:31 AM GMT
    I have noticed over the years that some guys in relationships are comfortable enough with each other to point out a hot guy and comment on him.

    Others say it is disrespectful to the relationship and you shouldnt do it.

    My bf and I dont do it. I know he sees attractive guys and lord knows I do, but we choose not to comment on them in front of each other. We have talked about it and just dont feel we would be comfortable with it and dont think its necessary.

    I guess it could be viewed as a difference of open relationships v.s. monogamous ones, I dont know.

    Ive also noticed that a number of guys on here that say they are in monogamous relationships have alot of buddies but no one on their hot lists, as I have.

    I dont think my bf would like it if I had a bunch of guys on a hot list, so out of respect for him I dont do that. Not a big deal to me. But some guys have loads of guys on hot lists.

    I am sure alot of it is how secure you are with the relationship and yourself also.

    What do you guys think?
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    Jul 29, 2008 1:58 PM GMT

    Hey, redbull!

    We don't do it.
    Sure, "A cat can look at a King" (old expression) and we do, much as one might enjoy a nice-looking car or lamp.

    It also depends on your definition of 'hot'. That word I reserve for a person that turns me on on all levels - physically and emotionally. This makes Bill very hot indeed.



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    Jul 29, 2008 3:05 PM GMT
    If you don't express who you think is hot, how would you go about picking out which guys you'd like to share in the next three or fourway?

    I find "I'd like to fuck him" very effective for drawing my partner's attention to a new prospect.

  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 29, 2008 3:06 PM GMT
    I'm in a monogamous relationship, and I still hot list guys. My partner and I haven't discussed hot listing in particular. We are both pretty open about it when we see a guy we think is hot.

    On our third date, we were sitting along the water, and some hot shirtless guy went rollerblading past. I was talking to my partner at the time, and went out of my way not to look, even though I could see the guy, because I didn't want my future partner to know I thought the guy was cute. While talking to him, my partner turned to watch the guy go past. Ever since then, I've just figured he was comfortable with me checking other guys out around him.

    I like being comfortable enough to do that. I don't have a lot of gay friends, and it's nice to be able to point out a sexy guy to someone else that can appreciate it. Of course, we do have different tastes.

    I wasn't sure about my hot list. For me, it doesn't really mean much more than that I think the guy I put on there is sexy. Doesn't mean I want to sleep with him, or that I'm interested in leaving my partner, or violating his trust. I still look at porn; what's the difference between that and a hot list?
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:06 PM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIf you don't express who you think is hot, how would you go about picking out which guys you'd like to share in the next three or fourway?

    I find "I'd like to fuck him" very effective for drawing my partner's attention to a new prospect.



    wow
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:07 PM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIf you don't express who you think is hot, how would you go about picking out which guys you'd like to share in the next three or fourway?

    I find "I'd like to fuck him" very effective for drawing my partner's attention to a new prospect.




    Nice and subtle!!! LMAO!!! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    I don't see what the big deal is. I mean you're STILL human and the eye will gravitate towards beauty, so what's wrong with acknowledging it????
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    I've been in relationships that were on both ends of the spectrum. Even on the most reserved and considerate side, it was just a matter of how it was approached. There's a difference between appreciating and acknowledging a guy who you think is beautiful and pointing out a guy you wanna get nasty with. They might be one and the same, but how you communicate it to your significant other is where you can show your respect for the relationship.

    It seems a bit silly to mutually disregard an obviously beautiful 800 lb gorilla in the room. You're absolutely right about it being a security issue, but being open about it may actually build security by communicating trust/comfort with your man and your regard for openness and honesty.

    I'd start there before jumping to "I'd like to fuck him". icon_smile.gif

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    Jul 29, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    hafakasi saidI've been in relationships that were on both ends of the spectrum. Even on the most reserved and considerate side, it was just a matter of how it was approached. There's a difference between appreciating and acknowledging a guy who you think is beautiful and pointing out a guy you wanna get nasty with. They might be one and the same, but how you communicate it to your significant other is where you can show your respect for the relationship.

    It seems a bit silly to mutually disregard an obviously beautiful 800 lb gorilla in the room. You're absolutely right about it being a security issue, but being open about it may actually build security by communicating trust/comfort with your man and your regard for openness and honesty.



    What man in his right mind would have eyes for anyone but you?
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    Awwww! I couldn't agree more, Chasersprize. Ha ha! Too sweet... icon_redface.gif
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jul 29, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    I was in a monogamous relationship. We enjoyed comparing hot guy. ::shrug::
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:35 PM GMT
    I have never found it disrespectful when my bf's have commented on other guys. I've always had fun with it. My ex would say "He's cute" and I'd say "Yeah, I'd put my dick in it" or something equally obnoxious like "Yeah, I'd lick the sweat outta his ass crack". It's fun, honest and does no harm. I'd worry if my bf stopped noticing other guys altogether. It would mean he's very insecure and unwilling to discuss something that's completely inane and harmless. If he can't talk about something trivial, then he probably can't talk about the important things either.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    We're all gonna look, period, even if it's 110% innocuous. Pretty thing catch our eyes. I'd be more bothered if my boyfriend thought I was dumb enough to think he wouldn't casually appraise other hot guys, just like I feel it's disrespectful to him to act like I never get momentarily mesmerized by pretty.

    And besides, how can I go over and introduce myself with that basket of shiny poisoned apples if I don't know who he thinks is cute? My magic mirror's broken, sadly.
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    Hey! I'm in a monogamous relationship, and still have guys on my Hot List. I don't see anything wrong with it, since it does not mean that I want to sleep with them! Besides, my partner and I like to check out guys together. They are just eye-candy, not that we would jump into bed with them. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 29, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    zdrew said

    And besides, how can I go over and introduce myself with that basket of shiny poisoned apples if I don't know who he thinks is cute?


    Boo. Ever heard of...

    The Magic MirrorĀ®?

    CALL 1-800-ONTHEWALL

    $15/minute, taxes not included.
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    Jul 29, 2008 4:00 PM GMT
    outofthegrey saidHey! I'm in a monogamous relationship, and still have guys on my Hot List. I don't see anything wrong with it, since it does not mean that I want to sleep with them! Besides, my partner and I like to check out guys together. They are just eye-candy, not that we would jump into bed with them. icon_smile.gif


    Same here. We're always pointing out hot guys to eachother. After each visit to the brothel, er gym, we typically have a hottie debrief where we discuss the finer points icon_exclaim.gif of our favorite gym bunnies. It's harmless and it keeps the lines of communication open. When you try to hide stuff like this, it takes on a seedy life of its own.
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Jul 29, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    RBY71 saidI have never found it disrespectful when my bf's have commented on other guys. I've always had fun with it. My ex would say "He's cute" and I'd say "Yeah, I'd put my dick in it" or something equally obnoxious like "Yeah, I'd lick the sweat outta his ass crack". It's fun, honest and does no harm.


    I've been known to say, "I'd eat a mile of his shit just to see where it came from" icon_lol.gif

    It's been pretty much my philosophy to just have fun with it as well. In the beginning of our relationship, I'd mention a hot guy and I'd always start by saying, in a very sarcastic tone, "Well, you know, Sweetheart, all other men are DEAD to me, but..."

    It is something we tease each other about. I sometimes playfully insinuate that he's sneaking off to visit the hot, straight marine he golfs with when he's leaving the house. He makes goofy batted eyelash and kissy faces at me whenever he sees me talking to the trainer at our gym he knows I think is beautiful.

    I guess for me, I don't really care where he gets his appetite as long as he does all his eating at home. icon_wink.gif

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    Jul 29, 2008 4:45 PM GMT
    hafakasi saidYou're absolutely right about it being a security issue, but being open about it may actually build security by communicating trust/comfort with your man and your regard for openness and honesty.


    Next time we are out I will be sure to communicate some trust and comfort to you LOLOL icon_smile.gif just kidding baby...

    "Chaserprize said
    What man in his right mind would have eyes for anyone but you?"


    Noone in their right mind would icon_smile.gif
  • steven_patter...

    Posts: 144

    Jul 29, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    [quote]I guess it could be viewed as a difference of open relationships v.s. monogamous ones, I dont know.
    [/quote]

    My partner and I have been together almost 25 years now and one of the delights of our relationship is checking out other guys and sharing it with one another. We both came out relatively late in life and had both denied ourselves the simple pleasure of just LOOKING at a hot guy for so long that it was something we wouldn't dream of denying one another now. So it's certainly not a difference between a monogamous and an open relationship. We don't sleep around, we don't play, but goddam! There's so much beauty out there - why not appreciate it openly? Guess I'm like "Georgie Girl" (boy, am I dating myself now) - I'm always window shopping, but never stopping to buy. If you and your partner are uncomfortable sharing your tastes in men, hey, don't do it. But I personally can't see why you wouldn't want to share that portion of yourselves with one another if you're sharing the rest of your lives. I dumped hiding all that when I finally came out. As long as he's the one you're going home with and he knows you're not aching to be with someone else (in which case, why be in a monogamous relationship in the first place), I certainly see no disrespect. If he IS insecure, there's a little thing called "tact" that comes into play. Know when it's OK and when it's gonna be a sore point - I hope you both know one another at least that well.
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    Jul 29, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    palikari said
    hafakasi saidYou're absolutely right about it being a security issue, but being open about it may actually build security by communicating trust/comfort with your man and your regard for openness and honesty.


    Next time we are out I will be sure to communicate some trust and comfort to you LOLOL icon_smile.gif just kidding baby...

    "Chaserprize said
    What man in his right mind would have eyes for anyone but you?"


    Noone in their right mind would icon_smile.gif


    Don't you worry your pretty little head-- I'll communicate something special to you too. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    Come on Grow up anyone can window shop but not Buy!

    Thinking it is worse than saying it!
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    Jul 29, 2008 5:34 PM GMT
    TurkishDelight saidCome on Grow up anyone can window shop but not Buy!

    Thinking it is worse than saying it!


    I cant necessarily agree, only because im THINKING IT ALL THE TIME!! hahaha! Its worse to convey to your partner then to simply let a thought pass by.

    Besides, when i was at Pride in SF a month ago, a couple walked up to me and asked to makeout with me each! HAHAHHA! I said no, cuz although its not up to me what they choose to do with their relationship, Id rather not be apart of it.

    Although my ex and I would frequently talk about other guys....nothing wrong with talking about it I suppose as long as its mutual, but you dont just throw it out like, "DUDE I NEED THAT GUY INSIDE ME TONIGHT!"

    haha, somebody, might get huuuurrrttt....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    The question is, what keeps your boyfriend at home: the sweet fruit or the leash?

    If the relationship is secure, your boyfriend will look and not wander. If it's not secure, your boyfriend will wander and lie about it. Best to have it all out in the open, where adults can make adult decisions.

    My job everyday is to be the better alternative. The day I lose out to someone who catches his eye is the start of the end of the relationship anyway. It's a good thing to know in advance, so I can have him killed.
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    Jul 29, 2008 7:51 PM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIf you don't express who you think is hot, how would you go about picking out which guys you'd like to share in the next three or fourway?

    I find "I'd like to fuck him" very effective for drawing my partner's attention to a new prospect.



    Now there are words that I'm sure have been spoken about YOU many times. Yumicon_evil.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19122

    Jul 29, 2008 7:55 PM GMT
    Seems to me that if you're truly secure and confident in your relationship than you don't have to pretend you're blind. Heck, gay guys notice other hot guys whether they are married or not?