Trying to move on- harder said than done

  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    Jun 14, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    This is more like a rant/sharing of the bs I've been trying to cope with for the past two weeks.


    I met my ex when I was still in the closet to my family halfway through junior year of college. He was my third real long term boyfriend and I was his first. He was a senior in college at the time. I thought he was way out of my league (tall, thick blond hair, blue eyes, nice body, etc.) and I thought it was going to be just two college kids messing around over winter break.

    What ensued in the next 18 months was probably one of the happiest moments of my life, thus far. He pushed for us to date, even though I was quite reluctant to do distance as our universities were hours apart. But I started falling for him quite hard.

    Many, many things happened during that time. I came out completely to my fraternity and the rest of the people at college. I shoved in the faces of conservative white jocks what a normal college-aged interracial gay couple was like. And I proved to them that we were no different than any other straight couple. The guys loved him and were even more supportive of me as the lone gay minority in an old fraternity. I even brought him to our fraternity formals- something that has never happened in my 157 year old institution.

    We both came out to our parents because we had each other and we didn't want to lie anymore. Both his and my parents supported us to the max. It was genuinely a happy, sweet moment in my life. The holidays came and went, our anniversary passed, and then I graduated from college. By now, I thought we were invincible. I thought if we survived college, anything could happen. I was looking forward to the next chapter in life.

    Well, about two weeks ago, out of nowhere, my ex called quits to our seemingly perfect relationship. I was blindsided and sickened by all of it. And day by day, I struggle at times to grasp what happened. At times I'm fine, at others not so much. I try to understand it all and just forget the past 18 months. I found out, through him, that he's already moved on and screwing with some guy younger than me and still in college.

    So much for putting faith into someone and believing that he was the one right?

  • FuzzyRich

    Posts: 52

    Jun 14, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    Wait. It'll heal.
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    Jun 14, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    I am proud of what you have achieved during this relationship. It certainly has made you stronger and overcome many barriers. On the flip side, it is really sad to hear that it didn't last.

    The least you can do is cherish and celebrate how this relationship has challenged you and the lasting benefits it have given you.

    You are an attractive young men and I am sure you will find your love again.

  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    Jun 15, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    I know, I know.

    It's just I feel trapped in suburbia now. I took this job to be close to home after college so I could a) save money living with the rents and b) well, be close to him.

    Now that shit has hit the fan, I want to drop everything and move out. Which isn't possible as I have little money to my name.

    I also dislike a lot of the other guys around here and feel like its some filthy cesspool of gays. I use to get over my exes by moving onto cooler, cuter guys, but I feel like I've hit a glass ceiling with it now.

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    Jun 15, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    Finish college and get on with life. Time will heal the wounds.

    BTW, congrats on coming out! Now you can live as yourself. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 15, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry to hear such. Thanks for sharing. As for your living situation, I say awesome sauce. You at least still have your first reason for moving there. You still have the parents to help you out. Take advantage of that and finish school. Focus on yourself, your career, and also on the friends and family that already love and support you. :-)

    You are 22 years old, handsome and with a future ahead of you. I trust that you are FAR from hitting the glass ceiling. Just take care of yourself and never forget to ask friends or family for help, or RJ-er's if you need someone to listen. Good day, hope it all gets better.
  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    Jun 15, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Thanks for the kind words. I actually graduated already and I ended up getting a job close to home and not really looking in other places. Which sucks because I shouldn't just jump ships that quickly after I start my first real life job.

    My parents have both been telling me to not dwell on the relationship and just move on. So they've been supportive but they'll never really understand it.
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    Jun 15, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    Well, relationships aren't all meant to last... its hard, but you deal with it after you learn the drill.. of course SOME are... but def not most
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    Jun 15, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    You will survive and you know that. It is only a matter of time.
  • aj101

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 15, 2012 8:38 AM GMT
    It sucks but time heals all. Thing is dont expect to forget about him. You will remember him, you always will. Moving on though is when you are able to look back and not feel complete sadness that it is over. Instead you are able to look back with fondness on what happened, and able to set your sights on the future.
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    Jun 15, 2012 9:33 AM GMT
    The swiftest way to adjust to a breakup is to have reason to believe your future will be a bright one. It seems like you have a lot of confounding factors on that front.

    So my advice would be to make the extra effort to be social, volunteer, take on extra responsibility at work, and so on. Involve yourself with your life, and look to move forward.

    If you don't like where you live now, and do not have the ability to move, I would suggest coming up with a battle plan. Pick out where you want to live. Create a budget so you can save to move out. Within reason, plan small trips to that location so you can a) get a sense that it is a real possibility, and b) make certain that you really want to live there. The more you start to gain traction on those fronts, the better off you'll be.

    And of course exercise like mad. A round of self-improvement can help reinforce a positive image of oneself, and make you realize this isn't the last guy you'll ever meet.
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    Jun 15, 2012 10:12 AM GMT
    Ouchhhh that is fuckin rough, and I'm a fan of rough fuckin, but dayyummm.
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    Jun 15, 2012 10:13 AM GMT
    It's a process. What helped me was thinking about the bad things about my ex that I ignored. It didn't really build up hatred, but it made me realize that there are better people out there.
  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    Jun 15, 2012 2:04 PM GMT

    Yeah, I agree. It's just difficult as I haven't started work yet so I've been just sitting at home doing nothing. Which leads to me thinking about the next big event that has happened in my life. I know I will never forget about him. It's just hard think about it without feel sick to myself.


    I really am hoping to leave for a cool city soon. I've always been around NYC my entire life and I have to admit, I hate it sometimes. It's too fast paced and a very dog-eats-dog kind of world. Hoping to move up to New England. I'm gonna have to see how much money I can save up.

    Don't get me wrong, I learnt a shit ton from my ex, especially in the cultural department. It's just hard to move forward when I had pictured moving forward would involve him.
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    Jun 15, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    I read so many stories like yours but, this time I cried a bit for you. I feel your love and emotions. Keep looking ahead, keep focused on helping YOU, and you will succeed ((hugs))