Any gay dads out there??

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    Jul 29, 2008 10:26 PM GMT
    I am a gay father of 3. My oldest son lives with me and my other 2 are here a couple days every week.

    Was wondering if any of the other gay dads ever have a hard time relating to other gays without children?

    I know I have alot of friends that always ask me to come to florida to see them, come to dc, lets go here, go there...

    beleive me I would love to do all these things but when you have kids your priorities change and whole life changes.

    I have to work my ass off to provide for them. Food, clothing, shelter and etc... and then on top of spending time with everyone try to make sure I have some time for me and my bf that lives 2 hours away right now.

    After all is said and done trying to squeeze in time to go mountain bike riding and working out is almost impossible sometimes.

    I love my kids more than anything but it feels sometimes like I am so out of touch and dont belong sometimes.

    Luckily I have found a great guy that is understanding and loves the kids. We really have become a family so to speak. My youngest son is 8 and he totally adores my bf. They do all kinds of things together.

    Anyway...any other gay dads feel out of sync or out of touch with our gay society??
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    Jul 29, 2008 11:23 PM GMT
    Yep, two sons, 20 and 22 years old.
  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Jul 30, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Daughter is 15, sons are 13 and 10.
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    Jul 30, 2008 2:20 AM GMT
    No kids yet. Give me a couple of years.
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    Jul 30, 2008 1:54 PM GMT
    Cool, gay parents. Someday I'll be among you, if only I could find a partner and afford to pay for someone to carry the kid for 9 months.
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    Jul 30, 2008 2:07 PM GMT
    My 23 y.o. daughter and my 12 day old grandson live with me and even with the stress of a new baby in the house it's amazing and wonderful.
  • HotCoach

    Posts: 247

    Jul 30, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    5 sons, 34,32,30,24 and 20!
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:02 PM GMT

    2 sons, 15 and 18
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    Jul 31, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    For those that have kids, how do your kids respond to you being gay and are they treated differently at school or amongst their peers. I hope my BF and I will have the ability to have a kid someday but always scared how they will be treated.
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    Jul 31, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    I really want a son one day...gotta get a date for Saturday night first icon_smile.gif Question though: what do your kids call you? Dad and Other Dad? Dad #1 and Dad #2? Or do you go the "modern" route and have them call you by your first names? I've always wondered about that.
  • adriaan

    Posts: 27

    Jul 31, 2008 4:29 AM GMT
    I came out to my dad 4months ago...and he in turn came out to me!!

    It's cool to have a gay dad...and be gay myself.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 31, 2008 4:55 AM GMT
    i have a 16 year old son from my marriage. I can certainly appreciate your frustrations with the scheduling and responsiblities of parenting and the desire to be part of the gay world which was part of the motivation of coming out. Certainly many gay men who do not have children do not understand the impact that a child has on their lives. How easily life flies by when you are caring for someone other than yourself. i recognize that many gay men are heavily involved in volunteer work with AIDs and other community service organizations, but a lot changes when you have something that isn't a voluntary basis...it is full time. Admittedly, I don't have my son full time. I wish i did. But i also recognize how very taxing and all encompassing having a child in your life 24/7 is. I wouldn't change having a child at all. I just wish that there were more who supported a life that revolved around more things than clubbing and the gym and the latest restaurants and the hottest vacation spots. Congrats to all those men who desire to have children. They are amazing. They are also alot more than the latest fad and think very hard about the responsiblities and impact on your life this decision will have. It is a monumental task. Not all children grow up nice and well behaved and respectful. You have to make it so. It will all fall onto your shoulders when there is a problem. This person will not be an equal, they will be a dependent and they will rely on you for everything. Ask your parents what it entails. I wish you will think twice before you proceed...and then proceed. If you go into it with eyes wide open, you will have to regrets and your children will love you fully for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    My son is 25, my daughter just turned 24.
    They are both smart, grounded, independent adults. They have grown up to be everything I would hope for. They have excellent heads and excellent hearts.

    Sometimes I can't believe my luck.
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    Jul 31, 2008 5:03 AM GMT
    blondnga saidi have a 16 year old son from my marriage. I can certainly appreciate your frustrations with the scheduling and responsiblities of parenting and the desire to be part of the gay world which was part of the motivation of coming out. Certainly many gay men who do not have children do not understand the impact that a child has on their lives. How easily life flies by when you are caring for someone other than yourself. i recognize that many gay men are heavily involved in volunteer work with AIDs and other community service organizations, but a lot changes when you have something that isn't a voluntary basis...it is full time. Admittedly, I don't have my son full time. I wish i did. But i also recognize how very taxing and all encompassing having a child in your life 24/7 is. I wouldn't change having a child at all. I just wish that there were more who supported a life that revolved around more things than clubbing and the gym and the latest restaurants and the hottest vacation spots. Congrats to all those men who desire to have children. They are amazing. They are also alot more than the latest fad and think very hard about the responsiblities and impact on your life this decision will have. It is a monumental task. Not all children grow up nice and well behaved and respectful. You have to make it so. It will all fall onto your shoulders when there is a problem. This person will not be an equal, they will be a dependent and they will rely on you for everything. Ask your parents what it entails. I wish you will think twice before you proceed...and then proceed. If you go into it with eyes wide open, you will have to regrets and your children will love you fully for it.


    Wow! I'm intrigued for as to why a Father and someone who can only hope to be a Father have the same opinions on the matter. That said, I cant wait to have a kid, or maybe more...someday. Obviously I'll be waiting a while, but I'd love to adopt someday.

    In regards to redbull, I can tell you that it's not just actually real dads. It's the difference in people who want children and people who don't. It seems to be an obvious difference when you get to know people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 6:10 AM GMT
    I just turned 20 this month and I am helping to raise my partner's 2 year old son, so I understand where you are coming from on the not being able to do much of anything except to provide for the kids. Even though we live together, my partner and I have only been out once together in the last 6 months, and that was just to see a movie. I wouldn't change it though. I love the little man and I'm glad that he has two people that he can count on to be here for him.

    I feel like "gay society" is frivolous and played out anyway. It's almost like gays are expected to live the bachelor's life for eternity. That is more than a little sad. I don't think that gay parents really fit into any niche of our society though, just because it is a new territory for most people.

    When people come across us, they don't really know what to think. Most immediately assume that one of us is the father, but everyone seems to be open to the idea of us taking care of him as long as he is with us. We only get the "fag" and "homo" comments or bad looks if we are without the little guy. None of that really matters though as long as he knows that we are going to get him into his bed at night and be there in the morning.
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    Jul 31, 2008 6:37 AM GMT
    My daughter is going to be 7 soon. She is adorable!! Check out a picture of us in my profile icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 29, 2008 11:03 PM GMT
    I have three daughters, aged 7 years, 4 years and 10 months. Not bad for a guy in his mid fifties!