FORUMS > All Things Gay Forum Rules

k3l3k0 said

Eric, the RJ forums are so not the place to find advice on things like this... you'll constantly be shot down for any vulnerability you show to these tools.

You're such a nice guy so don't worry - you'll make friends just keep being yourself

Haters exist and so do people that actually try to offer some advice. There's both varieties in this thread. Theres also the guys in between who make sarcastic jokes.

There's good advice and bad advice in here.

tera22 said

I think so. I think I've lost track of that a long long time ago. I don't know how to register again and come back.

Im going to go out on a limb and probably get labelled a hater. You got invited out to go play. You didn't go for whatever reason. You come on here with an excuse that you don't know how to register. There's this thing on your screen. It is called the search bar. Use it. I'll teach you. type in "gay volleyball boston". Then click on the first link, http://www.cbvolleyball.net/. Pay a membership online, then go play.

I'm not guaranteeing that you will make friends by doing this though. But hey, at least you like volleyball. If you don't end up making a friend the first time at least you got some exercise in and did something that you enjoy. The more times you go, the more familiar people get with your presence and then you'll have a better chance at making friends.

I will be your friend. I have ABSOLUTLEY NO desire to date/get into your pants.

I've experienced this myself. If nature and genetics have blessed you to be an attractive male, and masculine, then forget making friends with a gay guy who will not have a hard on for you and will do everything in his power to manipulate the reality around you to get in to your pants. Gay guys act just like girls in this one aspect of human behavior. But, if you can find a gay guy who eventually likes you because you are a good person and good friend, then he will put aside his horniness to be your friend. But remember that you will have to be very patient with him. Gay guys often seek validation for their identity in sex, or the ability to seduce someone in to sex, just like girls do, so the worst mistake you can make will be to sleep with this true potential friend thinking that this will make him your one gay friend. Don't do it. Once he knows that you and him will only be friends he will: 1) not want to have anything else to do with you (this is the kind of guy you should thank god that he left you as a friend), or 2) he will accept you as his beautiful, fine, sexy platonic friend and then he will start trying to use you to get other guys to sleep with him. Which is cool in my mind if he will be your true friend.

dontknowwhy said

DEKIRUMAN saidyou didn't accept my friend request. That's why you have no gay friends.

Yea I thought me and terra were homies but I guess not

I'll do anything to be one of the popular girls.

I have seen in the gay world the following strategy. If you like someone as a friend, but they have the hots for you: have sex with them a few times to get the horniness out of the equation, then friendship is possible.

I've never done it, and all of my gay friends (with the exception of actual Ex's) I have never had sex with. But that seems to be the exception rather than the rule in gay friendship circles.

Never had this problem and if any of my friends harbor any secret deep feelings they've done a damn good job of not letting me find out to which I say kudos. At the same time I don't harbor any sexual feelings for my friends so it all works out.

I am too lazy to read everything, but it seems like you are looking for friends in the wrong places. Trying to make friends purely from online can be a bad idea. Get out there and see the world

afaviation101 saidI am too lazy to read everything, but it seems like you are looking for friends in the wrong places. Trying to make friends purely from online can be a bad idea. Get out there and see the world

go to bed

dontknowwhy said

afaviation101 saidI am too lazy to read everything, but it seems like you are looking for friends in the wrong places. Trying to make friends purely from online can be a bad idea. Get out there and see the world

go to bed

but i is not tired

I've had a similar problem with making friends... I wish it was due to me being ridiculously hot but sadly I wasn't gifted with that. My problem has always been a lack of confidence. The feeling that others which I might approach will "look down" on me, think I'm inferior or "wasting their time". No one ever wants to experience rejection especially as a result of the above, so it paralyzes one socially.

The ways that I've always broken through this seemingly insurmountable wall have been to try and make myself more approachable, open, and inviting. Since my aformentioned fears seem to rear their ugly heads constantly, it has taken some doing, but I have managed to overcome all of this in rare instances. It's in those rare instances that I find the courage and personality to make new friends.

A lot of it has been going way outside of my comfort zone, if even for a quick second...

I hope there's something here which can help Terra.

I can somewhat relate to what you're saying, but for different reasons. I moved back to Boston six years ago and have had a hard time developing true friendships outside of work. I'm not young and hot like you, so guys are necessarily trying to get into my pants all the time (lol), but I do think that there is something about the culture of Boston where I find that people aren't as trusting and friendly as they are in other cities.

Further complicating this is the fact that I'm an introvert, so approaching "random" people to strike up a conversation is not natural for me. Some have suggested getting involved in the gay sports leagues that are prevalent in town. Beyond v-ball mentioned earlier, there are football, baseball, softball and swimming teams that are predominantly made up of gay men, so maybe that would be a good start for you.

On a more personal note, it seems you may be a bit too preoccupied with assuming that guys only want to have sex with you. You're a good-looking guy, so this may very well be the case, but you could also be creating your own barriers to making new friends. If you approach every potential friend opportunity with this skepticism, you'll NEVER make new friends. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and they may surprise you.

I really dont have gay friends, i come to realize me and gay men dont have nothing in commom except sex. Most gay men are into that club scene and the circuit party stuff. Which is not my thing. I love my sports, football, UFC, boxing, basketball. Majority of gay men i come in contact is not into that. There nothing wrong with that, moral of the story we all know what we like.

Ok, I've got to shout this because it seems this thread pops up every now and then and this can't be said often enough because it seems people are clueless about making friends.

STOP GOING ONLINE TO MAKE FRIENDS. FRIENDSHIPS ARE FORGED THROUGH COMMON INTERESTS AND EXPERIENCES SO GET OUT IN THE WORLD AND LIVE! THE ONLY COMMON INTEREST YOU HAVE ONLINE WITH SOMEONE IS THAT YOU ARE BOTH GAY AND LOOKING. THE PROBLM IS IS THAT THE OTHER PERSON KNOWS WHY HE IS ONLINE AND YOU DON'T. FOR THE MOST PART PEOPLE ARE ONLINE TO HOOKUP -- NOT MAKE FRIENDS. THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS BUT TOO FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. EVEN RJ IS A BIG EGO STROKE FOR MOST OF THE GUYS HERE; JUST READ THE FORUMS. FORGET ONLINE

SO GET OUT AND VOLUNTEER, TAKE A CLASS, JOIN A CLUB THAT INTERESTS YOU. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS READY-MADE, INSTANT FRIENDSHIP. FRIENDSHIP, LIKE ANY RELATIONSHIP, TAKES TIME, COMMITMENT, AND SACRIFICE -- THINGS MOST GAY GUYS, LIKE MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL, AREN'T WILLING TO INVEST BECAUSE IT MIGHT COST THEM SOMETHING.

DEPRESSING, YES. HOPELESS, NO. JUST BETTER YOUR ODDS OF FINDING FRIENDSHIP BY LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACES.


PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE: The word you want to use is WARY not WEARY! As in, "He was a bit wary about me." I've even heard people say weary in conversation when they meant wary.

Well, I have the same problem finding gay friends, it seems that most guys here in Melbourne prefer a good fuck rather than a good friend. So yeah, hard to make a connection which is not sexual, or look based.

to the OP, man that kinda sucks.
But don't lose hope (wow super cliche) even though it may be possible that there are more gay guys out there that are like the way you described in your post, there are surely some who are of good quality too.

It's tiring how you wait for persistance to eventually pay off but I bet you that when you do find a friend like that you'll appreciate it heaps!
You sound like an awesome guy so don't take those kind of guys to heart.
Another cliche coming up but hang in there mate!
As Rob Schneider would say in many of Adam Sandler's movies "you can do it"!

terra22 saidSo my problem is this. Whenever I try to make a gay friend, their are two issues with that.

1) They have a secret plan to want to get into my pants.
2) They end up developing feelings for me.

It's mostly the first one, and I don't want that at all.

terra, I think you misdiagnosed the issue. When presented with sexual interest, you discard the whole person because you don't want the one thing they are offering. But they have lots more to offer, just as you do to them. You can simply move over the obstacle of one-sided physical attraction and reach deeper interests.

With all my best friends (gay or straight female) there was initial sexual attraction on one side or the other. When we discovered that wasn't mutual, we still enjoyed each other's company. The trick is in how you convey your lack of attraction, because that says a lot about who you are.

When a potential friend shows you interest (sexual or otherwise), (s)he is offering you something valuable to them. If you react with disappointment or disgust, you are simply telling them what they are offering is worthless, and that makes them feel worthless in your eyes.

Instead, convey how valuable their interest is to you. Tell them how much you are flattered by their attention, and how much you'd like to reciprocate. Even better, don't just tell them, feel it.

UndercoverMan saidOk, I've got to shout this because it seems this thread pops up every now and then and this can't be said often enough because it seems people are clueless about making friends.

STOP GOING ONLINE TO MAKE FRIENDS. FRIENDSHIPS ARE FORGED THROUGH COMMON INTERESTS AND EXPERIENCES SO GET OUT IN THE WORLD AND LIVE! THE ONLY COMMON INTEREST YOU HAVE ONLINE WITH SOMEONE IS THAT YOU ARE BOTH GAY AND LOOKING. THE PROBLM IS IS THAT THE OTHER PERSON KNOWS WHY HE IS ONLINE AND YOU DON'T. FOR THE MOST PART PEOPLE ARE ONLINE TO HOOKUP -- NOT MAKE FRIENDS. THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS BUT TOO FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. EVEN RJ IS A BIG EGO STROKE FOR MOST OF THE GUYS HERE; JUST READ THE FORUMS. FORGET ONLINE

SO GET OUT AND VOLUNTEER, TAKE A CLASS, JOIN A CLUB THAT INTERESTS YOU. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS READY-MADE, INSTANT FRIENDSHIP. FRIENDSHIP, LIKE ANY RELATIONSHIP, TAKES TIME, COMMITMENT, AND SACRIFICE -- THINGS MOST GAY GUYS, LIKE MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL, AREN'T WILLING TO INVEST BECAUSE IT MIGHT COST THEM SOMETHING.

DEPRESSING, YES. HOPELESS, NO. JUST BETTER YOUR ODDS OF FINDING FRIENDSHIP BY LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACES.


PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE: The word you want to use is WARY not WEARY! As in, "He was a bit wary about me." I've even heard people say weary in conversation when they meant wary.

Its too hard to 'think'..for most!

tru_blu_auzzie saidYou know life can also become more complicated with lots of "gay" friends too.

Dear god it really can.

Try staying in a circle of friends including an ex or two, out of a desire to be a noble human being... shit gets very complicated. I feel like drama is seeping out of my pores.

Just work on making friends, gay or no. And if you aren't capable of establishing clear boundaries and intentions with people, especially new people, you will suffer the consequences.

Single gay men are horny bastards! You know that going in. You have to handle yourself in a way that will quickly weed out the fools. Don't be too available and be clear about avoiding intimate action. For example, if a new friend start rubbing your thigh inappropriately, be nice but clear that you do not like or want that.

dontknowwhy said

DEKIRUMAN saidyou didn't accept my friend request. That's why you have no gay friends.

Yea I thought me and terra were homies but I guess not

maybe he's just on his period

happens to all of us

Listen to this! It makes sense when it comes to friends or any other person.

I dont have many gay friends , but gay friends are your best friends ever , you can talk about problems which can't talk to parent or str8 friends . I have 1 gay friend , we met five years ago , he is my best friend now .I think if you really want gay friends , you should go some offline party , in many guys there , one will be your best friends