How to Get Privacy in a Roommate Station? Advice Needed

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    This is something a lot of guys with roommates who live in NYC (or any major city) have had to deal with.

    I'm finally entering my first relationship with a guy but we can't get any privacy for intimate time together since we both have roommates, mine is homophobic (I wasn't out when I got the place) but thankfully he isn't in on the weekdays (which may be a good opportunity but I have to get up early for work ). To make things even more frustrating the landlord doesn't want "overnight guests" which has caused me to search for a new place so I can bring him back to my place.

    He hasn't come out to his roommates and I don't know if they'd want him bringing me back.. haven't asked yet because I don't want to seem pushy or anything.

    People are all around all the time in Manhattan, especially on weekends and even in parks private space is lacking and they close at a certain time/ are patrolled by police so doing the Parisian thing may not go so well

    Getting frustrated and not sure what to until I find a new place... Getting out of the city and going.... somewhere for a romantic B&B for the night? I know sex isn't everything in a relationship but we both at that stage now...

    Other than the weekdays Any advice? Don't suggest hotel rooms that are "by the hour" places as those are less than romantic.

  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 16, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    Well I think you are on the right track by finding a new place. You have definitively pointed out that your current room mate is a homophobe and your landlord prefer you not have anyone overnight. This is not conducive to the privacy that you'll need for an intimate relationship in my opinion. You live in Manhattan so there has gotta be some other place that is more open minded and a more lax landlord out there.

    Edit: And as for advice on what to do about sex? Well you are in a tough spot there by both of you not being out. I mean I dunno, hotel rooms and a bed and breakfast like you said is really your best bet. There are bath houses..dunno how much sex you can have there. You could probably pull of some sketchy shit, but I think you'll just have to stick with dates and movies until you can get a new place. at least the sex will be that much better when you finally get to do it...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 6:43 PM GMT
    your landlord doenst want overnight guests????? whaaaaat?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    Kill him.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 16, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    You say that " he isn't in on the weekdays".....doesn't this give the 2 of you some privacy during the day-time? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    ^^^

    ...saucy.....icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_wink.gif
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Jun 16, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    The way to get privacy with a roommate situation is to negotiate it with your roommate. Tell him you want a set time when you know he won't be there. Offer to do the same for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 16, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    camfer saidThe way to get privacy with a roommate situation is to negotiate it with your roommate. Tell him you want a set time when you know he won't be there. Offer to do the same for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.


    Except that his roommate is also homophobic.....and homophobic roommates tend to also be nosy.....remember the Tyler Clemente roommate?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    CrankyMcBadass said
    msuNtx saidDon't live in NYC where privacy is an issue?

    What would be your alternative? Houston? (barf)


    Don't hate haha. I have my own room and I'm sure my rent is half what his apartment costs. That is the reason I could never live in nyc i feel your suffocated and have no privacy from anyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    CrankyMcBadass said
    msuNtx said
    CrankyMcBadass said
    msuNtx saidDon't live in NYC where privacy is an issue?

    What would be your alternative? Houston? (barf)


    Don't hate haha. I have my own room and I'm sure my rent is half what his apartment costs. That is the reason I could never live in nyc i feel your suffocated and have no privacy from anyone.

    I have relatives in Clear Lake City and Seabrook. I know Houston.


    Never said it was that good lol trust me. As soon as I graduate next May I am leaving and not coming back.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Jun 16, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    camfer saidThe way to get privacy with a roommate situation is to negotiate it with your roommate. Tell him you want a set time when you know he won't be there. Offer to do the same for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.


    Except that his roommate is also homophobic.....and homophobic roommates tend to also be nosy.....remember the Tyler Clemente roommate?


    Even homophobes need privacy sometimes. I think it can be negotiated so each has the place to himself for a while, without getting into any details as to why.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    camfer saidThe way to get privacy with a roommate situation is to negotiate it with your roommate. Tell him you want a set time when you know he won't be there. Offer to do the same for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.


    Except that his roommate is also homophobic.....and homophobic roommates tend to also be nosy.....remember the Tyler Clemente roommate?


    I would have taken a baseball bat to that motherfucker......icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    If you live in a Station, how do you expect to have any privacy? Find an apartment.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 16, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    turbobilly said
    malefeet said
    camfer saidThe way to get privacy with a roommate situation is to negotiate it with your roommate. Tell him you want a set time when you know he won't be there. Offer to do the same for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.


    Except that his roommate is also homophobic.....and homophobic roommates tend to also be nosy.....remember the Tyler Clemente roommate?


    I would have taken a baseball bat to that motherfucker......icon_evil.gif



    Stand in line.....icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    Pack up and move to Chicago, SF, LA, San Diego, Denver. All great places with better rent icon_biggrin.gif

    ^ Yea probably not going to happen. But if you said your roommate is away during the day and that your landlord (sounds like an awful person) doesn't like OVERNIGHT guests. Then just get it on during the daytime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    You can rent my bed but you have to bring your own sheets icon_razz.gif

    And no sex on my bench press, that's mine.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jun 16, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn saidPack up and move to Chicago, SF, LA, San Diego, Denver. All great places with better rent icon_biggrin.gif

    ^ Yea probably not going to happen. But if you said your roommate is away during the day and that your landlord (sounds like an awful person) doesn't like OVERNIGHT guests. Then just get it on during the daytime.



    Exactly! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    This thread reminds me of the movie Trick. Hilarious comedy about a couple of guys trying to find a place to hookup and roommates being in the way, etc. I need to order it on Netflix and watch it again.

    [url][/url]

  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Jun 16, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    Like someone said, bathhouse might work until you find other accomodations. One rent a room, other locker. Can do whatever you like, no one cares. Good luck. You may even find more out about each other and what is each into. Some have buddy night, which would make it even cheaper.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    While working on a more permanent change, get away for the week-ends, Friday and Saturday nights, or just Saturday night. You should be able to find places that are an easy drive and decent on any budget, Jersey shore, Long Island, Piermont or some other picturesque town in Rockland or Westchester CO, or Catskills.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Jun 16, 2012 10:29 PM GMT
    Sometimes people return home unexpectedly so if you depend on his being gone because of his usual schedule, you could be surprised.

    Give him ear plugs and a blindfold and tell him he has to wear them for the next couple hours.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    There's a Gay Roommate service in NYC (well - no doubt nation-wide...). Just find one - or a REAL person/roommate who's not a jerk. Many of my straight co-workers also have gay roommates and it's a NON-ISSUE. So ditch this situation as soon as possible. That's ridiculous!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice all! 100% of RJer's surveyed say ditch this apartment (which I'm going to) even though the rent is $750; which is nothing for NYC standards- but its in the middle of Queens and comes with a homophobic roommate. Major fail and not good for icon_mad.gif

    Found a room in Manhattan right around the corner from my BF for $725- with a non-homophobic roommate. No brainer here. I just need to get the second months rent together and then I'm getting the hell out of this apartment situation.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Ehanson saidThanks for the advice all! 100% of RJer's surveyed say ditch this apartment (which I'm going to) even though the rent is $750; which is nothing for NYC standards- but its in the middle of Queens and comes with a homophobic roommate. Major fail and not good for icon_mad.gif

    Found a room in Manhattan right around the corner from my BF for $725- with a non-homophobic roommate. No brainer here. I just need to get the second months rent together and then I'm getting the hell out of this apartment situation.


    That's awesome! Now you can spend some quality time with the bf icon_biggrin.gif. I hope this move makes the relationship stronger and both of you happier icon_smile.gif