I think im over my boyfriend

  • anysound

    Posts: 11

    Jun 17, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    Okay, so I'm 24 and so is he.

    It's nearly been 2 years since we officially got together.
    It was pretty up and down at the start.

    But for basically the first year of the relationship I was obsessed with him. Had like separation anxiety when I wasn't with him

    But in the past 12 months it's been different.
    I can go days and days (like a week) without seeing him and I don't seem to mind (before I would be sick!).

    Also, I'm finding myself not as physically into him.
    Like we never just cuddle on the couch etc.
    And honestly I don't even kiss him very often and there is no real desire to.

    My BF pointed out a few weeks ago in an argument that I never ask him over or make plans. I guess this is pretty much true.

    He won't bottom for me so I've hooked up with a couple of guys on 2 separate occasional (both which involved alcohol).

    Some people tell me that this is the norm - that long term relationships take this path.
    I agree in some sense.

    Another part tells me that i'm only 24 and realistically most relationships that start off when you're 22 don't last (particularly in the gay world) and this could be one of them.

    We don't live together which some of our friends find odd.
    Our first overseas holiday is in a month and IMO this could be the telling point that may break or make the relationship.

    Thoughts.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Lust is one of the most fleeting of emotions, while love can last a lifetime. Now is the time when you discover whether your love is the illusionary byproduct of lust, or if it can stand on its own when the lust has faded.

    I personally know a number of gay couples of 30 and 40 years duration, who got together at your age. So it does happen. With what frequency I can't say, there really are no good studies, I merely see and observe.

    Counseling may help, and talking this over with older, stable gay couples who have survived the transition from lust to love. And BTW, what you're experiencing happens to straight couples, too. It's a human thing, not an exclusively gay thing. The novelty almost always wears off, sexual & otherwise, but hopefully not before you find deeper bonds between you, that can endure for a lifetime.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    The honey moon phase doesn't last for anybody, it's chemical, but If you have the love for them & the common goals, interests & they are your best friend, I think you need to think about working on things before giving up. Is your bf clingy, or very needy? This can make you see him in a different light if you're being made responsible for his happiness. Maybe if you both do things enjoy on your own sometimes, you might appreciate him more. He might also be feeling this way too, but afraid to say something. Just talk to him.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:49 PM GMT
    You've listed these things and only "think" you're over your boyfriend?

    Hmm.

    Relationships grow over time, and unfortunately sometimes that means growing apart. I hope you're talking to him about what's going on in your head. Communication with him will go much more further than what "some people" think.
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    Jun 17, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    you totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless

    You should have ended it before you made things messy. I've seen your other posts... You have been having a rough time with him for a long time.. You should have ended it a long time ago
  • newral

    Posts: 137

    Jun 17, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    smartbart saidyou totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless


    ...concurring.
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    Jun 17, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    smartbart saidyou totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless

    You should have ended it before you made things messy. I've seen your other posts... You have been having a rough time with him for a long time.. You should have ended it a long time ago


    ^THIS
  • califun869

    Posts: 54

    Jun 17, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    Don't think. It will cause you to make unrational decisions.

    Feel.

    Remember there is no normal.

    Honestly your only 24, find someone who fits with what you want sexually and connects well with you. If you feel like you want to top, your going to continue to resent this fact for however long you are with him.
  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Jun 17, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    Your too young to be bored in a relationship. Move on and do you and him a favour. Staying together you both lose out on meeting the right person for each of you that's a better fit.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:13 PM GMT
    Honesty is MUCH more respectable than monogamy, because monogamy is (mostly) a lie.

    Tell him you cheated. Tell him every time you cheat again. Tell him why.

    Remember, sex is biophysical, and love is emotional. If you don't keep them separate, you're gonna be in for a long exhausting life of going guy2guy wishing you could find "Mr. Right."
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    newral said
    smartbart saidyou totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless


    ...concurring.


    I think it takes a spectacular lack of integrity to not inform your boyfriend that you don't want to continue the relationship before you have sex with other people. You're a moral coward.

    I would imagine that out of self-respect, and any remaining fondness you might have for him, you would just stop inflicting yourself on this poor guy.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    smartbart saidyou totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless

    You should have ended it before you made things messy. I've seen your other posts... You have been having a rough time with him for a long time.. You should have ended it a long time ago


    I don't know if I'd say he's worthless, but cheating on your bf because he wouldn't bottom for you is pretty reprehensible. At this point, this guy is not only hurting himself, but more importantly his bf. It'd be one thing if he was holding on because he genuinely cared for the one he's with, but his remarks show that he's ambivalent at best. Honestly, I'm kinda hoping the bf dumps his ass because he's the one being treated poorly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    califun869 saidDon't think. It will cause you to make unrational decisions.

    Feel.

    Remember there is no normal.

    Honestly your only 24, find someone who fits with what you want sexually and connects well with you. If you feel like you want to top, your going to continue to resent this fact for however long you are with him.


    Why offer advice he's already following? Not thinking is clearly his forte.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    smartbart saidyou totally cheated on your boyfriend twice because he won't bottom for you...

    You're worthless

    You should have ended it before you made things messy. I've seen your other posts... You have been having a rough time with him for a long time.. You should have ended it a long time ago

    This.
    Although, to be honest, I have not seen your other posts, but I get the idea your kind of a loon.
    At 24 most people are too immature for a long term relationship, especially gay men. Why not wait till you have your life a little more settled? Then date someone you are sexually attracted to?
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:29 PM GMT
    one of the difficult things about growing up is learning how to be emotionally mature. granted, its not easy to see things clearly as you're going through them, but you're in a relationship - this is part of the reason why you have a boyfriend and not just fuck buddies or casual hookups - so you can share with each other what you're going through and not feel so alone in the world. you can trust them with your most intimate secrets and become stronger in doing so. he can help you make sense of a confusing world by being your sounding board and maybe you can help him too by providing some sense of security.

    but it sounds like you're treating him like a fuck buddy. you are alone in your thoughts and decisions, you won't share a living space, you don't care if he's around, you are bored with the intimacy, and the sex you want is not available for whatever reason. why? you're withholding a deeper emotional connection, and as a result he's withholding physical intimacy of anal sex.

    it could be that he isn't able to separate physical and emotional intimacy. maybe for him bottoming is the ultimate sharing, and if he's feeling vulnerable and undervalued, he's not going to let you in physically because you won't let him in emotionally.

    i think you need to figure out what you value in this life, and then it will become clear what you should do. no one can make that decision for you, except yourself.

    good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    Break up with him for his sake, because you're not worth it and he doesn't seem to see that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2012 5:09 PM GMT
    Its heart breaking to see love seen as a business. "If you are ready to quench to some ...er..no wait! all of my desires then i love you, and only until when some hot guy comes around, you shouldn't mind as i may sleep with him and blame it on alcohol later! "

    Please try to be sincere atleast for sake of love when you are in a relationship or atleast be honest like real men do! Please don't spoil the purity of love and relationship.
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    Jun 19, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're too self-absorbed to be in a healthy relationship.

    Your separation anxiety at the beginning was all about your emotions.

    Your cheating on him was all about your physical needs.

    Your not wanting to spend time with him is all about your convenience.

    Let him go.

    Grow up.