Can You Help Who You Fall For ?

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    Jun 17, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Often it seems that so many people fall for men who are not exactly good for them. They treat you badly, play with your emotions etc and yet you are drawn to them and can't get the fuckers out of your head.

    So with that in mind do you think that you are in control of what men you are drawn to or is it some sort of chemical reaction which you have no control over (or perhaps a combination of both) ?
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    Jun 17, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    I will say yes. Yes you can.
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    Jun 17, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidI will say yes. Yes you can.


    Lol, care to expand upon why you feel you can ?
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    Jun 17, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    Yes.

    I control my emotions and impulses, not the other way around...
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    Jun 17, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't
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    Jun 17, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    Not me. Consistently falling for emotionally unavailable ass holes.
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    Jun 17, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    I have the same problem as Mark... haha
    I'm also very geographically challenged... fml icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    Hmmm, I dont think you can control who you fall for... you can control who you decide to leave alone anyway.... but controlling who you fall for is about as logical as controlling which foods taste pleasant to you.... you cant change that, cuz its just a chemical in your brain.... what tastes pleasant to you, you like... whom you fall for, you like.... but you can decide not to eat food thats not good for you.... you can decide not to bother with people that it doesnt work out with
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    No, you can't. I fall for straight guys 99.9% of the time. It's not because they are straight. It's because they have certain qualities that appeal to me that I don't usually find in the few gay guys I meet in real life.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:25 PM GMT
    I don't think you can control who you fall for but you can pick who you go with.
    I think many guys problems is that they are too selective and limit some guys because of a simple thing.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidNo, you can't. I fall for straight guys 99.9% of the time. It's not because they are straight. It's because they have certain qualities that appeal to me that I don't usually find in the few gay guys I meet in real life.


    really? As soon as I find out that a guy is straight I can't get interested in him... my mind just shuts itself off towards the breeders. Thankfully.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidreally? As soon as I find out that a guy is straight I can't get interested in him... my mind just shuts itself off towards the breeders. Thankfully.


    I wouldn't actually date a straight guy, but that seems to be the type of guy who attracts me. I've often wondered if my brain hates me and wants me to be alone forever.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidSometimes you can, sometimes you can't


    Agree with the kitty. It's situational. Sometimes it's just almost instantaneous and you can't get your mind off someone. At other times you almost convince yourself that there are qualities about someone to like or not like.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    k3l3k0 saidreally? As soon as I find out that a guy is straight I can't get interested in him... my mind just shuts itself off towards the breeders. Thankfully.


    I wouldn't actually date a straight guy, but that seems to be the type of guy who attracts me. I've often wondered if my brain hates me and wants me to be alone forever.


    Well, your brain and my brain must work off the same grid.
  • turtleneckjoc...

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    Jun 17, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    k3l3k0 saidreally? As soon as I find out that a guy is straight I can't get interested in him... my mind just shuts itself off towards the breeders. Thankfully.


    I wouldn't actually date a straight guy, but that seems to be the type of guy who attracts me. I've often wondered if my brain hates me and wants me to be alone forever.


    You'll find your guy. There is one on here I think would be perfect for you actually.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    To a certain degree, I think you can...I fall for straight guys all the time but I know how to control myself so that I don't hurt myself...
    There are plenty of fish in the sea anyway...
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    There's falling for and then there's falling for. Falling for a co-worker you spend large amounts of time getting to know on a progressive, daily basis, you probably can't (and shouldn't) control. 'Falling' for a guy online in a few days because he has hot pics and sweet emails, yes.
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    Jun 17, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    ECnAZ saidWell, your brain and my brain must work off the same grid.


    We should form a support group! icon_biggrin.gif
  • nomadfornow

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    Jun 17, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    I truly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants... GreenHopper's analogy is a good one. You can't help what flips your switches. But yes, how you respond to those stimuli are very much under your control. That said, I've been guilty of it for as long as I remember. I've a very bad habit of falling for the wrong ones, be they bad for me, beyond my reach, or whatever. Gradually learning to keep it in check, though.
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    Jun 17, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    We all have a filter; we accept what we find attractive and repel the rest. Some people's filters are harder to penetrate than others, but that doesn't mean that sometimes the wrong guy can slip through the cracks with the help of persistence, alcohol, or even just plain out lies and manipulation.
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    Jun 17, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidOften it seems that so many people fall for men who are not exactly good for them. They treat you badly, play with your emotions etc and yet you are drawn to them and can't get the fuckers out of your head.

    So with that in mind do you think that you are in control of what men you are drawn to or is it some sort of chemical reaction which you have no control over (or perhaps a combination of both) ?


    Yes and no. Sometimes there is a very real, instant attraction/connection that naturally occurs. This is pretty rare. Even still, one or both parties knows something is happening, and has the option to remove themselves or embrace it. Once you're in love though, it's no longer an option. It just is what it is.
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    Jun 17, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    nomadfornow saidI truly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants... GreenHopper's analogy is a good one. You can't help what flips your switches. But yes, how you respond to those stimuli are very much under your control.



    I find this to be true as well, although it took awhile; I was a slow learner.

    -Doug
  • nomadfornow

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    Jun 17, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    nomadfornow saidI truly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants... GreenHopper's analogy is a good one. You can't help what flips your switches. But yes, how you respond to those stimuli are very much under your control.



    I find this to be true as well, although it took awhile; I was a slow learner.

    -Doug


    You too, eh? I wish it were easier.
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    Jun 17, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    I know I can help who I won't fall for. I detest idiots and addicts so I look for that sort of behavior and when I see it, I walk, no matter what. That keeps me clean of the dangers those sorts of nutjobs bring to the table.
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    Jun 17, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidNo, you can't. I fall for straight guys 99.9% of the time. It's not because they are straight. It's because they have certain qualities that appeal to me that I don't usually find in the few gay guys I meet in real life.

    me 3. Why is that? Subconsciously I find someone who I can't have more desirable then a gay man who I think I have a chance with. Forever alone I guess. I will join your support group. Ill also bring the coffee and cookies.