I need advice from the smart men of RJ

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    Jul 30, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    so people who know me know how competitive i am, and for those of you who don't, well i get pissed to hell when i lose something and i should have won. That said, i'm in a little pickle here.

    My school IM team only allows you to play on one team for each sport you play in. Last year my men's team won the championship and i'm pretty sure we can win it again this year. We've played together for a while, have decent chemistry and get along well. All of us are pretty similar in skill level and we just mesh well. I also play on a co-ed team on the men's "off season" and the other guy on that team and one of our buddies wants to start a team and have me play with them. (these two are my closest friends in Boulder) The problem is i HATE HATE HATE to lose, and well they just aren't up to the skill level that my other team is at and we will lose a lot of games. I know it's just a game in reality, but i know i will be pissed at them and my self every week when we lose.

    So if you haven't figured it out, here is my question: Do i play with the team that is better skilled but not as close of friends, or with the team that has less skill but are closer friends?
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:44 AM GMT
    I played mixed netball with a bunch of friends from work and totally unexpectedly, one of them turned out to be a total win-Nazi. He really did wreck the fun for the rest of us. If it were my social team and I knew you were like that, I wouldn't want you on my team no matter how good you might be.

    That said, it could be a learning experience for you to see how much fun social sport can be, but you'd have to be conscious about the effect you could have on your friendships. You sure are nice to look at though!
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:55 AM GMT
    LOL "win Nazi." Great phrase.

    I'm with Makeu on this one, and I don't think it requires much smarts from the men of RJ.

    Play on the more skilled team. Win the thing. Tell your friends you already committed to the other team and that they are counting on you to achieve fame and glory. You'll be doing your friends a favor.

    I've been captain on "fun" teams with win Nazis and I've had to fire all of them. Ironically, in one case, our "fun team" eventually went up after a win Nazi's new "title contender" team (in volleyball) and beat the pants off of them in the quarter finals. Gosh were they dour. We loved it.

    Then went out and got smashed, per usual.

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    Jul 30, 2008 10:17 AM GMT
    It totally depends on where you locate your pleasure in playing. If winning is more important to you than the social aspect, go with the better team. If you're out there to hang with your friends and you could be doing any one of several activities just to be with them, then go with them.

    The point is, do you know what you're doing this for? If you do, the choice is clear. If you don't....clarify this for yourself.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:28 AM GMT
    Losing is unpleasant, and the social experience that is obtained as a consequence is most-likely commiseration and crying into wretched Colorado beer.

    Thank (insert whom or whatever you wish to thank here) that you are competitive by nature and not some pansy (I swear if you say anything Caslon I will stuff a cat where the sun doesn't shine) who dresses up losing as a social activity.

    The point of competitive athletics (I played football, in Texas) is to win, destroying your opponents if at all possible.

    If you want a social game that isn't (necessarily) competitive and where no one (necessarily) gets hurt, I would suggest a circle jerk. At least everyone gets off.

    I say, go have nachos with your loser friends, but play your sport to win.

    Terry
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:44 AM GMT
    theycallmeRED saidSo if you haven't figured it out, here is my question: Do i play with the team that is better skilled but not as close of friends, or with the team that has less skill but are closer friends?

    Either figure out how you are not going to be such a Win Nazi (I dont think you can do that) or pick the team with the better skills.

    If you play with your friends, you are not only going to lose games, but your friends, too.

    Oh, and when you turn them down, be honest. Tell them what a rotten personal psychology you have. And that you are just protecting them from a fate worst than losing a game.

    P.S. I have just the opposite personality for competitiveness. I think it is totally rude. I will compete against myself, but to defeat someone else to show that I am better makes no sense to me. I wont even compete at events at my personal trainers. Why do I care if I can do better than another or another better than I? What's only important is how am I doing compared to myself before. Am I improving?
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:49 AM GMT
    Personally, I think your psychology is just fine. I would even go as far as excellent.

    Furthermore it is nice to see someone asking a real question and not another rubbish thread on fat people, Dumbledore's beard styling, or whatever else.

    Good for you.

    Terry


    Caslon5000 said
    theycallmeRED saidSo if you haven't figured it out, here is my question: Do i play with the team that is better skilled but not as close of friends, or with the team that has less skill but are closer friends?

    Either figure out how you are not going to be such a Win Nazi (I dont think you can do that) or pick the team with the better skills.

    If you play with your friends, you are not only going to lose games, but your friends, too.

    Oh, and when you turn them down, be honest. Tell them what a rotten personal psychology you have. And that you are just protecting them from a fate worst than losing a game.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:56 AM GMT
    Tell your friends 'Thank You', but that you have been playing with the other team, and feel you have a commitment made to them.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to win.
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    Jul 30, 2008 11:20 AM GMT
    ursamajor saidPersonally, I think your psychology is just fine.


    Do you really think that getting all pissed off when you lose a GAME is psychologically well-adjusted?

    I can see wanting to play at a certain skill level to make the game challenging for one's self. But to get all pissed off over losing and mad at one's team's mates horrifies me.
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    Jul 30, 2008 1:40 PM GMT
    iguanaSF said...Play on the more skilled team. Win the thing. Tell your friends you already committed to the other team and that they are counting on you to achieve fame and glory. You'll be doing your friends a favor.

    As a fellow "win Nazi", I think Makeu and iguana's advice is spot on and gives you a great out so that it doesn't look like you're snubbing them. They are your friends after all.

    And Cas, some of us just don't know how to play without wanting to crush our opponents. But we still love ya even though you don't feel the same way!

    Go big or go home!
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    Jul 30, 2008 3:13 PM GMT
    Darlin, I know your well intentioned as anyone in the world, but I fail to see the qualitative difference between, for example, hating to lose and publicly telling someone that they have a "rotten psychology". That ain't nice.

    Re-reading the OP he does not say that he gets pissed off at his team-mates, he says "I get pissed off as hell when I lose something and I should have won".

    He goes on to say that "I know I will be pissed at them and my self every week when we lose".

    He presents the prospect of getting pissed at his friends as a problem that he must face and decide how to confront.

    I am sorry, but anyone who considers the consequences of their actions before the take those actions is well balanced in my book.

    Now, as to what I think about getting pissed of when I lose a game - it depends on what I mean by pissed off. Pissed off is a very broad term.

    If by pissed off I mean I lost a game of chess, a business deal, a boat race, or whatever else and I think I might just go out and shoot me someone then I would say I have a real problem.

    If, rather, I am disappointed in myself, and I am - in effect - in competition with myself to do my best possible job - then I don't see the problem. I doubt that Lance Armstrong, Michael Jordan, Carl Lewis, etc. think any differently.

    Not everything is a psychological disorder. Men and women are often competitive in many different ways.

    You have to admit, this is a more intelligent question than we have been seeing around here in awhile and this kid, in my humble opinion, deserves your wisdom and not your ire.

    Big kiss,
    Terry


    Caslon5000 said
    ursamajor saidPersonally, I think your psychology is just fine.


    Do you really think that getting all pissed off when you lose a GAME is psychologically well-adjusted?

    I can see wanting to play at a certain skill level to make the game challenging for one's self. But to get all pissed off over losing and mad at one's team's mates horrifies me.
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    Jul 30, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    Ursa - well said. Couldn't say it any better. I'll just add this. In the room where we kept the ergs (rowing machines for you non crew people) there was a sign at the front of the room that said simply:

    Right now, someone, somewhere is training harder than you. When you meet them, they will beat you.


    I remember that when I'm out running or riding in training for a race and my legs are getting tired.
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    Jul 30, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    Dude, stay with the skilled team because if your friends aren't "that" good and you get pissed when you loose, the friendship may end, TRUST me on this one!!!
  • MSUBioNerd

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    Jul 30, 2008 3:21 PM GMT
    If you find yourself being unpleasant to other people if your team is losing and/or the other people don't measure up to your standards, play on the more competitive team that doesn't have your friends on it. You'll be happier, and you won't alienate your friends. While it may be worth trying to work on your overall compeitiveness, in the short term it's better to just acknowledge it and take steps to keep it from costing your friendships.

    Have you checked whether you'd be eligible for more than one team if they were in different divisions? It varies from school to school, but it's something to consider. A few years ago a group of us on one of my IM teams decided to form a second, smaller team of just those of us who knew what we were doing, and entered the more competitive division with that team. It worked out great--we got the fun of playing with the larger group without caring if people did really poorly there, as we had a secondary outlet for any competitive tendencies.
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    Jul 30, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    I think it's better to recognize what is true within yourself. Whether or not that feeling is right or wrong, it's better to accept honestly which way is better for you, and ultimately better for your friends. To me, the answer is obvious - play with the team who wins. I say that because if you're going to be mad at yourself and your friends/teammates every time you lose, it could very well strain and jeopardize your friendships with them. It's probable, too, that your actions during the game are going to come across as bossy, dominating, or critical to your friends but to you, you're just trying to win. Why put your friendships at risk when you already know what is likely to happen? You might be met with a little resentment when you explain it to them...but not like you would if what you describe happens.
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    Jul 30, 2008 5:04 PM GMT
    Gigadu said
    Right now, someone, somewhere is training harder than you. When you meet them, they will beat you.

    I love the change in number in that statement.

    Ursait depends on what I mean by pissed off.

    I mean pissed off at your teammates for losing. I can understand being pissed off at one's self for not achieving, but not at the others. When competitiveness starts lashing out at others, the game's over.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Jul 30, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    I'd play with the closer friends and work hard with them to improve their skills
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 30, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    Old advice:
    1)Ask yourself,"What's the worst that can happen."
    2)Prepare to accept the worst if you have to.
    3)Then calmly improve on the worst.

    Updated version: Quit yer bitchin'. Which is worst? Losing a game or losing the respect of friends? Your answer to that question is the right one. If your friends are going to be there after you've gone to the other team and kicked thier butts, then you haven't lost. If you stay and control your anxiety and help them, as you no doubt have done in the past, you may win the games. You know the variables... just breathe and you'll figure out what to do.
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    Jul 30, 2008 5:29 PM GMT
    fail owned pwned pictures
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    Jul 30, 2008 5:39 PM GMT
    Ursait depends on what I mean by pissed off.

    I mean pissed off at your teammates for losing. I can understand being pissed off at one's self for not achieving, but not at the others. When competitiveness starts lashing out at others, the game's over.[/quote]

    Yes, that is what he said would potentially happen and the entire reason he started the thread, to avoid a situation where he might be tempted to be competitive with friends. I cannot understand how you can fail to read that.

    Terry
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    Jul 30, 2008 5:44 PM GMT
    theycallmeRED saidso people who know me know how competitive i am, and for those of you who don't, well i get pissed to hell when i lose something and i should have won. That said, i'm in a little pickle here.

    (edited)

    So if you haven't figured it out, here is my question: Do i play with the team that is better skilled but not as close of friends, or with the team that has less skill but are closer friends?


    Well, as I see it, if you're just gonna get pissed at your friends every week if you lose, and winning is so important to you, then I say go with the better chance of winning. That way, you'll still have your friends.
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    Jul 30, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    ursamajor said
    Ursait depends on what I mean by pissed off.

    I mean pissed off at your teammates for losing. I can understand being pissed off at one's self for not achieving, but not at the others. When competitiveness starts lashing out at others, the game's over.


    Yes, that is what he said would potentially happen and the entire reason he started the thread, to avoid a situation where he might be tempted to be competitive with friends. I cannot understand how you can fail to read that.

    Terry[/quote]
    Somewhere above our communication wires got crossed, but I dont think it is worth figuring it out.
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    Jul 30, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    Oh well, could you please post a damned LOLCat so we can put this sucker to bed? I would be most sincerely grateful.

    Terry
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    Jul 30, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    haha thanks guys, your advice is much appriciated. just to clear some things up, "pissed off at my friends" is usually from the point where i know we cannot comeback to win to about 2 hours after the game, and well I'm really all talk, and usually just talk to my self haha, so they really wouldn't "see" the pissed offness.

    MSUBio - you can't play in more then one league because if one team dominates their division they move them up for the tourny, and like wise if you get dominated every game you go down a level.

    yes i am a win nazi, always have been and probably always will be. it's just one of those drives that i have and can't really curb.

    I do play sand and pick up games with my lesser skilled friends, it's just when there is an actual prize or money on the line, i black out and become the win nazi, so i can play nice sometimes, haha

    ursa - i like the way you think!!

    Gig - Right now, someone, somewhere is training harder than you. When you meet them, they will beat you. is forever engrained in my mind from track in high school, also the quote "Is it rude to count out loud the number of people you lap in a race?"

    ok i think i covered it all, and we can either put those stupid cats up here or we can call it dead! your call caslon?
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    Jul 30, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    funny pictures ... done