Am I shallow? (2 examples)

  • whytehot

    Posts: 1166

    Jun 18, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    MA3000's horrible story made me think a bit about some of my past/recent experiences. Plz, no troll answers!

    1. How bout this... my first bf, I dated for 6 months, but after a while, he got thinner, and his haircut got gayer and gayer... if he had looked like that 6 months before, I would have declined his advances (we were already friends for a while). I've always valued his personality based on his original boy-next-door appearance, so I stuck with him for about a month, but I had lost all physical attraction to him. Fortunately I had to move anyway for a quick PhD degree, so we had an excuse to break up. But now that i'm back in town and we're both single, he was sort of hoping we'll pick up where we left off... but I said no.

    2. My favorite of the guys I've been seeing recently is really attractive inside and out (really hope it works out); but apparently he messaged me 5 months ago, and I had ignored him. I looked up old messages, and indeed he did, except with a different profile pic at the time. That pic gave me such an inaccurate impression of him (as a metrosexual with a wide face) that I didn't even recognize him as the chiseled athlete whom I messaged 4 months later. Looking at his old profile pics on facebook, it seemed like he didn't really change in appearance; it was just me making assumptions based on his clothes and facial expressions. How can I suck so much at reading people?
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    Jun 18, 2012 7:31 AM GMT
    whytehot saidPlz, no troll answers!
    Why not? Those are the most fun to read. icon_lol.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 18, 2012 11:54 AM GMT
    CrankyMcBadass saidBecause you are an appalling excuse for a human being? Just a guess.


    Oh become MOTD and suddenly you go soft.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 18, 2012 12:27 PM GMT
    Maybe when you look beyond physical appearance, you'll gain some real appreciation for those you date, which you don't now when you analyze haircuts and photos.
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    Jun 18, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    To answer your question, Yes, you are incredibly shallow.
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    Jun 18, 2012 12:40 PM GMT
    Yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2012 12:43 PM GMT
    If the key to personal growth is admitting your faults and then finding the strength and wisdom to change, perhaps you've made a first step toward NOT being so shallow with your above admissions....
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    Jun 18, 2012 12:44 PM GMT
    It wouldn't say you are shallow, I'd say you are a fucking sociopathic cunt.

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    Jun 18, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    whytehot saidI've always valued his personality based on his original boy-next-door appearance, ...; it was just me making assumptions based on his clothes and facial expressions. How can I suck so much at reading people?


    Book-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Cover
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    Jun 18, 2012 12:52 PM GMT
    Next time, talk to them. He started to change his appearance on the assumption it would cement the relationship and you didn't say anything.

    "suck at reading people".

    Update your screen name. I suck at reading people too.
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Oh good lord, people. This doesn't sound like MA3000 at ALL.

    You're attracted to who you're attracted to. And in your case, you sound like you're questioning your comfort zone with a little introspection, which is a great thing. As long as you're not cruel to those who you don't want to see (or see any more), and don't make appearance a sine qua non of having the nerve to even talk you you, I think you're alright.
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:21 PM GMT
    My eyes rolled right out of my head icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    You admit in your profile that you are pessimistic, so what hope is there for you no matter what you do in life?

    Can you please stop posting this shit? You're ridiculous.
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    Yeah you sound pretty damn shallow.
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    The big question is if the second guy you really like right now, if he changes his hair style and goes back to how it was 4 months ago would you feel differently. If you would then my guess will be you are shallow.
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    Jun 18, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    #1: This is the reason for dating. We date to evaluate the other person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He clearly was not someone you fell physically attracted to once you were dating. It happens.

    #2: Your loss. You have decided that physical appearance is your primary device for choosing someone to get to know. Even with having missed out on a really attractive guy, you don't get the shallowness of your approach. It would appear to me that you're very shallow in your criteria for relationships. Additionally, the fact that you don't even share a picture here tells me that your own self image is one that looks to the physical attraction of others for acceptance, get a hot guy and everyone will see that you're hot too!

    You'll probably have relationship problems your entire life with this approach since physically we all change and usually, not for the better. You'll be trading in yesterdays models for the new shiny one for a long time, only to find that no matter how shiny it is, in time it will rust away.

    Most of us would look at that old rusty car we've had forever and see the greatness in how reliable and dependable it's been for a very long time and, although it's not as pretty as the day we brought it home, it's ours and we're not about to get rid of it now.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11823

    Jun 18, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Yes Virginia...you're shallow.....
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    Jun 18, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    Claystation saidMy eyes rolled right out of my head icon_rolleyes.gif



    Photobucket


    Can I come over brah? icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 18, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    eb925guy said#1: This is the reason for dating. We date to evaluate the other person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He clearly was not someone you fell physically attracted to once you were dating. It happens.

    #2: Your loss. You have decided that physical appearance is your primary device for choosing someone to get to know. Even with having missed out on a really attractive guy, you don't get the shallowness of your approach. It would appear to me that you're very shallow in your criteria for relationships. Additionally, the fact that you don't even share a picture here tells me that your own self image is one that looks to the physical attraction of others for acceptance, get a hot guy and everyone will see that you're hot too!

    You'll probably have relationship problems your entire life with this approach since physically we all change and usually, not for the better. You'll be trading in yesterdays models for the new shiny one for a long time, only to find that no matter how shiny it is, in time it will rust away.

    Most of us would look at that old rusty car we've had forever and see the greatness in how reliable and dependable it's been for a very long time and, although it's not as pretty as the day we brought it home, it's ours and we're not about to get rid of it now.


    While I agree with this poster, I have a different take on this thread:

    I get sick of the "holier-than-thou" attitudes on Realjock forums. You will only hear condemnation on here. Do what you want and fuck an online forum's collective insecurity. If you think you are being too shallow... then stop it. Be more open to new guys. Life is a process and the fact that you are questioning your choices is a healthy sign. You will not get answers to reflective questions on here, though.

    Men are attracted to physicality first. It is what it is and all of the disingenuous posters are LYING if they say they aren't the same. They choose men based upon age, and "type" and location and religion and race and any criteria under the sun... 100% of humanity does that because one is attracted to whomever one is attracted to.

    Your question is "Am I shallow?" and the answer may be yes. But the next question is "Is there anything wrong with that?" If you have decided that there are things you want in a man/partner/BF and they are what you decided are important, fuck everyone else's judgement.

    I dont want to financially support anyone. I have a good job, but I am not getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't have their own job and money. Their own house, their own car...they dont have to be rich, just independent with their own ambition and career. I supported someone for too long and I am not doing it again. So, I have a money criteria and I really dont give a shit whether anyone on here thinks it is right or wrong. It is my choice.

    Be wary of asking personal questions of the forum anymore, it is a fruitless exercise in gay drama and hypocracy. Ask people you trust and in whom you can confide.
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    Jun 18, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    ^^completely agree with the holier than thou comments from musclebadger.

    Everyone has criteria for dating. No one is fair to say that yours is better morally than theirs.

    People on this forum need to get the fuck over themselves. Some of the behavior I have seen recently is really disgusting and makes me ashamed to be a part of this community.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Jun 18, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    MuscleBadger said
    eb925guy said#1: This is the reason for dating. We date to evaluate the other person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He clearly was not someone you fell physically attracted to once you were dating. It happens.

    #2: Your loss. You have decided that physical appearance is your primary device for choosing someone to get to know. Even with having missed out on a really attractive guy, you don't get the shallowness of your approach. It would appear to me that you're very shallow in your criteria for relationships. Additionally, the fact that you don't even share a picture here tells me that your own self image is one that looks to the physical attraction of others for acceptance, get a hot guy and everyone will see that you're hot too!

    You'll probably have relationship problems your entire life with this approach since physically we all change and usually, not for the better. You'll be trading in yesterdays models for the new shiny one for a long time, only to find that no matter how shiny it is, in time it will rust away.

    Most of us would look at that old rusty car we've had forever and see the greatness in how reliable and dependable it's been for a very long time and, although it's not as pretty as the day we brought it home, it's ours and we're not about to get rid of it now.


    While I agree with this poster, I have a different take on this thread:

    I get sick of the "holier-than-thou" attitudes on Realjock forums. You will only hear condemnation on here. Do what you want and fuck an online forum's collective insecurity. If you think you are being too shallow... then stop it. Be more open to new guys. Life is a process and the fact that you are questioning your choices is a healthy sign. You will not get answers to reflective questions on here, though.

    Men are attracted to physicality first. It is what it is and all of the disingenuous posters are LYING if they say they aren't the same. They choose men based upon age, and "type" and location and religion and race and any criteria under the sun... 100% of humanity does that because one is attracted to whomever one is attracted to.

    Your question is "Am I shallow?" and the answer may be yes. But the next question is "Is there anything wrong with that?" If you have decided that there are things you want in a man/partner/BF and they are what you decided are important, fuck everyone else's judgement.

    I dont want to financially support anyone. I have a good job, but I am not getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't have their own job and money. Their own house, their own car...they dont have to be rich, just independent with their own ambition and career. I supported someone for too long and I am not doing it again. So, I have a money criteria and I really dont give a shit whether anyone on here thinks it is right or wrong. It is my choice.

    Be wary of asking personal questions of the forum anymore, it is a fruitless exercise in gay drama and hypocracy. Ask people you trust and in whom you can confide.




    Totally agree with this guy - people here can be upright hypocrites - but every good drama show needs those. I come to see that NONE of these guys base who they're dating on the what they see physically!!?? You definitely came to the wrong place for honest answers. Do I think you're shallow - yes, I do. But I also consider myself shallow at times. Just the fact that I can like a guy who I've see for 20 seconds and know that I owe that liking based on what I saw physically makes me feel shallow. You know what you like - we all determine what we like with our eyes first - when you click on someone's profile, we see their pictures first, right? I highly doubt anybody reads their "about me" section first and then move onto the pics. Anyhow......

    It really just depends on the way you went around it. Did you try talking with your ex before you committed to breaking it off? Did you share your thoughts with him? The shalllow part will always be there. What matters is what we do with it and how we manage it so that we don't become REAL shallow people - kind of like the people here who just responded to your post trying to act all holy icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    Aren't we all...I know if there is a Next: he will have to like Tomato sauce and all things Tomato, including Ketchup...Seriously, fuck Mayo.
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    Jun 18, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    There is a certain level of shallowness to your decisions. But you're attracted to what you're attracted to so that makes it difficult.
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jun 18, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    i dnt agree with the terms shallow or superficial. everyone has standards. if u have high standards then that is u. other ppl put emphasis on other things like personality. u have to b attracted to ur mate in every way and if ur not then its not gunna work. ppl need to stop judging others. there's nothing wrong with u.
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    Jun 18, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    I met my last buried bud on AOL in the very early days before we readily showed our faces. We connected with each other really fucking well and developed probably the most intimate relationship I've ever known which lasted 10 years, even though it turned out that when we finally exchanged pics, though he was a very good looking guy, he wasn't my type. But he was a great guy and that's what mattered.

    My type was the gorgeous schmuck I went after in my junior year at college, the one who dumped me for a football player after two years, and then tried befriending me again when that didn't work out for him.

    Between them, I did luck into a book who matched the cover and that was 10 years of amazing. But in my experience, that doesn't happen much in life. It was rare and fleeting. Never found another. It'd be a nice surprise, of course, but I neither expect to nor do I require it.

    Do not waste your life looking for it or you'll wind up like most, never having known love and making up all sorts of excuses and rationalizations for it.

    Keep the book. Fuck the cover. Literally. If the book doesn't completely satisfy, you know what, we're gay, we're allowed to have open relationships and say fuck the judgment of others.

    Because you know what else? Covers fade, yours will too; pages tear, some of yours are already dogeared; people lose their jobs and their looks and their health and that's life. Don't throw it all away before life takes it away or you'll be left with not even memories of times you could have enjoyed sharing with someone who loves you for who you are with all your faults because you weren't perfect for them either.