Vacations are Amazing or Why'd I Do That?

  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jun 19, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    TL;DR: Skydiving was amazing! It makes me want to move! But...

    Well, let's just say my Skydiving adventures changed my life and put a whole lot of things in perspective. Hurling towards the ground from 15,000 feet at 120mph definitely clears your mind and sorta reboots the old inner computer. It did for me at least. Plus, toss in a night of bowling, clubbing and puking at an iHop and I had a kick ass time. Keep in mind I'm not a party person at all (I've hosted my own but that's about it--I was never a club goer). Toss about 8 or 9 3/4 alcohol 1/4 whatever else drinks in me around 5000 feet above sea level and I'm cool as a cucumber. Zero regrets. 100% pure entertainment for everyone else.

    When I originally set out on my vacation, I was rather worried. It wasn't so much the skydiving that bothered me but rather the interaction with other people. Would I be viewed as the outsider? Would I be accepted as part of the group? I know how gay men can be. I know how judgmental and bitchy they can be with people who aren't apart of their clique, entourage, whatever. But, the guys I met in Albuquerque were so laid back, so fun to be around it made me feel much more accepted in a place that wasn't even my own. They blew me away. I guess I made such an impression on them they kept asking my best friend (aka blowing up his phone) when I was coming back or whether they could convince me to move there.

    Although my worries were trivial at the time, it was a proverbial firecracker under my ass on my way back home. How so? Well, it broke me out of my shell and made me do things I never thought I'd do... one of them (as insignificant as it may be) was a game of strip Mario Kart. Thankfully I stopped short of the wrestling romp or orgy or whatever it was that ensued afterwards (I had gone to bed considering I had a flight in the morning and couldn't keep my eyes awake). It kept me up in my room but it was all apart of the memories. Plus, it planted the seed for moving in my brain. Kinda funny given how conservative of a guy I can be. I won't even go into how hilariously creepy my Grindr experiences were. Out of the hundreds of messages I had maybe 12 or so were actual conversations.

    Digression aside, back to the story.

    Oddly enough, when I was on the plane back home, I was working on a song translation following a wonderful chat with a woman over translation, linguistics and languages--something I have not had the the chance to do in quite a long time. I put my iPod on shuffle and an Utada Hikaru song popped up (surprise surprise--I'm a huge fan of hers). The song is about a year and a half old and I never gave it much thought... until now. As much as the song symbolizes her thoughts prior to her hiatus from singing, they embody the feelings I've felt for quite a long time. The title of the song is "Show me Love (Not a Dream)". I'll share my translation with you all:

    Show Me Love (Not a Dream) I shut it out but it wouldn't fade
    slowly sinking to the bottom of a lake again and again

    If you desire too much, you'll end up with nothing
    worn out by contradictions makes my heart a little heavy

    They say running away only makes you more afraid
    (inside my lavender dreams)
    I thought I knew

    I can't say "Don't worry, one day..."
    I won't see if I cling to my lack of self-confidence

    My inner passage
    Inner passage
    it's all in my head
    it's all in my head

    the light turns purple and my mind goes blank
    only my anxiety doesn't stop

    I'm weak, but that's fine
    It's not something to be embarrassed about

    Truth is, everyone should carry a deep darkness
    At times we get sick, struggle, kick and scream
    retrace the source of your pain
    retrace the source
    it's all in my head
    it's all in my head

    let's forget the theories we've built
    if you've climbed a mountain, you've gotta come down

    Truth is, even the deepest love isn't perfect
    it's something no one but you can give yourself
    the courage to accept yourself
    the courage to accept

    Actually, you won't start living your life
    until you realize you've been living a lie
    my inner passage
    inner passage
    it's all in my head
    it's all in my head

    The last part of the song 「実際 夢見てばかり見ていたと気付いた時 初めて自力で一歩踏み出す」 is literally translated as: The first time you step forward on your own is, in reality, the moment you realize you were just living in a dreamworld. I think I may get this as a tattoo. I don't know why.

    So, as a result of this whole vacation, I've been planning, plotting and trying to forecast an eventual move to Albuquerque. My buddy thinks I should just take my next vacation in September and say 'bon voyage' to my company. I've only plotted gas expenses, new car insurance and some apartments but that's it. I can't think of anything else at the moment. I suppose furniture but that can wait right now.

    But, this is the kicker: I just got a promotion at work. I signed the paperwork to move up the corporate chain a wee bit. I'll be a coordinator (yay! job titles!) for overnight operations. This increases my pay roughly $1.50/hr. So, while my new pay rate kicks in on July 1st, I have no clue when I'll be transferred to begin my new position. I basically have to train my replacement before moving on.

    That's why I was thinking of waiting until after the holiday to move, but as my best friend suggested that wouldn't be wise because there may not be many people hiring. Blaaah. Plus, I don't wanna piss off all the people that bent over backwards to help get me into this position. I'd feel bad. I think?

    P.S.: I'll upload some pics and vids of my dive when I get the DVD. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    Next step, get a pilot license and learn aerobatics.

    Freefalling at 120 MPH is fun, but falling at 200+ MPH from the top of a loopty loop is totally fucking awesome. icon_biggrin.gif
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jun 19, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidNext step, get a pilot license and learn aerobatics.

    Freefalling at 120 MPH is fun, but falling at 200+ MPH from the top of a loopty loop is totally fucking awesome. icon_biggrin.gif

    Interesting... *writes that down*