Coming out to my gay cousin

  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jul 30, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    Ok, so I have decided that this Saturday I'll come out to my gay cousin. She is still in the closet as am I, I only found out about her through a friend.

    The Saturday might be the last time I'll see her again, since it would be her mother's wedding, so she might not be able to go stay at her mum's (where I would rarely meet her). I would like to tell her so that I'll have a relative I can turn to when I need to, and she'll be the only person I'd have come out to.

    How do you guys think I should go about it? It's so scary, hehe.

    Thanks beforehand,
    Matt
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 30, 2008 6:18 PM GMT
    MUTTSKINS!

    I applaud your desire to talk to a family member about this.. a couple of ideas..

    1) Select a time when you both are alone and you aren't rushed. Maybe make it after the wedding during or after the reception. I'm guessing you get along with this cousin and that conversations with her aren't unusual.

    2) Cast all in a positive light. Since you haven't talked to her about this (nor do you know her thoughts), I would be prepared to listen to her and make suggestions and give thoughtful input on her situation.

    3) Ask who else in the family knows about her and certainly ask her input on her views on other family members, ways to discuss and her views in general.


    I think its great... I hope you will let us know how it turns out. BTW, if you can't see her alone or for a period of time (unrushed), I'd tell her you need to talk to her about something very important and try and establish a time to do so, if not in person, then by phone.
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    Jul 30, 2008 7:04 PM GMT
    YAY! Another one for matspills! icon_biggrin.gif

    Since I'm not out to my family yet, no advice, but good luck! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2008 8:33 PM GMT
    "so i heard you like chicks. that's funny, cuz i don't..."

    should be a nice ice breaker.

    my lesbian cousin and i came out to each other around the same time in a confessional kinda style. it was a good time though and now we're out and proud together. it's nice to have a blood-relative to talk to about gayness, interesting bond for sure icon_lol.gif
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Jul 30, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    Mutts:

    Good for you... The steps will get easier as you go along.

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    Jul 30, 2008 9:07 PM GMT
    I actually figured out my cousin was gay while we were at another cousin's wedding.

    When we were talking at the reception or at some point during the weekend, he mentioned that he was working at a bar part time.

    A week later I was on the phone with him and asked him if there were any hot guys at the bar where he worked icon_eek.gif.

    The rest is history, but we get along great and are out and proud in the family.

    DO IT!
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:47 PM GMT
    Good luck to you. I'm not out but am nearing that point so I feel what you're going through. I think it would be helpful to tell someone else who's gay first. In your case, your cousin's not out yet either so it should help not having to worry about it running through your family immediately.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Aug 01, 2008 12:36 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the support, lol, love that line trailBLAZER! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2008 12:42 PM GMT
    Ask if her dress comes in your size? ... icon_eek.gif ... icon_lol.gif
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Aug 01, 2008 12:42 PM GMT
    Good luck with that muttskins, coming out is so scary, but so exciting and liberating.
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    Aug 01, 2008 1:18 PM GMT
    Trailblazers line is very funny, but I wouldn't use it. That makes it confrontational, you are making it about her sexuality. She might feel betrayed that she told a friend in confidence and now her sexuality is being discussed at a large family gathering. A bad scene.

    Reach out to her. Tell her you always felt close to her and that there is something you need to tell her. By talking to her about your sexuality you open the dialogue to her sexuality.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Aug 03, 2008 8:49 PM GMT
    Hmph, I didn't tell her. I got a bit scared, plus I didn't want to end up having the entire family finding out. Plus, my friend may not have been right in his suspicions, he only thinks she had a crush on some other girl, he may have misinterpreted it. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2008 8:51 PM GMT
    Bummer. icon_confused.gif

    Well... some other time? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2008 8:52 PM GMT
    Next time you're with her, point to a rug and say, "Does that give you the munchies?"