is it to risky dating younger guy ?

  • gabriel29

    Posts: 44

    Jul 30, 2008 7:19 PM GMT
    I'm very shy person and when I go out dont make any new connections. I just cant break the wall to talk to guys. For this simple reason I set up dates only on line.
    I don’t think it is wrong way and I'm not sure if its the best one. anyway - while ago I meet online very sweet boy.
    I'm 30 years old, over of clubbing or party for whole night. I treat life pretty serious and I believe I'm mature person.
    This boy is 22..he is nice and sweet but still boy not a man. For me 8 years is pretty big gap.
    We are on different stage in our life’s but some of my friends try to convince me the age is doesn’t matter. it is just the number or no ?.
    Do you agree guys ?
    Generally I attract much more younger boys. I prefer guys in my age or older but they don’t find me interesting or boring ? Where is the problem ?
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    Jul 30, 2008 7:25 PM GMT
    Yes. We younger 'boys' bite and have rabies.

    Seriously, it's not age, it's how well you complement each other that counts. i.e. an 18 year old martial artist will probably get along better with a 50 year old martial artist rather than another 18 year old beautician.
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    Jul 30, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    I've dated guys older than myself and prefer that. Being 22, a guy who's three to five years older than me tend to be more mature and know what they want out of life and the relationship.

    However, as an average 22 year-old, he may not be as serious or commited, and then there are still certain age barriers. I mean, I tried dating a 38 year-old bartender once and that just didn't work out because that's way too old.

    But an eight year difference isn't that significant.
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    Jul 30, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    Well 8 yrs isn't THAT much older (especially at your current ages). It really depends on the two of you, how you relate to one another, your compatability, your long-term goals (as they stand right now) and your ability to communicate with one another.

    I think that a lot of people in ANY situation put pressure on themselves from the onset to make it a "relationship". Don't do that. If you're attracted to him, and he to you, then date him. You're under no obligation to marry him. You just need to get to know him and go from there.

    However, if you realize that you aren't compatable with him due to the age difference (ie. he turns out to be really immature and/or you are too serious -- or vice versa) then be honest with him that you feel it isn't working out & end it. Younger guys -- even the mature ones -- tend to have less experience dating/being in relationships, and they take things very hard as a result. It's better not to jerk them around. Treat them like you would like to be treated (important to remember in any situation).

    Good luck & let us know what happens.
  • gabriel29

    Posts: 44

    Jul 30, 2008 7:57 PM GMT
    thx guys..
    I know how important is play fare with people.
    After years I don’t care so much what people thinking about me -specially random guys but it not the case.
    I would like to follow in love. I would love to know I can trust this special guy and he will underhand what I feel.it is selfish ?
    It is not about appreciations having a partner or cheating - younger and older guys cheat in the same way.
    I'm not sure if young boy can be a partner of mature man. When I was in this age -22-23 I wasn’t good material for long term bf. I'm not into changing bf every 3 months or so. I prefer just don’t have bf how jump from one to another.
    After all maybe I just don’t meet right person or except to much icon_smile.gif ????
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    It's a _date_. One. Date. Even if you're already gone out a few times, it's still one date after the next. You don't have to make any decisions until you and he decide to make decisions. Just go on a date. Then go on another one. Repeat as necessary. If it bugs you out that much after a while, it's clear, it's not going to work--but don't count on age being the thing that keeps it from working. Maybe it won't be him, but you icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:24 PM GMT
    I'm 30. My boyfriend's 22. We get on famously. It's not your age, but your perspective on life that matters. And besides, you don't really get anywhere always playing it safe, especially when it comes to meeting guys. If there's a potential there, go for it.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    zdrew saidI'm 30. My boyfriend's 22. We get on famously. It's not your age, but your perspective on life that matters. And besides, you don't really get anywhere always playing it safe, especially when it comes to meeting guys. If there's a potential there, go for it.


    Zdrew's advice is good, if he was 15 and you were 23 it might be different, but he is 22 which is heading towards full maturity. I was 37 and my partner 26 when we started dating. He was a mature 26 so it was, and is a good fit.

    Besides what do you have to lose? If you do not take any chances in the dating game you will find it very hard to find a guy.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    everyone so far has made valid points and discussions!

    i think it comes down to getting a feel for the guy as you continue to see each other. he may reflect the immaturity of his age, or he could be the polar opposite and be very together and on the same track as you. 8 years is not a big gap at all.

    my first boyfriend was 14 years older than me, and we lasted 4.5 years together. it can work out, just cross that bridge when you get there.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    Well, I'm currently 41. The last 3 guys I dated seriously over the past 6 years were 20, 33 & 26.

    I'm currently very interested in a 20 year old guy, and he seems to be very interested in me as well.

    Honestly, age is just a number to me. I've never seen it as a barrier. If we get along, thats great, thats what counts to me.

    If it doesn't work out, then move on. But you'll never know if you don't try.icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    I know I'm only 23, and some of you consider that young. But I don't date anyone younger than me, male or female. Older people tend to know what they won't and don't play as many games.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    As pretty much everyone said it's all about maturity. He could be a very mature 22, who is actually on your level.

    8 years isn't too much once you get out of highschool.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:00 PM GMT
    True, age is only a number to an extent. Speaking universally however, I believe that two men may be able to transcend great age disparities during a relationship's inception, but inescapably, one's fundamental differences will eventually get the best of them. For instance, society will always inexorably impose their stigmas on you and no matter how resilient you feel the relationship is, this will muddle things. Also, no matter how "mature" the younger individual may be, they're still ghastly more inexperienced in life matter than the older individual which invariantly creates some sort of cognitive gulf. Moreover, if you're the younger man, you won't want to be dating a decrepit geriatric in 10 years, and if you're the older man, you won't want to be abandoned because you've aged...


    All that said, I don't think an 8 year gap is insurmountable...All that rigamarole I just spewed was speaking more to 20 and 30 year age gaps.

    Best of luck with this guy.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    I'm very very old and not necessarily very wise but I will try to answer your question(s) but not until I find out who's been stealing my money and my bingo chips!
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    I'm 22 and my boyfriend's 31. There are definitely differences between the two of us and some of them do come down to the places we are at in our respective lives. Still, I think if you're compatible then those differences are not insurmountable. The question really is whether or not you're up for putting in the work to make the gap seem less large. And over time, it will shrink.

    Best of luck.
  • gabriel29

    Posts: 44

    Jul 30, 2008 11:00 PM GMT
    okey.i get the point but I'm not sure if I want to be a teacher.
    I want share my life, my activities.i want to travel togeter but I'm not the dady type..
    i dont looking for barbe or even Ken but for sexy (in my eyes ) and smart guy.
    I guess I have to find the answer for my question in my head icon_smile.gif
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jul 30, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    I can definately relate. I'm sorta dating someone 23yo. I tend to like guys around my age, but always seem to end up withy younger guys....Ugh!!.....LOL
    icon_wink.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jul 31, 2008 1:44 AM GMT
    I'm 26, my partner is 33, when we met it was 23-30. It was awkward at first whenever the age thing came up, but we have been open about it- and because we were worried and both talked about it, we felt better about it and knew we were aware of what we were doing.
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    Jul 31, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    gabriel29 saidokey.i get the point but I'm not sure if I want to be a teacher.
    I want share my life, my activities.i want to travel togeter but I'm not the dady type..
    i dont looking for barbe or even Ken but for sexy (in my eyes ) and smart guy.
    I guess I have to find the answer for my question in my head icon_smile.gif


    Then don't teach. Just do what you want to do. You're the one who controls what you do. If you don't want to be the teacher, then don't be the teacher. If you don't want to take a certain role in the relationship, then don't. If it looks like it's being forced on you and you're not down with it, then it's probably time to get out.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 31, 2008 2:23 AM GMT
    The only drawback that I see
    is that you guys might be at two different stages in your life
    Generally speaking...and this isn't everybody
    so you're going to have to make your own judgement call on it
    Guys in their early 20's are just feeling their gay oats and aren't prone to settling down
    around 30 many men are looking to at least start pairing off into longer term relationships
    You're going to have to see if either or both of you fit or break any of these patterns if you want a successful relationship
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    I think you should look more to why you dont hit it off with the guys you like...older men.

    My suspicion is that your reticence to talk is probably the problem. Older guys want a companion who can carry his end of the "relationship"...whether that relationship is just a date or something more long term.

    I suggest that you not worry about this 22 year old and work on figuring out why you are so reticent. I gained confidence with age...as I got older I realized that other people are nothing special once you get to know them and I have just as much in me as they do. I also have learned to let loose and be funny. Now I am greeted happily everywhere. I have mentioned that my chiropractor's office would slip patients in ahead of me to keep there longer.

    I would think that with your world experience coming from Eastern Europe you must have lots of interesting perspectives on life around you. If you are shy about your language skills at all...fuck that...an accent and grammatical slip up just make you exotic.

    So work on opening up. Talk to close friends about it and get their insight....and they can help draw you into conversations when you are out and they notice that you are slipping back into your shell.
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    Jul 31, 2008 2:42 AM GMT
    I'm 22 and I consider myself mature on many levels but I'm still struggling with one thing.

    I get lonely sometimes and I hate being single. I beat myself up for not being in a LTR by now. This is thou everytime I go on a date I leave it usually feeling like I'm not ready to settle down and I get this trapt feeling.

    Right now for me at 22. The idea of spending the rest of my life with the same guy scares the fuck outta me. I don't even know really if the guy I like today i'll like tomorrow. Or my "type" now will be my "type" this time next year.

    I'm not saying if I did fall for a guy I wouldn't give it my all, what i'm saying is I haven't and I just want to date different guys learn what I like and the idea of being with one person so young and missing out on that is scary to me.

    I'm not speaking on the part of all guys in there early 20's but it's personally where a lot of us are in our lives.

    It wont hurt to go on a date with him see it out a bit maybe it'll work out... but you might want totally different things.

    I'm sure when i'm 25 I'll know what i want but when you date younger guys its a risk you gotta take.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 3:06 AM GMT
    Take a chance... with risk comes reward.

    I am currently dating a 19y.o.(I'm 26) who's very mature for his age, open-minded, and loves to communicate. We have many things in common and are still discovering alot about each other... we both have made it clear to take things one step at a time and if things don't quite workout... well, we both can say we at least tried.

    BTW, age is just a number!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 6:48 AM GMT
    There is no certain age or qualifications to show when someone matures. It is risky dating anyone, at any age.

    If you don't take the chance though, you will end up alone.
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    Jul 31, 2008 7:43 AM GMT
    gabriel29 saidI'm very shy person and when I go out dont make any new connections. I just cant break the wall to talk to guys. For this simple reason I set up dates only on line.
    I don’t think it is wrong way and I'm not sure if its the best one. anyway - while ago I meet online very sweet boy.
    I'm 30 years old, over of clubbing or party for whole night. I treat life pretty serious and I believe I'm mature person.
    This boy is 22..he is nice and sweet but still boy not a man. For me 8 years is pretty big gap.
    We are on different stage in our life’s but some of my friends try to convince me the age is doesn’t matter. it is just the number or no ?.
    Do you agree guys ?
    Generally I attract much more younger boys. I prefer guys in my age or older but they don’t find me interesting or boring ? Where is the problem ?


    Well Ill be saying this right now: you dont look 30 and thats for DAMN sure. Youre hott and young-looking, that being said, its no doubt that younger guys would find you attractive.

    Not to mention some of us "younger" folk like the idea of a more mature partner. But sometimes that can also mean they expect to be taken care of....not always good! haha.

    It depends on how the kids personality is. If hes mature for his age or if he acts his age. But only you can be the judge of that!