Time to de-gay my room...

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    Jul 30, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    This is just a rant, feel free to ignore my bitching but I needed an outlet. My parents are having some uber conservative homophobic friends over, and even though I am out to most of my friends, I def don't want my parents friends knowing. Which brings a whole new meaning to clearing out the clutter as I have rainbow flags, stickers, magnets, and gay literature all over the place. I feel like I am a gay fascist looking for clues of gayness in my room to eliminate. Fuck this.

    http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:06 PM GMT
    I think your last sentence sums it all up very nicely.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    Keep the door to your room closed.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    Can't these bitches are all up in everyones business. You would think they were gay with the drama they like to stir.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    I have two questions: why do you live at home, and why do you care what they see?
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:24 PM GMT
    Family came to visit this week. Reality check for myself. There I was a grown man walking around my own home collecting all my porn and hiding it. At one point I rolled my eyes and asked what the fuck am I doing? It did dawn on me if I left a few things laying around maybe they'd leave a lot sooner. I caved. I de-gayed my own home which isn't filled with rainbow flags or love a lesbo magnets on my fridge. Just me and my porn and Fred the Ficus. It was just the whole idea that there is still some hidden part of me that feels the need to conform. I'm pissed for doing this. I am thinking about punishing myself by putting on my Assmaster shirt and going to a straight sports bar and letting everyone call me Faggot for about 2 hours while I hold my head up to remind myself there is no shame in being me.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    Well Hippie4lyfe you just reminded me why I moved out of my family home as soon as I could. I can understand why you want to not upset your parents by upsetting their friends. I would lock your bedroom door, that should save you a whole lot of grief. Hopefully the friends will not be doing the grand tour!

    As for jsttennis77 hiding porn, that reminds me why I have switched to the internet. You don't need to hide the hard evidence.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    There's a good point in there, too. To me, it's a matter of taste. I'd probably put away porn, toys, and the big industrial-size bottle of lube, no matter who was coming over. I wouldn't stash the copies of OUT magazine, hide the gay-themed movies, or the '365 Days of Jsttennis' page-a-day calender, though.

    Edit: and SurrealLife, I don't know if that was an intentional pun about the hard evidence, but I just about busted a nut here laughing just now.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    Have your parents expressed concern about it? Did they ask you to "straighten up" your room? (Can't resist such an obvious pun). icon_lol.gif

    If not, then why are you concerned about it? Even though I have no ground to stand on, since I'm not out to family, I think those homophobic types need a shocking revelation once in a while that some of the good people they like are, gasp, gay. Eventually the homophobes might just come to realize their preconceived notions are a bit faulty.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:39 PM GMT
    zdrewwhy do you care what they see?


    Great question. To take it a step further, while they're visiting, you should make a grand entrance in hot pants and start singing show tunes.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:42 PM GMT
    lean_jock74 saidI think your last sentence sums it all up very nicely.


    Exactly! If you're out to your friends and parents, then what's the big deal? Your bedroom is just that...YOURS! It's not your problem that they're homophobic.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    HighVoltageGuy said
    lean_jock74 saidI think your last sentence sums it all up very nicely.


    Exactly! If you're out to your friends and parents, then what's the big deal? Your bedroom is just that...YOURS! It's not your problem that they're homophobic.


    yeah but dont wanna be out to those homophobe friends and become the talk of the town.

    "you wouldnt believe blank and blanks son is a homo"
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:46 PM GMT
    Nothin' wrong with being the talk of the town if you've got either fast fists or fast legs. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    I had enough of that bullshit from my parents by the time I was 17. I packed my shit and moved out. I remember my Dad telling me he was "okay with me," but he didn't want to see any signs or have any reminders (of me being gay).

    Fuck that! I told him that I was going to edit my life for anyone, including him. Twenty-two years later, we still haven't said a word since that day, but I hold my head high because I know that homophobia is his problem. His homophobia cost him his son.

    Don't let anyone decide how you are going to live or who you are going to be. I would say that's pretty much the essence of becoming a man.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidWell Hippie4lyfe you just reminded me why I moved out of my family home as soon as I could. I can understand why you want to not upset your parents by upsetting their friends. I would lock your bedroom door, that should save you a whole lot of grief. Hopefully the friends will not be doing the grand tour!

    As for jsttennis77 hiding porn, that reminds me why I have switched to the internet. You don't need to hide the hard evidence.


    Trust me I have the internet porn stuff as well. I'm just a real pervert. I make sure I've got access to that shit all over the place. In the kitchen cupboards ( cook a meal, look at some porn) , hall closet ( reaching for a coat? fuck it! grab some porn and jerk it) , the bathroom ( time honored tradition since childhood no need to explain that one), nightstand ( OBVIOUSLY) or sit at the comp and go at it. You'd think I was just a walking horn dog. Wait, I am LOL

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    Jul 30, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidFamily came to visit this week. Reality check for myself. There I was a grown man walking around my own home collecting all my porn and hiding it.


    To be honest, I don't think there's anything particularly bad about putting the porn out of sight. If you're out to your parents, there's no need for them to see your porn collection for them to understand that you have sex with men. It's not so much a question of 'closeting oneself' so much as it is having a sense of propriety. If you were having a dinner party would you leave porn and sex toys lying around? Probably not. And it's not because you're ashamed, it's because, like having sex in a public gym, it's inappropriate.

    Respecting some social conventions does not automatically equate to self-immolating homophobia.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    I spent 3 years of high school in a very small town in upstate New York. A year or so ago my very good friend, Amy, from those days got in touch with me and I told her I was gay. Within a week, I had about 2 dozen emails from friends of that time expressing shock but telling me all was cool and that they were hoping I'd come up for a visit. In March, I did just that. Amy suggested we go out for a drink. When we got to the bar, it looked dead, like it was closed. Nothing surprising, considering it was upstate NY and almost everything outside of NYC and it's immediate suburbs is pretty much impovershed. When we walked through the door, about 50 people all screamed "surprise" at me. I didn't pay for a drink all weekend, or a meal. I sensed that a few of my guy friends were curious, but certainly nobody seemed disgusted. I think you'd be surprised, hippie, at just how much fun it can be to be the talk of the town.
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    zdrew saidNothin' wrong with being the talk of the town if you've got either fast fists or fast legs. icon_wink.gif

    Hell, it might just land you a boyfriend to boot! icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 30, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    GlobalCitizen> Did they ask you to "straighten up" your room? (Can't resist such an obvious pun).

    From the immortal works of Romanovsky And Phillips:

    Straightening Up The House

    Sometimes getting the house ready for Mom & Dad's visit requires
    more than a dust rag and some Pledge...)

    Today I took the nudes down off the wall
    Ten minutes after I received her telephone call
    She'll be here Friday morning so there's not much time to clean
    Better hide the Advocate and Mandate magazine
    We'll redecorate the guest room so it looks like it's been used
    Separate our wardrobes or she'll really be confused
    Then get ready for a lonely week of sleeping on the couch
    We're straightening up the house

    Tomorrow I will put away your gay pride shirts
    And our Halloween assortment of jewelry, pumps and skirts
    Then pack up all the books by Quentin Crisp and Rita Mae
    And the "His & His" towels that you bought me yesterday
    And you'd better hide the albums by that lesbian group
    She has no ear for music, but she has been known to snoop
    And remember not to kiss me, just forget that you're my spouse
    Straightening up the house

    The snapshots of the two of us in Spain will have to go
    Don't tell me this is totally insane, because I know
    And I cannot wear the wristwatch with our names engraved in gold
    The one that says "I love you, John, with all my heart and soul"

    This is our first Christmas here in our new home
    In a hostile world, it's our only safety zone
    I never should have promised I'd continue with this lie
    But Dad was so certain if she found out she would die
    But if it's killing anyone I think it's killing me
    'Cause it tears me up inside to hide my true identity
    And asking you to help me makes me feel like such a louse

    I'm thirty-two years old, why am I acting like a mouse?
    I'm a man and he's my lover
    If she freaks out she'll recover
    C'mon and help me to just CLEAN the house

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    Jul 30, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    london_nyc said
    jsttennis77 saidFamily came to visit this week. Reality check for myself. There I was a grown man walking around my own home collecting all my porn and hiding it.


    To be honest, I don't think there's anything particularly bad about putting the porn out of sight. If you're out to your parents, there's no need for them to see your porn collection for them to understand that you have sex with men. It's not so much a question of 'closeting oneself' so much as it is having a sense of propriety. If you were having a dinner party would you leave porn and sex toys lying around? Probably not. And it's not because you're ashamed, it's because, like having sex in a public gym, it's inappropriate.

    Respecting some social conventions does not automatically equate to self-immolating homophobia.


    It definitely was an act of respect but as I was doing it there was also this hint of shame that started to creep in that bothered me. I'm a bit of a control freak that likes to push the envelope and at that point I was so tempted to satisfy my uncomfortable feeling in being so thorough I came very close to just "accidentally" leaving at least a mag on the bathroom counter. Just to fuck with them a bit. It's that little devil inside of me situation.

    I was sharing with someone yesterday on here that whats going to piss me off is if I can't remember where I put all my shit.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:08 PM GMT
    I won't lie. Whenever people come over and I put the less respectable stuff away, that little demon side of me kinda hopes the lube rolls back out from under the bed...just for fun.

    Hope you found your shit, JST.

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    Jul 30, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    Well, de-gay the room if you must (it sounds a little like that's the most comfortable option for you), but you don't have to sterilize it. Leave something small on display. A few magnets or a small flag to preserve your integrity. Do they look at the books on your shelves? If not, leave the the gay lit alone. Even a little defiance and subversion is better than none.
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    Jul 30, 2008 10:18 PM GMT
    zdrew saidI won't lie. Whenever people come over and I put the less respectable stuff away, that little demon side of me kinda hopes the lube rolls back out from under the bed...just for fun.

    Hope you found your shit, JST.



    Most of it is in the garage. I may have thrown a few things in a laundry basket in the closet. I'm sure when the next round of family visits they'll find it and stand their holding it with two fingers like a babies smelly diaper. I think I'll pull an autistic moment and say.. who's is that? LOL
  • auryn

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    Jul 30, 2008 10:41 PM GMT
    Keep the PFLAG stickers up and ask your folks if it's right that they lie to their friends. If the answer is no, I'm sure the friends can respect the rule of the house, that noone goes into your room.
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    Jul 30, 2008 11:53 PM GMT