How long does it take you to get over someone?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    What helps with the feeling of shittyness, and lethargy?
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    Jun 21, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    In "normal" relationships the time it takes is usually a mathematical forumla that goes something like: (time invested in relationship + your age - distance from Ikea (subtract any sort of existing cellphone contracts you need to get out of here) + dog care - photos you need to destroy of you and your ex - dog years of crying your eyes out in a drunken stupor = time it takes.
    Or you could just be a shallow gay guy, get drunk find yourself in bed with a junior from the local college and kind of fall in love with a literature major.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 21, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Hmm.. when you never get attached to someone, it makes it a helluva lot easier to get over them.

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  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Jun 21, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    It's simple.
    Only allow yourself a certain grieving period.
    To save your friends and loved ones from having to hear you whine for too long - set a goal.
    Be over him by such and such date - start dating again by this month. That way you are working towards something - working towards recovery and not just wallowing in pain.
    Use the standard equation (grieving period of a failed relationship is equal to half the lifespan of the the relationship that's ended) This is a fair amount of time. Been together six months? Well you've got three to get over it and get back in the game!
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Jun 24, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    Sounds cliche, but time. My ex & I broke up November of last year and I got over him last month.

    Once I had better, I realized there was better! I realized my ex wasn't all I made him up to be. Now I can honestly say I am over him, hoping things continue to work out for him and his boyfriend. He just isn't the guy I see myself with anymore.

    I just allow time to fill in the blanks.
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    Jun 24, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    Get a healthy distraction like a hobby or something you're passionate about. Talk about your feelings with someone close to you so the feelings don't stay bottled up inside.Then once you're ready, move on and make some new memories with someone more deserving of your love.
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    For me, it's a bit like symmetry. For step deeper in, theres another step further away.
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    Someone else said until you find your next flame. I have to agree. It's been six months since I had to break it off an a year since we met. Still think about him several times a day.

    But, the guy before that? He was a learning experience. icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    In the end, they were both motivation for me to be in the best shape of my life today. Take a shower, get dressed, go to the gym. You'll feel better.
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    to quickly get over someone, get under someone else
  • aznmtl

    Posts: 137

    Jun 24, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    I heard it takes half the time you dated that person to get over them.

    Write out your thoughts and feelings in a journal and leave them there...that might help!
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    stop feeling like shit??... sometimes overnight.. if i really fell for the person, maybe a week.. its my strong trait.. i just dont see the point of staying in a place where i am not happy.. so i deal with it..actually, drowning myself in broken hearted love songs we usually listen to "numb the pain" then i go out and find comforting souls. thats where my really close friends come in... they have humor that can make me forget faster and better than alcohol can do.. distract yourself with work and probably a good time to try the suggestions on the other thread about self improvement thru celibacy..

    stop caring, indifference and joking about it: this takes time.. no one can tell..
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Justim saidto quickly get over someone, get under someone else


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    Jun 24, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    Depends. Stalkers never do get over their obsession.

    A healthy person depends on how much time the spend dwelling on the other person and filling their life with other activities.
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    Jun 24, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    kyleray saidWhat helps with the feeling of shittyness, and lethargy?


    Get out and do something completly new.

  • Jun 27, 2012 8:08 AM GMT
    It depends upon the deepness of feelings you had for him.

    My BF cheated me,betrayed me,lied to me, still its 60 days and I'm unable to get over him!
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    Jun 27, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    it depends on how attached you were and how complicated the collateral damage is
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    Jun 27, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    And how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop! Not to make light but hey thats very indivdual and the world may never know!! Mike
  • GS27_USC

    Posts: 31

    Jun 28, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    All depends on the circumstances (time in relationship, was it healthy or unhealthy, the breakup, etc..)

    But one thing that will delay the process: Keeping in contact with your ex.
    You need time to disconnect and regroup, as hard as it may be.

    I just ended an almost 3 year relationship. Hardest thing I've ever had to do - relationship wise. I still care for my ex, and I said I wanted to remain friends. So, I felt an obligation to be there for him whenever he calls or texts. I have always answered, or text back. And it makes me feel like SHIT afterwards.
    Not only do I deal with missing him, but I get the double whammy of feeling bad that he's going thru this as well. It's been a little over two months now. The first month, he called about 3 times. It's getting better, but it still hurts.
    I dream about him way to often. I'm hoping that will stop soon.
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    Jun 28, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Maybe because I never been too deep in a relationship like that, but I got over them very quickly even though they were the ones who ended it. I see it as lost investment. So I just cut my losses
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    Jun 28, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    Entirely depends on the background of the relationship. I could not get over my first bf for about a year and a half...
  • TheAlchemixt

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    Jun 28, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    Two weeks sounds like an ample amount of time.
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    It was about a year before I was really over my ex. But people's levels of attachment are different... My best buddy dumped his ex and had a new thing going the next week. When my ex broke up with me, I didn't really leave my room for about two weeks... then cried basically every day for the next 70 days.
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    Larkin saidIt was about a year before I was really over my ex. But people's levels of attachment are different... My best buddy dumped his ex and had a new thing going the next week. When my ex broke up with me, I didn't really leave my room for about two weeks... then cried basically every day for the next 70 days.


    Reading this made me want to give you a big hug. icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    Believe it or not, something that I have found helps tremendously in dealing with some of the depression and lethargy you describe is doing something that really gets my adrenaline going. I go out and ride a particularly scary roller coaster or go rock climbing when I'm feeling low about a guy, and I think the adrenaline rush literally does some kind of chemical cleanse of the brain and leaves me feeling much better. Feelings, after all, are chemical events in the brain at some level and sometimes it needs a jolt to clear out the bad ones!
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:28 PM GMT
    onaquest said
    Larkin saidIt was about a year before I was really over my ex. But people's levels of attachment are different... My best buddy dumped his ex and had a new thing going the next week. When my ex broke up with me, I didn't really leave my room for about two weeks... then cried basically every day for the next 70 days.


    Reading this made me want to give you a big hug. icon_cry.gif


    Aw. Well, as an addendum there are various levels of "over it". I don't care to see my ex in person ever again... certainly wouldn't fuck him much less date him again...

    But then there's this: I posted something on his facebook wall a couple days ago. Something I thought was innocuous. My best friend laid into me though with, "Why the hell would you do that?" and I said, "I didn't think it was a big deal..." But since he's my best friend and I trust him I asked, "Why do you think I did that?"

    He said, "Because even though that asshole was a wretched person - and you just told me you found proof that he cheated on you - that wound isn't healed yet." And he's probably right.

    Complete recovery has a long, long tail.