BF Travels Naked w/out partner?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2007 2:39 AM GMT
    Those of you in LTRs: How do you deal with partners that travel for business & socialize in gay b&bs, resorts, nude beaches, etc.?

    What am I supposed to make of a LTR partner who travels 4 days/wk or more for work, always staying at gay, clothing optional B&Bs or resorts (whenever available)? He loves being naked—says it’s spiritual, not sexual. Went so far as to impulsively go to a cl. opt. gay place in Puerto Vallarta for a week. “Alone.” What am I supposed to make of that scenario?
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Aug 10, 2007 6:13 AM GMT
    ...from the tenor of your post, sounds like you already have made something of it...

    ...sounds like your wrestling with trust issues...

    ...being a nudist is a perfectly reasonable lifestyle for many people...being a nudist with a boyfriend/partner who may not trust you...now that could ruffle some feathers...

    ...so you either:

    1. Give him the benefit of the doubt of REALLY just being a nudist and trust he is doing the right thing...OR
    2. You search deep down and figure out if whatever issues you have are old baggage, or caused by your partner and you talk about it and negotiate some supportive behavior...
    3. You don't say anything and you let that nagging question in the back of your head fester until it leaks out in it's own way...

    I would pick #1 or #2, personally.

    - David

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    Aug 10, 2007 7:25 AM GMT
    There's one more option - you tell him that you don't feel comfortable with that, and then the two of you decide together whether to stay together to work things out, or go your separate ways.

    I couldn't do what your partner did to someone. I have never had sex with anyone else other than my wife, or run around naked at a nudist colony or whatever. I just couldn't do that to my spouse. If it was together, then that's another story.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 10, 2007 9:36 AM GMT
    For me , my private part is for me and the person I love only. I expect the same thing from anybody I am in a relationship with. Only is a situation of mutual sexual get togther like hook up that is ok for me to strip down with the condition he do the same.

    My ex boyfriend have a really good body. One of the thing he like to do to piss me off, and to get that "proof of love " from me is to take off his cloth , wearing just his jeans when my other gay friend come over. He will flirt and when this make me mad , he know I really love him.

    You have every right to told your bf to keep his cloth on. If he love you enough we will respect that.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Aug 10, 2007 1:13 PM GMT
    I travel a lot too, but I think that if you are in a committed relationship, you are not necessarily entitled to do things that you would not ordinarily do at home just because you are on a biz trip. If he was at home and there was a nude beach nearby, would he feel OK going without you?

    1 week biz trip in PV? Where does he work and are they hiring?
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    Aug 10, 2007 1:32 PM GMT
    You don't say whether it is your partner, or rather the partner of someone who isn't aware of these actions.

    If he is lying to his partner, then I'd say you can judge away to your heart's content.

    If his partner knows and doesn't mind, then I wouldn't make anything of it. Maybe it's just their arrangement.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    thanks guys. it's my partner. the PV trip was a spontaneous vacation "to use up FF miles or else they would expire." i guess my simpler question is: just how cruisy-followed-by-quickie are these all-gay, c.o. resorts? my b.f. may well not intend to "do anything" but if something "just happened" i would expect him to say to himself "never again--but it's best he doesn't know." he seems to love to live life at this edge, in any case.
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    Aug 10, 2007 2:40 PM GMT
    I think the resorts vary. Probably better to sit down with your BF and have a good heart to heart, just to make sure you are both on the same page. I hope it goes well.
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    Aug 10, 2007 2:56 PM GMT
    Gunnerick,

    It looks like you mada a decision and that you are now single.

    Personally, at home I like being buff. Around my hottub and my private back yard for me I like to be naked. Perhaps he was the same.

    In anything there has to be a balance. I would think that If I was with someone who travelled for business often, that I would follow once in a while just to be with him and to also have a change of pace.

    Something sounds fishy in your situation. Do you or did you ever talk about it?

    Good Luck.

    Rick
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    Aug 10, 2007 9:49 PM GMT
    I agree with Sundown55 and Starboard. Communicate how you feel about what he's doing. If you are uncomfortable with what he's doing, let him know.

    My partner travels a lot and I know he wouldn't go to gay bars, resorts, beaches etc. He'd go if I was with him or if he went with friends.

    I spend every Christmas and New Years in PV. That place is very very GAY. It's like the Castro on crack. If he was going there to burn up some airline miles, he should have brought you along. You can make a visit to PV whatever you want it to be, but gay sex is everywhere down there. The male prostituto's are agressive and there are gay hotels, B&B's bathhouses and many bars.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2007 10:39 PM GMT
    Absolutely every long term relationship has rules that are spoken and unspoken.

    Likewise, it is an unusual spousal relationship where the sexual energy between two people remains intense over a long period of time.

    When relationships evolve they can easily break apart from centrifugal force if both partners aren't constantly working at keeping the communications open.

    If these nudist detours at gay resorts aren't okay with you, and it certainly sounds like they are not, then you kind of have an obligation to put that squarely on the table.

    I would guess that you are going to discover that your partner has needs that somehow aren't being met.

    It makes no sense to try to live by rules that do not reflect the actual needs of both parties (and take into account that those needs change from time to time).

    Those kind of rules just result in guilt, shame, hiding, and so forth.

    My personal opinion is that it is better to be clear an open about what I feel and ask my partner to do the same. If our rules have to change to accommodate the fact that we have grown and changes as people in the last nine years we have been together then that is just how it has to be.

    I do wish you luck because it isn't nice to feel that lack of trust.

    Last thing I will say. I personally believe that relationships are important foundations for gay couples. Those relationships are never ever perfect. Compromise is the name of the game.

    Nothing on earth is harder that working through an evolving relationship and openly discussing the unspoken rules.

    Best of luck to you,
    Terry
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 11, 2007 12:07 AM GMT
    Sounds like the green eyed monster has come home to roost somewhere...
    If you're in a relationship...make it one
    Talk to your BF
    You had said he loves being naked...so it might be that he just wants to be comfortable
    ...and he's gay so he goes to gay naturist resorts

    ..or he's doin what all the other guys do in the hot tub at night :)

    either way you'll need to communicate those fears with him... true or not
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2007 6:12 AM GMT
    You guys are the greatest.
    RE the BF, there are other issues with long histories, but this PV trip just sent me over the edge.

    RE gay nudists, I have been to some of these places with him and have always found them to be cruisy at best and orgiastic at their >>very best<< (oops, er I mean worst ;) ).

    One popular NJ beach seemed benign until we bumped into some friends of his. There we all were, chit-chatting in a circle and pretending to not want to LOOK. I mean, my BF looks especially good w/his clothes off. Duh. Then out to the parking lot where a guy (clothed, thank god) was hanging out and going up to several cars & clearly soliciting some last-minute whoopee.

    Then there are the enclosed, c.o. private resorts with massage, hot tubs, parties & happy hours. And the campgrounds, etc., etc.

    Really, I'm no prude and no saint, either. But am I really crazy and unreasonalbe to wonder about it, to question it and to ask for some reassurance around the issue?
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    Aug 11, 2007 6:52 AM GMT

    Maybe you should tell him he's only allowed to visit hetero nude resorts (eewwwwwwww! lol). If it's really just about him needing to be naked then that should be enough.

    No, but seriously, I think you are more than justified in your concern. Take the good advice of these other gents and talk to him about it, you don't deserve to be treated like that and if you can't communicate your feelings to him about the relationship or he doesn't hear your concerns then it's not a healthy situation for you.

    Good luck, be well



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2007 7:47 AM GMT
    Gunner,

    I really don't think your problem here is the nude lifestyle... that's totally fine and seems to be distracting you.

    The idea that you are in a relationship where your boyfriend books a vacation to PV for a week alone makes me really sad for you. THAT is the issue, which I think you kind of touched on, but forget about the nudity.

    Why on earth wouldn't he want to share such a trip with the love of his life? I'd start thinking about being with someone who can't stand to be without you. :)

    Peace,

    Jonny
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2007 7:59 AM GMT
    I have to agree with Johnnyfreestyle here. Why would he go on a holiday alone for a week? I would feel, at best, a little left out. Maybe that's just me.
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    Aug 11, 2007 10:40 PM GMT
    There's a clothing optional resort in P.V? I need to check this out!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Aug 17, 2007 4:02 AM GMT
    I've been to straight nudist places and gay nudist places. I actually like the straight nudist places because: everyone's nude!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2007 8:12 PM GMT
    No nudes is good nudes i guess