I had been feeling crappy for about 6 months. No energy, no desire, numb hands, numb feet, crazy night sweats, broken sleep. After a month and a half I got the diagnosis low T. Well that worked a bit but still not good. Lumps appeared on my head, dry cough.. more tests, a plug biopsy of the bumps, vwhala. Difuse Large B Cell Non Hodgekins Lymphoma. The dermatologist was very sorry.. gulp.
Next a flurry of Oncologists, more cool tests, a chemo plan. Chemo is not for sissys. Still horrid low back and leg pain, and numbness in my hands. Tested neg for MS, which was great news, however became incapacitated during first round of chemo, horrid back and legg pain. More Doctors. An MRI revealed acute spinal stenosis at L5-L4, L4-L3, L3- L2, with a slipped disc at L4-L3 as well. In addition, The same found at C1, C2, C3, and C6, C7. All caused by old injuries, car accidents, the lumbar was a bad fall during a physical altercation with my X wife.
backing up a bit.
Came here initially on the request of another friend who was cruising some guy and insisted I join. more than a year ago. Left it dormant for a long time, then lately was looking for a place wherein other gay men just chatted about life, love, working out, just friends killing time. Mostly because I am off on a medical and I can't stand just sitting around watching TV.
I am now biding time, can't return to work until the lower spine is surgically repaired on July 2nd. They will be doing a laminectomy, removing the outer potion of the vertebral bone called the lamina, freeing the spinal cord and nerve bundles, relieving the pain - which at this point in time is excruciating. Kind of weird when you stop to think your spinal cord is only protected by your back muscles at this point.
The neck. Well initially they said the same for the neck, however the surgeon has now switched trains and wants to fuse my neck in three levels. THIS I am very freaked out about, as I have read very mixed levels of success in this operation.
But I digress. Shortly after being hit with the NHL diagnosis I met a guy, and we are currently enjoying each other's time as it permits. Neither of us are set on the idea of an LTR rather enjoying what we have to see what may come. We are not exclusive, but neither of us are looking either. So it's all good.
Now, being bored, not "Hunting" for men, but very much in need of interaction I started looking for a useful outlet. Oddly enough, this place has a forum that is what I was looking for. Never even noticed when I joined. My bf is working, and I can only txt him so much. My brain will explode if I can't interact.
It's awkward to have cancer.. not so much for me but the friends. My mates from work quit calling, txting. My best friends have recoiled, all I suspect afraid they will say the wrong thing. Word - there is no wrong thing to say. It is what it is. Never the less, no matter what I say - I guess until I am in remission and they can be sure I am not going to die, it is going to be weird for them. I haven't told them there is no cure, chances are it can recur in 2 to 5 years elsewhere, and I will be faced with all this all over again. Not sure what I will do if/when that happens.
So here I am, killing time. Learning about men and what makes them tic. Learning about what turns them on, makes them angry, happy, sad. Something I used to do in person.
Most days I am pretty lucid, although during the Chemo cycle, the steroids required to get my body to accept the treatment make me a bit crazy. I have a very sensitive system, roids have never been ok with me, least of all if they were doing nothing to build my physique. They just make me over emotional, and shaky.
My life will get far less complex after the Lumbar surgery. I won't need the pain meds I am currently plied with to get from point a to point b. I can't wait. Up until this happened the only thing in my medicine chest was Advil.
So there it is, I think I wrote this once before, but just in case - that's my story.