JOSH WEED: I'M GAY AND STRAIGHT-MARRIED, BUT NOT AN EX-GAY THERAPIST

  • metta

    Posts: 39091

    Jun 22, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    JOSH WEED: I'M GAY AND STRAIGHT-MARRIED, BUT NOT AN EX-GAY THERAPIST

    http://www.gay.net/news/2012/06/15/josh-weed-im-gay-and-straight-married-not-ex-gay-therapist
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    Sounds like he's trying to reconcile his own sexuality (bi, if you must label it).

    However, I do like his last name. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 22, 2012 6:33 PM GMT

    "The truth is, what people are really asking with the above question is 'how can you be gay if your primary sex partner is a girl?'... Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy."

    This is probably the biggest piece of poppycock I've read in awhile. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 22, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "The truth is, what people are really asking with the above question is 'how can you be gay if your primary sex partner is a girl?'... Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy."

    This is probably the biggest piece of poppycock I've read in awhile. icon_lol.gif


    DUHHHH It's sooo obvious! Being sexually attracted to someone has nothing to do with having sex with them! Can't you see his undeniable logic! It's science.

    Tide-comes-in-tide-goes-out-You-cant-exp
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    Jun 22, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    lol, good meme SbStudent! icon_lol.gif

  • daveindenver

    Posts: 314

    Jun 22, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    he is attraced to guys
    but his emotional relationship with his wife is deeper/more important to him.
    Its not that hard to understand.
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    Jun 22, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    ahhh!! flashbacks!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    What i gleamed from article and first comment is that yes they are gay and that is not a choice. But to turn away from their natural inclination is; they have made a CHOICE to live the heterosexual life. They still have all the inclinations of being gay and in some part have lived an unfulfilled life but that is okay. At least for them.
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    daveindenver saidhe is attraced to guys
    but his emotional relationship with his wife is deeper/more important to him.
    Its not that hard to understand.

    ^ this
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    daveindenver saidhe is attraced to guys
    but his emotional relationship with his wife is deeper/more important to him.
    Its not that hard to understand.

    ^ this


    I understand it, but it's sad. I have met lots of guys who try to do this but they eventually can't do it. In the long run, it's not fair to the guy, his wife or his kids.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    Shiiiit, well he probably shouldn't label his sexuality. I don't label mine really, due to my split personalities having an identity crisis.
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    showme said
    TerraFirma said
    daveindenver saidhe is attraced to guys
    but his emotional relationship with his wife is deeper/more important to him.
    Its not that hard to understand.

    ^ this


    I understand it, but it's sad. I have met lots of guys who try to do this but they eventually can't do it. In the long run, it's not fair to the guy, his wife or his kids.


    Don't you know that emotional relationships without sexual attraction are the strongest. I have plenty of them. But instead of calling them my wife I just call them friends. Sometimes I will call them faghags if they're female. This guy just has a different name for them.

    Also I think this is just a confusion of identity vs orientation. Plenty of straight guys(identity) are homosexual(orientation). Haven't you heard of the 40's and 50's before??? Being gay(as an identity) didn't really even exist until the late 40's.
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Jun 22, 2012 9:24 PM GMT
    He's actually not crazy.

    Josh WeedMy clients make extremely varied choices for their lives and futures. My role is to help them do so in a way that is authentic and true to what they want for themselves, and not to appease outside sources of pressure (like family, church or culture at large).
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    SbStudent said
    showme said

    I understand it, but it's sad. I have met lots of guys who try to do this but they eventually can't do it. In the long run, it's not fair to the guy, his wife or his kids.


    Don't you know that emotional relationships without sexual attraction are the strongest. I have plenty of them. But instead of calling them my wife I just call them friends. Sometimes I will call them faghags if they're female. This guy just has a different name for them.

    Also I think this is just a confusion of identity vs orientation. Plenty of straight guys(identity) are homosexual(orientation). Haven't you heard of the 40's and 50's before??? Being gay(as an identity) didn't really even exist until the late 40's.


    Sure, plenty of straight (identity) guys are homosexual (orientation). It also leads to untold grief. What I'm saying is, I'm not buying a therapeutic approach that generally tries to reconcile the two within a straight married lifestyle, as in my experience that generally leads to unhappiness on the part of all.

    Of course, I've heard of the 40s and 50s, youngster. icon_wink.gif Being culturally gay didn't generally exist as an identity until fairly recently, but neither did openness or acceptance. We do not want to go back there.

    You are young. You will learn. I know that sound annoying, but it is true in this case.

    EDIT: I do think that if someone finds himself in this position that occasionally he can make an open marriage type of arrangement with his spouse, that works for both. The danger, of course, is that he will unintentionally come to find more emotional satisfaction in his outside sexual relationships.


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    Jun 22, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    stevendust saidHe's actually not crazy.

    Josh WeedMy clients make extremely varied choices for their lives and futures. My role is to help them do so in a way that is authentic and true to what they want for themselves, and not to appease outside sources of pressure (like family, church or culture at large).


    Yeah he might be helping people with what the want, but it's still perpetuating the harmful ideology. Ok I'm Chinese and I know a lot of other "gaysians" as well and in asian culture in the US I see this a lot. People will come out to their parents and their parents will be perfectly ok with it. They say things like "I don't care if you're gay son. As long as you end up marrying a nice well to do girl." All those asian moms aren't crazy either. IDK about other cultures, but this one I just have a lot of experience with. It's not healthy for the kids or the family as a whole. It's harmful and perpetuating the ideology that it's ok is also harmful because people will read this story and they will tell their kids this story. Or they will tell their friends who might be struggling with their sexuality. He's not crazy, but that doesn't mean he is correct.
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Jun 22, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    That's someone forcing a way of life on children. This is a grown man deciding to appreciate the love that he has for his family and them for him in return.
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    Jun 22, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    showme said
    SbStudent said
    showme said

    I understand it, but it's sad. I have met lots of guys who try to do this but they eventually can't do it. In the long run, it's not fair to the guy, his wife or his kids.


    Don't you know that emotional relationships without sexual attraction are the strongest. I have plenty of them. But instead of calling them my wife I just call them friends. Sometimes I will call them faghags if they're female. This guy just has a different name for them.

    Also I think this is just a confusion of identity vs orientation. Plenty of straight guys(identity) are homosexual(orientation). Haven't you heard of the 40's and 50's before??? Being gay(as an identity) didn't really even exist until the late 40's.


    Sure, plenty of straight (identity) guys are homosexual (orientation). It also leads to untold grief. What I'm saying is, I'm not buying a therapeutic approach that generally tries to reconcile the two within a straight married lifestyle, as in my experience that generally leads to unhappiness on the part of all.

    Of course, I've heard of the 40s and 50s, youngster. icon_wink.gif Being culturally gay didn't generally exist as an identity until fairly recently, but neither did openness or acceptance. We do not want to go back there.

    You are young. You will learn. I know that sound annoying, but it is true in this case.





    I wasn't making a value judgement. I was trying to give context to the discussion by addressing the need to not confuse identity with orientation. I was also trying to give historical context to show that this is not a new thing... More than anything I know my gay history and history of american families. I know that those kinds of relationships were neither strong nor healthy. I'm young but not dumb. C'mon give me some credit.
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    Jun 22, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    stevendust saidThat's someone forcing a way of life on children. This is a grown man deciding to appreciate the love that he has for his family and them for him in return.


    It's about the reinforcement of ideology. It doesn't discriminate against children or adults. Both are harmed by it. Children especially in that those who are supporting them will marginalize their sexualities and reinforce in them the idea that sexuality is something that can be dealt with through lifestyle decisions. A lot of gay youth go through this anyway(i did), but what I'm saying is that this reinforces and makes stronger this harmful ideology. You can't say that a mom who just found out her son was a homo would read this article and not tell him that he can live the straight life. Some might. A lot wouldn't. Adults it would affect in a similar way in that someone who is struggling with their personal identity might decide to attempt to have a relationship with someone who they're not sexually attracted to. And sex believe it or not is a HUGE part about romantic relationships.

    People ideologies obviously affect their actions, and when people have harmful ideologies they make harmful decisions. There is no question that what this man does reinforces a harmful ideology even if it is not a harmful action itself. I guess that's what I've been trying to say...
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    Jun 22, 2012 10:08 PM GMT
    SBStudent said, "It's about the reinforcement of ideology. It doesn't discriminate against children or adults. Both are harmed by it. Children especially in that those who are supporting them will marginalize their sexualities and reinforce in them the idea that sexuality is something that can be dealt with through lifestyle decisions. A lot of gay youth go through this anyway(i did), but what I'm saying is that this reinforces and makes stronger this harmful ideology. You can't say that a mom who just found out her son was a homo would read this article and not tell him that he can live the straight life. Some might. A lot wouldn't. Adults it would affect in a similar way in that someone who is struggling with their personal identity might decide to attempt to have a relationship with someone who they're not sexually attracted to. And sex believe it or not is a HUGE part about romantic relationships. "

    BINGO, young Sir, you are right on the money.

    warmly,

    -Doug
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    Jun 22, 2012 10:12 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    BINGO, young Sir, you are right on the money.

    warmly,

    -Doug


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    Jun 22, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    meninlove said SBStudent said, "It's about the reinforcement of ideology. It doesn't discriminate against children or adults. Both are harmed by it. Children especially in that those who are supporting them will marginalize their sexualities and reinforce in them the idea that sexuality is something that can be dealt with through lifestyle decisions. A lot of gay youth go through this anyway(i did), but what I'm saying is that this reinforces and makes stronger this harmful ideology. You can't say that a mom who just found out her son was a homo would read this article and not tell him that he can live the straight life. Some might. A lot wouldn't. Adults it would affect in a similar way in that someone who is struggling with their personal identity might decide to attempt to have a relationship with someone who they're not sexually attracted to. And sex believe it or not is a HUGE part about romantic relationships. "

    BINGO, young Sir, you are right on the money.

    warmly,

    -Doug


    Yup.

    It's great for him that he's able to function in this context, but let's all just be real: he's bizarre. A far, FAR outlier.
  • jhill2456

    Posts: 285

    Jun 22, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    I guess what makes it easier for him to sleep through the night. There is a saying we have for people like him where I live. It's "Bless his Heart"
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    Jun 22, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    ... Hate it when gay guys are so easily bent and broken by their love for another person's will that they destroy the beautiful person that they are for them. This is a good example of how malleable our minds are with use of our own will; and how important it is to love yourself enough to accept yourself, so deep down inside, you don't hate yourself, aside from the external things you do love. I can't believe this whack ass conversion bullshit!

    I'm going to ignore this thread now....
  • Machina

    Posts: 419

    Jun 22, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    Larkin saidYup.

    It's great for him that he's able to function in this context, but let's all just be real: he's bizarre. A far, FAR outlier.


    Very true. For every one of these "I'm gay but live straight" success stories, there are countless more where either the husband or the wife are really gay and find one day that they simply cannot continue the charade.

    Of course the inevitable happens, they separate and divorce, which then leaves a long trail of emotional wreckage for anyone involved...