Another "Is this guy at the gym gay?" Story

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    First off, I will preface this with the fact that I know this question is asked so often it's probably like beating a dead horse. But I am someone who is REALLY good at reading or feeling out people, and am incredibly stumped at the signals and body language. Maybe some of you can empathize or provide advice.

    There is a guy at my gym who looks to be about my age. He doesn't seem to dress in the typical gay man's apparel (colorful, sleeveless, tight, short, ect.). There is a tight knit crew of gays at the gym, and he doesn't interact or know them it seems. There have been many instances of eye contact. Sometimes he looks away quickly and other times they turn into stares that seem to last for a year.

    The other day, he made a point of saying "whats up?" and asking if he could borrow some weights off my bench. Obviously people will ask if they can take your weights, but the smile and fact he asked "what's up?" seemed a little over the top. Maybe I'm just over thinking this detail? Shortly after, he then asked if he could jump in on my bench. Me being a complete dumbass told him it was my last set and so I worked it out and then jumped away. I Should have stayed to see what else would have happened!

    To test the waters, I purposely jumped in on a machine he was using a few days later. Again, he prefaced it with "how's it going dude?". Seeing as I only asked if I could jump in with him, it seemed odd he would ask that kind of question. Other times, even with guys that I know are gay, they usually just say "Sure", conversation over. We continued to workout giving each other friendly smirks and then went our own ways.

    Today I saw him again, and out of the blue as we were crossing paths he said "what's up?" and smiled as I was leaving. Seeing as we have never even introduced or formally met let alone really ever spoken, and we weren't working in or interacting, this seemed ever more odd.

    Between all of these occurrences there has been the eye contact and smiles. I can't tell for sure if it's just me or mutual feelings. Is he just being friendly to me to avoid the awkwardness of our constant eye contact? He doesn't seem to talk to anyone else at the gym, so am I over thinking things by assuming because he's talking to me that he's interested?

    I really need some guidance. And if you think he may be gay or interested, some tips on how to go about starting the conversation.
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    Jun 22, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    Try to engage him in a little more conversation other than "what's up?". Ask him how long he's been working out. Maybe ask what he does for a living or if he lives nearby. Just little bits of conversation here and there, but don't overdo it. If he seems a little reluctant to answer the questions then back off. Tell him your name and what your goals are at the gym. He may just be there to workout, he could be shy, could be straight or gay; it's hard to figure people with just small talk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    Next time he says "what's up?" just reply "suck my dick" lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    Draper saidTry to engage him in a little more conversation other than "what's up?". Ask him how long he's been working out. Maybe ask what he does for a living or if he lives nearby. Just little bits of conversation here and there, but don't overdo it. If he seems a little reluctant to answer the questions then back off. Tell him your name and what your goals are at the gym. He may just be there to workout, he could be shy, could be straight or gay; it's hard to figure people with just small talk.

    Good advice. I'd keep it focused on the workouts at first. Not in depth questions, but things that require more than a yes or no answer. Ask about his workouts, split routines, free weights vs machines, etc. Just basic stuff. If you get a good reaction, maybe suggest if he needs a spot (often with bench presses) sometime just give you a shout.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Just from this description it seems to me that you are reading into it too much so far. Guys can like companionship and being friendly without being gay. He may think you are straight and worth knowing, or even gay and worth knowing - regardless of whether he is straight or gay. He may be trying to relate to you because you don't have tight Andrew Christian shorts showing your butt cheeks while yapping about Lady Gaga and which Prides you are going to ;). Engage and see if you make a good gym buddy out of it. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    It sounds like you're making too much out of it. I don't think anything is out of the ordinary. He might just be trying to be friendly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    I would just try to talk to him...he might be just lonely...is he new to town? It could go either way I would try to engage more in convo.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 23, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    kIf you manage to get a couple of sentences out of him just stick out your hand to shake and say "I'm Bill (if that's your name)" and he should resond with his. Then next time you can say "Hi Joe (or whatever)" and you will have at least become acquaintances. Just don't be pushy. Getting to be friends is enough of a goal because they are rare these days.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    Somestimes I see things that aren't really there because I WANT them to be there. I want to believe that this guy is flirting with me then my brain starts over thinking and before you know it, I start believing that he wants to marry me and run off to Vegas together. He's probably just being friendly...





    Or he wants to marry you and run off to Vegas.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    suck his dick and if he makes eye contact with you during it then he's gay.
  • FlypinHigh

    Posts: 465

    Jun 23, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    He totally wants you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Whatever his motivation, it does not sound like you are giving him much in the way of feedback. At the very least, he is a friendly guy, so try a bit more conversation.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jun 23, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    Since he's talked to you a couple of times, you should feel free to be more enganging next time you see him. Be the first to say something -- you know he isn't going to ignore you. Be simply friendly, no matter what's your interest for him. I think you should go for the "jump in his bench" thing, and take it from there.

    Happened same thing to me. Thought this guy (whom I wasn't sure if he could be gay or not, many mixed signals from the reading) kept exchanging looks with me, and if we met eyes he'd say hi -- good manners. One day I found him on facebook, decided to add him. He did accepted, and I was thrilled. He added a friend of mine (girl) that also went to the gym, saying he tried looking for her many times .. turns outs he was totally into her icon_neutral.gif . Quite the slap in the face, haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:28 AM GMT
    It does sound like you are reading too much into his responses. He could be straight trying to make friends at the gym, maybe a workout partner. You do know straight guys make friends and they have to talk and be friendly to other guys in order to do so, doesnt necessarily mean he want to have sex with you. It also doesnt mean he doesnt, so talk to him, become his friend and feel him out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:38 AM GMT
    #YCYL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:40 AM GMT
    Novaplayer saidIt does sound like you are reading too much into his responses. He could be straight trying to make friends at the gym, maybe a workout partner. You do know straight guys make friends and they have to talk and be friendly to other guys in order to do so, doesnt necessarily mean he want to have sex with you. It also doesnt mean he doesnt, so talk to him, become his friend and feel him out.


    LIES! LIES, I TELL YOU! Saying hello = wanna fuck? It's science.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:56 AM GMT
    It sounds like he's being polite and friendly. If he had completely ignored you when you walked passed him as you were leaving, instead of saying 'what's up' (which we can assume is his general greeting to others) it may have caused offense.

    That's of course not to say he isn't gay, try getting to know him and seeing if anything comes from it.

    As for the looking/glances, it could be coincidence or he may use you for motivation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:19 AM GMT
    To the poster; wow talk about stereotyping in reference to clothing and connecting with other gay men at the gym.

    Do you guys realize that for every "out" gay man there is at least five "in" because of this mind set. Not because there embarassed about being gay but because they don't wan't to be associated with some of the clowns that are out getting all the attention.

    The reality is that most gay men act, talk, behave and think like straight men, they support their communities like everyone else and lead a very normal life. They just chose to keep their sexuality private because they don't want to be branded with the accepted gay man stereotype.

    Now apart from the foolishness offered in this feed, I am in agreement with the responsible posters here, yes you are reading way to much into this man's actions to be honest with you, other than the staff and people I personally know I never have any interaction with the guys or gals at the gym, I am there to work out not pick somebody up.

    Like some of the posters said next time the opportunity arrises engage this guy in discussion, and see where the conversation goes. If you want a f-k buddy get on Craiglist. If your looking for some quality friends and maybe a quality relationship show this guy you have some brains in your head and maybe some heart too.

    I don't know about some of you guys but I can find a guy physically attractive till he opens his mouth, then he reveals both his intelligence and his heart. Guys who are selfish and non-engaging move on please. Don't get me wrong I will take a guy with heart over intelligence and I don't expect everyone to be deep thinkers, but I do expect guys to at least think.

    Start reading it up and maybe start doing some volunteer work it's a good way to get both your mind and heart in shape, then you won't have to worry about whether or not a "what's up" is anything more than a friendly gesture.

    Peace
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:52 AM GMT
    redsoxfan791 saidIt sounds like you're making too much out of it. I don't think anything is out of the ordinary. He might just be trying to be friendly.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    Free_Society saidNow apart from the foolishness offered in this feed, I am in agreement with the responsible posters here, yes you are reading way to much into this man's actions to be honest with you, other than the staff and people I personally know I never have any interaction with the guys or gals at the gym, I am there to work out not pick somebody up.


    Amen. I would hate to accidentally create an awkward environment at my gym if something went wrong.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 24, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    My vibe...He's str8.. move on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    tennesseetexan saidAmen. I would hate to accidentally create an awkward environment at my gym if something went wrong.


    Good point Tennesseetexan!
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Jun 25, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    The only way you will know is by continuing to talk to him, if he starts touching you a lot (ex. patting back etc.) then there may be something there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    He's straight....and polite. He doesn't even sound that friendly as he's initiated nothing more than the requisite grunts necessary. Forget about him.
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    Jun 25, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    Here's a quick way to tell: give him a kiss. If he knocks you out, he's straight. If you're still kissing after 5 seconds, it's a go.
    Oh, and have plans to go to another gym, just in case.