The "Intimidating" Label

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    Have you ever been described in general as "intimidating?"

    If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people?

    Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes?

    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    I've been called intimidating many, many times. I'm more of an introvert, so I think this contributes to the impression I give off. Plus, I've been described as "too smart," which I find strange. I've also been referred to as "on another level," whatever that means. (hopefully it's not a low one)

    I've begun to understand where these impressions are coming from, but I don't feel the need to make that huge an adjustment. I make friends rather easily, and those who get to know me like hanging out with me. But I'm not the type gets energized by regular public exposure.

    And yes, my mind works on the weird side sometimes. But hey, I can't change that.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Jul 31, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    Thanks for a more interesting subject for a change.

    I get the "intimidating" label almost daily and I am tired of the label as well. And yes I sometimes consider trying to change to be less intimidating. However, when I inquire why I am considered "intimidating" then I say why bother, they are actually complimenting me, not insulting me. They just see a positive, person, secure in themselves who is always doing something interesting or has many talents, dresses well, travels etc... see the picture. The grass is never greener I tell them, It costs to be someone else, we all have insecurities and problems. Because one does things, is positive and hopeful, and does not complain about life and things, people to not understand this.

    The reason people find people intimidating, is because society is placing everyone or trying to place everyone on a pedestal, and then they want to knock them off.

    People are intimidated by peoples position in life or status in life. I try to tell people that what someone does and has is not important to anybody else. Everybody is a human being with the same set of emotions, etc... so why be intimidated by some one.

    As you are I am an introvert, like being by myself, travel by myself, entertain and spend time by myself, I like me. On profile or personality tests, I get tagged as
    an unusual extroverted introvert. Which is how I viewed myself before I heard this
    label.

    People just do not know how to deal with individuals who are independent thinkers, without aires or attitudes.

    I am only at times, intimidated by a highly evolved mind and collection of experiences in a person, but if I am intimidated by someone, it is my being intimidated, not them intimidating on to me. I like if I am intimidated by someone, it motivates me to get to know them or approach them, not tear them down or say you are "intimidating".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 6:12 PM GMT
    I get it ALL OF THE TIME!!! At times I wish that I could alter that perception however perception is what others see as opposed what/who I really am, so if we can all get over what is perceived we'll all find out that I am not what is perceived; plus it filters out some of the whack jobs out there w/o me doing anything at all!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 6:17 PM GMT
    Yesterday you started a thread about "which type of guy are you? The one who asks people out or the one who gets asked out." Typically when I see a guy who is interested in me but doesn't come my way, I make a point to step over to him and chat. Small talk at first ensues but then I ask why he didn't come over> "You're intimidating. You give off that energy that you're a pampas ass and don't want to talk to anyone other than those already in your group."

    Now while I can be a bitch (okay...I am...but only to those who deserve it), many others say it's because I don't smile all that much. Why I need to smile 24/7/365 (366 on a leap year) is beyond me.

    It just goes to show you that you can't judge a book by it's cover.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 31, 2008 6:28 PM GMT
    OMG! just look at my pictures... how the hell can I intimidate someone, but apparently, I've been told that I do.

    One older friend of mine said it's a sense that people get when they feel they have to have their shit together in order to approach the person they find intimidating. It can be an intensity in the eyes, which you have, or just the way you approach life that resonates in the way you walk, talk, etc.

    Since we guys are so afraid of rejection, until we've had a few highballs, we tend to project a "No" onto someone. Or if we think it may be a "Yes" we still get scared.

    It's sometimes a lose-lose situation... If you make the first move, they run. If you wait for them to make the first move, they run.

    Treat the guys like we have to treat my boyfriend's dog. Walk up to him slowly, let him smell your hand as he cowers, then he'll get comfortable with you and start licking your face.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 6:30 PM GMT
    i used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL

    i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Jul 31, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    I do not think that carverhouse was talking about bar room or pick up behavior in
    his use of the subject matter, but I could be wrong,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    I used to get that at work a lot. Really, there is nothing about me that should be intimidating but I admit I used to be pissed off a lot at that particular job. I guess everyone was afraid of me because of that. icon_wink.gif My way of correcting that was to change jobs and now I'm much happier and no one seems to be scared of me at work.

    Socially, I guess sometimes people perceive me as intimidating. I once volunteered for a local "bear" event and while talking to someone there I was told he had been afraid to approach me thinking I wouldn't talk to him. This was based mostly on the way I looked, I was told. I think since I lost weight I'm perceived this way more often by strangers. It's really fascinating to me how a change in appearance affects that.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 31, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL

    i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.

    I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL

    i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.

    I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.


    wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? icon_question.gif
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 31, 2008 7:42 PM GMT
    kryptonic said
    swimbikerun said
    kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL

    i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.

    I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.


    wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? icon_question.gif

    No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 7:53 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    kryptonic said
    swimbikerun said
    kryptonic saidi used to get that, and i think i still do sometimes. when i used to be labeled intimidating, it was because i used to fold my arms across my chest. it's a comfortable position! LOL

    i try to smile and be pleasant for the most part, but if i'm tired or sleepy, i think my intimidating vibe returns.

    I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.


    wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? icon_question.gif

    No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude.


    I thought we were talking about his O face?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 8:28 PM GMT
    carverhouse saidHave you ever been described in general as "intimidating?"

    If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people?

    Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes?

    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    I've been called intimidating many, many times. I'm more of an introvert, so I think this contributes to the impression I give off. Plus, I've been described as "too smart," which I find strange. I've also been referred to as "on another level," whatever that means. (hopefully it's not a low one)

    I've begun to understand where these impressions are coming from, but I don't feel the need to make that huge an adjustment. I make friends rather easily, and those who get to know me like hanging out with me. But I'm not the type gets energized by regular public exposure.

    And yes, my mind works on the weird side sometimes. But hey, I can't change that.


    You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being.

    I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 8:30 PM GMT
    Actually, just had a friend tell me this the other day in response to a question about what the deal is with guys around here. He said my quiet, introverted (extroverted only if you get to know me) nature,combined with my physical size/presence combine to make me a very intimidating person to approach.

    I was shocked, completely stunned by this, as I've never thought of myself to be an intimidating person. I'm actually quite the opposite in my view. I find it somewhat disturbing that an intelligent, quiet, thoughtful guy that takes care of himself translates somehow into being "intimidating". Apparently, we never know how we look through other peoples eyes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 8:36 PM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidActually, just had a friend tell me this the other day in response to a question about what the deal is with guys around here. He said my quiet, introverted (extroverted only if you get to know me) nature,combined with my physical size/presence combine to make me a very intimidating person to approach.

    I was shocked, completely stunned by this, as I've never thought of myself to be an intimidating person. I'm actually quite the opposite in my view. I find it somewhat disturbing that an intelligent, quiet, thoughtful guy that takes care of himself translates somehow into being "intimidating". Apparently, we never know how we look through other peoples eyes.


    Look...I'm pretty sure when someone says they are intimidated by you it simply means they don't think much of themselves and feel they're not worthy or cannot compare (a flawed activity on its own). It's all about them.

    ...unless you come wearing brass knuckles or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    Thanks for responding, guys! icon_smile.gif

    XRuggerATX said

    You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being.

    I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang.


    Well, intimidation really boils down to perception.

    I find it easy to make friends, yes, but I usually don't make the first move. And people like to hang out with me because I'm the listening type. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:00 PM GMT
    carverhouse saidHave you ever been described in general as "intimidating?"

    Yes, many times

    If so, what is it about you that seems intimidating to other people?

    Being 6'5 with a serious disposition (most of the time).

    Have you felt the need to "correct" the impression by making a few changes?

    No - I don't need to be bubbly and everyone's best friend.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    carverhouse saidThanks for responding, guys! icon_smile.gif

    XRuggerATX said

    You've informed us that you are perceived as too smart and on another level. You also have told us that you find it easy to make friends and that people like hanging out with you. According to this assessment, you sound like a rather exceptional human being.

    I'd attempt to add some insight to your questions, but frankly, you've intimidated me too much with all this amazingness. I don't think I can hang.


    Well, intimidation really boils down to perception.

    I find it easy to make friends, yes, but I usually don't make the first move. And people like to hang out with me because I'm the listening type. icon_smile.gif


    Wow so even when you don't make an effort people still want to make friends with you. I'm so intimidated now I don't think I can even visit this thread anymore. I'm not worthy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    Maybe all these guys who keep getting "labeled" as intimidating are somehow good at attracting guys who are easily intimidated. Some even seem to be able to attract guys who really need a good listener.

    That's all well and good, if you seek all the power in a relationship.

    As for me...been there. Done that. Got bored quick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:13 PM GMT
    fatass saidxrugger you can talk to me about your issues here even though I am very intimidating because i am also an amazing listener and i will still like you even if i'm inclined not to because of my awesomeness.


    You scare me. I'm just gonna go fetal and clutch my stuffed teddy instead.

    Now go run and tell everyone how awesomely intimidating you are! ;-P

    (Welcome to RJ by the way. We need more fatasses around here. Seriously. For thirty seconds during one one IM session with some faceless troll a few months back I was the only fatass on RJ. Heh.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    HighVoltageGuy said
    swimbikerun said
    kryptonic said
    swimbikerun said

    I agree. I find kryptonic to be very intimidating! He's got a certain look in his eyes.


    wait...which look is that? the one where my eyes are throwing spikes? or the one when hellfire shoots out of them? icon_question.gif

    No, the look just after you've made out with some random dude.


    I thought we were talking about his O face?



    swimbikerun = i thought that face was more of "i'm all worked up, who's next?"

    highvoltageguy = maybe it's a cross between that and my O face?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:25 PM GMT
    fatass saidxrugger step into my rolls royce. you're not intimidated by that are you? Do you find me more than a man? is that why you're intimidated? Is it My high voltage energy that makes you afraid of me?


    Hahahah. :-)
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jul 31, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    I get that I look intimidating all the time. I never use to, but since I am bald and my body is pretty built ... I get this intimidating vibe.

    I don't mean to. I'm usually just bored or lost in my thoughts. I'm usually thinking what to get for groceries or what to do at home.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:40 PM GMT
    Yes. Due to my physical appearance (shaved head, serious demeanor), and my calmness under pressure at work. I also can give answers to questions without stumbling or looking uncomfortable. Some people that are less secure seem to find this "intimidating". I personally never try and intimidate people, but I am not the smarmy type either, so I don't spend a lot of mental energy trying to put people at ease.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2008 9:43 PM GMT
    Actually, I have another theory as to why some guys claim to be "intimidated" by y'all.

    They're trying to tell you they're bottoms.

    Think about it.