using grindr to see if your boyfriend is cheating

  • hotyeaboyz

    Posts: 5

    Jun 23, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    yah i know, shitty idea, bound to end up in tears

    neways so i downloaded grindr the other day to see if my bf was still on it. his old profile is inactive, but u never know if he made a new one.

    found a profile that sorta resembles his body, and it said that the guy was 0 metres away...which sorta can't be my bf since he's in london and i know that for a fact

    my question is, lets say you get grindr or grindr extra, is there a way to change your location to whatever you desire? or does the whole distance thing get calibrated automatically by your iPhone or android?

    thanks

    p.s i deleted grindr now, don't want to worry about this anymore, decided i'll just ask him, but the question is still bothering me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    There is no way to change your location, that's in the phone itself
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    You might refresh on Grindr. It only updates when you're using the app, so, it's clear, he was using the app near where you are the last time his phone uploaded GEOS info (lon and lat).

    Why the fuck are you worried about him being on Grindr? So what.

    YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR BOYFRIEND. He is entitled to do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants, whether, or not, it suits you, or not. You can only control your emotions and reactions around that.

    He may have been on Grindr to chit chat, jerk off, etc. That doesn't mean he is "cheating" in whatever way you define "cheating."

    When you snoop, it a betrayal of trust in him, and a betrayal of good will in your relationship. If you get caught, he may well be furious.

    Your snooping begs the larger question which is why you're so insecure? It's blatant! No picture. Snooping on you boyfriend, and so on. You have trust issues.

    There's a saying: trust but verify, however, if you apply it to your personal relationships it's a fast track to being unhappy. YOU shape that path, for your own happiness; not him.

    GROW UP. He can do whatever he wants. Stop it.

    If you continue like this, you are on a path to being DUMPED.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    hotyeaboyz saidyah i know, shitty idea, bound to end up in tears

    neways so i downloaded grindr the other day to see if my bf was still on it. his old profile is inactive, but u never know if he made a new one.

    found a profile that sorta resembles his body, and it said that the guy was 0 metres away...which sorta can't be my bf since he's in london and i know that for a fact

    my question is, lets say you get grindr or grindr extra, is there a way to change your location to whatever you desire? or does the whole distance thing get calibrated automatically by your iPhone or android?

    thanks

    p.s i deleted grindr now, don't want to worry about this anymore, decided i'll just ask him, but the question is still bothering me


    Being on Grindr doesn't mean that your bf is cheating. What it does mean is that he has a poor choice of gay apps. You should talk to him about it, and set up some guidelines. He could be looking for friends. He could be looking for some hot chat, which isn't not cheating but it's borderline. He could have had his pic stolen by some pathetic moron.

    Also, stalking gets you nowhere. He could just as easily turn it back on you.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    You can't make a new profile on grindr if you delete it, yours just goes inactive. He'd have to get a whole new phone.

    However if he has grindr and grindr xtra it will make two identical profiles for him..

    It very well could be he logged on before he left and hasn't logged on since he's been in london so his profile is saying he's still there.


    And if he is using grindr then it will rear it's ugly head at some point and he'll get caught, don't go snooping though icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    If you are concerned about somebody cheating, then have a conversation about that and make sure you've laid out the parameters of what you feel is unfaithful and what is not. If you still don't trust him, then find somebody you do. Personally I don't think it's possessive to ask that your significant other stay off a dating/hookup site, but I do think stalking on there will be both ineffective and maybe even cause his friends to question why you're there and relay that back to him...

    hotyeaboyz saidyah i know, shitty idea, bound to end up in tears

    neways so i downloaded grindr the other day to see if my bf was still on it. his old profile is inactive, but u never know if he made a new one.

    found a profile that sorta resembles his body, and it said that the guy was 0 metres away...which sorta can't be my bf since he's in london and i know that for a fact

    my question is, lets say you get grindr or grindr extra, is there a way to change your location to whatever you desire? or does the whole distance thing get calibrated automatically by your iPhone or android?

    thanks

    p.s i deleted grindr now, don't want to worry about this anymore, decided i'll just ask him, but the question is still bothering me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    listen, if you think he's cheating you need to communicate that to him. the passive-aggresive shit is not gonna help anything, its just gonna make you feel worse. what makes you think he's cheating? What reasons..Is it reasonable to think that or are you somewhat paranoid?

    If you sincerely feel like something is going on it probably is and you just need to confront him about it. And if he lies well, you'l either be able to tell...or the truth will come out eventually. Just saying though, trust is a huge part of a committed relationship, maybe you guys aren't ready to be in one together..I'm speaking from experience.

    Also..a body that kind of looks like his? Is it his body or not lol I think you would know what your bf's body looks like. To answer your question though grindr places your profile in your immediate location so if he is in london and you aren't there's no way (i dont think) you would see him on there.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jun 25, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    There are a million more means to cheat than just Grindr.

    Make sure you also download every other gay networking app in existence, and check the m4m section of London craigslist every hour. It also wouldn't hurt to phone all the local gay bars and ask if they've seen him. Ask for all copies of his credit card receipts, and if he makes withdrawals from an ATM, have him give you copies of the receipts for everything he purchased with that money.

    That should save your relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2012 10:44 PM GMT
    If you're at the point where you think you have to monitor your BF, your relationship is in trouble. That applies whether he's specifically done something to earn your distrust or not. It would be better to tackle the core issues or cut him loose.
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    Jun 26, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Trepeat saidThere are a million more means to cheat than just Grindr.

    Make sure you also download every other gay networking app in existence, and check the m4m section of London craigslist every hour. It also wouldn't hurt to phone all the local gay bars and ask if they've seen him. Ask for all copies of his credit card receipts, and if he makes withdrawals from an ATM, have him give you copies of the receipts for everything he purchased with that money.

    That should save your relationship.
    :l

    Done wonders for mine....ain't the right honey: bark once for yes and twice for no.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2012 6:49 AM GMT
    OP, thank you for proving my point that monogamists are controlling and possessive.
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    Jun 26, 2012 6:55 AM GMT
    Firebrand saidOP, thank you for proving my point that monogamists are controlling and possessive.


    Haha oh how the world is these days. We got people eating each others faces off, a guy recording a murder and shipping off the body parts, and the other guy who took out his intestines in front of cops. What a wonderful world icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 26, 2012 7:04 AM GMT
    FilmGuy18_notporn said
    Firebrand saidOP, thank you for proving my point that monogamists are controlling and possessive.


    Haha oh how the world is these days. We got people eating each others faces off, a guy recording a murder and shipping off the body parts, and the other guy who took out his intestines in front of cops. What a wonderful world icon_lol.gif


    And all of it's on the internet for me to redirect unwitting pervs to icon_twisted.gif btw have you guys heard of allamericancollegeguys.com? It seems like the future of porn
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    Even if he's in London now, if the last time he used the app was in your hometown, it would still show your hometown as where he's at. So it sounds like that might be him, sorry to say.

    But it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. An ex once told me that he liked to keep an a4a profile active because he got a lot of validation from it by guys telling him he was hot and wanted to fuck. Maybe he's just seeking that validation, or is just curious what other gays are in the area.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    Your boyfriend is going to cheat if he wants to cheat and no amount of surveillance by you is going to deter that. Stop worrying about it and just hope that he has the integrity to respect your relationship.
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidYour boyfriend is going to cheat if he wants to cheat and no amount of surveillance by you is going to deter that. Stop worrying about it and just hope that he has the integrity to respect your relationship.



    This.

    Snooping will drive you crazy. Share your expectations and what bothers you in terms of grindr behavior/cheating/etc in a matter of fact way in the right setting. No finger pointing or paranoia. If there is an agreement, proceed as normal unless proven otherwise. If time after time those are broken, you aren't with the right person for you.

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    Jun 27, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    This is why I absolutely refuse to date a guy who expects monogamy.

    Wait, that's not true. I'm dating two guys who, at first, expected monogamy...until I told them I'd rather be honest than monogamous. They both accepted honesty as being the more honorable trait. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    Paradox right there. If you both find each others' profiles, then unnecessary shit will hit the fan.
  • gr8hands4you

    Posts: 117

    Jun 27, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    I have this question! When the 2 of you are together, how does he treat you?? If he treats you like a prince and respects you, put away all the doubt and find happiness in what you have...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 27, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    If you don't trust him, then drop him
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    It sounds like you expect him to be honest with you and if he says he wants a monogamous relationship and you have no reason to disbelieve him, you shouldn't.

    If you do have some sort of suspicion, its only suspicion and not proof, so you should likewise be honest with him and tell him what you're thinking. But it sounds like you're going to do that which I think is a much better idea than trying to prove your own fears.
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    Couldn't he block you once he sees your profile and commence his Grindr activities without you knowing?
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidCouldn't he block you once he sees your profile and commence his Grindr activities without you knowing?


    Why would you create a profile with your picture if your intent was to spy on your boyfriend? icon_lol.gif

    I wouldn't be surprised if the OP used a fake picture and then tried to "hook up" with his own boyfriend to see what he'd do.
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    I love the willful naivete of claiming "he could be on Grindr for any reason!"

    Come on... let's be real...
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    Larkin saidI love the willful naivete of claiming "he could be on Grindr for any reason!"

    Come on... let's be real...


    I wanna bro five you right now.

    With that logic, don't be surprised when you hear. "he was milking my prostate for health reasons!"