Monogamy

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    Jun 23, 2012 7:00 PM GMT
    I will preface this by saying that all types of legal, consensual relationships are valid. However, this rant will still probably manage to piss someone off. And yes, this is what I actually think of monogamous relationships.

    Monogamy is a social construct, not a biological need. Sex, a primal biological urge, has no innate emotional value, yet so many monogamy-inclined guys insist on ascribing a value to it when it is simply a product of our hormonal chemistry. Sex doesn't have to mean you love the person. It can be fun and appreciated for what it is.

    An extension of this is that, from experience, almost all monogamy-inclined guys I've met have been incredibly clingy, possessive, and emotional. This is rooted in insecurity, since what should it matter to someone if their partner is enjoying himself, assuming it's all safe play? How does your boyfriend having sex harm you? All it seems like to me is you're jealous and controlling, since a commitment to monogamy has no inherent use or purpose other than controlling what the other person can and can't do.

    That thread about whether or not Skype sex was OK while in a monogamous relationship got me thinking - how is it possibly not OK? Same goes for the people who get pissed at their boyfriends for looking at porn. It's a form of sexual release you can't get an STD from. Thus, no actual harm can come to the partner of the person involved, same goes for protected sex with others. If your partner wants to do it, let him! He'll only grow resentful toward you the more restrictions you place on him, especially ones that are completely unfounded. If you're worried about him leaving you, that's your insecurity, not his problem.

    From this, the only conclusion that can be made about people who insist on basically placing a chastity belt on their partners is that they are controlling and insecure, since they feel threatened in the relationship because his partner wants to do what biology is telling him to. There is no threat to the relationship present, since a relationship is based in emotions and shared experiences. Sex can be part of a relationship but has no inherent emotional meaning.

    So to all the monogamous guys out there who are putting constraints on more adventurous partners: stop being insecure and living by a horribly outdated view of sex. As long as it is all safe and legal (#YCYL), it isn't harming you, so why are you being a dick and not letting your guy enjoy his?
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidOh, you've come a long way from just a year ago when you adamantly anti-open relationship. icon_biggrin.gif


    I was never anti-open, just anti-what it normally entails around here (barebacking is all the rage right now)... I wanted an open relationship two years ago but hubby wouldn't allow it. Now we're both for it since it's really not a big deal.
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    Where is Mohamed when we need him? I am also anti-monogamy due to my Muslim background that promotes polygamy and use of harems
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Are you and A back together now?? I do recall him recently talking about your (japanese-school-marm-ish) driving style, so it made me wonder. icon_lol.gif


    We're back together
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Firebrand said
    yourname2000 said
    Are you and A back together now?? I do recall him recently talking about your (japanese-school-marm-ish) driving style, so it made me wonder. icon_lol.gif


    We're back together

    Nice!

    Still g0y'ing it up, or is someone finally getting his pooper poked? lol (Exactly how far HAVE you come? icon_biggrin.gif )


    We don't have buttsecks
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    Jun 23, 2012 8:05 PM GMT
    I will quote Kanye West and Jay-Z in their song "No Church in the Wild" when I say "love is cursed by monogamy."
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    Jun 23, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said(now, ya just got to get a lil' in ya, lol.)


    icon_smile.gif

    But that hurts...
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    I think I've changed my mind about monogamy 17 times since I was your age.

    As life evolves. so do your feelings about it.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Monogamy doesn't work for me. Except when it does.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    Wait What?
    Back the #YCYL train up....there's a kitty on the tracks.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Everything the OP says is true. Still, it depends on the relationship. Some people aren't capable of having multiple sex partners, one night stands, or hell...group sex. Everyone is different. A relationship needs to built on trust, honesty, and communication. If both people are cool and capable with an open relationship, it should be allowed. If even one person is uneasy about it, then there are two options: (1) end the relationship or (2) continue as a monogamous relationship. Both are perfectly acceptable. I've done both, and I've found monogamy works best for me.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWait What?
    Back the #YCYL train up....there's a kitty on the tracks.


    #YCYL and open relationships are completely different. #YCYL pertains to illegal sex. Open relationships have nothing to do with illegal sex.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    In men: It's a natural inclination for some most of the time, and for most some of the time.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jun 23, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    Firebrand said
    dustin_K_tx saidWait What?
    Back the #YCYL train up....there's a kitty on the tracks.


    #YCYL and open relationships are completely different. #YCYL pertains to illegal sex. Open relationships have nothing to do with illegal sex.


    Oh, looking at someone at the gym is having illegal sex? What .. eye fucking the person? Seems legit.
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said
    Firebrand said
    dustin_K_tx saidWait What?
    Back the #YCYL train up....there's a kitty on the tracks.


    #YCYL and open relationships are completely different. #YCYL pertains to illegal sex. Open relationships have nothing to do with illegal sex.


    Oh, looking at someone at the gym is having illegal sex? What .. eye fucking the person? Seems legit.


    No, that is #YCYW - you creep, you weep. #YCYL is about jerking it in the sauna and the like.
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:52 PM GMT
    Interesting viewpoint.

    The actual morality (right and wrong) of it is, relationships are based on agreements. The agreements can be whatever those involved decide. If both agree that its fine to mess around, then it is. If they don't, then its not ok. It's a simple thing. If its part of your agreement, keep it until it is changed. You can always change the agreement, or end it altogether. But change the agreement before you act out the change. There's nothing more to it than that and doesn't need to be.

    So don't condemn others who want a different agreement in their relationship than what you want for yours. Not everyone wants the same things. But, in turn, don't let anyone else tell you that your values are lower than theirs just because of the choices you make in establishing your relationship(s).
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    Can I assume this is another troll thread and just move on?
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 saidEverything the OP says is true. Still, it depends on the relationship. Some people aren't capable of having multiple sex partners, one night stands, or hell...group sex. Everyone is different. A relationship needs to built on trust, honesty, and communication. If both people are cool and capable with an open relationship, it should be allowed. If even one person is uneasy about it, then there are two options: (1) end the relationship or (2) continue as a monogamous relationship. Both are perfectly acceptable. I've done both, and I've found monogamy works best for me.
    This*
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    It's somewhat admirable of you to try and ditch your title as that one-hit wonder troll.

    Some people want to be monogamous. Some do not. It's not for the monogamous people to force the open guys to change, just like it's not for the open guys to force the monogamous guys into something they don't want.
    It would be best to be up front with your partner early in the relationship.

    If you want to be in an open relationship and your partner does not, maybe it's just not meant to be.
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    Firebrand said
    yourname2000 saidOh, you've come a long way from just a year ago when you adamantly anti-open relationship. icon_biggrin.gif


    I was never anti-open, just anti-what it normally entails around here (barebacking is all the rage right now)... I wanted an open relationship two years ago but hubby wouldn't allow it. Now we're both for it since it's really not a big deal.

    Oh I was around when bare backing was last a big fad, but sadly may of them are not......

    I myself support polygamy as man was not wired to spend his whole sexual life with one person. Divorce would drop as you would not have to trade in the old for new.

    Also when the concept of marriage was first coined, till death do we part was not a very long time, as you would be lucky if you lived till 30; now many live till 100.

    The amount of gay relationships I have seen over the years where you may have one, or even both of them say they are in a monogamous relationship, but I knew diffrent, because I knew the truth.

    So a big part of me does laugh when I hear gays say we are in a monogamous relationship; lets face it guys are not wired that way.
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    Here we go again...
    I love it when people use something they think they know about biology to support their opinions
  • BIG_N_TALL

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    Jun 23, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    This thread is beyond fucked up icon_confused.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 23, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    If you don't want to be monogamous, then don't.

    Human beings choose their behavior. It's not always easy, but it's a choice.

    A gay man saying "I fuck around because I'm male and it's natural" isn't any different than someone saying "I'm fat because that's just the way I am and it's natural for me."
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 saidEverything the OP says is true.


    I disagree. There is a lot wrong with what he said. I've changed my mind a lot over the years about monogamy too, so I think a lot of it is about having experiences as you grow older.

    1. Monogamy isn't just a social construct. Some animals are monogamous, and they aren't sophisticated enough to have social rules in the way that humans do. Animals don't have religious beliefs. They do what they are biologically programmed to do. Humans are capable of different types of relationships. Some of it's hard-wired into us biologically, and some of it is based on our upbringings.

    2. The OP is young. It's not unusual for the people in his age group to be bad at relationships. Categorizing the majority of monogamous people he's met as "clingy, possessive, and emotional" just goes to show that he hasn't met the right people yet. I know people hate when the age issue is brought up, but how many of us older guys would say that we have the same beliefs we did when we were that age? It isn't meant to be condescending. It's a fact of life that we think we know everything when we're young adults, but our ideals usually evolved as we gain new experiences.

    3. Most of the OP errors come from painting everyone with the same broad brush strokes. Some people view sex as a merely a biological need. Others have an emotional connection with sex, which is why Skyping and other forms of sexual gratification can be seen as cheating. It's ironic that the OP is telling other people to be more open-minded when he is being every bit as close-minded himself, but in a different way. If you can't understand why someone else has different biological and emotional needs, that's your problem. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with them or you. It means that you are programmed differently, either biologically or psychologically. The import thing is to be up-front with any prospective partner so that you both understand what each person needs out of the relationship.
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    Jun 23, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    redsoxfan791 saidEverything the OP says is true.


    I disagree. There is a lot wrong with what he said. I've changed my mind a lot over the years about monogamy too, so I think a lot of it is about having experiences as you grow older.

    1. Monogamy isn't just a social construct. Some animals are monogamous, and they aren't sophisticated enough to have social rules in the way that humans do. Animals don't have religious beliefs. They do what they are biologically programmed to do. Humans are capable of different types of relationships. Some of it's hard-wired into us biologically, and some of it is based on our upbringings.

    2. The OP is young. It's not unusual for the people in his age group to be bad at relationships. Categorizing the majority of monogamous people he's met as "clingy, possessive, and emotional" just goes to show that he hasn't met the right people yet. I know people hate when the age issue is brought up, but how many of us older guys would say that we have the same beliefs we did when we were that age? It isn't meant to be condescending. It's a fact of life that we think we know everything when we're young adults, but our ideals usually evolved as we gain new experiences.

    3. Most of the OP errors come from painting everyone with the same broad brush strokes. Some people view sex as a merely a biological need. Others have an emotional connection with sex, which is why Skyping and other forms of sexual gratification can be seen as cheating. It's ironic that the OP is telling other people to be more open-minded when he is being every bit as close-minded himself, but in a different way. If you can't understand why someone else has different biological and emotional needs, that's your problem. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with them or you. It means that you are programmed differently, either biologically or psychologically. The import thing is to be up-front with any prospective partner so that you both understand what each person needs out of the relationship.
    Maybe it's just a, Die Alone Complex?