Bf overweight

  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Jun 23, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    How do you talk to your bf about being overweight?

    Met him 6 months ago and we started dating pretty serious.
    Obviously, just meeting him 6 months ago he wasn't skinny or really fit.
    However, he has made comments about losing weight: after I see the doc about a specific problem I will start working out, once my friend drops weight and weighs less than my me I will start working out, etc, etc.
    All these things have happened but he still eats like crap and doesn't workout.

    He is bordering on obesity, starting to get the fat person waddle, arched back as all the weight is in his gut. All the signs and visually of being overweight.

    It's easy to say "dump him if he isn't healthy," which is so often the advice on internet boards, but I want to salvage this relationship and get him healthy and fit.
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    Ummm that is a tough one. If you don't want to dump him, try to get him motivated, maybe suggest physical activities and healthy foods to eat. Tell him you're worried about him and you want to see him be the best he can. Or something like that.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 23, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    When he brings it up, tell him that you are there to support him. When he says 'after this, etc.' encourage him to starts making small steps now. When someone is making the transition to a more active, healthier lifestyle, it can get overwhelming when they take on too much at once. Just remember what is easy for you can be a challenge for him.
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:25 PM GMT
    Get his ass in gear NOW. Otherwise he'll become depressed and miserable due to being and looking unhealthy, no energy, the whole bit.
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    Jun 23, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    It's hard to motivate someone else. I usually don't even try to. In my opinion, it has to come from within if they're going to keep up the exercising lifestyle if I can put it that way.

    But if you really want to try to motivate him, it's probably best to start by doing a form of exercise that he enjoys doing. If he doesn't know, I suggest swimming. He probably will enjoying seeing all the shirtless guys at the pool hehe.

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    Jun 23, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    This may sound cruel, but take his picture. Don't be obvious, hell stand next to him and be sure he stands to the front. Dumb as it sounds, sometimes people don't realise how much they are slipping till they see it through another's eyes. Get the pic, 5x7 framed on an endtable. Just see what he comes to himself.

    If that doesn't work, be honest, tell him it is really not only unhealthy for him physically but turning you off sexually. You respect him enough to want to stay healthy and sexy, you feel he should care enough to do the same.

    Then set up a series of workout dates, make it fun, interesting "rewards"..
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    Jun 23, 2012 8:03 PM GMT
    very unenviable.. all his "I will start when.." is rubbish. He won´t. If he won´t start now he won´t start then.

    i have no real wisdom... but it has to come from him..

    I couldn´t deal with a partner who just let themselves go... we look less like porn models with age, fine. But just throwing in the towel and eating Papa John´s... nope. Not an option for me

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    Jun 23, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    This may be dumb advice, but I am going to throw it out there.

    If he is really resistant to all of the above comments, could you possibly approach it as a joint project you do together - as in - "listen, I am struggling with my choices and I am really trying to stay lean and healthy - so if I do the cooking and meal planning for a month for the both of us, will you give it a try?"

    Make it about making healthy choices together, but plan in cheat meals and days when it's OK to eat the things he's used to.
  • Gamemage7

    Posts: 67

    Jun 23, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    Make exercising with you something he'd enjoy. Ask him to go to the gym with you, and offer him something for it. Make him a deal, that it he drops some weight, you'll do something for him. Yes, it sounds like bribing, but it does work. And he'll have immediate motivation to start pumping iron. After he starts, it'll be easier to keep him going.
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    Jun 23, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    Wow, lots of good advise.

    You obviously see something in this guy beyond a pretty face, have a heart-to-heart with him.

    I also recommending getting to the heart of the problem, the problem isn't that people don't want to be healthy or go to the gym, but that they lack the discipline and commitment required for real change.

    Pick up a self help book, hardcover or audio dealing with this problem. Check out Amazon and read the reviews. There are some good authors that deal with this problem. Buy one then read or listen to it together.

    Deal with the core problem, and that will deal with the surface problem.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    Profire saidHow do you talk to your bf about being overweight?




    You do just that. You talk. Honestly but respectfully.
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 23, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    There isn't anything wrong with being in a relationship with someone who isn't a model of physical perfection. I seriously doubt having a conversation with him would result in weight loss and a complete body makeover. Fixer uppers are for houses, not people. It would be nice if every gay guy was an underwear model with a great personality, but that's not reality. And 20 years from now, you'll be left with a personality, so make sure it's a good one.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    The situation is... advanced. You should have voiced your concerns, preferably to him, while he was on his downward spiral. Now that he is full-blown overweight, he's developed a set of unhealthy habits that will be hard for him to break. Not impossible, but much more difficult. If you can get him to change his ways and get back on a healthier path again, it'd be a testament to the strength of your bond.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    Boyfriend lumped? Boyfriend dumped.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidBoyfriend lumped? Boyfriend dumped.


    LOLOLOL. witty
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    ECnAZ said
    Ariodante saidBoyfriend lumped? Boyfriend dumped.


    LOLOLOL. witty


    There needs to be a meme in the same vein as High Expectations Asian Father for gay men, like Impossibly High Standards Gay Boyfriend. DIBS ON THE MEME AUTHORSHIP.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidBoyfriend lumped? Boyfriend dumped.



    what exactly are you saying? That his boyfriends eating and exercising habits are reason for him to dump... say as in a deal breaker... well not only a deal breaker but a established relationship breaker?

    just curious, because your post seems a bit vague


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    You could try and change him


    You could get lucky...It's not like a 100 million women haven't tried and already failedicon_lol.gif
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    Dude....let that shit build up for close to 3 years, than blow your gasket in front of the food counter at United Market Street and make him walk home.


    or whatever.
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    Jun 23, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    Feed him better and stay active together. Easier said than done but so is your post
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    Love and accept him for who he is inside and out.

    Otherwise, let him go find someone who will.
  • John6311

    Posts: 165

    Jun 23, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    I say end the relationship. You guys are not compatible. Being healthy and fit is a lifestyle. You need to be with someone who has the same type of goals and desires the same type of lifestyle that you do.
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    Jun 23, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    The guy above me is right. We are talking about lifestyle choices. Six months is a short time to be involved with someone and if it's bugging you this much now how will it be in 2 years when he really is obese. You can't make him lose weight; he has to want to badly enough.

    Yourname2000's comment cuts both ways; why must you accept his poor lifestyle choice. If he likes you he should change because that would be better for both of you in the long run.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Jun 23, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    Profire saidHow do you talk to your bf about being overweight?

    Met him 6 months ago and we started dating pretty serious.
    Obviously, just meeting him 6 months ago he wasn't skinny or really fit.
    However, he has made comments about losing weight: after I see the doc about a specific problem I will start working out, once my friend drops weight and weighs less than my me I will start working out, etc, etc.
    All these things have happened but he still eats like crap and doesn't workout.

    He is bordering on obesity, starting to get the fat person waddle, arched back as all the weight is in his gut. All the signs and visually of being overweight.

    It's easy to say "dump him if he isn't healthy," which is so often the advice on internet boards, but I want to salvage this relationship and get him healthy and fit.


    I'm so tired of gay men writing thesr post's as if they give a shit about their partner's or bf's health. Just say he isn't fuckable to you and do HIM the favor of moving on so he can find someone who will love him for being HIM.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Jun 23, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Havasu saidThere isn't anything wrong with being in a relationship with someone who isn't a model of physical perfection. I seriously doubt having a conversation with him would result in weight loss and a complete body makeover. Fixer uppers are for houses, not people. It would be nice if every gay guy was an underwear model with a great personality, but that's not reality. And 20 years from now, you'll be left with a personality, so make sure it's a good one.


    Amen.