Dissapearing men after sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    Hi there, first time poster here.

    I was wondering if you could lend an ear and help me out with a predicament.
    I realise this scenario tends to happen a lot with straight women when sleeping with assshole men but with gay guys I believe it's a different matter all together.
    So here's my story:

    Recently in the land of casual dating I've been dumbfounded by a strange occurrence.
    A couple months ago I started talking with a young guy on a random gay dating app, we hit it off immediately. He was intelligent, nerdy, a bit awkward, heaps of things in common and we began playing online video games together before even meeting.
    As I'm sure you will be familiar with our understanding that we were both looking for nothing in particular. Friends, casual sex or possibly more; the usual. Right?
    One night we decided to meet at mine on a whim as it had been long enough. He came over, we talked, hit it off and moved into the bedroom for the obvious. The following morning, we went to the city, all was fine and we parted ways. Over the next week or so I noticed a radical drop in our communications. We used to talk every day, almost all day, so thinking it was probably his nervousness I tried to make casual contact but I received vague responses. I tried one last time to see if we could repeat our first night, I received something vague and never heard from him again. I didn't really know what to think as he wasn't your typical guy, but meh, I moved on.

    You still with me? Ok.
    More recently I started chatting to a gentleman, we talked quite a lot, got along and we were looking for the same easy going 'thing'. We decided to meet and went on a date. Went to a couple bars and ended back at mine. We had a super intimate night and in the morning he kissed me goodbye and said he would be in contact. I sent him a random text the same night, didn't get a reply, but didn't think anything of it. 4 or 5 days past and I texted him asking if he wanted to get together the following weekend. No reply and nothing since. He just dissapeared.

    Now, what is puzzling is, the total irony of it all. In all of my sexual experiences us gay guys usually become friends after we fuck don't we? We don't usually have this problem of assholeism. We dont play games or have these calling rules. And considering I was totally casual is dumbfounding to me. And to be honest, in these days of total 2 dimensional men, I'm unique, interesting, intelligent, cute, I have interests and depth with great pillow conversation. Yet these last couple times have left me being paranoid about something I did?

    Any ideas?
    Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    confuzzeled said Dissapearing men after sex?
    [...]
    He just dissapeared.
    [...]
    Any ideas?
    Thanks!


    That's pretty much what normally happens. Isn't it supposed to be that way?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    *pats self on the back for reading a 1st post full page advice topic*

    I learned from RealJock that gay guys are super flakey and that the recent ones you met are normal. The ones before that were the rare decent folk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said[...]
    I learned from RealJock RECONFIRMED that gay guys are super flakey [...]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    Now see, these answers are the easy way out. It's easy to say all guys are douche bags but the truth is always a lot more complicated.
    It's not like we met at a club, fucked and grabbed our numbers as we left the bedroom. These were people who sacrificed time to get to know one another. And sex was a byproduct of the friendship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    lol you're deluded. They feigned interest in you just to get in your pants. It's normal, get over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    confuzzeled saidNow see, these answers are the easy way out. It's easy to say all guys are douche bags but the truth is always a lot more complicated.
    It's not like we met at a club, fucked and grabbed our numbers as we left the bedroom. These were people who sacrificed time to get to know one another. And sex was a byproduct of the friendship.

    It's not more complicated. You all just took longer getting there. But the pattern is the same. Actually, the "club pickup, fuck, disappear" is more efficient, isnt it.

    Now, here's what you do. Hold out for a real date....like going to dinner and a movie, or going out biking, or going to an art gallery....that will make you a complete celibate. Nobody will come near you once they realize that they have to invest several hours in you. But, just before you put a bullet thru your brain, go back to the chat rooms or smart phone apps and listen to them all say how hard it is to date someone.

    neilpatrickgunshot.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:19 PM GMT
    Oh... from the title, I thought this was going to be about disposing of the bodies.
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 23, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    Get used to it. I actually think most gay men really do want something more in the beginning, when it all seems really exciting. Then they need a new fantasy to keep the excitement level high, which means a new guy. The problem is that there are guys like us that find guys they like, and we actually want to stick around. Not having sex on the first date doesn't appear to work either. Being friends first, I tried that, doesn't work. A week later they find someone else to have sex with. It's a brutal lifestyle if you let it get to you. My advice is to not get emotionally involved with anyone until you've known them long enough to decide if they're a flake (which they often are), totally crazy (which is often true if they aren't a flake) or genuinely interested in you for all the right reasons. (very rare)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    Caslon19000 said
    confuzzeled saidNow see, these answers are the easy way out. It's easy to say all guys are douche bags but the truth is always a lot more complicated.
    It's not like we met at a club, fucked and grabbed our numbers as we left the bedroom. These were people who sacrificed time to get to know one another. And sex was a byproduct of the friendship.

    It's not more complicated. You all just took longer getting there. But the pattern is the same. Actually, the "club pickup, fuck, disappear" is more efficient, isnt it.

    Now, here's what you do. Hold out for a real date....like going to dinner and a movie, or going out biking, or going to an art gallery....that will make you a complete celibate. Nobody will come near you once they realize that they have to invest several hours in you. But, just before you put a bullet thru your brain, go back to the chat rooms or smart phone apps and listen to them all say how hard it is to date someone.

    neilpatrickgunshot.gif


    How did you do that gif art? teach me teach me. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidOh... from the title, I thought this was going to be about disposing of the bodies.

    hidebody.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    globe_trotter said
    neilpatrickgunshot.gif


    How did you do that gif art? teach me teach me. lol
    I googled "neil patrick harris gunshot gif" ... oh, I mean, you're here in the area. Let's get together and I'll show you.

    showyou.jpg

    Oh, yes...I will be all over showing you how to google for gifs. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    everyone's gonna think i'm nuts for saying this but you could also... not have sex..... the first time you meet a guy. or at least keep it first base. if i really, really like a guy, I do everything i can to resist sex right away. and 70% of the time it works and there's a second date

    30% of the time i just look like a tease icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    Wow, sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery case... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    homastj saideveryone's gonna think i'm nuts for saying this but you could also... not have sex..... the first time you meet a guy. or at least keep it first base. if i really, really like a guy, I do everything i can to resist sex right away. and 70% of the time it works and there's a second date

    30% of the time i just look like a tease icon_sad.gif


    This. The guys you were dating were looking to get laid, not to date, not to become friends. They have no obligation to you after they help get you off.

    You want guys to call you back? Don't put out on the first date! What's the hurry? Get to know him first to have a better idea of his character. If he doesn't call you back after the platonic date, then you haven't lost much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    Ha I know that feeling, kinda going through this right now. We were cool, took me on a date,met some of his friends. Then came the night we fucked and then be suddenly stopped talking to me. Texted him he would reply but would always say he was busy that night blah blah blah. So after 3 weeks of not seeing one another he hits me up,and me being excited and happy to see him decided to spend the night with him....and that was it, I called him the next day and nothing....so it seems is like a normal thing you gotta get used to and learn to move on....sucks doesn't?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:43 PM GMT
    i_VAN's HOOOOOOOOOT!!!

    Oops, wrong thread, eheh.... icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    You gave him the goodies. This is something women do pretty well that guys can learn from, they're good at stringing guys along and making them work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    It's very common.

    Most men, gay or otherwise, want to have sex with those they find appealing, then move on to the next, or keep you for a future hook-up when they get the itch that they can't get anybody else hotter/more appealing/closer in proximity to scratch.

    If you aren't OK with this, don't sleep with the guy the first time you meet him, no matter how much you have conversed/got-on beforehand, or how 'proper' your date was. Most will not be bothered to meet you a second time if all they wanted was just sex (subconsciously or otherwise). Those that do meet several times before sex will likely form a non-sexual bond with you, or, very rarely, are very patient to achieve their end-game. No method is ever 100% fool proof.

    I'm quite sure that a part of most people's subconscious will think that if you're that easy for them to lay the first time they meet you, you'd also be likely be that easy for anybody else half-decent with the same intent, and their interest may decline if in fact they think this means there is something less special about you, no matter how tempting they found you prior.

    Still, I've personally found that even those I've known in the past who had initially just wanted sex, always wanted a repeat, and often they wanted a fwb/ltr scenario sometime afterwards... So:

    Have you found yourself to be quite clingy or done something weird/disappointing during/after sex, that you can think of? If not, you may have just been very unlucky so far (it's only been twice, so hardly a large enough sample to make much valid analysis tbh), and your future endeavours are likely, on average, to be much more fruitful.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Jun 23, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Jay1922 saidYou gave him the goodies. This is something women do pretty well that guys can learn from, they're good at stringing guys along and making them work.


    BAM! Nail, meet Head.

    Pretty much the post of the day right there folks. I think we're all guilty of giving it up way to easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said Wow, sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery case... icon_wink.gif


    Like this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcHy8xEt2QI
  • gradjock

    Posts: 24

    Jun 23, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    No body wants to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Firebrand saidlol you're deluded. They feigned interest in you just to get in your pants. It's normal, get over it.


    This I don't get, I wouldn't want to feign interest in someone so they'd get in my pants...why would you want to fuck someone you have no interest in...it's like going to a restaurant pretending you like steak and eating it and not enjoying it...you people are bizarre.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    You have a big Donkey dick that scares them away .. thats it icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    confuzzeled said Dissapearing men after sex?
    [...]
    He just dissapeared.
    [...]
    Any ideas?
    Thanks!


    That's pretty much what normally always happens. Isn't it supposed to be that way?


    fix'd