"You're not looking."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    A conversation I had with a friend.

    Me: "No one likes me." (whimper whimper)

    Friend: "You don't actually believe that."

    Me: "I don't get approached. And I don't get the 'signs' that someone likes me."

    Friend: "I assure you, there are guys out there who want to date you and are giving you the signs. They just don't approach you because you intimidate them."

    Me: "I don't see them."

    Friend: "Of course you don't see them. You're not looking."

    Me: icon_eek.gif

    I understand what my friend meant. Maybe I don't notice those who are attracted to me because I'm not receptive to the 'signs.' Either that or I do see the signs but my mind is going, "It's your imagination." Or--and most importantly--I don't exactly know what the signs are.

    So I guess the question is: How do you know if a guy's interested in you even if he hasn't approached you?
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 31, 2008 8:19 PM GMT
    Ask him.
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    Jul 31, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    carverhouse said
    So I guess the question is: How do you know if a guy's interested in you even if he hasn't approached you?

    Trying to figure out if a guy's interested in you is futile unless he's very obvious about it. So forget that.

    If you're interested in him, make the effort to engage him in conversation. If you have an easy and lengthy conversation, he's probably interested.
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    Jul 31, 2008 8:24 PM GMT
    My question to you is if you see a guy that looks interesting to you, why wait for him to make the first move?

    I see this a lot where I live in all kinds of settings. I admit it's easier for me to say than to do. However, I think that in the right setting (say a party at a friend's for example) I would politely make my interest clear and try to get a number or even a date.

    To answer your question, I find that looks are what I notice. If I see a guy is constantly making eye contact with me every time I glance around that's a good indication. Add in a smile and that's pretty much a sure welcome to come talk. Honestly, short of him coming up and talking to you, I think there are all kinds of signs that you pick up on. But why wait? If I were single, I'd not waste any time. icon_twisted.gif Life is too short and you don't always get back a lost opportunity.
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    Jul 31, 2008 10:01 PM GMT
    I don't mean to rain on this parade, but isn't this the third or fourth self-pity thread of the same vein? I know you're looking for validation and yes, feeling down and rejected is normal (congratulations, you're normal), but there isn't anything in this thread, or the thread before this one, or the one before that that hasn't been said in your first thread.

    Your life is in your control. Take it already.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    Auryn saidAsk him.


    TOTALLY!! I am FIRM believer in if you don't ask you'll never receive/know!! So, just ask!!!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 31, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    You have to make yourself open to it...

    I'm the last one to be saying this because I don't do it as much as I should
    But If YOU smile and say hello to guys they will reciprocate
    I have never seen it Not work before icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2008 4:00 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for answering! icon_smile.gif

    On one end, yes, this can be seen as a self-pity thread, but it isn't. It's just about getting the views of others who might have thought of the same subject. Hence, a forum for discussion.

    On the other end, this is a thread that some guys might have wanted to start but couldn't, because they can get easily accused of "fishing for attention." I just use my situation as a lead in.

    But if the thread proves unpopular, then no worries. We can talk about other things. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 01, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    People are not created equal when it comes to picking up vibes from other people. It could be a result of genetics (introversion vs. extraversion) or life experiences (you did not receive a lot of positive feedback from people growing up).

    It could be that you are trying to meet guys in places that are not suited to your personality type. Introverts do not do as well in noisy, crowded environments. Their brain is already over-aroused and the external stimuli overwhelms them. It is like having your pupils dilated at an eye exam, and then walking outside on a bright sunny day. All you do is squint but you actually cannot see much.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 01, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    carverhouse saidThanks guys for answering! icon_smile.gif

    On one end, yes, this can be seen as a self-pity thread, but it isn't. It's just about getting the views of others who might have thought of the same subject. Hence, a forum for discussion.

    On the other end, this is a thread that some guys might have wanted to start but couldn't, because they can get easily accused of "fishing for attention." I just use my situation as a lead in.

    But if the thread proves unpopular, then no worries. We can talk about other things. icon_smile.gif


    Ehem...
    "The Walrus and the Carpenter
    Walked on a mile or so,
    And then they rested on a rock
    Conveniently low:
    And all the little Oysters stood
    And waited in a row.

    'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
    'To talk of many things:
    Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
    Of cabbages -- and kings --
    And why the sea is boiling hot --
    And whether pigs have wings.'"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2008 5:17 PM GMT
    Maybe you don't really want to be approached.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    I find wearing a sign helps...


    My Name is:
    "APPROACHABLE"