When people tell you that you're attractive, do you believe them?

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    Jun 24, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    Ever since my second semester at college I have been struggling with self-confidence. I have lots of friends and I get a decent amount of attention from guys and girls but due to a really bad experience with a guy in my freshman year, I have struggled to believe that anyone would want me. I basically fell for a straight boy who pretended to like me so that I would help him with his school work. As soon as the semester was over, he quickly pushed me out of his life. He was the first guy I had ever had real romantic feelings for.

    Prior to this situation, I never had any self esteem issues. Even now, I'm very confident in all other arenas except appearance.

    When a guy hits me up online or in person and tells me I'm hot or that he's into me, I tend to not really absorb the message. I usually assume that he is just being cordial or reciprocating for some compliment that I have given him.

    I'm starting to feel like I've missed out on some really great opportunities physically and romantically because I feel like I'm not good-looking enough.

    In a sense, I feel like the incidences of people expressing attraction to me are higher than what I believe I deserve so I just assume that a lot of it is contrived.

    I guess that one pivotal experience with rejection completely changed the way I look at myself. One a metacognitive level, I can understand where the feelings come from, but I still cannot control them. I know, I'm not ugly but ever since then, I sometimes really feel like I am.

    Does anyone else ever feel like this?
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    Jun 24, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    The world, gay and otherwise, is full of insecure attractive people. I think I'm one of them but if you agreed with me I probably wouldn't believe you.
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    Jun 24, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    I believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    In general, I don't take complements very well (in case that wasn't already obvious), but I'm working on it. I try to accept the fact that some people will find me attractive, and some people won't. I too have had situations where people used flattery to get something out of me, so I still have a hard time believing someone when they say something nice.

    I also have trouble giving other people complements, for kind of the same reasons.
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidThe world, gay and otherwise, is full of insecure attractive people.


    Sometimes that insecurity manifests as overt cockiness and arrogance, ironically.
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    CrankyMcBadass said
    Really handsome men are stupid.


    A guy I was once chatted with who wanted to meet me called it off because he said he'd be mortified that I'd suddenly quote Sartre in bed.
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    you are beautiful rabid.

    the most beautiful troll on RJ icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    CrankyMcBadass said
    Really handsome men are stupid.


    A guy I was once chatted with who wanted to meet me called it off because he said he'd be mortified that I'd suddenly quote Sartre in bed.


    He's my mother...
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    CrankyMcBadass said
    Really handsome men are stupid.


    A guy I was once chatted with who wanted to meet me called it off because he said he'd be mortified that I'd suddenly quote Sartre in bed.


    I love you mommy

  • Jun 24, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    no ...they prolly needicon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif something lol
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    The secret to accepting a compliment gracefully is understanding its purpose. If someone tells you that you are handsome, what you have to hear is "I want to compliment you", not "internalize the concept of you being handsome and determine if this is a reality you find acceptable". In many ways you kind of have to ignore what the compliment even is, all you have to hear is "I want to compliment you" and to that you respond "thank you".
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN said
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    you are beautiful rabid.

    the most beautiful troll on RJ icon_lol.gif


    Not my name but thanks baby
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN said
    Ariodante said
    CrankyMcBadass said
    Really handsome men are stupid.


    A guy I was once chatted with who wanted to meet me called it off because he said he'd be mortified that I'd suddenly quote Sartre in bed.


    I love you mommy


    mmrrrrrrrrr :3
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    dontknowwhy said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    you are beautiful rabid.

    the most beautiful troll on RJ icon_lol.gif


    Not my name but thanks baby


    lol autocorrect icon_redface.gif
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe secret to accepting a compliment gracefully is understanding its purpose. If someone tells you that you are handsome, what you have to hear is "I want to compliment you", not "internalize the concept of you being handsome and determine if this is a reality you find acceptable". In many ways you kind of have to ignore what the compliment even is, all you have to hear is "I want to compliment you" and to that you respond "thank you".


    ...except when the complements purpose is to see if you have any noodz. (Yes, I'm that cynical.)
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    Jun 24, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    Oh, GBG, You are boo.

    Re the thread topic in achieving self-confidence (or any other desired mind-set): fake it until you make it.

    Defo an effective philosophy to live by. icon_cool.gif
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 24, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    METAMORPH said
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    Oh, GBG, You are boo.

    Re the thread topic in achieving self-confidence (or any other desired mind-set): fake it until you make it.

    Defo an effective philosophy to live by. icon_cool.gif


    It's what I do.

    Deki you must stop this.

    If there's one thing I've learned in life thus far, it's that 80% of guys do not find me attractive 10% do find me attractive but will act like they don't, and 10% genuinely do find me attractive.

    I'm good at honing in on the ones who do find me attractive and have no pretenses about it.
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    Jun 24, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    METAMORPH said
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    Oh, GBG, You are boo.

    Re the thread topic in achieving self-confidence (or any other desired mind-set): fake it until you make it.

    Defo an effective philosophy to live by. icon_cool.gif


    It's what I do.

    Deki you must stop this.

    If there's one thing I've learned in life thus far, it's that 80% of guys do not find me attractive 10% do find me attractive but will act like they don't, and 10% genuinely do find me attractive.

    I'm good at honing in on the ones who do find me attractive and have no pretenses about it.


    group hug time me thinks
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    I was told I was ugly for a long time and believed it. I am (just recently) starting to get that poison out of my system and believe that I am good looking.
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    Rule #1: Always trust a man who describes himself as VGL icon_smile.gif

    Mwahahahahaha!!!!
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    Gmack saidI was told I was ugly for a long time and believed it. I am (just recently) starting to get that poison out of my system and believe that I am.


    Ugh, I will not coddle your ego. You're handsome, get over it.
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 24, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    I've found that most guys who describe themselves as VGL are actually like a 7-8. Guys who are actually VGL don't need to point out the obvious, because gay men are never shy about expressing hotness when they see it. Or lack of hotness for that matter.
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    huhwhat said
    Gmack saidI was told I was ugly for a long time and believed it. I am (just recently) starting to get that poison out of my system and believe that I am.


    Ugh, I will not coddle your ego. You're handsome, get over it.


    +1
    Thank you. I am getting over it. I don't need to be coddled. Just saying that sometimes there are reasons why some people believe the way they do, or why they see themselves like that. I think the difference is that some people do it for the attention or the compliments, and some have had such a bad hand that they just don't know that they are.

    I prefer the humble/confident guys that are unassuming about it and don't flaunt it.
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    Jun 24, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    I believe them, but I'm usually surprised--especially if the person saying it is someone I find really attractive.
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    Jun 25, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    dontknowwhy saidI believe I am beautiful and that is all that matters.


    THIS!

    I want a tattoo of that. Great philosophy man.