Said he just get bored....


  • Jun 27, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    Me and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?
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    Jun 27, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    Ouch.
    He's a Whore.
    Check up on that, make sure he's playing safe. icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 27, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    For me, sex is important but hardly the most important part of a relationship. I'm with my guy for a lot more reasons than that.

    If you want to try to be with each other, trying switching it all up. Maybe try no sex in the bedroom or in the typical way for a month. Force yourself to find new ways, places, experiences to keep your sex life interesting.

    If he can't or won't be faithful and you need that, I would wish him well and move on. For a relationship to work, you both have to be on the same page in the important ways. Monogamy is one of them.

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    Jun 27, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    reachedtheclimax saidMe and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?


    I can relate to your ex.

    Some people simply are not monogamous. It's who they are. There is nothing wrong with them, and they are not "hoes" just because they lose sexual interest in people after a while. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you, because it sounds like he still does. He just needs something different in the bed.
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    Jun 27, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    I feel for you, man. Been there. Best thing you can do is move on. There's a great guy waiting for you out there.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jun 27, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    Cut off contact with him. Sooner or later he'll find out that he made a bad decision for choosing sex with others over being with a good guy
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    Jun 27, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    reachedtheclimax saidHe said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me.


    Did he literally say "I would cheat on you"? It's one thing to say "I can't be in a relationship where you're not ok with me having multiple sex partners" and it's another to say "I can't be in a relationship with you because I will CHEAT on you".
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    Jun 27, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    Kick his bored ass to the curb...for good. He doesn't want a relationship, he wants to live the life of a single person so he can do what...and who...he wants.

    People are who and what they are...while we can work on ourselves, we can never really CHANGE. Therefore, if this is how he feels, chances are he will always feel this way, and even if he did have a change of mind and heart one day, why should you be the doormat he scrapes his shoes on until he finally does? Feel sorry for him, forgive him, calmly but very firmly show him to the door, and, most importantly, force the purge of him from your life. If you don't say goodbye forever, and mean it, people like this will ALWAYS find a way to either stay in your life in a detrimental way, or occasionally want to re-enter your life when it suits THEM, causing further harm to your emotional well-being. And whatever you do, don't let your love for him get in the way...love yourself MORE...enough to do what is right for YOU...

    I know this sounds like harsh moves to make, but the only sure way to give yourself the time, space, and ability to clear your head and move on is to rip that Band-Aid off quickly. In the long run, it will hurt MUCH less. Best of luck!

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    Jun 27, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    reachedtheclimax saidMe and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?


    Sorry to hear that. I went through the same thing several years ago. My ex even admitted after we split up that he gets bored with anyone after about 6 months or so, but no matter how hard he tried, he still ended up cheating.
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    Jun 27, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    Many men are shallow apes. Do not date shallow apes.
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    Jun 27, 2012 6:21 AM GMT
    reachedtheclimax saidMe and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?


    What is there to fix???

    He has been completely up-front and honest with you.

    The two of you are on seperate pages right now.

    You have different goals and needs. There is no sin there.

    It is easier to find someone who is actually compatable with you than it is to break the spirit of someone who isn't -- and try to force him to be the person you WANT him to be instead of the person he IS...

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    Jun 27, 2012 6:28 AM GMT
    Cash said
    reachedtheclimax saidMe and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?


    What is there to fix???

    He has been completely up-front and honest with you.

    The two of you are on seperate pages right now.

    You have different goals and needs. There is no sin there.

    It is easier to find someone who is actually compatable with you than it is to break the spirit of someone who isn't -- and try to force him to be the person you WANT him to be instead of the person he IS...



    Again, Cash shows his wisdom. Seriously, heed it.
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    Jun 27, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    Some people treat sex objectively and do not attach the same emotions to it as others do. In reality, there's nothing wrong with that. Part of the key here is the fact that, emotionally, he does feel for you. But, again, he sees sex as an object vs. a sentiment. You can't force him to change that. At least not at this stage of his life.

    If you cannot accept that, then you are not compatible and it's time to just be friends. If he continues to do this, he will continue to just have friends and sex partners.
    You need to find someone who shares the same values as you do for a true relationship.
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    Jun 27, 2012 9:44 AM GMT
    He has been honest with you. There is no problem. Be thankful he has morals and told you. Because of that you may be great friends, but it sounds like you want different things sexual.

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    Jun 27, 2012 10:06 AM GMT
    Do the same. show him in a cool way that sex with you is not as good as the others. icon_twisted.gif

    and if he truly loves you, he will run after you apologizing and learned his lesson. icon_cry.gif he wont do it again and will make sure never do it again.

    but if he don't love, he will walk away. and at least you wont wast your life waiting for him to come back as you were before.

    and no ones know you might find the real one for you. icon_wink.gif

  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Jun 27, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    I don't know, haha, it looks like I'm the miniority here but I think he was pretty nice. He told you upfront how he felt, it's better than making up an excuse. I can sometimes feel the same as your ex, and I know at least one of my female friends feels the same as well.
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:10 AM GMT
    Well, it certainly isnt from lack of dick on your part! icon_eek.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/workout/1057/ ... And move on.
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    Jun 27, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    That's what we used to call "Strange Dick." For some people, the thrill of being with someone new is what turns them on. I've dated a lot of guys like that, including one who crushed me when I found out he couldn't settle down with one person.

    Their priorities may change as they get older. But you can't force them to change for you. It's probably best to move on.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jun 27, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    Firebrand said
    I can relate to your ex.

    Some people simply are not monogamous. It's who they are. There is nothing wrong with them, and they are not "hoes" just because they lose sexual interest in people after a while. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you, because it sounds like he still does. He just needs something different in the bed.



    ^^^^THIS^^^^ -- The positive to take from this is that he was honest with you about it rather than just cheating behind your back. A guy can't help it if he just gets bored and needs variety. Never something you want to hear from your boyfriend, but the reality is that not everyone is cut out to be monogamous.
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    Jun 27, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    Cash said
    reachedtheclimax saidMe and my ex have been broken up for a few months now. We recently sat down and talked. He said he loves me and wishes we were back together but he knows he would cheat on me. Why? He said he gets bored having sex with the same person...not that our sex is boring, just doing it with the same person gets old. He loves the thrill of being with someone new even if they are doing the same sexual things we did. This makes no sense to me....he said he wishes he could change it but its just how he feels. Opinions on this.....any ways to fix this sort of issue....or is a hoe always a hoe?


    What is there to fix???

    He has been completely up-front and honest with you.

    The two of you are on seperate pages right now.

    You have different goals and needs. There is no sin there.

    It is easier to find someone who is actually compatable with you than it is to break the spirit of someone who isn't -- and try to force him to be the person you WANT him to be instead of the person he IS...



    I think this a great truth. I've been on both sides of this; being the monogamous one wanting a partner to be the same, but who wasn't, and being with someone who wanted me to not be monogamous, and I tried but couldn't do it.
    Wonderful words, Cash. Thanks.
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    Jun 27, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    you two are better off as friends, not lovers.

    you are built differently: he needs to roam, you need to nest. there is nothing wrong with either inclination, but you're not compatible. if you try to change each other, or worse change yourselves for each other, you'll only grow to resent it.
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    Jul 08, 2012 11:24 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said Ouch.
    He's a Whore.
    Check up on that, make sure he's playing safe. icon_eek.gif

    HAHAHA HE'S A WHORE! He's just sexually charged. Some people can handle having openly sexual relationships, I personally have in the past and it was great but now I'm with a different person and wouldn't dream of it.
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    Jul 08, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    After a while, monogamy = monotony.

    Change is good.

    And, honesty > monogamy.
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    Jul 08, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    I think people can program themselves to be polygamous in a couple of different ways. I'm not saying people do this intentionally, or that people can't be that way naturally (ie. not trying to start a flame war, to each their own!), here are some of my thoughts.

    1. Broken hearts

    They totally believe in monogamy when they're young. They dream of that perfect man sweeping them off their feet. It's going to be so easy when the right one comes along! It'll be happily ever after!

    Then reality hits, and they find relationships take a shit load of work. They put their entire being on the line of their first romance, and get tragically crushed when it doesn't work out. After investing years of their life they swear off committed relationships because "they never work".

    Really its just a broken heart and waking up to the reality of the world.

    2. Porn

    We can watch thousands of people fuck, look at thousands of cocks and asses in a matter of hours now a days. In the same way that children's television programs have become more and more frenetic, we as adults have shortened our sexual attention spans right down to nothing...

    If you keep looking at porn, keep cruising men online, when you're in a relationship, it's easy to start thinking that the grass is always greener with someone else. So when any relationship hits rocky times, you just turn to the attention of other men online to make you feel better about yourself. Suddenly you actually want to BE with someone else. *Ding!* Next please!

    3. Attention & Validation

    Most gay men have rough childhoods. We hide who we really are for nearly the entire developmental period of our life. When we do finally come out, and we find that people actually accept us, we're floored! We've hated ourselves for so long, it's great to feel someone else likes us. We like it so much in fact, that we get hooked on the feeling.

    Seeing as most of our parents never accepted us, especially our dads, if they were even around to care, this new found sense of having other men validate for who we are is intoxicating... but in truth, it's never quite enough. It never really fills that hole that was made when we were kids and really needed someone to accept us for who we are, for the parts of ourselves we kept hidden because we knew they were unlovable...

    You see I think the biggest issue with men not wanting monogamy isn't the fact that they can't love one other person, it's that they believe others can't truly love them. They need to have other men tell them they are worthy, they are like-able, love-able. What better way to get that then from the intimate act of fucking? If a guy gives you that he must surely like you, right?

    Once is never enough, cause that feeling goes away when it's all over, then it's onto the next dude. That rush of excitement when he shows interest, the sexual tension and build up, waiting for that moment when you can finally have him...


    Anyway, these are just my opinions that I've garnered from some reading, a decade of experience and some thought. I suggest you check out the book "The Velvet Rage" which helped me put a lot of things together for myself.

    Ultimately, if people really feel they're polygamous and they're set on that, I think you should move on and look for a monogamous partner who's long term goals match yours. It's really everyone's choice and freedom to go after what they want. Trying to force a bf to be something he feels he isn't will just hurt both of you.
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    Jul 08, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Only boring people get bored. You can find better.