Torn between two... What to do?

  • Jonnyjoe

    Posts: 1

    Jun 27, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    I am involved In a very complicated situation and I am very torn between two guys! I was with my previous boyfriend for 5 years. the last 2 of which we lived together. The relationship started off great,.until we moved in together! After moving in together, it started to go downhill. We began fighting, and as time went by, we began fighting even more, and the intimacy and sex became less and less. we had some really good times together, but the fighting got to the point where things got sooo bad, that I decided to move away closer to my family and attempted to end the relationship, he got so hurt by this that it turned into him becoming physical with me and beat me up pretty good! Not to mention afterwards he threatened suicide,. I did leave, and while broken up I ended up meeting someone else unexpectedly, the new guy is very nice and even ha so his life in order,.and looking to purchase a successful business. I have been dating him for awhile now, and I like everything about him aside from the fact that he is a little more fem than I prefer, but although it bothers me its something I think I can overlook due to the fact that I adore everything else about him... Now my ex wants me to move back and try to work things out, of which I dont want to do because although we have gotten along to the point where we can have good conversations and ive spent time witjhe him and it was like old times when I thought he was the one. But we still fight everytime we bring up our relationship,.because he wants me to move back with him, and try to work out our relationship cuz he wants me back, and im not sure I want to? My dilemma is what to do? Should I end things with the new guy to try to work things out? Or should I pursue the new guy.and end and cut all ties with my ex? the new guy is sooo sweet and nice that I really dont want to hurt him in any way! And me cutting ties to go back to my ex that may not even work out due to all our issues we have had..... But I also wonder if due to our long past that maybe I should try to work things out one more time... But I dont want to end things with the new guy cuz we get along really well, and he is ssoo sweet to me, I would feel horrible to break his heart,just to try to work things out with my ex, that may end up not working out anyway.... So what should I do? Do I try to work things out with my ex on hopes that we we.could rekindle our relationship,.or move on and pursue things further with the new guy? Please help, cuz I am so torn with what to do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    Flip a coin. One is heads, the other is tails.

    The moment before the coin lands, you'll know which one you want.
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    Jun 27, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    wall of text is wall and text
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    Jun 27, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    Work on yourself first......get some self respect back. No body should put up with abuse in a relationship, let alone go back for more. ....and the new guy already bothers you with how fem he is..... we dont have to be lesbians and move in on the first date. Having friends and lovers that you dont date or live with is ok too.....YOU need to work on you and your standards of acceptable treatment and who you really want.....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 27, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    I think you would be crazy to go back to your X. Speaking from a shitton of experience in abusive relationships I can tell you it will be more of the same. I know that is not what you want to hear - or you would not be here looking for reinforcement.

    Don't kid yourself - worse yet don't let him kid you. People like your X always want what they perceive as "what they want". Truth is, he sees your moving on, and he does not want to be left behind. It isn't so much he wants you - rather he doesn't want anyone else to have you.

    You have a good thing going, this new guy sounds amazing. Why on earth would you risk that over something you already tried, that not only failed - but failed badly. You know, I can't imagine in my wildest dreams ever putting hands on someone, let alone someone I supposedly loved. In my opinion, and I believe that both the psychiatric community and the law enforcement community will back it up, abusers will abuse again. They don't get better, the apologies just get more creative.

    Do "future you" a favor, grant him the opportunity to live a happy normal life with the guy who obviously wants that.
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    Jun 27, 2012 3:58 PM GMT


    "we had some really good times together, but the fighting got to the point where things got sooo bad, that I decided to move away closer to my family and attempted to end the relationship, he got so hurt by this that it turned into him becoming physical with me and beat me up pretty good! Not to mention afterwards he threatened suicide,"

    I recommend some professional counselling to find out why you'd consider going back into a physically abusive relationship.

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    Jun 29, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    I suggest that you don't go back to your ex.

    You may feel like you can mend things but I have seen many instances where going back just prolongs the inevitable of it breaking again. I have experienced it myself and have seen others go through the same.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    DO NOT go back to your ex. Physical abuse and the threat of suicide should have sent red flashing lights and sirens for you to bail out. He is toxic and is no good for you.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    The fact that he beat you up pretty bad, as you say, should be enough of an incentive to NOT go back to him.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    Going back with your ex is stupid.

    If you're stupid go back with him.

    If you're not stupid then stay with your current partner. He seems to have a great deal more going for him. Chances are, he'll be taken if you ever want to get back with him which you probably will given your rather flaky relationship history.
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jun 29, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    Go back to the ex. Gay men always end up hating nice guys. The new guy will end up driving you insane after the newness wears off, and you'll crave the emotional abuse gay men require for true relationship happiness.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    The moment it got physical was the moment that you should have realized that he blew it. Do not go back to him; he needs to learn that he messed up bad in the least acceptable manner, and you need to cut ties with him. I personally get angry sometimes, but I know to control myself and not slap another person. Also take it slow with the new guy. You hurt- do not go too fast otherwise you will eventually use him as a rebound.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidWork on yourself first......get some self respect back. No body should put up with abuse in a relationship, let alone go back for more. ....and the new guy already bothers you with how fem he is..... we dont have to be lesbians and move in on the first date. Having friends and lovers that you dont date or live with is ok too.....YOU need to work on you and your standards of acceptable treatment and who you really want.....icon_rolleyes.gif


    ^ this, well said!!

    Follow simple steps of loving yourself first, you should matter before anyone, then that way you're able to love other and be with them, i know its easier said than done, but mend yourself first, the rest will fall into place, hope that helps icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    You have the Rihanna complex, why would you go back to someone that's gotten violent with you.
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    Jun 29, 2012 12:57 AM GMT
    Jay1922 saidYou have the Rihanna complex, why would you go back to someone that's gotten violent with you.


    "He can change."

    "He didn't mean it."

    "I could have done better."

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    Jun 29, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    Polygamy is the key to happiness, because you can live by yourself and date whomever you want to date...without worrying about arguing over what's for dinner every night.
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    god, I've been waiting for a chance to break out this song:



    in all honesty, if one's gotten violent with you, go with the other. Abusive relationships (physical, emotional, etc) NEVER end well.
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    Do not go back to what you already experienced. People don't change and you have only one life to live...
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    He beat you up? you maen to say you didnt have back and guys didnt have a physical fist fight? Im used to those with my brothers... but hell they are still my brothers... but if its abusive, thats another matter
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jun 29, 2012 1:27 AM GMT
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  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Jun 29, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    Okay, so I started reading...

    "I am involved In a very complicated situation and I am very torn between two guys....."

    Blah, blah, blah....

    Grow a pair and stop whining about a couple of guys who do not deserve you.

    Believe me, it is not the end of the world, you will find someone someday who care and loves you for who you are.

    Until then, grow up and stop being a whiney bitch.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jun 29, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    gsh1964 saidOkay, so I started reading...

    "I am involved In a very complicated situation and I am very torn between two guys....."

    Blah, blah, blah....

    Grow a pair and stop whining about a couple of guys who do not deserve you.

    Believe me, it is not the end of the world, you will find someone someday who care and loves you for who you are.

    Until then, grow up and stop being a whiney bitch.


    Considering your age and the fact that you won't even show your face, you have a lot of nerve calling out the OP. Grow a pair, dude.
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    First, I start by never putting myself in situations like this one. Second, I get to know myself better, before I get to know other people. Third, I'm start every conversation being honest with myself, then the people I'm talking to; cause hiding and lying, are the worst ways to get relationships started.
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidHe beat you up? you maen to say you didnt have back and guys didnt have a physical fist fight? Im used to those with my brothers... but hell they are still my brothers... but if its abusive, thats another matter
    i thought brothers were supposed to beat each other up. That's the sole reason I took Taekwondo...to learn how to kick my brother's ass.

    Now he doesn't fuck with me. icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    Sparks saidGoing back with your ex is stupid.

    If you're stupid go back with him.

    If you're not stupid then stay with your current partner.


    agreed