Help! I'm obsessed with my crush!

  • Chad89

    Posts: 3

    Jun 27, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    I've had a crush on this guy I met a while ago. He and I talked online weekly. Nothing too involved only little stuff.
    A while ago he gave me his number to text him, which I did.
    As with online, he never really said that much, and didn't really respond that much, so I haven't texted him back because I don't think he's into me really.

    Anyway, I've come to terms that I don't think he is really that into me, but I'm now on the obsessed line. By 'obsessed' I mean I think about him a LOT and it's really becoming an issue for me.
    I'm sure this has happened to a lot of other guys before me, but I'm so new to even being interested in someone that this is really depressing me.
    What can I do to help me basically forget about him so I can save myself the mental suffering?
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    Jun 28, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    First off, welcome to RJ!

    And yea, it happens to me icon_smile.gif I met a guy on here, we chatted online, then it grew into texting and now nothing. At first I had a whole bunch of things running through my head like, "did I say something?", "is there something wrong with me?" but then I realized (or as I like to think) that it wasn't me but him.
    Just give it time and you'll get over him, promise.

    P.S. He's an idiot for not giving you much attention, you're hot icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 28, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    I feel you. I used to be obsessed with this customer I met at work. We were really friendly with each other when I was helping him. I did not give it much thought until my coworkers told me he came back early in the morning the next day and looked around my section for some time and left immediately (I was not there because I was off that day). I thought he came back for me....... but probably not. I don't know. I kept thinking about him for that entire week. Like nonstop. And while at work, I almost burst into tears on multiple occasions wishing for his return. But nothing in the end. Anyway, I got closure. I had my coworkers to comfort me the whole time and convincing me that I needed to get over guys like that.



    And you said it too, he's not that into you. It's really time to just move on. There will be great guys out there for you. Talk to other guys or occupy with time with something else. That way he will continue dissipate from your mind.
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    Jun 28, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    Chad89 saidI'm so new to even being interested in someone that this is really depressing me.
    What can I do to help me basically forget about him so I can save myself the mental suffering?

    Man, that's harsh. Sorry you had to go through it. You're new to this, meaning this is the first time you've crushed on someone who flaked out on you, right? First time's the hardest.

    The other poster said to give it time. That's the best advice actually. You'll forget about the guy once you do other things, and not really pay him attention anymore.

    Don't know if this will help but there was a time when this one guy I really liked had a baby (straight and married, lol). I bought myself a box of chocolates. I took it out and sat a few feet away from a trashcan, held the box in one hand. Then, one by one, without a word, I tossed the chocolates into the trash. Subsequently, things like that continued - I never bought chocolates anymore, since once you get used to it, it's easier to get over it.
  • Chad89

    Posts: 3

    Jun 29, 2012 9:58 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice so far.

    Another area I'm wondering about is with this crush, I don't think it was a 'lust' crush. I didn't really fantasize about him undressed or in any sexual activity.
    Only as someone I really wanted to be around/with - could that be what makes it harder to get over?

    Like I said in my first post, I'm new to all this, so if my questions sound amateurish, you'll know why.
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    Jun 29, 2012 10:07 AM GMT
    Chad89 saidI've had a crush on this guy I met a while ago. He and I talked online weekly. Nothing too involved only little stuff.
    A while ago he gave me his number to text him, which I did.
    As with online, he never really said that much, and didn't really respond that much, so I haven't texted him back because I don't think he's into me really.

    Anyway, I've come to terms that I don't think he is really that into me, but I'm now on the obsessed line. By 'obsessed' I mean I think about him a LOT and it's really becoming an issue for me.
    I'm sure this has happened to a lot of other guys before me, but I'm so new to even being interested in someone that this is really depressing me.
    What can I do to help me basically forget about him so I can save myself the mental suffering?


    Stop texting/talking to him for a few weeks. Make a commitment to remove yourself from the situation. Even if he tries to contact you, don't respond. Sounds like you really need to focus on you right now. it's not going to be easy, but its for the best
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    I've had so many crushes just like you and had to get over them
    Because every guy I like seems to be straight...
    I might know what you mean by "spend time with that person"
    instead of "lust", I guess it's because i hope to be friends and get to
    know someone before anything happens...

    I've tried lots of stuff like listening to adele, Alicia keys but it just
    Made me think about him more as I sing the songs haha!

    And then I go through a period of anger for the guy and
    Blame him for everything, for playing wiv my feelings and taking
    Up most of my thoughts through the day and loads of other things
    That aren't his fault!

    I guess it was all to tell myself that I didn't need him and sumfing
    Better will arrive and that's wot I needed to do in order to believe this.
  • Voice22

    Posts: 79

    Jun 29, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    its gonna be hard. sounds like hes on your mind way too much. that happens. it sucks when its not reciprecated. Just remember this happens. to everyone. even you are going to do it to other people.

    Try to focus on other stuff and remember - if he's not that into you, you're wasting your time being into him.

    It'll take time but it'll pass
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    I can't stop thinking about mine, but you know what, OP? You're hella cute and misery loves company. icon_wink.gif
  • Chad89

    Posts: 3

    Jun 29, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    Itstennis said

    And then I go through a period of anger for the guy and
    Blame him for everything, for playing wiv my feelings and taking
    Up most of my thoughts through the day and loads of other things
    That aren't his fault!

    I guess it was all to tell myself that I didn't need him and sumfing
    Better will arrive and that's wot I needed to do in order to believe this.


    This is sort of where I am at this point, even though he didn't 'string me along' at all - he was just pleasant and nice, and did seem to take a tiny bit of interest in me, but I never knew and have never asked.

    I think to myself "just get over him and forget about him", but my mind won't let me.
    I've don't have that many crushes and am so amateur at relationships that I think it will just take time.
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:12 PM GMT
    Its really not possible to "stop" a crush if it is just developing on its own... you can go into denial about it, but that does not make it go away.... what is possible is getting over it afterwards though, for which you will have to just feel these uncomfortable feelings before they wane...

    as a friend of mine says "the only way UP is THROUGH"
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    Chad89 said
    Itstennis said

    And then I go through a period of anger for the guy and
    Blame him for everything, for playing wiv my feelings and taking
    Up most of my thoughts through the day and loads of other things
    That aren't his fault!

    I guess it was all to tell myself that I didn't need him and sumfing
    Better will arrive and that's wot I needed to do in order to believe this.


    This is sort of where I am at this point, even though he didn't 'string me along' at all - he was just pleasant and nice, and did seem to take a tiny bit of interest in me, but I never knew and have never asked.

    I think to myself "just get over him and forget about him", but my mind won't let me.
    I've don't have that many crushes and am so amateur at relationships that I think it will just take time.


    I+know+that+feel+bro.png
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
    Join the club icon_neutral.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
    That's not good.
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    I had this same problem, except it was someone I knew in person. Nothing ever happened because I was too afraid to gauge interest. The worst is when you suspect that the feelings are mutual and don't have the courage to act on them.

    In this case, I turned it into a huge motivating factor to better my life and become more open, and things worked out well for me in other ways.

    Just find things that you can patch the holes with if there's nothing else you can do, my advice

    Edit: also learn quickly that online doesn't equal in person by any means, shape, or form.
  • newral

    Posts: 137

    Jun 29, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Chad89 saidI've had a crush on this guy I met a while ago. He and I talked online weekly... I haven't texted him back because I don't think he's into me really.

    I think about him a LOT and it's really becoming an issue for me...I'm so new to even being interested in someone that this is really depressing me.


    What can I do to help me basically forget about him so I can save myself the mental suffering?



    What can you do? Well, I think the fastest way to get over a crush (that perky feeling you get when you don't really know someone yet, but the hope of knowing or doing things with them lingers in your mind) is to actually get to know the person a little.

    In my case, 95-99% of the few temporary crushes i have had end rather quickly once I start to get to know the person. Sometimes you want to see them in a positive light that you hope resembles their true self and you blind yourself temporarily to things that may obstruct that light. More often than not, the crush will vanish because you can only block certain things for so long. This is not a matter of searching for faults in people because we all have them. Instead this is a matter of discovering whether or not you can work around those faults and accept the person as is (the question: is this a fault I can tolerate? will have differing responses in each person).

    This may not be practical in your situation because you have not met the guy yet and you haven't made an effort to meet him. If I were you, i would text him and propose a meeting in a very public place in daylight far away from a bed (because If you like him physically and you have sex with him it will blind you even more to those other lights that only show up as you get to know a person).

    Good luck.
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    Of course it is difficult, but believe me, in a few months time you will look back and wonder why you even gave the guy a second thought.
  • kencarson

    Posts: 224

    Jun 29, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    Two paths to take:

    1. Go for broke. Tell him how you feel. You risk alienation, but it could also turn out that he never thought of you in that way, and they may start to see you in a different light.

    2. Forget about him and move on. Recognize that if someone doesn't want you, it's not your job to convince them to, and you most likely won't be able to anyway.

    The person you end up falling in love with will love you just as much as you love them. And that's the only relationship you want to be in.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    Chad89 saidI've had a crush on this guy I met a while ago. He and I talked online weekly. Nothing too involved only little stuff.
    A while ago he gave me his number to text him, which I did.
    As with online, he never really said that much, and didn't really respond that much, so I haven't texted him back because I don't think he's into me really.

    Anyway, I've come to terms that I don't think he is really that into me, but I'm now on the obsessed line. By 'obsessed' I mean I think about him a LOT and it's really becoming an issue for me.
    I'm sure this has happened to a lot of other guys before me, but I'm so new to even being interested in someone that this is really depressing me.
    What can I do to help me basically forget about him so I can save myself the mental suffering?


    Places like RJ aside, online dating sites can be a double edged sword. The thing with any online connection is that you are blind to damn near everything about that person, good bad or otherwise. This is to say that for all you know he could be some creeper getting his kicks, or a closeted married guy living out some weird fantasy - I say this because I encountered this and more when I was first coming out and depending on the web as a conduit to meet people.

    While I was living in NM, I met a guy I thought was "the one". He said all the right things, looked like an underwear model -I had died and gone to gay heaven. We actually dated more than a month before I realised his entire back story was fiction, he was married.

    His wife brought it to a screeching halt after intercepting one of my txt messages. She answered posing as him, and had me come to their home. Per her instructions the door would be opened, I was to come in and "get naked", report to the third door on the left. I thought it was hot, and beat feet over there.

    I was at least spared SOME embarrassment, he happened to be walking to the kitchen when I came in the door. The look on his face was shear shock and terror, which turned out to be justified as she was 10 seconds behind him. It was quite graphic. Hands down the most humiliating experience of my life given my own views on cheaters.

    Weeks later he actually had the balls to text me asking if I would be opened to a three way if he could talk her into it. She had apparently made a remark to the effect "well at least he was hot", and he thought he had a really good chance of talking her into it. Fucking asshole. In hindsight I should have said yes as I am quite sure she would have snatched his balls off seconds after making his case.

    THAT should have been enough, but my X wife pulled a stunt that had me freaked out for a long time, and looking back she unwittingly did me a favor. She had been stalking me for months after our divorce was final, really long convoluted story short - in one of many heated discussions about my "Dating", she threw out the fact she had created profiles on the sites I belonged to, and validated it with details.

    It got to me as you can imagine, it forced me to quit living my life through a computer screen and rely on good old fashioned socialising. I continued to chat off and on with many of the guys I had met online, but only after verifying they were who they said they were through other means. Hell some of them I had chatted with for years before actually meeting them.

    Your assuming there is something wrong with you - stop.

    While I still chat with some of the people I met back then, I came to the reality pretty quickly that just going out and meeting people the good old fashioned way was best. You need to do that, like now. Nothing can drive something like this from mind quicker than the experience of meeting someone in the flesh. Go to a club, with or without friends - It will do you the world of good even if you only expand your circle of friends.

  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jun 29, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    It is probably best if you just ignore those feelings.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Jun 29, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    "When you're going through Hell... keep going!"
    --Winston Churchill

    Just push through. Stay busy. Keep your eyes open for other guys. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 30, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    Chad89 said
    This is sort of where I am at this point, even though he didn't 'string me along' at all - he was just pleasant and nice, and did seem to take a tiny bit of interest in me, but I never knew and have never asked.

    I think to myself "just get over him and forget about him", but my mind won't let me.
    I've don't have that many crushes and am so amateur at relationships that I think it will just take time.


    I think it really helps to talk to a friend about it. Tell them everthing about you and him. It really helped me to share it with someone. When I told my friend about my crush during my "angry phase", she shared in the insults, "What a prick!" etc haha! It's a little immature but it helped me icon_biggrin.gif

    I don't think it's bad thing to have to get over a crush. It may be cheesy but "it's best to have loved than not at all" and it's so true! This one time, my friend caught me with a massive grin on my face staring off into space and asked me what was up. I said that it was nothing, but I was actually thinking about a spit fight me and this other guy had before I never saw him again. Yes, you may feel bad that it's over but look on the bright side, it was good while it lasted!
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    Jun 30, 2012 11:30 AM GMT
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF0JIUobCw8

    This is a good song for this occasion
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    Jun 30, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    I was the same way after a past breakup. Best way to move on is to make yourself busy, whether with new adventures, friends, or possibly even new dates. On a separate note, I had a weird experience where I met a guy online, and we have been chatting and texting one another regularly over the past 3 years. haha, I don't think much of it, and I don't obsess over him, but if he were to disappear, it would be enough for me to fly over and find out what happened.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 30, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    Welcome to RJ.. I hope you will find the site helpful and informative.

    As far as your question, yeah, I'm sure many of us have been there ... I have
    once (my first crush) when I was 18 and one when I was about 22. Considering I hadn't even acknowledged I was gay, having a crush on a guy was pretty weird for me.

    When I look back on it, I think my first crush really helped fill a void I was suffering at the time. I had just finished high school, wasn't in college yet and it was summer. I was probably a little lonely and searching and then suddenly, here was this blond haired stud....lol.

    What happened was, I got busy, college started and I had other things in my life I HAD to be concerned about.. plus I knew the parameters. It was all primarily fantasy and I understaood the difference. I realize you are talking and texting him as a couiple of gay guys, but the answer may still be the same. Get out and meet other guys and find some additional things to do. Being "preoccupied" with this guy, at this stage, isn't helpful. Find somebody new.

    Meet some new guys here... you've taken a good step forward.. and welcome to our site!