Not into the "gay scene"?!?!

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    Aug 01, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    I think people who say this sound like idiots....

    Whether you like it or not, you're gay and by default are part of "the scene". I think it's insulting to everyone.

    Do you honestly think because you don't hang out in a gay bar or listen to Madonna that you aren't part of the culture?

    This type of guy reminds me of the kids in school who were goth or indie and thought they were so different and cool. But yet they hung out in crowds of 8 or 10, all looking the same.

    Just a little rant....feel free to comment
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:28 PM GMT
    I don't think it's insulting to anyone. There are some people who don't really enjoy going to gay bars, gay pride parades, only hanging out in Chelsea, only having gay friends, going to Alegria, getting high on whatever the new drug is, etc... What's wrong with that?

    Then again, it depends on what you consider "the scene". Maybe your scene is not someone else's scene?

    Everyone enjoys doing what makes them happy. I don't really see anything wrong with that. I feel completely out of place in gay bars, so I only go if someone forces me to. If you think that's insulting to you, so be it.
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:31 PM GMT
    Just means a guy isn't into going out to clubs, circuit parties, and drugs - which, let's face it, is definitely a big part of "gay culture".

    One can be gay without subscribing to stereotypically gay culture.
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:35 PM GMT
    I am not sure if it is insulting, but it is very limiting, and I am not sure what it means to be honest. There is no "gay scene" not even in big gay-friendly cities like Toronto. Many gay men in Toronto only frequent the bars occasionally, but do participate in gay sports leagues and do volunteer work. Others are into the bars, the circuit parties, etc.. My partner and I play sports in gay leagues, and play poker with gay and straight people. We rarely go to bars, and never to big circuit parties.

    I think it is dangerous for young gay guys to pre-judge the gay community and try and avoid it. You should at least try it out a bit, you may find you enjoy some aspects of the bars or other gay events (e.g. circuit parties), and you will likely make some friends. By not doing so, you run the risk of feeling very isolated and lonely later in life.

    I personally do not like most aspects of gay bars, but I find I can still have a good time by dancing with my partner (hopefully doing some of that in Montreal this weekend).
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    well, lol - who doesn't like a lil' rant icon_biggrin.gif

    I don't really agree though, nah it's not insulting.

    You can be in college and therefor a part of a collective and not be a part of "the scene".

    'Scene' is typically viewed as a "sterotypical" defintion of what you would find a collective taking part in.
    I.E. College Students = College Sporting Events, Parties, Fraternities, Bars, Spring Break...

    If you're more about a focus on your career path and therefor spend your free time studying and all things realted to that - then most would say and you would say "not part of the scene" -- but it doesn't mean you AREN'T still a college student.

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    Aug 01, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you're being intentionally naive.

    When someone says they're "not into the gay scene", they do not mean they don't like being gay. It might just mean they don't like hanging out in bars with hard core porn playing nonstop (like many in West Hollywood do), or they don't go around festooning themselves with rainbows, or they're not comfortable with the flamboyance that's unavoidable in large gatherings of gay men.

    I knew a woman who said she was into "the restaurant scene". That means she only ate at top-notch places, could name all the chefs, had intimate knowledge of the cuisine, etc. I like restaurants and I like good food - I'd probably like most of the same food that she does - but I'm not "into the restaurant scene".

    Do you get it now?

    Please find something more substantial to be outraged about.
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    neverfollow86 saidJust means a guy isn't into going out to clubs, circuit parties, and drugs - which, let's face it, is definitely a big part of "gay culture".

    One can be gay without subscribing to stereotypically gay culture.


    That is what I am talking about. You immediately associate the gay scene with circuit parties and drugs. WTF?
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:47 PM GMT
    What would you associate it with?
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    danielryan said
    neverfollow86 saidJust means a guy isn't into going out to clubs, circuit parties, and drugs - which, let's face it, is definitely a big part of "gay culture".

    One can be gay without subscribing to stereotypically gay culture.


    That is what I am talking about. You immediately associate the gay scene with circuit parties and drugs. WTF?


    I don't, not "drugs and circut parties"
    but most would say the "scene" is defined by one who can be found participating about 85% of their "play time" at or around: gay bars, pride events, social events that will have a predominate gay crowd and primarily or only hanging out with other gay men.

    Scene does not equate to "identity"
    Scene = where I want to be - not who...
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    Aug 01, 2008 6:57 PM GMT
    halltd saidWhat would you associate it with?


    What has been described by some people on this forum as the "gay scene" is really I think more aptly described as the fast-lane big city gay lifestyle. The characters in "Queer As Folk" represented people who lived this lifestyle. QAF may also have unintentionally warped some young gays views of what the gay community is like. In many cities it is a lot more than that.

    For some gay people the "gay scene" seems to be any environment that is dominated by gay people, whether it be a cruise, a sports league, the pride parade, or even a volunteer group. Some gay people I have come across want to find that special guy then hide from the rest of gay society as if it is a plague that is contagious.

    In my experience not many gay people stick strictly to the bars, bathhouses and circuit parties. Sure they frequent them, but they also play sports, join gay outdoor organizations, do volunteer work, etc..
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    Aug 01, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    danielryan said
    neverfollow86 saidJust means a guy isn't into going out to clubs, circuit parties, and drugs - which, let's face it, is definitely a big part of "gay culture".

    One can be gay without subscribing to stereotypically gay culture.


    That is what I am talking about. You immediately associate the gay scene with circuit parties and drugs. WTF?


    Perhaps I have a somewhat limited exposure to the "gay scene" as I really just started going out to gay clubs a few months ago. But judging from the number of guys who cram into bathroom stalls to snort coke, the heavy drinking, random hookups, risky behavior, and seeing the same 50 faces every weekend, I have to wonder why you'd be offended by my conclusions.

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    Aug 01, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    SurrealLife said
    halltd saidWhat would you associate it with?


    What has been described by some people on this forum as the "gay scene" is really I think more aptly described as the fast-lane big city gay lifestyle. The characters in "Queer As Folk" represented people who lived this lifestyle. QAF may also have unintentionally warped some young gays views of what the gay community is like. In many cities it is a lot more than that.

    For some gay people the "gay scene" seems to be any environment that is dominated by gay people, whether it be a cruise, a sports league, the pride parade, or even a volunteer group. Some gay people I have come across want to find that special guy then hide from the rest of gay society as if it is a plague that is contagious.

    In my experience not many gay people stick strictly to the bars, bathhouses and circuit parties. Sure they frequent them, but they also play sports, join gay outdoor organizations, do volunteer work, etc..


    thats pretty much the perfect answer!
  • dhinkansas

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    Aug 01, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    The scene is whatever you make it to be. Can be purse shopping at Macy's or a basketball league. The media perpetuates the myth of a scene more than it actually exists I think. Of course there are lisping club rats everywhere, but I think that's more of an individual choice than a person sitting around trying to be part of the scene.
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    Aug 01, 2008 7:59 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidI simply say I don't like going to bars or night clubs. That's all there is to it.


    I think thats completely a legit statement. I think so many guys seem to group clubs and bars and excess into the scene.
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:00 PM GMT
    Perhaps I have a somewhat limited exposure to the "gay scene" as I really just started going out to gay clubs a few months ago. But judging from the number of guys who cram into bathroom stalls to snort coke, the heavy drinking, random hookups, risky behavior, and seeing the same 50 faces every weekend, I have to wonder why you'd be offended by my conclusions.

    Based on your experiences, if I was trying to find someone in the gay community right now, I would say "not into drugs or heavy drinking and casual hook-ups" I would not say "not into the gay scene".

    When I was single I went to circuit parties, underwear parties, bars and private parties, and never took drugs and rarely got drunk. Sometimes I had a good time, other times not so good. But it sure beat staying at home feeling sorry for myself watching bad TV. I found after awhile that the fast lane lifestyle got predictable and boring, so I went out less.
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:01 PM GMT
    To the OP. I don't think its offensive or insulting. "The scene" to most is the bars, the clubs, the partying etc. Noone will use the term the "scene" referring to the chest club five gay guys started in the sticks.

    I use the term all the time + I couldn't agree with riptjock more...

    "riptjock said
    When someone says they're "not into the gay scene", they do not mean they don't like being gay. It might just mean they don't like hanging out in bars with hard core porn playing nonstop (like many in West Hollywood do), or they don't go around festooning themselves with rainbows, or they're not comfortable with the flamboyance that's unavoidable in large gatherings of gay men"


    These days I am not into the scene but perfectly comfortable being gay.

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    Aug 01, 2008 8:27 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidI am not sure if it is insulting, but it is very limiting,



    And that's what it is, limiting!!!
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:35 PM GMT
    danielryan saidI think people who say this sound like idiots....

    Whether you like it or not, you're gay and by default are part of "the scene". I think it's insulting to everyone.

    Do you honestly think because you don't hang out in a gay bar or listen to Madonna that you aren't part of the culture?

    I think you're being just a bit disingenuous. Like it or not, there is some truth to the stereotype and if you're denying that, you're being deliberately obtuse.

    True, we're all part of the gay culture, everyone across the spectrum. However, there is a definite perception of what is the typical "gay scene". And I think you know very well what people mean when they say they're not into the "gay scene" even if they don't articulate it in a way that you like.

    This is the same kind of disingenuous response I see from people who reply to those who say they are "straight acting" by saying, "Why are you acting?"

    You're missing the point, and deliberately so. That said, I'm only pointing out my observation and don't mean to come across as belligerent toward you personally. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:36 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    SurrealLife saidI am not sure if it is insulting, but it is very limiting,



    And that's what it is, limiting!!!


    Both the "scene" and the term. Yes they can be, but then again staying away from it can be limiting as well. Keeping an open mind about new experiences has always been a goal of mine. My mind will tell me when I am tired of a certain activity, and I will take a break. But to shy away from something based on stereotyping or hearsay? No thanks.
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:37 PM GMT
    Nah I don't find it insulting. I'm aware that everyone has a different definition of that. I'm a control freak but not that controlling that I'd force someone to define the gay scene a certain way.

    Ironically the one thing that does bother me a bit is when a gay person says being gay does not define them. My personal opinion is that it does. It has weight in almost every choice you make from living environment to your comfort zone in a job. It factors into your choice of friends, how you present yourself and who you will build a life with.

    So go right ahead and say you aren't into the gay scene. I get what you are trying to say. However, don't try to convince me that being gay doesn't define you.
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    i kinda feel the same as the daniel, though i don't find it particularly insulting, i do find it a bit lazy and ignorant. i would also include the phrase 'gay lifestyle.' both of these phrases are just so easy to use and imho, are way too broad a stroke and serve to reinforce the stereotype.
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:44 PM GMT
    metroPAULitan saidi kinda feel the same as the daniel, though i don't find it particularly insulting, i do find it a bit lazy and ignorant. i would also include the phrase 'gay lifestyle.' both of these phrases are just so easy to use and imho, are way too broad a stroke and serve to reinforce the stereotype.


    what he said *thumbs up*
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    Aug 01, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    danielryan saidI think people who say this sound like idiots....

    Whether you like it or not, you're gay and by default are part of "the scene". I think it's insulting to everyone.

    Do you honestly think because you don't hang out in a gay bar or listen to Madonna that you aren't part of the culture?

    This type of guy reminds me of the kids in school who were goth or indie and thought they were so different and cool. But yet they hung out in crowds of 8 or 10, all looking the same.

    Just a little rant....feel free to comment


    Thank you for writing that.....yes, they do sound like pompous idiots. I'm not sure why so many guys say that. I can totally understand NOT being a grinning jerk high on drugs and bouncing around at all the gay clubs and scenes..following the crowd like sheep.

    But first of all, anyone who says that is limiting their choices and closing of a potentially great source of freinds, information and connections to other gay guys.

    It works the other way too...gay guys who don't interact with straight people...life is too interesting and short to place these labels on yourself

    Second...there are many grounded, masculine and energetic guys who "do the scene" in their own freakin way, at their own pace and are so much fun to be around. These guys give themselves freedom without the self imposed guilt,labels and associations of excess and stupdity commonly lined with "the scene". Lots of guys are "part of the gay scene" and to them that does not mean drugs, cuircut parties, risky behavior etc.

    I guess when a guy says they are not part of the scene they want to give the impression that they are "down to earth" or "just a regular guy" and not "very gay". Very silly.

    Snobery, holier than though attitudes and I suspect a slight uncomfortableness with being associated with other gays in public settings hints at some sort of insecurity and the need to feel better than thers.

    Too bad,,,,they don't know what they are missing.
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    Aug 01, 2008 9:05 PM GMT
    It's kind of odd that it's only some gay men who say "i'm not into the gay scene". You never hear anyone outside the gay male population say that phrase. Of course, others say other things, but never "i'm not into the gay scene".
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    Aug 01, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    KissingPro said

    Butf irst of all, anyone who says that is limiting their choices and closing of a potentially great source of freinds, information and connections to other gay guys.

    I guess when a guy says they are not part of the scene they want to give the impression that they are "down to earth" or "just a regular guy" and not "very gay". Very silly.



    This is not true for all. If you're having fun and meeting wonderful people, then that's great.

    But please don't assume that what other people choose to do is limiting. There are dozens of other venues where guys can find "a great source of friends, information and connections to other gay guys."